by Lane Hart
“That was delicious, Mrs. Prince,” Maddie says, sucking up to my mother.
“Aww, thank you, dear,” Mom responds before she pushes her chair back, getting ready to stand up and start cleaning off the table.
“Mom, wait! There’s something I need to tell you and Dad,” I say in a rush.
“Okay?” my mom replies when she pulls her seat back up to the table and rests her fist on her chin, waiting for me to speak.
“I’m…I’m not going back to Hawthorne in January.” That’s right, I choked and decided to go with that news first.
“What?” my dad exclaims. “Of course you’re going back to school! You still have three and a half years left before you graduate.”
“I’m not going back next semester,” I reiterate because I didn’t say I was never going back.
“Why not?” my mom asks. “How are you going to meet a husband if you move back home?”
A husband? Seriously. She has no idea that I skipped that step in life and went right on to reproducing.
“I’m not going back to school because…because I’m pregnant,” I finally confess.
The silence after my pronouncement is so loud, I don’t even hear a single surprised gasp.
In fact, none of my family will even look at me. Only Aric’s girlfriend meets my eyes, giving me a sympathetic smile when I don’t want or need her sympathy.
“What...are you kidding us right now, Caroline?” my mom eventually asks. “Is this some sort of new Christmas prank? If so, it is not funny!”
“It’s not a joke,” I assure them. Pushing my chair back from the table, I stand up and lift my shirt and lower the waistband on my sweatpants. Now there are audible gasps at seeing the actual proof. “I’m ten weeks along.”
“Ten-ten weeks!” my father exclaims as all the color drains from his face, leaving him ghostly white. “You’ve kept this from us for ten weeks!”
“No, just for the past four or so…” I trail off.
“H-how…w-when…what…?” my mom sputters, trying to formulate a question. Finally, she gets to, “Who? Who is the father, Caroline?” she asks while I retake my seat so I can reach for a piece of ham to soften the blow of the upcoming interrogation. “Is it a boy from school?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I answer with a shake of my head between bites.
“What were you thinking, Caroline? How could you be so-so irresponsible?” my dad yells.
“No!” Aric suddenly exclaims with a loud slap of his palms on the table, rattling the dishes. “Please, please tell me it’s not his!”
“Who?” my mom questions again, but I don’t answer either of them.
“It is, isn’t it?” Aric shouts as he stands up so fast his chair falls backward, hitting the hardwood floor with a loud bang. “I’ll kill him! I’ll fucking kill him!”
My brother takes off toward the side door as Maddie and I both jump up to follow him.
“Aric, stop!” I yell for him as he stomps outside. Maddie reaches him first and grabs his arm to pull him to a stop.
“Let me go!” he snaps at her.
“No. It’s Christmas, Aric. Not today!” Maddie replies.
“I don’t care if it’s Christmas! I’ll kick his ass on Easter, St. Patrick’s Day and fucking New Years’ for this!”
When he tries to pull free from her grip, I step in front of him and slap my palms against his chest. “Just calm down for two seconds and listen to me! I haven’t even told him yet! If anyone is going to hit him, I should get to go first!”
“Told who? Hit who?” my mom exclaims from behind Aric.
“Blake!” me and my brother shout at the same time.
“Blake?” she repeats with a gasp.
“Why haven’t you told him yet?” Aric asks me.
“Because it doesn’t matter!”
“Are you fucking kidding? Of course it matters! You’re having a baby, his baby!” he retorts.
“No, Aric, it doesn’t matter, because…I’m not keeping the baby!”
“What?” my mother yells. “Caroline Prince, what did you just say?” she asks when she strides up to stand shoulder to shoulder next to my brother.
“I said I’m not keeping the baby. I’ll stay home during the spring semester, have the baby at the end of July, and then…then I’ll give it to a good family so I can go back to school in the fall.”
“You’re going to just give it away?” Aric asks while my mom gasps and slaps her hand over her mouth.
“Yes, I’m putting it up for adoption,” I tell him. “It wasn’t an easy decision to make; but in this case, I think you can agree it’s for the best…”
A sob breaks free from my mom before she turns and runs back into the house. I guess my dad is still sitting at the kitchen table, letting the news sink in.
“Are you sure about this?” Aric asks me. “Maybe you need to just take some time and think about it.”
“I’m sure!” I reply, and his face is disappointed and shocked. “Don’t look at me like that. That’s not fair! I didn’t say I’m tossing it in the garbage.” Pointing down at my stomach, I remind him, “This baby was not made out of love but out of revenge. He or she belongs with a mother and father who love each other and will love him or her so much that there will never be any regret or resentment.”
My brother just shakes his head, and then he doesn’t say another word before he turns around and stomps back into the house with his shoulders slumped in defeat.
“Promise me you’ll let me tell him first, Aric!” I yell at his back.
“Whatever,” he huffs before he slams the door shut like I’m not welcome in the house.
“They-they don’t understand! I’ve thought about this decision for weeks!” I tell Maddie, who is the only person still standing in the yard with me.
“I know you did,” she agrees, and then she’s holding out her arms and pulling me in for a hug. That’s when I finally lose my grip on my hormonal emotions and start bawling on her shoulder. This girl I barely know is the only one here for me after the rest of my family walked away because they’re so disappointed in me. “I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. Aric is too. That’s why he’s upset. He blames himself,” Maddie tells me as I cry and sniffle in her embrace, soaking her shirt. “Just give them some time.”
“They…hate…me,” I say, choking on the words.
“They don’t hate you. They’re just shocked I think,” she replies. “Do you need anything? Is there anything I can do?”
“Come eat a turkey and ham sandwich with me?” I ask. “I’m starving. I couldn’t eat until I confessed everything.”
“Sure,” she agrees when she lets me go and walks over to hold open the door for me. “So you’re no longer a vegetarian?”
“At least not for a few more months…”
“When are you going to tell Blake?”
“Maybe I don’t need to…” I say to her.
“I think you do. Otherwise Aric will tell him eventually.”
“Fine. Then I’ll eat and go over to see him I guess,” I huff.
Chapter 17
Blake
For the past three months that I’ve basically been living on my own, I’ve learned to cook for myself and do laundry. I had to or I would’ve starved and looked like an idiot wearing dirty uniforms to school.
Waking up on Christmas Day alone, though? That shit was the worst this morning.
While I haven’t believed in Santa Claus in twelve years or so, it was still our family tradition to wake up Christmas morning and exchange presents. There’s not even a tree up this year. I haven’t felt like dragging it up from the basement or decorating it alone. That would just be too depressing.
Royal texted me a Merry Christmas gif this morning, and he’s the only person I’ve sort of talked to today.
When the doorbell rings, I don’t have a fucking clue who it could be. Probably some family member of one of my neighbors that got lost or some shit.
Imagine my surprise when I open the door and find Caroline Prince standing on my stoop, looking like a Christmas angel. Granted, she’s a comfortably dressed angel in her red Hawthorne sweatshirt and black leggings, but nothing could take away from her natural beauty.
“Hey. I can’t believe you’re here,” I say in greeting. “Merry Christmas.”
“Ah, yeah. Merry Christmas,” she replies while her fingers fidget with the bottom hem of her sweatshirt. “Mind if I come in?”
“Hell no,” I tell her, stepping aside so she can get through. “The house has been too damn quiet today.”
Caroline walks slowly into the living room where I’ve been watching A Christmas Story on repeat on and off all day. I’m fucking pathetic.
Turning to me, she asks, “Where’s your dad?”
“No clue. He rarely comes home anymore,” I admit honestly.
“Seriously?” she asks, her pale green eyes full of pity.
“Seriously. But it’s not a big deal,” I say to try and lighten the mood. I don’t want her to think I’m pathetic. “He wasn’t home much before either, so I guess we shouldn’t have been all that surprised when my mom started screwing one of my friends.”
“I’m sorry,” she says, lowering her eyes and pulling on her oversized sleeves.
“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t bring up the shit about your brother in front of you,” I tell her. “Do you want to sit down?” I ask since I’m not all that sure why she’s here.
“Um, no. I should…I should probably get home.”
“What? Why? You just got here,” I say in confusion.
“I shouldn’t have come.” She starts for the door, telling me over her shoulder, “I’m sorry I bothered you.”
“You didn’t!” I yell as I follow her out, but she’s already crossing Sophie’s yard, heading back to her house.
“Don’t answer the door if anyone in my family comes over!” she shouts back before she disappears.
What. The. Fuck?
Why would Caroline come over and then immediately leave like that? Was it something I said? Probably the shit about how her brother broke up my family. Maybe if I had kept my mouth shut, she would still be here, and I wouldn’t be spending Christmas alone.
Caroline
I use the sleeves of my sweatshirt to dry up my tears from underneath each eye before I walk back into my house. Aric and Maddie are still in the kitchen, and I can hear my mom crying upstairs. Loudly.
“So? Did you tell him?” Aric asks with his arms crossed over his chest as he leans against the kitchen counter.
“No.”
“No?” he repeats. “Why the hell not?”
“I just couldn’t, okay?”
“Come on, Caroline!” Aric mutters. “It’s only three words, seven max – I’m pregnant, asshole. Oh, and it’s yours.”
I shake my head. “You didn’t see him, Aric! He was home alone on Christmas!”
Maddie gasps and whispers, “Like Macaulay fucking Culkin. That’s so sad.”
“Fuck him!” Aric shouts. “He did it to himself.”
“No, he didn’t!” I yell back. Pointing toward Blake’s house, I say, “You did that, Aric! You destroyed his family, and he doesn’t have anyone!”
“Do you forgive him?” he asks. When I don’t respond, he says, “That’s what I thought. I’ll forgive him when you do.”
“Ugh,” I say on a groan. “I need ham and bacon. Bacon would be really good right about now.”
“Since when do you…” Aric starts, and then his eyes lower to my stomach. “Oh damn! That kid is evil.”
“I’ll make you some bacon,” Maddie offers.
“Thank you,” I say to her with genuine gratitude. Meat is currently my comfort food and craving, and there’s nothing else to be done with my parents avoiding me on Christmas. At least I’m not alone like Blake. My brother and his girlfriend are sticking by me, and that means a lot.
For the next week, I sleep fourteen hours a day and have crazy, realistic dreams. Most nights I wake up hot and sweaty around three a.m., throwing off the covers and more turned on than ever before in my life. I’m not sure if it’s hormones or just my dirty mind trying to help me think about something other than how miserable and screwed I am.
During the day, whenever I see my mother, she’s either crying or her eyes are red and puffy from crying.
And my dad? Well, I’m no longer his little girl. He can’t even look me in the eye on the rare occasion I see him and try to strike up a conversation. I wasn’t a virgin the night Blake knocked me up, but my dad doesn’t know that. To him, I was still a sweet, innocent nineteen-year-old girl.
My parents are angry and disappointed in me, so much so that the day after Christmas my car disappeared. When I asked my dad about where it was, he told me, “That car was a reward that you no longer deserve.”
Fuck, it was harsh. Since then, I’ve felt like a ghost of myself. It’s like some strange alien has taken over my body and I’m no longer me.
I’m tired, bloated and feel awful. Worst of all, I’m lonely with no one I can talk to about everything. I definitely can’t bring up the pregnancy around my brother when he’s home without him turning into a red version of the hulk. Maddie is actually growing on me, but we’re not at the sharing of dark secrets phase yet.
So, most of the time I’m alone, miserable, and worst of all, horny with nothing to look forward to.
It’s going to be a long spring.
Gwen and Blake are the only two people who still send me messages. All of my friends from high school have moved on and are getting ready to go back to college while I have months of being pregnant to endure with no one to blame except myself. And Blake.
Chapter 18
Blake
January
Unlike most years, I’m actually glad to get back to school after New Year’s since anything is better than being home alone for the better part of two weeks other than Royal’s occasional visits. And my resolution this year? Try not to be a dick.
Despite ignoring my texts for a few weeks, Caroline thankfully started responding again after Christmas when she stopped by my house. Her replies are just as colorful as before. Yesterday she told me, “Go fuck yourself” and today’s message was, “Eat me.” Anything is better than I hate you or worse, no response at all. I won’t give up, not until she says the three words I’ve been waiting for, I forgive you.
I’m going to do whatever it takes to finally mend shit with Aric too, even if it means forgiving him. My mom was the main culprit in ruining our family and fucking up my life. She was the one who was married and broke her vows. If I want to continue to be pissed at someone, it should be her for screwing up her marriage and my father for abandoning us long before her affair came out.
“What’s up?” I ask Aric, Royal, Maddie and Hannah when I’m the last to join them at the lunch table. “How was everyone’s break?”
“Good,” Royal says, but there’s nothing but silence from the rest of them.
Oh-kay. Maybe their break was shittier than mine. I doubt it, but it’s possible.
“Yo, Aric. Caroline came to visit me on Christmas Day,” I tell him, causing his angular jaw to clench and his face to turn tomato red in the blink of an eye. More than likely he thinks I’m going to say something crude or whatever about her when that’s not it at all. “I think she’s getting close to actually forgiving me,” I explain.
“Blake,” Maddie starts and holds up her palm in my direction. “Please just shut up.”
“What? Why? I’m trying to air shit out. Aric fucked up, but I did too, and I’m sorry. I’ve apologized to Caroline for weeks by text message. Mostly she just tells me to go fuck myself or whatever, but it’s something. Today her response was eat me, which I think is progress…”
Aric throws his fork down on his tray with a loud clatter.
“Aric, don’t,” Maddie whispers to him when she takes his face in her hands. “You promised Caroline you
wouldn’t!”
He pulls back from her and gets to his feet.
“Blake, run!” Maddie yells to me.
“What? Why?” I ask. “If he wants to hit me again, then so be it! He can do what he needs to do to move past this shit.”
Aric jerks me up out of my chair by the front of my white dress shirt. “She’s pregnant!” he bellows in my face so loudly that it reverberates off the cafeteria walls, making everyone in the entire facility shut up and stare at him.
“Uh-oh,” Royal says as he jumps to his feet to try and pry Aric’s fists from my shirt without any luck.
When no one says anything else, I tell Aric, “Wow. Congrats, I guess, man? But why are you angry at me when you’re the one who knocked up Maddie?”
“Not Maddie,” he grits out and shoves me away from him. “Caroline!”
“Oh,” I say in surprise before my jaw drops in understanding. “Oh fuck!”
Those are the last two words I remember saying before Aric picks up the closest lunch tray from the table and then comes at me with it.
“Blake? Blake!”
“Just five more minutes,” I say when Royal’s voice tries to wake me up before my alarm goes off.
“Blake, man. Are you okay?” His question is followed by a whap to my cheek.
“Ow. Jeez. Let me sleep. My head hurts,” I respond before I finally blink my eyes open and find Royal’s worried face hovering over mine.
“Fuck, that egg on your head is getting bigger by the second.”
“What?” I ask him as I reach up and feel my throbbing forehead. That’s when I finally notice I’m staring up at the ceiling beams in our cafeteria and I’m not at home in bed. I’m lying on the floor of the cafeteria. “What the fuck happened?” I ask Royal before hissing when my fingertips find the tender knot on my temple.