“Yes, ma’am.”
“I don’t want you to wake Auntie Tash,” I say as I lift Kelsey onto the countertop and let her sit there to help. “She worked really hard this week. She deserves a day to sleep in.”
“Are we gonna make her breakfast?” Kelsey asks with a whisper. Kevin is still in bed, as well.
It seems Kelsey and I are the early risers.
“Yes. We’re making some waffles, bacon, and fruit. How does that sound?”
“She likes waffles,” Kelsey replies. “They’re her favorite.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because one time, she took us to the diner as a treat, and she told us that waffles are her favorite for breakfast. She didn’t have any that day, though.”
“How come?”
“She said she wasn’t hungwy, but I think she was sad.” Kelsey drops her gaze to the floor. “Sometimes, Auntie Tash is sad when she thinks we don’t see.”
“Everyone is getting used to new things,” I remind her. “What’s your favorite breakfast?”
“Waffles,” she says.
“Then this is your lucky day. Because waffles are my specialty.”
We get to work on breakfast, and I enlist Kelsey’s help when it comes to stirring and tasting.
“What’re you doing?”
We turn to see Kevin, rubbing his eyes, standing at the end of the island.
“Making breakfast for Auntie Tash. But shhh. We don’t want to wake her up.”
Kevin’s eyes clear from the sleep, and he rubs his hands together. “Can I help?”
“Sure. It’s a team effort.”
“Is it Auntie Tash’s birthday?” Kevin asks.
“No, we’re just doing something nice for her because we love her,” I tell him.
“She always lets me sleep with her after I’ve had a bad dream,” Kevin says softly. “And she doesn’t ever yell at us, even when I’ve been bad on purpose.”
“She gave me the last gwape,” Kelsey says. “She was eating them as a snack, and I wanted some, but there was only one left. She gave it to me.”
“Did that make you feel special?”
“Yeah.” Kelsey smiles. “She always does stuff like that.”
“See, this is why we’re making her a special breakfast,” I inform them, happy that I have this time alone with them. I know that Natasha is a great parent, but it’s always good to hear it from the kids. To know that they are being well taken care of and that they feel loved and safe. “How about if we make her a tray and take her breakfast in bed?”
“People do that?” Kelsey asks.
“Sure. On special occasions.”
“Okay,” she decides and gets to work helping me load a tray to take to Tash.
The kids follow me down the hallway, and I nudge the door open and poke my head inside.
But she isn’t in bed.
“She’s gone,” Kevin says. “She disappeared!”
I set the tray on the bed and glance into the bathroom. Sure enough, she’s kneeling in front of the toilet and doesn’t look like she’s having a good time of it.
“Uh, kids, it looks like Auntie isn’t feeling very good. Why don’t you go ahead and start eating what’s on that tray? I’ll be out in a minute.”
I close the bathroom door behind me and hurry to the sink to wet a washcloth.
When I get a closer look at her, she’s leaning on the toilet, and she’s crying.
“Hey, hey.” I press the cloth to the back of her neck. “What’s going on, honey?”
“Bad dream,” she says. She’s shaking, and she’s cold to the touch. “Really bad.”
“Okay, I’ve got you.” I sit on the floor next to her and pull her to me, rocking her side to side. “I’m here, and I’ve got you.”
“They died again,” she says and starts to cry once more. “But this time, it was all of them. Even you.”
“I’m sorry, baby.”
“It made me sick. Almost didn’t make it in here.”
“Okay. It’s okay.” I rub circles on her back and hold her close. “Just a horrible dream.”
“Yeah.” She sighs and wipes her nose. “Do I smell waffles?”
“Yeah, we made you some.”
“Who did?”
“The three of us. Well, Kevin slept through a lot of it, but he helped, too. I thought we’d let you sleep in for a bit, but it turns out I should have woken you up.”
“That’s a sweet thought.” She sighs. “The dreams had stopped, you know? I had the nightmares a lot the first few weeks, but they’d stopped. Now, they’re happening again, and it sucks. I feel awful because I know the kids have them, too. It’s horrible for me. I can’t even imagine how awful it is for them.”
“They’re okay,” I assure her. “And so are you.”
“Yeah. Maybe waffles will help.”
“I guarantee it.” I kiss her forehead and then lift her to her feet.
“Why are you up so early? You were exhausted last night.”
“I slept like a log. I always get up early.”
“If you make me waffles on the regular, I suppose I can live with the fact that you’re a morning person.”
“You’re so considerate.”
“I know.” She takes a deep breath, and leans over and kisses my shoulder. “Thanks for being here.”
“You’re welcome.”
Chapter 7
~Natasha~
“Should I start a real fire so I can put it out?”
I gape down at Kevin and then squat next to him, making him look me in the eyes.
“No. Absolutely not. You’re a pretend fireman because it’s Halloween. You’re not a real one, do you understand me?”
“Yeah.” He looks down in disappointment. “But, someday, I want to be a real fireman like Uncle Sam.”
“I know you do.” I kiss his little head and then turn back to Kelsey, who’s been admiring her cowgirl outfit in the mirror. “I think we’re almost ready to go to the fire hall.”
“Are we gonna go twick or tweating?” Kelsey asks as she hugs her hobbyhorse to her and kisses its cheek.
“Yes, after we go to the fire hall to see Uncle Sam.” I fluff her hair one more time, loving the way the spiral curls bounce back into place. “And we had a deal that you each get to eat one piece of candy tonight. You have to save the rest for later, right?”
“Can we have one at the hall and one when we get home?” Kevin asks, always the negotiator.
“We’ll see. Get your hats on and let’s go.”
Once in the car, the kids are excited. They talk about the candy they’re going to get and how they like their costumes.
I can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. Today has been stressful. I wanted Halloween to be special for the kids, the way their mom always made it. This was the first thing that Monica didn’t have planned in advance, so we had to come up with costumes and décor and everything.
My best friend was more than organized. The woman had lists for her lists. She planned way ahead. But she knew that the kids would grow and change their minds about what they wanted to be for the holiday.
I had no blueprint to use for this.
And I didn’t want to screw it up.
So, I’ve been worried all day. But their happy giggles and excitement helps to calm me down, just a little.
“There’re a lot of people here,” I murmur as I search for a parking spot. Every year, the fire department hosts a trunk or treat, a safe place for kids to come and get candy, see the trucks, and spend time with the firemen.
Kevin has been beside himself with excitement. He’s all about the firemen life these days, thanks to the many hours Sam spends with him, telling the boy all about his job.
I love listening in. Sam doesn’t speak to the kids like they’re just silly children. He treats them like people.
“Stay with me,” I warn them as we all get out of the car. “Take my hands.”
They flank me, each
taking a hand, and we walk into the hall. It’s a cacophony of sound and movement. Little Ninja Turtles and Disney princesses run around, carrying bags and making all the noise in the world.
“You’re here,” Sam says with an excited grin and holds out his arms for hugs from the twins. “I almost didn’t recognize you.”
“I’m Kelsey,” the little girl says with a giggle. “I’m a cowgirl.”
“The prettiest cowgirl I’ve ever seen.” Sam kisses her cheek and then looks around as if he can’t see Kevin. “Where’s your brother?”
“I’m right here,” Kevin says with a laugh.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I just thought you were one of my work buddies.” Sam winks at me. “You guys look great. Did Auntie Tash help you get ready?”
“Yeah.” Kelsey thrusts her horse in Sam’s face. “Kiss Spwinkles.”
“Who’s Sprinkles?”
“My horse.”
“Oh. Right.” Sam kisses the horse, then stands and pulls me against him. “Now I’d like to kiss you.”
“This is hardly the place or time.” I narrow my eyes at him, but he just grins and plants his lips on my cheek.
“Later, I’m going to do all kinds of things that are completely inappropriate for an audience.”
He pulls back and winks at me, then turns back to the kids.
“Who wants to see the firetrucks?”
“Me,” the twins say in unison, and I watch as Sam leads them away.
“Here you are.” Fallon joins me and smiles as her daughter hurries to catch up with Kevin and Kelsey. “Sorry, we ran into traffic.”
I frown at her. “In Cunningham Falls?”
“Got stuck behind a tractor on the highway.”
“Ah.” I nod knowingly. “Yeah, been there. Is Isha a puppy?”
“Yes, she was insistent that since I won’t let her get a puppy, she would be a puppy.”
I laugh and then watch in concern as Fallon rubs her belly. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, we’re getting so close. I’m just uncomfortable all the time. I think I need a Snickers.”
“I’m quite sure we can find a few around here somewhere.”
Sure enough, we find a big bowl of candy bars and help ourselves to a few while we wait for Sam to show the kids everything there is to see.
“Are you sure you’ll feel good enough to go trick or treating around my neighborhood?” I ask her when she rubs her belly again. “If you want to go home, I’ll take Isha with us, and bring her home later.”
“No, the walking is good for me,” Fallon says.
The kids come running over to show us their loot and talk about everything they got to see.
“Can we go get more candy now?” Kevin asks.
“Who’s this little cowgirl?”
I glance over to see Seth King smiling down at Kelsey.
“It’s me! Kelsey.”
“Well, you look just like you should be riding a real horse. Maybe you guys could come out to the ranch, and I’ll put the kids on a horse.”
“Can we?” Kelsey grabs my arm and pulls. “Please, please, please can we?”
“Sure.” I smile at Seth gratefully. “We’d like that.”
“Cool. Be safe tonight, guys. And don’t eat all the candy. Save some for the rest of us.”
We wave and leave the fire hall. I was hoping to see Sam one more time, but he seems to be off with some other kids.
Just as we reach my car, I hear someone calling my name.
I turn to find Sam running out to meet me. Good God, the way that man fills out his CFFD T-shirt should be illegal.
“Did we forget something?” I ask when he reaches me.
“Hell yes, you did.” He kisses me. Not on the cheek. And not lightly.
He cups my face and sinks into me in that way he does when it seems as if he’s trying to consume me.
It makes me dizzy. Makes me want much, much more.
“There. That’ll hold me over.” He smiles down at me, waves at the kids, and runs back into the fire hall.
Fallon beeps her horn, waking me from this fuzzy haze of lust.
“Oh, sorry. Coming.”
The drive back to my place doesn’t take long. Fallon pulls into the driveway behind me, and we meet up on the sidewalk.
“I planned to just basically go around the block,” I say to my friend. “They’ll get plenty of candy. And it’s a little chilly tonight, anyway.”
“Sounds good to me.” We fall into step, the kids bouncing ahead of us. We wait on the sidewalk as they make their way to my neighbor’s front door to say, “Trick or treat!”
“So, how are things going?” Fallon asks.
“Good, actually.” I laugh when Kelsey stares down into her bag to see what someone dropped inside. “Things have calmed down a lot since the start of the school year. We’re almost in a routine. Kids are doing well in kindergarten, and I’m actually managing to keep it all together at home. Sam stays with us when he’s not at work. It’s normal.”
“That’s awesome,” Fallon says.
“I will admit, though, I’m not looking forward to the holidays.” We walk down the sidewalk to the next house. “I was a mess today. Worried about making Halloween just so, just the way Monica would do it. I wanted it to be familiar and special for them. And now I get to feel like this for the next two months. I’m not excited for it at all.”
“Hmm, I don’t think I agree with this approach,” she says. “Who says you have to do everything the way Monica did or would? You’re not her, Tash. I think you need to make it fun for all of you, get the kids involved, and make new memories. New traditions. If you do the alternative, you’ll only make yourself crazy. There’s enough to be sad about right now. Let yourself enjoy the holidays.”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Yeah, you’re right. I just don’t want them to think that I’m trying to erase their parents.”
“They’re five,” she reminds me. “They will enjoy it if you do. If you’re a basket case, it won’t be fun for any of you.”
“Thanks.” I wrap my arm around her shoulders and give her a squeeze. “I needed that reminder.”
“Now, tell me what I really want to know.” She grins at me. “How are things with Sam? If that kiss was any indication, I’d say you’re doing well.”
“We’re doing well.” I shrug and then return her smile with one of my own. “He’s pretty great.”
“Super into you,” she says. “It’s sweet to watch.”
It’s pretty sweet from my side of things, too.
“Ouch.”
I frown at Fallon. We just turned the corner to go back to my house, but she’s stopped on the sidewalk, holding her belly.
“What’s wrong?”
“Well, it would appear that my water just broke.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“This isn’t something to joke about.” She blows out a breath. “I guess I’d better get to the hospital. I need to call Noah.”
“I’ll call Noah.” I pull my phone out of my pocket, dial his number, and then walk slowly beside Fallon as she makes her way to her car. “You’re not driving yourself.”
“Well, no. But I have a bag packed in here, just in case. Crap, I need Noah’s parents to come get Isha for us. We have a plan in place.”
“It’s all going to be fine.”
“Hello?”
“Hey, Noah, this is Tash. Fallon’s in labor. Her water just broke.”
“Awesome,” he says. “Where is she?”
“We’re at my house.”
“I’ll call my mom to come get Isha and pick her up from your place. Be there in twenty.”
“Can you wait twenty minutes?” I ask Fallon.
“Of course,” she says. “We’re hours away from the grand finale.”
She almost had the baby in my driveway.
The kids are asleep in their room. The house is quiet. And I’m in bed, thinking about everything that happened this even
ing.
I had to call the ambulance, and Sam was on the team that arrived. When they got her onto the gurney, Fallon was already crowning and ready to push.
Noah arrived just before they drove to the hospital.
Thirty minutes later, Noah’s mom, Susan, arrived to get Isha, and told me that Fallon had already given birth to a baby boy.
I still can’t believe it.
I turn over onto my side and stare out the window at the full moon.
I should be asleep. If I don’t get some rest, tomorrow will suck. But I’m wide-awake, and my brain just won’t turn off.
My bedroom door silently opens, then is closed again and locked. Moments later, Sam slips into the bed behind me. He hasn’t slept in the guest room even once since I spiffed it all up for him.
Instead, he waits for the kids to fall asleep and then comes in here with me.
In the six weeks that this has been our routine, neither of the kids has asked to sleep with me, which seems completely impossible. Then again, maybe they’ve grown out of the nightmares and are happy in their room.
God, I hope that’s the case.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Sam whispers in my ear.
“Too much action tonight.” I wiggle onto my back and cup his cheek. His eyes shine in the moonlight. “Did you deliver the baby?”
“Almost,” he admits. “It was close. She delivered about five minutes after we arrived at the hospital.”
“That’s crazy. How is it even possible to have a baby that fast?”
“This was her second. I’ve seen it happen that fast before on a second pregnancy. You were so calm and collected.”
I blink up at him. “I was not.”
“You seemed like it.”
“I was in a panic. What if she had that baby in my driveway?”
“Well, you would have brought her inside, and she would have had the baby in the house. But that’s not what happened, so it’s okay.”
“I’m not qualified for that situation.” I smile when Sam’s hand drifts down my side to the hem of my nightgown, and he starts to caress my bare skin. “Did you have fun tonight?”
“The kids are always fun,” he says and leans down to nibble on my ear. “And the ambulance ride was exciting. But this, right here, is what I’ve been looking forward to all night.”
Courage Page 7