Feel the Fire (Hotshots)

by Annabeth Albert

  “To you, maybe.” Luis gave him an indulgent smile. “You’re the one who had to skimp on lunch. How about I go get you one? I’ll see if there’s anything else there I might eat.”

  “Sure.” Tired after all the walking around the fire site, Tucker was okay with letting Luis be the one to get food. “But you have to have a taste of mine.”

  “Twist my arm.” Luis’s heated look contained a reminder of all the tasting they had done the other night and made Tucker temporarily forget they weren’t alone in the stands. “Back soon.”

  “Hmm.” Heidi made a thoughtful noise after Luis was out of hearing distance. “I sure hope you know what you’re doing.”

  “What?” Playing dumb seemed like the smarter option as he did not want to get into a discussion on the state of his and Luis’s friendship right there, especially with an audience.

  “What indeed.” She arched an elegant eyebrow. “I’m just worried—”

  “Don’t be.” Making a dismissive gesture, he gave her what he hoped was a firm look.

  She crossed her arms. “I just don’t want you hurt.”

  “Let me worry about that.” He couldn’t lie and tell her he wasn’t going to be hurt. That much was already a given. Luis leaving was going to suck, but he’d lived a lot of years without the sort of connection he felt with Luis. He’d make it through. And unlike when Luis left before, he was an adult who could see this coming and could brace for its impact. At least he hoped.

  However, that conviction wavered as the game progressed. Luis returned with food, and their fingers kept brushing as they shared the flaky sweet treat along with some fries. That one look aside, they weren’t particularly flirty, but there was something about having Luis there that fed him on a deep, almost cellular level. It was cozy, but more than that, it was something he’d been yearning for without even realizing how much. They simply fit. And Luis fit here too, joking with Isaac and cheering with Angelica and sneaking more bites from Tucker’s plate. He seemed far from miserable, relaxed even with plenty of easy smiles.

  Maybe... Tucker’s brain knew better, but his heart still painted a pretty picture where this was a regular occurrence, where summer turned fall and fire season gave way to football and Luis was still here. A few years ago, he could have scarcely imagined such a universe, but if Rain and Garrick were managing to make a life here, then maybe... It wasn’t like relations with Tucker’s family could get more frosty. We could be...

  “Go Wade!” Heidi and Luis yelled in concert, Angelica and Isaac whooping as Wade ran with the ball. Not a touchdown, but close and the crowd roared.

  A partnership. That was what he wanted, his most private desire, the one he didn’t let himself look at very often. But wanting that, seeing the potential here, wasn’t the same as getting it. Even if Luis wasn’t leaving, there was still the not-so-small matter of his heart not necessarily being up for grabs. He was still grieving his losses, and Tucker couldn’t blame him for being wary of a new relationship.

  Not happening. Enjoy what you’ve got, he lectured himself as Wade’s team finally delivered that touchdown. The game stayed close, fun to watch and a good sign for the upcoming season, the way the kids worked together.

  “Do you worry?” Luis asked him as Walker’s team completed a particularly vicious tackle.

  “About?” It took Tucker a moment to realize Luis probably meant football, not all the questions and wants churning through him. A better question would be what he didn’t worry about.

  “The risks... I mean, it’s a dangerous sport.” Luis frowned as the tackled kid’s teammates helped him up.

  “We work in a dangerous occupation,” Tucker pointed out. “But, yeah, I know what you mean. My heart stops every time one of them hits the grass.”

  “I can imagine. Makes me glad my brothers were more into baseball.”

  “We had those years too. Wade took a ball to the helmet in little league. Talk about worry. Anyway, we had a long talk when they first started to play football, but they both wanted to make the team so badly. Not gonna lie, it’s hard as a parent though.”

  “Yeah.” Luis discreetly tapped his foot against Tucker’s. “I feel you.”

  “But at a certain point, I realized I wasn’t going to be able to keep them safe forever. And that sucks. Watching them drive away the first time...football tackles...it’s all hell on my nerves but they’re going to fly whether I’m ready or not.”

  “Truth.” Gaze still intent, Luis studied the game, thoughts somewhere Tucker couldn’t follow.

  He wasn’t going to sugarcoat it. Worry about the kids was the hardest part of parenting, but he wouldn’t trade all the sleepless nights and trembling hands for anything. Love was worth it, and he wished he had an easy way of sharing that certainty with Luis. Loss undoubtedly changed things, tinged the way Luis saw the world, and Tucker would do anything to shoulder even a small part of his burdens.

  The game came down to the final play, Tucker back to holding his breath as Wade caught the ball and made a mad dash for the end zone.

  “Run!” he yelled. Narrowly avoiding being tackled, Wade dove for the end zone. Whistles bleated as a flurry of bodies followed him.

  Get up. Get up. Be okay.

  Triumphant, Wade stood up, accepting the frenzied congrats of his team.

  “He did it!” Luis gave him a slap on the back as the scoreboard lit up to reflect the touchdown. “Man, you weren’t kidding about the nerves.”

  “Yup. Never gets any easier, sad to say.” A beat of understanding passed between them, an acknowledgment of the ways love and pain and risk tangled together. Caring wasn’t ever simple, but hell if Tucker could turn it off. And he’d bet that Luis couldn’t either. He might not want to care, but he did. It was there in the way his fingers dug into Tucker’s shoulder before releasing him and in the way he didn’t break Tucker’s gaze until the crush of people leaving the stands jostled them apart.

  “Dad! Did you see?” Wade broke free from a crowd of excited kids to come over to their part of the bleachers.

  “I saw. Well done.” His voice came out thick and scratchy, another casualty of caring so damn much. “I’m proud of you.”

  “And you brought Luis! Cool.” Wade’s smile shifted to something more mischievous, and Tucker tried to send him a warning look to not make his brother, who had also joined them, uncomfortable.

  “You did good too, Walker. Excellent tackle right before the half,” Luis praised.

  “It was nothing.” Expression unreadable, Walker shrugged.

  “FYI we got invited to a party at Mitch Goodwin’s. Don’t wait up.” Wade waggled his eyebrows, either not getting Tucker’s message or not caring to back off the teasing.

  “Are the parents going to be home? And no bonfires, right?” Tucker slid right into the concerned-dad mode that Luis liked to tease him about.

  “Yes. The mom is the one who invited everyone over. They have a pool, a strict no-alcohol policy, and no fire pit. We’ll be good.”

  “Mary Anne and I are going too.” Walker sounded more resigned than excited, but this wasn’t the moment for a deep dive into possible sources of his unhappiness. But come tomorrow, he was dragging him out to their favorite trail and taking Luis’s advice to get him talking.

  “Be safe. I have to run Luis back to his car, but you can text me at any point for a ride. And curfew is still a thing.”

  “Me too. Text away.” Heidi had a hug for both boys, brushing the dust they left behind off her dress.

  “Me three.” Isaac laughed. “No wacky diving board tricks, okay?”

  “That was one time,” Wade protested.

  “That resulted in an emergency room trip and stitches,” Tucker reminded him.

  “Okay, okay. No diving board, and Walker can drive, and we’ll be home by curfew.” Wade jogged away to rejoin his friends and teammates,
leaving Walker to trail behind him after giving them a last wave.

  “You drive carefully too,” Heidi told him as she and Isaac collected Angelica from where she’d been chasing some other little kids. “And text if you get a fire callout.”

  “Will do.” After a few more goodbyes, he and Luis made their way back to his car.

  “You want some actual food?” Luis asked once they were underway. “After that heavy snack, I just want something light, but I’ve got eggs and could make us some breakfast-as-dinner if you wanted to follow me back to my hotel. You can meet the cat.”

  “Well, in that case, I better accept.” Anticipation thrummed through his body, making his fingers drum against the steering wheel. He had a feeling Luis was offering more than some scrambled eggs and a look at his cat, but he wasn’t being pushy about it, which Tucker appreciated. As wonderfully aggressive as he could be while kissing, he seemed content to let Tucker decide when and how they got to that point of getting physical.

  His respectfulness for Tucker’s needs was another sign that Luis cared about more than simply getting laid while he was in town. Tucker’s chest expanded, all his wishes from earlier returning full force. And while he might not get those, he did get tonight, and he was absolutely going to make the most of it.

  Chapter Twelve

  “I think you’re right. The cat has it in for you.” Tucker looked up from his eggs.

  Luis had scrambled them with spinach and queso fresca, then topped his own with chorizo, cilantro, and salsa macha while Tucker got extra of the cheese and some avocado. Luis had been pleased to discover the same tiny Mexican grocer that his mother had frequented was still in business, still stocking decent brands of some of his family’s favorites like the tortillas he’d heated up to go alongside. It was a cozy little late dinner at the small table in his room. Well, it would be cozy if the cat would stop glaring at both of them from her perch on top of the fridge.

  “See? Watch.” Luis held out a piece of chorizo, but all Blaze did was sniff the air mightily. Selfishly, he was glad that at least she hadn’t immediately taken to Tucker, who tried the same gesture but with egg, and got a swish of her majestic tail for his efforts.

  “Maybe it’s simply humanity in general she’s not impressed with,” Tucker suggested as he used a piece of tortilla to scoop up more eggs.

  “No, she adored Mike. In his lap every chance she got, eating from his hand, acting like a spoiled princess getting a massage when he brushed her...so it’s not all humans. Just most.”

  “Well, maybe not everyone can be as special as that.” There was something guarded about Tucker’s expression and a certain cautiousness in his tone. “Maybe Mike was just one of a kind?”

  “He was. Big blond bear of a guy but exceptionally gentle with little kids and small animals. But despite Blaze’s devotion, he wasn’t a saint.” He didn’t want Tucker thinking that like the cat he’d put Mike on a pedestal where no other guy could ever reach. “He could be moody, and we fought about stupid stuff enough that I used to tease him that if I was a cat I’d win more arguments with his stubborn ass.”

  Tucker laughed at that, but it was muted as were his eyes. “And still you miss him. I get that. You don’t see yourself ever having another serious relationship?”

  Move to California and we’ll see. The flirty response was right there on his tongue, but that wouldn’t be fair. Tucker wasn’t leaving this place, no matter what had gone down with his family. Everyone at the game had known him and the boys. He had Heidi and Isaac and his job and a house and a whole life here. A fling with an old friend wasn’t ever going to be enough incentive to pull up stakes.

  “Maybe someday,” he said instead, because he could see that for the first time in a very long time, but when he closed his eyes it was Tucker he saw, Tucker he wanted, not some faceless future partner. He hadn’t thought his heart would ever come back online after Mike, but Tucker had a way of wiggling past his sternest resolve.

  “I don’t begrudge Heidi any of her happiness with Isaac, but there are times when I miss having an adult person to come home to, someone to watch TV with when the kids are in bed, someone to fuss over, a reason to not eat cereal for dinner, that sort of thing.”

  “I hear you. I miss having someone to cook for the most. Eating alone with a cat giving me the evil eye isn’t the same.”

  “And I imagine other alone stuff sucks for you, too?” More of that careful tone from Tucker like there was something deeper he wanted to know but wasn’t sure how to dig for it.

  “You asking if I miss regular sex?” Luis laughed.

  “Yeah.” Tucker’s cheeks pinked up, and he busied himself with the last of his eggs. “Sometimes I miss touch like hugging. And kissing, especially like what we had when we were younger. But, honestly, I haven’t had enough experience with truly memorable sex for it to be the number one thing I miss when I think about relationships, about sharing that connection with someone. But I imagine it’s way higher on your list.”

  “Well...” Luis drew the word out, trying to feel his way toward the right response because he sensed Tucker needed some sort of reassurance. “Sex is awesome and yeah, I miss it, but it isn’t the most important thing to me in a relationship by any means.”

  “No?” Tucker’s tone stayed cautiously curious.

  “Maybe when I was younger, but having been in a couple of long-term relationships now, I can say that quantity tends to vary wildly over time, ebbs and flows. I’ve never really been one for juggling multiple partners at the same time, so I’ve always had a very robust relationship with my right hand.”

  “It’s a nice hand.” Tucker’s blush darkened. “And, uh, me too.”

  “Ha. I might not be demisexual, but like you, I really value connection, especially now that I’m older. Quality over quantity every time for me. I can dish out orgasms on my own, but I can’t duplicate that connection.” After clearing the plates, he came to stand next to Tucker and put a hand on his shoulder.

  “That was what I liked most the other night.” Tucker leaned into Luis’s touch. “How close I felt to you. It surprised me, how good it felt.”

  “Do you want to feel good like that again?” He tried to make his voice as low pressure as possible, idly rubbing Tucker’s shoulder as he crouched next to his chair. “It’s okay if you’re not in the mood or distracted by kid stuff or whatever.”

  Meow. Blaze yodeled from her perch on the fridge, and they both laughed.

  Tucker shook his head. “I’m not sure if that’s an objection to us getting naked or if she’s warming up to my presence. Seems more likely that she’s planning my demise as soon as we’re...distracted.”

  “I’d offer to put her in her carrier, but she’s likely to get louder if I do. But ignore her for now. What do you want?”

  “You.” Tucker pulled him closer, giving him a soft and sweet kiss full of promise before he groaned low.

  Too late, Luis remembered his spicy add-ins to the food. “Oops. Forgot about the salsa. Hope you didn’t burn your lips.”

  “You’re cute. Turns out I don’t mind spicy as much when it’s you.”

  “Nice. Still, let me do this.” Skin heating, Luis fished a mint out of his pocket and quickly chomped it.

  “And let me do this.” Tucker found his mouth for another kiss, this one deeper and more purposeful. Tucker was such an intriguing blend of tentative and assertive, cautious and unrestrained. And Luis was perfectly happy to find out what he wanted, where this would lead. As it turned out, that meant several long minutes of trading kisses, awkward position forgotten in the rush of how good Tucker’s lips and tongue and teeth could make him feel.

  “Damn.” Breathing hard as Tucker let him up for air, he rolled his shoulders, trying to not let his back stiffen up.

  “Hey, off the floor with you.” Tucker offered him a hand up, then gave him a long, c
onsidering look that had Luis’s toes curving into the carpet. “Can I see your tattoo?”

  “Which one?” Fingers already going to his shirt buttons, he winked at Tucker, loving how his eyes went wide and lips fell open.

  “All of them,” he breathed with all the reverence of a kid presented with a tray of cookies.

  Shrugging out of his shirt, Luis preened under his obvious admiration. In addition to the stylized flames ringing his biceps, he had a baseball mitt on his left pec with his dad’s name on it, and a small version of Mike’s fire helmet on his back. His other biceps had his first tat, a fire department badge he’d gotten on a dare at his first firehouse assignment. It was fun to watch Tucker’s eyes rove over his various tats, but two could play at this little game.

  “Do I get to see you too? Don’t worry, I’ll protect you from any cat claws.”

  “Well, in that case...”

  As Tucker unbuttoned his work shirt, Luis wasn’t sure who would be protecting him and his heart from Tucker, from his soft little grin. And Tucker might be a busy guy, but he clearly made some time for weights with nicely defined arms and a chiseled chest that was unexpectedly and delightfully fuzzy.

  “Damn, you’re sexy.”

  “Right back at you.” Tucker laughed self-consciously as he kept going, removing his pants as well and setting them by the boots he’d taken off earlier. Like Luis, he had various scars including a long one on one calf. Such battle marks were almost a given in their line of work, and if anything only added to Tucker’s rugged appeal. “Sorry that I don’t have any impressive ink like yours.”

  “No, you’ve got an impressive you.” Luis took Tucker stripping down to his boxer briefs as permission to do the same before he put his hands on Tucker’s bare shoulders.

  “Flattery will get you everywhere.” Leaning in, Tucker gave him a playful kiss, nipping at Luis’s lips until he couldn’t stand the teasing a moment longer and had to capture Tucker’s mouth for a thorough exploration that left them both breathless.

  “Flattery enough to get me here?” Gently, he steered Tucker toward the bed, stopping short of tumbling him onto it.