by J F Rivkin
“Poor fellow!” laughed Nyctasia, tugging his ears fondly. “I shut him out last night when you were restive and feverish. I didn’t want you to wake and see him.
Yes, poor Grey, then. Poor lad!”
“I’m not best pleased to see him now cither,” Erystalben pointed out. “Poor Grey indeed! That man-eating creature half-killed me, and you’ve more sympathy for him than for me.”
Sitting on the edge of the bed again, Nyctasia put her arm around Erystalben and kissed him, “There, now he’ll see that you’re a friend. Come here to me, Grey.
Give him your hand, ’Ben, so he’ll know your scent.”
“I’ve already given the brute one of my hands! I’ve only the one left!”
“Idiot!” said Nyctasia, kissing him again. She effected the introduction, despite the mutual suspicions of the two, and ordered, “Now lie down and be still, Grey.” Turning to Erystalben, she said, “And you’re to do the same. Shall I really stay here tonight, ’Ben?”
“Stay,” he said. “I want to see you there when I wake.” (I want you to keep me from dreaming of the Yth!)
Though he smiled, Nyctasia thought she saw fear shadowing his eyes. Perhaps he still needed watching after all.
***
This time the reflection seized him by the throat as he leaned over the water.
It drew him under, drowned him, then climbed from the pool and stood at the edge, looking down at him with a smile. Staring up through the clear water, he could see it laughing, but no sound penetrated to the depths where he drifted helplessly, as cold and lifeless as an empty shell. Then it merely turned and walked off, out of his sight, leaving him there to take its place forever. Above the pool there was nothing to be seen but the colorless leaden sky.
“’Ben? ’Ben, what is it? You cried out-”
He lay shivering and gasping for breath, unable to answer, while she drew back the bedcurtains to let in the early morning light. When he could see her, he grew calmer and managed to say, “It’s-it’s only dreams… sometimes, I…” He shuddered again, and Nyctasia folded the blanket more tightly about him and lay close beside him, with her arm across his chest. Her breath was warm and comforting against his throat. “I’m all right now,” he told her shakily.
“’Tasia, you’ve been to Yth Wood-is it always twilight there, never day or night?” He used the old word lirihran, that means “half-darkness,” rather than
“half-light.”
“Yes. It’s always the same there. There’s no change to mark the hours. Have you remembered something about it?”
He heard the anxiety in her voice and answered only, “I don’t know. I was dreaming of it, but dreams aren’t memories.” There was no need to burden her with his dread nightmares. “Let’s leave for Rhostshyl today,” he said. “I’m well enough to travel now.” If he could recover his past there, surely the maddening dreams would cease.
“Today?” Nyctasia said doubtfully. “That wouldn’t be wise, I’m afraid. You’ve not even been on your feet yet. I meant to send a messenger ahead, first, to arrange for our lodgings on the way. We can skirt Rhostshyl Wood and stay one night in Fenshelm, then the next in Salten. It will take us longer, but the road’s an easier ride than the woods, and you’d find it hard to sleep on the ground with that arm still so painful.”
And she had hoped to spend a few peaceful days alone with him here by the healing sea, before returning to her duties in Rhostshyl, and returning Erystalben to his family. But he sounded so distraught that she offered, “We could ride along the coast road this morning, if you like, and see how you fare.
If that tires you, we’ll come back here, and if not, we could go on to Fenshelm.”
He wanted to set out at once, without waiting to make preparations. He wanted to ride straight through Rhostshyl Wood by the shortest route, and travel all night without making camp, without stopping for rest or sleep until they reached the gates of Rhostshyl. But he knew that was nonsense, of course. She was clearly right. “Yes, very well, let’s do that,” he said, and tried to smile at her.
“We’ll ride for Rhostshyl soon, if not today,” Nyctasia promised.
But as Nyctasia had anticipated, he found it no easy matter to ride a strange horse while his right arm was bound in a sling. He soon tired and was willing enough to turn back before the morning was out. By daylight, the memory of his sinister dreams was not as racking, and the Smugglers’ House was a welcome sight. Its tall stone walls seemed part of the surrounding cliffs, as if it had always stood there and would stand there forever. It was good to return to a familiar place. “A handsome house,” he said.
“I’ve always thought so,” Nyctasia agreed. “From the first time I saw it, I wanted to live there. When I heard that the property was abandoned, I determined at once to have it. As soon as I came of age, I sent agents to purchase it from the City Governors. I told my elders that our court physicians had recommended me to take the sea air-as indeed they had-but my reasons for buying the house were quite different. Not the least of them,” she added, almost shyly, “was that you and I might have a place to be together, without interference from our kin.”
“Then I’ve been here before?” he asked, dismayed. If a place he’d known in the past was to spur his memory, why had this place not done so?
“Not often,” Nyctasia assured him. “We hoped to spend a good deal of time here, but there was always something to prevent us. We did explore it together when I first bought it, and we found the smugglers’ tunnel beneath the cellars.” She laughed. “We rather hoped for a few chests of forgotten booty, but all we got for our trouble were some nasty cuts and bruises. It was glorious fun!”
“Show it to me,” he suggested, hoping that the sight would bring back some trace of remembrance, but Nyctasia shook her head.
“You’d need two hands to clamber about down there, for climbing and hanging on and feeling your way. I’ll show you over the rest of the house, if you like, but there’s not much to see.”
Nevertheless, after a midday meal, she led him through the house, beginning with the trapdoor beneath the cellar stairs. Raising a flagstone, she leaned it against the wall and lowered her lantern into the opening, to show him the passageway below. “We left that ladder there, you and I. When we first discovered this hole-it was you, actually, who found it-there was no way down save to jump. You dropped down first, then caught me, which was all very well, but when it came time to get ourselves back up, you could lift me through the opening, but I wasn’t strong enough to pull you back up. You were trapped down there for some time before I could find a rope to throw you. I tied it to that sconce.”
Erystalben looked from the wall to the trapdoor, then down into the underground chamber. He could envision himself and Nyctasia climbing over the edge, laughing and scrambling and scolding each other, but the scene was the fruit of his imagination, not of his memory. Nothing he saw recalled the adventure to his mind. “That’s your notion of glorious fun, is it?” he said finally, trying to sound amused. “Leaving me stranded in a pit! I hope we didn’t have too much fun of that sort.”
Nyctasia was not deceived by his tone. “Oh, very well,” she said, “I won’t do it again. Let’s go on now, it’s cold down here.”
From the cellars they made their way up from floor to floor, stopping in this room or that as Nyctasia related something that the two of them had done or found there. None of it was in the least familiar to him. By the time they reached the topmost story, he was deeply discouraged and growing tired as well.
But he had never known this place well, after all, he told himself. It might be different in Rhostshyl, where he’d spent most of his life… “What secrets are in there?” he asked idly, as Nyctasia passed by a door without opening it.
To his surprise, she colored and looked uneasy. “Nothing now,” she said, with a slight hesitation. “It’s only another empty room, but it’s locked. I don’t like anyone to use it, because my cousin Thierran died there.”
>
“But didn’t you say that you never brought anyone here but me?”
Nyctasia led the way down the stairs, and he couldn’t see her face as she replied, but her voice was level, betraying no emotion. “I didn’t bring Thierran, he brought me-against my will. He tried to keep me from running away from Rhostshyl to follow you. I was betrothed to him, you see.”
Erystalben felt an unreasoning stab of jealousy. “Small wonder he objected to your leaving, then. But how did he die?”
“Corson killed him,” she said flatly. “She cut his throat.”
“I might have guessed as much. I only wonder that she hasn’t yet cut mine.”
“’Ben, she was my bodyguard. She thought he meant to kill me.”
“Are you sure it’s not just that she takes a murderous dislike to any man who comes near you?”
“Quite sure.”
“I’m not so sure. If this cousin of yours was so anxious to keep you, why should he want to kill you?”
“He didn’t want to… but he might have, in the end. He was truly mad by then.
You may as well know that the Edonaris are famed for their lunacy.”
“Of course, if he’d been in his right mind, he’d have tried to kill me, not you.”
“Oh, but he did try to kill you. That’s when I repudiated the betrothal.” They had reached the landing, and she turned to face him, with a sad smile. “Poor Thorn-he and I were inseparable until I met you. When we were children, and I was always so ill, he was my only companion, aside from my nurses and attendants. My mother didn’t want to remember that she’d produced such a sickly weakling child-and I don’t think my father did remember. My brother was kind, but he was older than I and hadn’t much time for me. I could rarely leave my bedchamber, you see, but Thorn used to visit me often and bring me things from outside. Flowers and feathers and stones… an antler shed by a young buck…
I thought that was the loveliest thing I’d ever seen. I have it still. I had plenty of jewels, and trinkets of silver and gold, but I treasured most the things Thierran brought me. Sometimes I’d sing for him, or read him stories. He liked tales of heroes and adventures best,… He was always my champion. When I grew well, he taught me to ride, to hunt-and later, when the others called me traitor, he defended me. Oh, ’Ben, he even fought a duel for me once, because someone said I practiced black magic. I was furious with him when I heard of that, but I was proud too.”
“You did love him, then,” he said gently.
Nyctasia nodded, fighting tears. “We weren’t well suited, in truth, but we were too young to realize that. And I’d never met anyone better suited to me-”
“Until I took you to look at the stars.” He put his left arm around her, and they sat on a windowseat on the landing, with the sea at their backs. “But you weren’t to blame for that, ’Tasia.”
“No one was to blame,” she sighed. “He simply couldn’t accept that I might prefer anyone else to him. How could he? He would never have done that to me.”
Thierran had been brought to see her, when they were children, because it was fitting for them to know one another. They were to be married if Nyctasia, contrary to all expectations, should live to come of age. One could not begin too early to teach the young their duty.
He’d come reluctantly at first, rather scared of the white, frail child with her thin, peaked face and fever-bright eyes. She was said to be dying, too, though he was not supposed to know that. But Nyctasia had been so glad of his company, so eager to please him, that he had soon fallen under her spell. She listened with flattering attention to his doings and his opinions, much impressed that he should learn to ride or to fly a hawk, since she could not do such things herself. It was pleasant to be admired, even by his pitiable little cousin, and she charmed him with her secrets and fancies as well, making him her confidant and cavalier. She could do little but read, and she told him the stories and legends she found in her books-and the still-stranger tales from her fevered dreams of a far-off land beyond the mirror. There she met her twin, she grew strong and climbed mountains, she braved the sun and the snow to do heroic deeds. There, demon-haunted passages beneath the earth led her to enchanted treasures and mortal perils. Thorn, who had a twin himself, agreed that ’Tasia too should have one. He liked nothing better than fetching her volumes from the library and listening to her read spells and stories, and the chronicles of the Edonaris of old, their forebears, defenders of Rhostshyl, warriors, enchanters, lawgivers. Among them were other Thierrans and Nyctasias, and many pairs of twins.
When she felt strong enough, she would play her small lap-harp for him and sing the old ballads she’d read, to any tune that fit them. Or they might play at casting spells from the worn, worm-eaten books with strange scripts and unfamiliar words. Thierran would willingly scour the fields and hillsides for hours, seeking the particular plant whose picture Nyctasia showed him in an old herbal. She meant to brew a potion, she said, to make her well, or to make him invincible in battle, or to make them both understand the languages of birds and beasts. And though it was a game, both felt that it might just work, someday
…
When Nyctasia’s health began to improve, they were together more than ever, indoors and out, and as she grew stronger he was eager to share with her the world she knew so little. It was delightful to be able to show off for her, and to help teach her to ride, to hunt, to fence, to dance-for she had always been the teacher before. Even when her skill with a bow surpassed his own, he did not mind overmuch. She was his pupil, his betrothed, and her success did him credit.
He was proud of her.
Their elders viewed these developments with satisfaction. It had seemed for a time that Nyctasia might make Thierran as dreamy as herself, but if he took her in hand and made an Edonaris of her, all would be well. The pair did get into mischief, betimes, but high spirits were to be expected in youth, and were to be preferred to too much meditation and melancholy. Perhaps an early marriage would be best for them, in a few years’ time.
Nyctasia was responsible for their transgressions. Released from her years of confinement, she was afire to go everywhere, to experience everything she had only been able to imagine for so long. She persuaded Thierran to take her to other parts of the city, places they were strictly forbidden to visit.
“They lecture us on our responsibilities as future rulers of Rhostshyl,” she complained, “but they don’t let us learn what our people’s lives are like. We must know the whole city, not just our own corner of it.”
Disguised as beggar-children, they explored the back streets and markets, the poor cookshops and taverns of the city, fascinated by the different districts, each a city in itself, within the walls of Rhostshyl. Sometimes Nyctasia took along her harp and posed as a minstrel-lass, earning pennies or perhaps a meal of cheap sausages, which they thought delicious, and which generally made them ill.
When they were caught, Nyctasia was quick to admit that she had been the instigator, but Thierran was the one blamed, the one who should have known better. Yet despite reproaches and the risk of punishment, he could never refuse Nyctasia when she next proposed some forbidden venture. Suppose she should think him less daring than herself? He could bear to lose his elders’ approval, but not Nyctasia’s admiration.
Their family was indulgent of their escapades for the most part, however. They were reprimanded, not so much for disobedience as for repeating the vulgar oaths they’d heard in the streets, or for pronouncing Rhostshyl “Rozchiil” as the common people did. But they would outgrow such childish behavior in time. The boy understood his duty. He was a good influence on Nyctasia, drawing her away from the library and her Vahnite notions. There was no need to keep them on too short a rein.
But Nyctasia did not by any means abandon her studies. She enjoyed her new doings, and took pride in mastering the fitting accomplishments for a lady-though lessons in deportment and etiquette bored her-but the Discipline claimed her as well. She was fully convinced
that it had saved her life, and her studies had remained serious and demanding since then, no longer an amusement for her or an entertainment for Thierran. He listened patiently enough to her excited explanations of Vahnite philosophy, but she soon saw that her discoveries did not interest him. But to his relief, she did not think the less of him for that. She only said solemnly, “It is written, ‘What is right for one is not so for another.’” And for his part, Thierran, though he could not share her passion for such dull labors, nevertheless took pleasure in defending her to the others-even taking her part against his own twin brother-and receiving her gratitude for his loyalty. ’Tasia was different, special, clever, he insisted.
If she was to be a scholar, a healer, that was to her credit.
And she was always glad to see him, still. She’d lay aside her books to listen to him, to sympathize with his concerns, to join him for hawking or riding. She sought him out whenever she was lonely. They grew more devoted to one another than ever, even as they were growing ever further apart.
“And so he persuaded himself that you had cast an enchantment over me. He knew that you were a student of magic, and he preferred to believe that I was under a love-spell than to believe that I would betray him. If I were bewitched, it would be his duty to rescue me from your evil influence at any cost.” Nyctasia rested her head on Erystalben’s shoulder and said wearily, “People will not believe that there’s no such thing as a love-philtre, no matter what one says.”
Erystalben kissed her temple. “I am astounded by the depths of my jealousy,” he said. “I don’t remember this first love of yours, but I despise him nevertheless. If he weren’t dead, I’d take pleasure in killing him myself.”
“I never could make you understand my feelings for Thierran, any more than I could make him understand about you.”
“That’s because I understood his feelings for you, and he mine. I’ve known you only since yesterday, ’Tasia, but I want you to think of no one but me. And I know just how to accomplish that, without the aid of spells.”