by B. J Daniels
“Well, I don’t plan on doing this again, so you better get your practice in.”
She whirled to face him, and he either let her go, or he was surprised enough by her movement that he didn’t try to stop her. “This was your idea. Why won’t we do it again?” Something like panic clawed through her. That he wouldn’t help, that he wouldn’t give her the skills he said he was going to give her.
She was probably never going to be safe, but she at least wanted some illusion of it. The belief she could shoot a gun or fight under pressure.
“You really have to ask?” he ground out. Even though she’d whirled around, they were still close. Nearly touching, really. Something glittered in his gaze, and she didn’t recognize it or understand it.
“Um, yeah! Why on earth—”
Then his mouth was on hers. Just as she’d imagined far too often. All the swirling, nonsensical thoughts and feelings in her brain stopped. All the panic faded. There was nothing except his mouth on her mouth, and his hands tangled in her hair, keeping her steady under the hot assault of his mouth. All while his hard, lean body pressed against hers.
When his tongue touched her lips, she opened them for him, greedily. She threw everything she had into that kiss. Somehow she felt braver than she had learning hand-to-hand self-defense. She felt stronger than when she was shooting his gun. The kiss was better than everything that had happened to her for far too long in her life.
He was strong, and he was sure, and she wanted all of that. All of him. She wanted the way it curled inside of her, pleasure and light, breathlessness and a kind of steadiness she didn’t know existed.
“I can’t be doing this.” But he said it against her mouth, as though he had no intention of stopping. She didn’t want to have any intention of stopping. She didn’t want to stop until this aching need inside her was completely and utterly obliterated.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, arching against the hard wall that was him, and somehow she felt powerful and in control, even as the need and desire ping-ponged through her completely and utterly out of control.
No matter how wrong it was, no matter how little they should do it. It was what she wanted, and didn’t she deserve a little bit of what she wanted? What she wanted without worrying about if her choices were furthering her investigations into Gabby’s disappearance. Her whole life had come to center around Gabby, and this had nothing to do with it except that she and Vaughn were in the same place at the same time.
Oh, and he’s trying to work to help you find your sister and keep you safe.
She wasn’t sure who pulled away first. She would’ve expected it to be Vaughn, but the insidious voice in her head that was telling her this was a betrayal of her sister and her quest to find Gabby made her pause just as much as him coming to his senses probably caused him to pause.
“I apologize. I apologize. This has gotten out of control. It is all my fault. I’m sorry. That was...”
“Really great?” she interjected, pressing her fingers to her kiss-swollen lips. Really, really great. Had anyone ever kissed her like that? With that searing intensity she didn’t think... Even if that was all it ever was, she’d never forget it.
He glanced at her then, and for the first time his eyes were very, very blue. The gray had diminished, and the blue that was left was warm, and she felt like that meant something. That it could mean something, anyway.
“I’ve never...” He cleared his throat and squared his shoulders, slowly coming back to Ranger Cooper. All business, no pleasure. All by the book, conventional, Vaughn Cooper, Texas Ranger.
What a shame.
“This was a mistake. While I freely admit that I am physically attracted to you, any involvement between us could only cause problems with this case. I know how much this case means to you. It means a lot to me as well. This has gone unsolved too long, all of it, and I need to get to a point where I’m solving things. So, this can’t happen again.”
She chewed on her bottom lip, trying to determine how to change his mind. Except, she knew he was right. Any kind of romantic thing between them could only get in the way of this case that was so important to both of them.
She could keep flirting with him, and pushing his buttons, and wanting more, but the bottom line was everyone involved would be hurt.
There was a selfish part of her that didn’t want to care. For the first time in so long, she didn’t want to care. It had been so long since she’d put her wants or needs ahead of someone else’s, except in her want and need to find Gabby.
“Say something,” Vaughn said, his voice that rough, ragged thing that shivered across every last nerve ending in her body.
Now she knew what it felt like to have that firm, unrelenting mouth on hers. Surprisingly soft, though unsurprisingly demanding. It felt like a reprieve from the harsh realities of where they were and what they had to do. The harsh reality of the possibility of this case remaining unsolved, and she could remain in danger, and her questions about Gabby could never be answered.
It was silly and awful to be concerned about a kiss. To be wrapped up in it and want more of it. Her whole focus should be Gabby until she could find her. She was closer than she’d ever been. To get distracted by Vaughn now...
“I don’t know what to say,” she finally managed to get out. Which was the truth. She didn’t know what to say to him when so much of what she wanted was simply to forget, to lose herself in a kiss and more, and not think or fear.
At a time when they probably didn’t have the luxury of forgetting much of anything. At any point someone could burst into this cabin and take out both of them. They could pretend that she was learning how to shoot a gun in self-defense all they wanted, but the bottom line was those things only worked when you had a warning, when you knew what was coming.
“You’re just a little mixed up because I saved you, so to speak. It’s a little case of rescue wor—”
“No,” she snapped, most of the want cooling into irritation. No surprise he could flick it off like a switch. “I’m not stupid, and I’m not mixed up. You are the one who kissed me. I didn’t initiate that. Don’t insult me that way. I know my feelings, and I know why I kissed you back. It has zero to do with rescue worship, you arrogant jerk.”
“I only meant...”
“No, I don’t want to know what you meant. You kissed me. Accept that. Or should I worry that you’re just mesmerized by my victimhood, and you only kissed me because you can’t keep your brain intact when a victim is around?”
His mouth firmed, grim and angry. Good, because she was angry too. How dare he say that? She wasn’t so stupid she thought he was hot just because he’d saved her. That wasn’t what was between them at all, and she wouldn’t let him get away with that kind of distorted thinking.
“I just think we don’t know each other that well.”
Again she scoffed. “You know, I’d love an excuse for why this happened, for why I feel the way I do. But the bottom line is, we’re attracted to each other. More, whether we want to admit it or not, we like each other. So stop making excuses. Let’s deal with the reality of the situation. Isn’t that what you told me? That we can’t deal with what-ifs and maybes. We have to look at the facts.”
“I can’t tell you how little I like my own words being used against me,” he returned, and though his voice had a cutting edge, there was the smallest hint of a smile on his lips.
“Especially when they’re right?”
He smiled, one of those real, rare smiles that made her heart do acrobatics in her chest. He could stand to smile more. He could stand to laugh more.
You don’t know him. Maybe he smiles and laughs all the time when you’re not around.
But she really felt like she knew him, no matter how often she tried to talk herself out of that.
“Especially when they’re right. So...”
; “So, you kissed me.” She squared her shoulders, determined to be an adult. Determined to take charge of her life in the few places she could. “We’re attracted to each other, and as much as it pains me to say it, you’re right. We don’t have the time or the luxury of pursuing anything. So maybe it’s best if we just pretend that it never happened.”
“Right. Pretend it never happened. I can do that.”
Except his gaze was on her mouth, and she didn’t think she could do that if he...looked at her with those heated blue eyes. “Maybe you can tell me all your ex-wife’s complaints about you so that I know what annoyances to look for when I’m overcome by attraction.”
He smiled wryly. “I think somehow you’ll manage, but it’s mostly your average ‘you care too much about your job and not enough about our marriage.’”
“Do you agree with her assessment?” Which wasn’t her business, at all, and she wanted to be appalled at herself for asking personal questions. But she wanted to know, and she’d had to gain a certain comfort in quizzing people in her pursuit of information about Gabby.
He shrugged, finally looking away from her mouth. “Sometimes. I take my job very seriously. There were times I had to miss things. There were times I was in danger and she was scared, and I get why that was hard on her.”
“I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming.”
“No but. You can’t... You can’t have a marriage with someone who doesn’t understand your passion. I’m sure it is my failing that my passion wasn’t our marriage.”
“I guess that’s understandable.”
“I take it you’ve never been married.”
“No, not even close. The only relationship I’ve really had ended because he thought I spent too much time obsessing about Gabby.”
“So, great, we have more things in common. That’s really what we need right now.”
She had to laugh at his sarcasm. She had to laugh at the circumstances. At what the hell she thought she was doing.
But she understood what it was like to lose a relationship because you were wrapped up in something else. Something bigger than you. Something that was excessively important to you that you couldn’t let go of.
“Do you regret...not changing your dedication level to police work? I mean... Would you go back and do things differently?”
“I’ve thought about that a lot, actually. It’s been three years since she said she wanted to get divorced. The thing is, I didn’t... Maybe it shows how far gone I am, but I didn’t think that I was that inattentive all the time. Sometimes, certain cases got under my skin a little bit extra, but I stopped going undercover for her. I stopped... Why the hell are we talking about this?”
“I had the crazy idea that it might make me not like you.”
“Did it work?” he asked.
“No, I think it might’ve done the opposite.” She wanted to step closer again, but his demeanor kept her where she was. He had made the decision this could only be a negative distraction on a very important case. She had to respect that decision. He deserved that respect.
“I should probably get my sleep in.”
She smiled ruefully. “Yeah, you wouldn’t want a lack of sleep to affect your decision-making skills.”
He laughed at that, a little bitterly. She almost felt bad that she’d pushed him this far. “I’m sorry,” she offered to his retreating back.
He stopped and turned, eyebrows drawn together. “What are you sorry for?”
“I know you kissed me and all, but I kept pushing things, and I didn’t have to. It had just...been a long time since I’d wanted something solely for myself. You know?”
He swallowed, visibly, audibly. “Yeah, I know,” he said, a little too meaningfully, a little too much for her to not feel as though the stopping was the mistake, not doing it in the first place.
But he turned, in that rigid, policeman way of his, and walked down the hallway.
Chapter 11
Vaughn tried to sleep, he really did. He caught bits and pieces of rest, but every time he started to doze, his mind went to that kiss. The way it had rioted through him. The way his completely irrational and stupid body had taken over.
He’d had to kiss her. It had been like there was no choice. Like his life depended on having his mouth on hers. He knew that was stupid now, but in the moment it had seemed imperative.
In the moment, he hadn’t been able to think of anything else except her. The easy way she kissed him back, the way everything about her seemed to fit against him in just the right way. He’d been as lost as he’d ever been in his whole entire life.
In the aftermath, he didn’t know what to do about it. Apparently run away like some immature teenager was his answer. Cowardly, all in all.
But the more he talked to her, the more he wanted to kiss her again. The more he wanted to ignore everything that his training had taught him about getting mixed up with witnesses or victims or what have you. He wanted to ignore his own personal moral code and have Natalie Torres in his damn bed.
He groaned into his pillow. He felt about as frustrated as a teenager, but with the common sense of a man to make it all that much more irritating. Never in his life had he been tempted away from following his duty to the letter. Not like this. He’d always been able to be calm and rational, even when the stray thought of being the opposite had come up. He’d never gotten overly violent with a witness or perp. He’d always been calm, rational, sensible and, yes, conventional Ranger Cooper.
Why the hell was Natalie the difference maker?
After three hours of more frustrating self talk than actual sleep, Vaughn gave up. There was no use wasting time. He could be researching Callihan. He could be looking at the case. There were a wide variety of ways to employ his mind that wasn’t lying there with an ill-timed erection, trying to work out why he was so affected by a woman.
A beautiful, engaging woman who made him have the most foolish thoughts. Like, maybe she...understood. The police work being a bit of an obsession thing. She had her own obsessive situation that had ended a relationship.
He got out of his bed and looked out the window. He needed to get his bearings, and maybe looking at those mountains in the distance and remembering all he’d done to get him here could help him.
God knew he needed help.
The landscape was as barren as it had been since they’d arrived. Three days now. Three days and no one had found them or come after them. As long as this kept up, Captain Dean was going to call him home sooner rather than later. And they’d found nothing. No connections, no clues, nothing to help.
He glanced at the closet where he kept the corded phone. Since there was no cell service out here, they kept a landline open in case of emergency, but neither he nor his sister cared for people being able to call them, so they didn’t keep the phones hooked up.
But sometimes a phone call was necessary.
He grabbed the phone and hooked it up to the jack in the corner of the room.
The emails from Bennet were quick and usually in list form. If he actually talked to him, he might read some frustration level in his partner’s tone. And, be able to ask about the time they had left without the chance of Natalie reading the answer.
Making a phone call certainly had nothing to do with having to distract himself from the gorgeous woman in the living room of his secluded cabin. Zero connection to the fact she wanted him seemingly as much as he wanted her.
With irritated jabs, he punched in the number to the office and was patched through to Stevens.
“Still nothing,” Bennet greeted him, thankfully not beating around the bush.
“I figured as much,” he returned on a sigh. “How much longer are they going to let me keep her out here?”
“It’ll depend on the arson inspector’s report. We should be getting it today. I can call down and try to sp
eed things up.”
“Yeah, I’d like to know what time frame we’re working with here.”
“That bad?”
Vaughn almost let it slip that it was terrible. But not for the reason Bennet would think. He clamped his lips together just in time to rewire his thoughts. “I don’t like that we’re not getting anywhere, and we might have to bring her back in the middle of it.”
“Yeah, this case...” Bennet trailed off. “Without Herman, we’re screwed. We’ve been trying to find someone he works with, someone who’ll talk. Nothing.”
“Nothing on those guys from the gas station?”
“They had warrants, so they’re locked up, but we had nothing on him. Not who they were working for, and not what they were trying to do to you and Ms. Torres.”
“I don’t like this. It’s too quiet, and it’s too easy.” Which was as true as the fact he wasn’t sure how much longer sanity was going to reign in this cabin.
“I’ll call Arson, see who I can light a fire under. I’ll email you the full report the minute I get it.”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
“In the meantime, you could relax. Laugh at my hilarious jokes. Unclench.”
“When have you never known me to relax?” Vaughn returned gruffly.
“That’s kind of the point. There’s nothing you can do. There’s nothing you can change from where you are. Your only worry right now is keeping the woman safe. Which should be easy enough in the middle of nowhere. You know I’ll find any more information before you do out in the desert. So, watch a movie. Make some popcorn. Have some small talk.”
“I hate small talk.” Especially small talk that had to do with his ex-wife, and any shared sucking at relationships.
“The point is, you can kill yourself over this case, or you can have some sense and save up all your frustrated anger into dedicated business for when it will actually be helpful to us. When you’re back in Austin.”
“As encouraging as ever, Bennet.”