“Sometimes things happen that there is no explanation for,” Jackson said.
Hope started to put the earring on, but put it into her pocket instead. “Well guys, thanks for dinner,” she said as she pushed back her chair and stood up. “I think I’ll go to bed now.”
“Do you want to stay here?” Clark asked.
“No, I don’t think so,” Hope replied. “Grace set everything up over there for me with some clothes and toiletries. It’ll be easier to stay there.”
“I’ll walk you,” Rob offered, standing up quickly. Hope wanted to tell him that she was capable of walking next door on her own, but the expression on his face was so hopeful that she held her tongue.
A few minutes later Hope locked the door behind her, then went to the bedroom Grace had set up for her. She changed into a nightshirt and a pair of soft cotton pants, then climbed onto the bed with the earring that Jackson had returned to her. She set the earring on the bed and stared at it for a long moment, trying to make up her mind.
As a little girl just learning to use her owl, she had once tried to spy on her mother and her Aunt Olivia in an effort to find out what they had gotten her for her birthday. Unfortunately, the two women had psychic abilities of their own, and had sensed her presence. The upshot of that experiment had been no birthday present at all.
She had never understood how they’d known she was there. The owl was not real. It had no physical presence. It was just the image that always entered her mind when she wanted to fly away from her body.
She had never again used her owl to eavesdrop until shortly before she’d left for Jasan. Harlan had asked that she use her owl to listen in on a meeting between a suspected crime lord, and some other people that he said were criminals. He’d found out about the meeting just an hour earlier, and there was no time to deploy electronic surveillance. She’d agreed only because he’d told her that they were trying to kill Ellicia. The fact that they were bad guys made it seem at least a little okay, and afterward Harlan had told her that what she’d learned was extremely important. Nevertheless, she’d promised herself she wouldn’t do it again.
Now, in spite of that promise, here she was considering eavesdropping on the Bearens. She was trying to convince herself that since they’d been through her apartment without her knowledge or permission, that she had a right to invade their privacy in return. But that argument wasn’t working, and she couldn’t think of another one. It was a bad idea, it would be wrong, and she knew it.
“Just do it,” she told herself softly.
She picked the earring up, put it in her ear where it belonged, then closed her eyes and focused on her owl. She pictured the silver bird in detail, with its gold trimmed feathers and turquoise eyes. For a moment the eyes appeared reproachful, and she hesitated. There was no owl, she told herself. It was just the image she used to help her focus. Since there was no owl, it could not have reproachful eyes.
Hope refocused, relieved that the eyes were as they always were, without expression. The owl shot upward and she found herself looking down at the little bungalow set amidst dozens of other dark, quiet bungalows in the residential area of the base. She flew over them in a wide circle for the pure, exhilarating fun of it before settling on the roof of the Bearens’ bungalow. Again she hesitated, considering what she was about to do.
***
Jackson finished washing the last dish, rinsed it off and handed it to Rob who wiped it dry with a towel.
“I think we should tell Hope that she is our Arima, and what that means,” Rob said. “I’m not sure I can stand too much more of this intense need for her, while pretending to feel nothing.”
“It is difficult for all of us,” Jackson replied as he pulled the plug in the sink and rinsed the soap from his hands. “But it’s only been one day. Besides, the most important consideration for us must be Hope, and her well being, not our own, and I don’t know if she’s ready yet.”
“I know,” Rob said. “But it’s not easy to see her, and feel her emotions, and not be able to touch her, or tell her how we feel. And she’s so beautiful, which raises a whole other set of problems.”
“Believe me, I understand,” Jackson said. “I sense that she is very conflicted about something right now. We must be patient and give her what she needs, and right now, I think she needs time.”
“I know that you are correct,” Clark said from the kitchen doorway. “And I agree that we must be patient. It is just so difficult when I can feel her need for us, though she is apparently unaware of it herself.”
A soft knocking sound came from the living room, and all three men froze for a moment. The knock sounded again, and they relaxed as they realized that it was just someone at the door.
“I’ll get it,” Jackson said as he finished drying his hands on a dish towel. He tossed the damp towel onto the counter and left the kitchen.
***
Hope released her owl. She just couldn’t bring herself to eavesdrop on the Bearens, no matter how much she wanted to do it. But, if she wasn’t going to listen in, then she better work up the courage to come out and ask the questions she most wanted answers to.
With that thought firmly in mind, she got off the bed and left the bungalow. She crossed the narrow expanse of sand separating her bungalow from the Bearens’ and stopped at the door. She thought about what she was going to do, then knocked.
When Jackson opened the door a few moments later, there was an expression of worry on his face. “What’s the matter?” he asked. “Are you all right? Come in.”
“I’m fine,” Hope said, stepping into the living room. “I just want to talk to you guys, if that’s all right.”
“”Of course,” Jackson said, closing the door behind her and guiding her to a chair in the living room. “Go ahead and have a seat, I’ll get Rob and Clark.”
“Okay, thanks,” Hope said, suddenly feeling nervous.
Jackson came back into the living room carrying something in one hand. He knelt down in front of Hope and lifted one of her bare feet, resting it against his knee. He brushed the sand off of the bottom of her foot with light strokes, then slipped one of his own socks onto her foot. He lowered her foot to the floor, then lifted the other one. Hope was so startled, and so touched, that she didn’t know what to do other than simply let him brush the sand off of her foot and put the other sock on it.
“Thank you,” she said when he set her foot on the floor and stood up.
“You are most welcome,” Jackson said with one of his little bows. By then Clark and Rob had joined them in the living room and they all sat down, though Hope noticed that they all sat on the edge of their seats as if ready for action.
“I would like to ask you guys some questions, if you don’t mind,” she said.
“You may ask anything of us that you like,” Jackson replied.
“How long did you know Ellicia?”
Jackson’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Only a couple of days,” he replied. He frowned for a moment, then glanced at Clark. “Three, is that right?”
Clark nodded, and they both turned back to Hope.
“I can sense your emotions,” Hope admitted. “I don’t know why, I just can. I know that you all loved her. I felt your grief, I still feel it, even now as you are all thinking of her.”
Jackson felt the hurt, and the confusion, rolling off of Hope, and suddenly he understood the reason for at least some of her conflicting feelings.
“Hope,” he said, “I am sorry for your confusion. We should have explained this sooner. Our only excuse is that we did not understand.”
“Explain what?” Hope asked.
“You spent time on Jasan, at Bride House, is that correct?” Jackson asked.
“Yes, six months,” Hope replied.
“How much did you learn about Clan Jasani while you were there?”
“Not a lot. I know the basics. You guys are shifters, you come in threes, and children are always male. Well, no, I do remember hearing
that there were some female children, but I don’t really know if that’s true.”
“It is true,” Jackson said with a smile. “Very lovely little girls they are, too.”
There was something about the expression on his face, the light in his eyes when he spoke of those little girls that warmed Hope’s heart.
“Clan Jasani are able to have one wife, or one mate in their lifetime,” Jackson said. “If we are very lucky, we will find our true mate, what we call an Arima. For over three thousand years no Arimas were found at all, so we mated with human women instead. Human women are able to give us male children, but not females. Even so, it is only because of human women that our species still exists, so they are most honored.
“Over the past couple of years, three Arimas have been found, giving our people new hope for the future. When a male-set finds their Arima, they have a specific physical response, but there are other things that occur between a male-set and their Arima as well. One of those things is a sense of connection between them.”
Hope felt her heart leap in her chest at that, but she struggled to maintain her expression of calm. Revealing her feelings for these men when she knew how strongly they all felt for another woman was the surest way to make a fool of herself that she could think of, and she was not going to do that.
“When we met Ellicia we felt a strong connection to her,” Jackson said. “We have never heard of such a thing happening before, other than between a male-set and their Arima, and it surprised us. Ellicia felt the same connection, and she did not understand it any better than we did. The one thing we all knew was that she was not our Arima.”
“Are you saying that the connection you felt with her was not a romantic one?” Hope asked.
“No, it was not,” Jackson replied. “It was more like that of siblings. We think it happened because it was destined that we love, and raise, her sons.”
“Did you think that we loved Ellicia?” Rob asked.
“You do love Ellicia,” Hope said. “This I know for fact. I can feel it as strongly as I feel your sorrow.”
Jackson felt Hope’s wariness. “Hope, our feelings for Ellicia are as your feelings for Harlan,” he said. “Our feelings for you are far different. You are our Arima.”
Hope took a long, deep breath. “You are certain of this?”
“There can be no mistake,” Jackson replied. “From the first moment we scented you, outside the door of your apartment, we knew that you were our Arima. When we discovered that you had been taken, we nearly went into blood-rages. It was only Ellicia’s presence, and our connection with her, that kept us from it.”
“Blood-rages?” Hope asked faintly. That didn’t sound good.
“When we become too angry, or are suddenly faced with something that is difficult for us, such as an abused child or female, or, most especially, harm to our Arima, we can go into what we call a blood-rage,” Clark explained. “I think Ellicia called it a massive temper tantrum.”
Hope smiled. “I think I get it,” she said, feeling more than a little relieved.
“Ellicia was intent on finding you for Harlan’s sake, and for her children’s sake,” Jackson continued. “But she did it for us as well. She knew that you were our Arima, and she promised us that she would not give up until she found you.”
“That sounds like the woman that my cousin told me about,” Hope said quietly. “It sounds like the woman that Harlan would love.”
“May I ask you something?” Jackson asked.
“Sure,” Hope replied.
“Why did you go to Jasan?”
“I felt like that was where I was supposed to go. I was so sure that I was going to find my future there that when my time was up, and I hadn’t, I was confused.”
“I am glad that you did not select another male-set while you were there,” Clark said, his jaw clenched tightly at the thought of her meeting other male-sets, never mind actually mating with one.
“I didn’t go there just to find someone to marry,” Hope said. “In fact, I had never thought much about getting married before. I was happy with my life the way it was. But once the thought of going to Jasan got into my head, I had to follow through with it. I went there to find whoever it was I was meant to spend my life with. When I didn’t find them, I came home.”
“And found them here,” Jackson said softly. “Found us here.”
“Yes,” Hope admitted. “I knew the moment I saw the three of you staring down at me from my bedroom wall that you were meant to be in my life. When I saw you in the desert, even as horrible as the situation was, I knew that you were supposed to have been my future. But I also felt your love and grief for Ellicia. I thought that I had missed my shot at happiness.”
“You are our Arima,” Jackson said. “There can only be one woman for us in our lifetime, and that woman is you, Hope Strigida.”
“I’m not sure I really understand that,” Hope said. “You only knew Ellicia for three days, yet I know how much you all loved her. How is it possible to love that much, that quickly?”
“How do you feel about us?” Jackson countered.
“I feel a strong connection with all of you. I sense your emotions. I believe that I am meant to be with you. Is that love? I don’t know that it’s possible to feel love so quickly.”
“We are not human,” Jackson said. “Perhaps the feeling that you call love, and the one which we call love, are not the same. Who can say for certain? I do know that we trust our feelings. We loved Ellicia because we sensed that we were connected to her. We trusted that connection enough to invest our feelings without question or hesitation.”
“I wish it were that easy for me,” Hope said.
“Hope, we are not in a hurry,” Jackson said. “We have no desire to push you, or rush you. Take some time to get to know us, that is all we ask of you. We want you to be happy, we need you to be happy, whatever that might mean.”
“Thank you for that, Jackson,” Hope said. She stood up. “I suppose I best go to bed now. Thanks for taking the time to discuss this with me.”
“You do not need to thank us,” Clark said. “Any time that you need anything from us, you need only let us know.”
“I would ask something of you,” Rob said, surprising both Jackson and Clark.
“What would that be?” Hope asked.
“I would ask that you sleep here tonight, rather than in the empty bungalow next door,” he said. “I admit that it is for my own peace of mind. The past few days, knowing that you are our Arima, and also knowing that you were abducted and in danger, and having to face the possibility that we might never find you...” Rob trailed off and swallowed hard. He approached her and reached for her hands. “Please, I ask that you stay here,” he said softly. “Or, if you wish to stay next door, I ask that you allow one of us to remain in the living room so that you are not alone.”
Hope’s first inclination was to refuse, but as she gazed into Rob’s eyes, and saw the honest worry in them, she couldn’t do it.
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll stay here. But I do need to go back and get a few things first.”
“Thank you,” Rob said with obvious relief. “I will walk you over, if you don’t mind?”
“That’s fine,” Hope said, squelching the sudden urge to roll her eyes. She wanted to point out to them that she was a grown woman who had lived alone and on her own for many years and didn’t need to be coddled. But the expressions on their faces, and the honest feeling of relief that was radiating from all three of them prevented her from doing it.
A few minutes later she entered the bedroom she had used the night before. She put her things down on the chair, then climbed into the bed, pulled the blankets over herself, and stared blankly at the dark ceiling. She listened to the unfamiliar night sounds of the base while she struggled with the equally unfamiliar sensations in her body.
Her breasts ached, her pussy was damp, her skin was overly sensitive, and she felt too warm, as though her blood had become to
o hot in her veins. She was intensely aroused just from being in the same room with the Bearens, and a part of her continued to insist that she was supposed to be with them.
She had never had a talent for precognition or anything like it, but she had always trusted her instincts. Now, she doubted herself in a way she never had before.
She had gone to Jasan based on her gut feeling that it was the right thing to do, and she had been wrong. Her only remaining family member had died months ago, and she had never had the slightest hint of it. She had believed that lighting a smoke fire in an effort to summon help for Karma was the right thing to do, and she’d been wrong again. If not for Karma stopping her, they would both have certainly been burned, or worse. She had believed that the three men she’d painted on her bedroom wall had been searching for her, but it had been Ellicia, though they had followed along with her. She had believed that they were the men she was destined to be with, and she had also believed that they were in love with Ellicia.
She had been wrong about so many things. So many important things. After being so wrong on so much, how could she possibly trust herself? The answer was as unavoidable as it was simple. She couldn’t.
Chapter 51
Jasan, Dracons’ Ranch
High Prince Garen Dracon stood before the vid terminal in his office, watching the screen with a heavy heart. When the message was finished he turned to his brothers, their faces mirroring his own. The only time in his life that he had felt more helpless than he did at that moment was when Lariah had lay dying with a knife stuck in her chest.
“I confess, my brothers, I do not know what to do,” he said. “I do not even know how to feel at this moment.”
“The news of the Owlfen is cause for celebration,” Trey said heavily. “But it is so overshadowed, that it is difficult to care about right now.”
The Bearens' Hope Book Four of the Soul Page 35