by Summers, MJ
“We’ll get hurt. All three of us will get badly hurt,” Megan replied with a tight-lipped expression.
Luc folded his arms across his chest. “Maybe. Maybe not. What if there was a way to make this work?”
“I don’t think there is a way, Luc. It’s gone too far. Elliott has clearly decided that he wants you as a permanent fixture in his life, which just isn’t going to happen. You’re not going to give up everything that makes you who you are to come and live here. You wouldn’t be happy. We’re not going to move to France either. I can’t take Elliott away from his entire life like that, away from my mom. My business is just starting to take off. I can’t start over after all the time I’ve put in.”
Megan stared at Luc, wanting him to disagree, wanting him to wrap her up in his strong arms and tell her everything would be okay and that he would love her forever. If he reached for her now, she would give in and she knew it. She would risk it all to feel the love they had shared in the past days. But she knew he wouldn’t. He wasn’t built that way.
“I suppose you’re right,” Luc agreed reluctantly. “There isn’t a logical or easy solution here.”
“And the risks are just too high, Luc.” Megan put her coffee cup down and ran her fingers through her hair with both hands, getting it out of her face.
“If this were a business proposal, I would agree that the risks are too high and the chance of a favourable outcome is too low. I have never wanted a family. I don’t think I’m meant for that, no matter how much I might want it at this moment. I’m so sorry I can’t offer you both more,” Luc replied.
Megan nodded, staring at her socks. She had been right. He didn’t want this. “You’ve been honest all along, Luc. There is no one to blame here. If my mom hadn’t gotten sick and we could have kept things the way they were, we could have stretched out this whole arrangement for a little while longer, but the reality is that it was always going to end this way.”
Luc kept his eyes on her, looking for any sign, however small, that she might be open to allowing this to work. If she would give him even the tiniest hint she wanted him to stay, he would happily drop everything to see this through. He had never felt such a strong pull toward anything in his life, and a part of him felt as though this was exactly where he was meant to be. Here, in this little house in Boulder with Megan and Elliott, starting a life together. But he knew that his desire for this life would soon fade, just as his enthusiasm for everything else had always faded. And when it did, he would become bored and restless and start looking for ways to get out. His rejection of Megan and Elliott would just add to the lifetime of heartbreak they had already suffered, and that would make Luc no better than his own father.
“I should go back to the hotel to get my things. We both have to get on with our lives, and the longer I stay, the harder this will be.” Luc’s voice was thick with emotion as he spoke. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around Megan and carry her up to her bed. Instead he turned and walked to the table to pack up his computer.
“Do you mind taking a cab? I don’t want to drag this out.”
“Of course.”
Megan quietly walked up to her bedroom and shut the door. She needed a minute to get herself together before the cab came to take him away. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she leaned against the door for support. She let them fall for a few minutes before hurrying to the bathroom to splash cold water on her face. She couldn’t let him see her cry, and with the years of practice she’d had hiding her tears from her son, she knew she could do a pretty convincing impression of someone who was going to be fine. Drying her face with a hand towel, she took a few deep breaths before walking out of her room and back down the stairs.
She found Luc standing at the front door, coat and shoes on, watching out the window for the cab. He turned when he heard her descending the staircase and took in the sight of her one last time. Megan managed a tight-lipped smile and a confident head nod in his direction, as if to assure him she would be fine. It nearly broke Luc’s heart to see her so tough after how vulnerable she had been the night before. It was an act and he knew it.
She crossed the room and stood near him. “You’ve got everything?”
Luc watched her for a moment, sensing her closing off from him. “Yes, thank you,” he replied with an awkward formality.
“Good.”
“Megan, are you—” Luc started.
“Don’t,” she interrupted, shaking her head. “Don’t ask me that. We’re making the smartest decision. It’s the only one that makes sense. We’re going to have to leave it at that.”
Outside, the cab pulled up and honked once, causing both of them to look outside for a moment.
Luc reached out his hand and held hers, then pulled her to him. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and gave her a kiss on her temple. Megan let herself melt into him one last time, breathing in the scent of him and feeling the warmth of his strong body against hers. She kept her face down, buried in his chest. Luc pulled back a little and lifted her chin with one hand, kissing her tenderly on the lips. He lingered there, allowing them both to have one final taste.
“Goodbye, mon ange,” he whispered.
“Goodbye, Luc,” she replied, her voice breaking ever so slightly.
With that, he was gone.
TWENTY-TWO
Megan stood in the window, watching the cab take him down the street and out of her life forever. She felt broken in a way she hadn’t felt before. Sobs escaped her, shaking her entire body, as she collapsed onto the couch. She was completely, madly in love with Luc, and now he was gone. She would have to pick up the pieces and move on, like she had done before.
After a few minutes, she made her way into the kitchen to find some chocolate. A note on the table caught her eye. It was for Elliott. There was a surprisingly good cartoon drawing of a boy who looked like Elliott next to a snowman in a beret. It read:
Elliott,
Remember that you will always have a friend in an old guy with a funny accent. Thank you for the soldier. Always know you are important and are meant for great things.
Luc
Megan wept at the note. Luc was capable of so much more than he would allow himself to be, and it killed her. If the circumstances had been even a little bit different, they would have found true happiness with each other. Regret and pain settled over her like a horrible storm cloud.
Megan’s thoughts were interrupted by the phone. It was her brother, Mark. She wiped her tears and cleared her throat before she answered.
“Just calling to see how Mom’s doing.”
“She’s a lot better. I just dropped her off at her house for a couple of hours. She wanted to do some paperwork.”
“You sure you don’t want me to come get her? Lenna’s home and we’d both be there to look after her until she’s feeling better.”
Megan took this as a subtle dig from her older, more put-together brother. “What is that supposed to mean? Just because I don’t have a man, it doesn’t make me incapable of taking care of our mom.”
“No, of course that’s not what I was thinking. What crawled up your butt? I’m just trying to help here. You’ve been handling everything so far, and I thought you could use a break, that’s all,” Mark retorted.
“Sorry, I just . . . had a rough night. I shouldn’t take it out on you. Listen, we’ll be fine, I’m sure.”
“Okay. Well, at least send me the hospital bill. I can probably cover most of it for her and then see if I can set up a payment plan or something.”
“Um, it’s been taken care of, actually.”
“What?”
“Long story. I have a friend with lots of cash and not enough ways to spend it.”
“What? Who? We can pay our own bills.”
“It’s complicated and it’s really nothing to worry about, okay?
“You sure? That doesn’t feel right to me.”
“I’m sure. We’ll just have to leave it the way it is.”<
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“I just wish I lived closer so I could do more.”
“I know you do. And listen, I’m sorry about before. I know you were just trying to help.”
“That’s okay. Megs, you sure you’re alright?”
“I’m fine. Really. I better go get Mom. I don’t want to leave her alone too long.” Megan dug her fingernails into her palm to keep her voice steady. She couldn’t talk about this with her brother, or anyone else, for that matter. Harper had been right all along. She knew Megan wouldn’t be able to handle having a no-strings-attached relationship, but Megan had fooled herself into thinking she could. Now on top of her heartache, she felt like a complete idiot.
* * *
Luc slouched in a chair in the airport lounge, waiting for his connecting flight to New York. A large plastic bag sat on the chair next to him, holding his now-crumpled tuxedo and the purchases he had made with Elliott. In the past week he had lived a different life, had fallen in love and had it yanked away from him before he could even get used to it.
He needed to put as much distance between himself and Megan as he could. A horrible empty feeling had settled over him and his stomach churned. He realized he hadn’t felt this type of grief since his mom had died. He was not built for this type of emotion. He was a man in control of himself and his world, only not this time. Somehow Megan had stripped him of his self-control and made him question everything he thought he knew with just her smile, the touch of her hand, her laugh, her kiss. He had never known such fierce and complete love before, and he knew without a doubt that this was the real thing. She made him happy and filled him up in ways he hadn’t known were possible. She had stilled his restlessness where no one and nothing else ever had before. He needed her, and Luc Chevalier hadn’t needed anything in his entire adult life.
He took the little green soldier out of his pocket and stared at it for a moment, thinking of Elliott. Elliott needed him to stay away. Luc would prove only another bitter disappointment. He shoved the toy back into his jacket pocket as the first boarding announcement was made. No matter how much he ached for Megan, he would never be what she and Elliot needed.
* * *
That night, Luc boarded the red-eye to Paris, feeling utterly drained of energy. Despite having had a couple of glasses of Scotch at the airport, he ordered one more on the plane. He nodded off, hoping that when he woke he would be home and that being home would make him feel more like himself again. He knew he was making the best choice for Megan and Elliott, no matter how much it hurt at the moment. He would get over it. He was a man who had never expected a forever anyway.
He dreamed of Megan. In his dream they were on the couch, making love. He could feel his hand under her bra, the lacy fabric pressing against the back of his hand as he caressed her breast. He could feel himself pushing further inside her as she arched her back. He woke with a start, sitting straight up. “Oh shit!” he exclaimed under his breath. The well-dressed elderly woman beside him glared in his direction. He adjusted himself, grateful he had a magazine on his lap at the moment.
“Sorry. It was a bad dream. I apologize if I have offended you.”
Luc waited a minute before getting up to make his way to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face. Had he really had unprotected sex with Megan last night? Or was it just a very vivid dream? He couldn’t be sure unless he asked her, but how could he do that after leaving so suddenly? He had been so exhausted the night before, it was almost like being intoxicated. Maybe it was just a dream. It had to be. Megan would have woken up and stopped him. Wouldn’t she?
“Oh fuck,” he said to his reflection. “What have I done?”
TWENTY-THREE
Boulder—Four Days Later
“Mom! For the fiftieth time, you need to wait for help to come down the stairs!” Megan barked from the kitchen, rushing to help Helen. She had just gotten home from dropping Elliott off at school and had been about to start editing some photos.
“Don’t yell at me, young lady!” Helen replied sternly. “I’m just fine. I can hold the railing and I’m feeling much better.”
“Can you just let me help you a little? Honestly, you’re so stubborn sometimes.”
“Hmm, who else do you know that might be like that?” Helen said, raising her eyebrows at her daughter and pursing her lips.
Megan rolled her eyes and sighed. “Just call me when you want to walk down the stairs, alright?”
Her fingers gripped her mother’s elbow firmly as they descended the staircase. When they got to the living room, Helen swatted her daughter’s hand away. “I’m fine!” she insisted.
Walking slowly to the kitchen sink, Helen turned on the tap to let the water run cold while she reached for a glass in the cupboard. Tilting her head back caused her to get dizzy again, and she wobbled a bit. Megan held her arm behind her mom’s back to steady her and got the glass down. She gave her mom a peck on the side of her forehead and filled the glass for her.
“You’ve been helping me for years. Let me take care of you for a few measly days, at least.”
Helen sighed. “I just hate feeling like a burden. You’ve got enough to deal with.”
“I’m fine, Mom. Really.”
“You keep saying that, but I don’t believe you. Why don’t you tell me what happened with that handsome man of yours? He left in quite a hurry.”
Megan’s shoulders slumped. “I did tell you. He had to go back home to his life and his job. It was just a casual thing anyway. It’s really better that he went before we got too attached. It would never have worked for anything permanent, and neither of us wanted that anyway.”
“Okay,” her mom said skeptically. “If you say so.” Helen made her way over to the table and eased herself into a chair. “Come and sit for a minute.”
Megan did as she was told, giving her mom the same blank stare she used to give her when she was a girl and hoped to hide something she shouldn’t have done.
“Listen, Megan, I want to tell you something important, something you need to hear. Life’s short, my girl. Really fucking short.”
Megan’s eyes popped open at her mom’s foul language.
Helen raised a finger at her daughter. “That’s right. I said fuck. I want you to remember this moment. You young people don’t understand how fast it all goes by. One minute you’re thirty-five and the next you’re dead. That’s just the way it is. We all get only one shot at living the life we are meant to. You have to decide how you want to spend your life now, because if you think you can postpone it, you’re wrong. It’s happening while you’re trying to hide from it. Your dad was here and then, in a blink, he was gone. I thought it was over for me last weekend, but I got lucky. I’m still here. And I’m going to make the most of it. I’m not going to be afraid anymore.”
“Okay, Mom. Good.”
“No!” Helen slapped her hand on the table for emphasis. “Don’t just say ‘good’ as though I’m not talking about you! I don’t want to watch you hiding away from love anymore! That’s enough already. Ian turned out to be a bum. A horrible, fucking disappointment, but you are letting him ruin the rest of your life and that’s your fault, my girl. That’s on you. When you get to the end of the line, you’ll regret not having given love a chance. Now, I hardly know Luc, but I can tell you two have something there. I saw how he looked at you, and I know everything he did for us. That’s a good man, and you’re a fucking idiot if you let him get away.”
“When you decide to drop the F-bomb, you really let it fly,” Megan interjected.
“Stop that,” she ordered. “I’m not kidding. As soon as I’m feeling better, I’m going to ask Charlie to go on a trip with me for a few days. I want some romance in my life, and I’m going to get it. Being loved feels great, damn it, and I intend to spend the rest of my life being loved. And if it’s not by Charlie, I’ll move on to the next man and the next, until I find someone who sticks. I suggest you do the same. Now help me over to the couch, I want to watch the news.�
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Megan got up and helped her mom over to the living room. Helen patted her cheek a little too hard. “You’re so beautiful and you’re a wonderful mom to Elliott, but you can be as dumb as a rock sometimes.”
* * *
That night Megan sat in bed, trying to read. Unable to concentrate, she sighed loudly and picked up her phone. There were no messages from Luc and she hadn’t tried to contact him. She desperately wanted to talk to him but she didn’t know what else to say. She had been waiting to feel stronger before she spoke to him, but she didn’t know how long that would take.
She quickly typed a text to him and pushed Send before she could change her mind. You up?
A moment later, her cell buzzed. Yes. Just getting into bed. How is your mom?
Still dizzy but getting better each day.
Good. I’m glad she’s getting better.
Can I call you? Megan’s heart thumped in her chest as she pressed Send. She had to wait almost a full minute before a response came. Was he deciding if he wanted to talk to her? Was he with another woman already?
Yes, of course.
Megan felt a wave of relief rush over her as she dialed, but the sound of his voice as he answered the phone tugged at her heart. She could picture him lounging in bed with only a sheet covering his sculpted body.
“Hello, Megan.” His voice was quiet.
“Hi.” Megan swallowed hard, trying to find the right words. “I just wanted to thank you for everything.”
“I told you that I never do anything I don’t want to do,” he replied, trying to brush off her gratitude.
Megan couldn’t help but wonder if that included leaving her. “I know, but I just don’t see how I can ever repay you for it.”