And he kept thinking even after the boys—and Heidi—finally departed. Shutting the door behind them, he snagged the last two muffins and some coffee and headed upstairs to Luis, who somehow had managed to sleep through all that noise.
He set the food on the nightstand and stretched out next to Luis on the bed, watching him sleep. Geez. One would think he was the lovesick teen around here, but there was something compelling about how peaceful Luis looked. Tucker’s heart wasn’t entirely sure what to do with itself either. He’d given up hope of finding anything that made him feel like this, and now he had, and life simply wasn’t fair.
Compromise. Damn it. Maybe they were going to have to talk after all.
“Hey.” Luis blinked his eyes open, stretching into Tucker. “Did I miss the big send-off?”
“I’m not sure how you slept through it, honestly.” Tucker laughed.
“Enough travel and time trying to sleep in hotels, and toss in a few boyfriends whose snores almost rattled the house apart, and I could sleep through anything.” Luis nuzzled Tucker’s neck. “Is that coffee I smell?”
“Yup. Left yours black. And Heidi brought muffins by. I saved you some.”
“Mmm. Breakfast in bed brought by the hottest guy in the county. Not sure what I did to deserve that.”
“You didn’t have to do anything. Just be you.” It was a simple truth but a deep one, one that had defined so much of their friendship. Yes, Luis was attractive and smart and funny, all the sorts of things that made him a popular friend, but there was something more there, always had been. Just him, just whatever unique glow made him Luis was enough to inspire devotion from Tucker.
“Sweet talker.” Luis pulled him in for a kiss, and Tucker’s toes curled against the sheets. He was even more sure that they needed to talk. But not now. Not quite yet. Not when everything was this perfect and good and he could pretend a little longer.
Chapter Nineteen
“This feels weirdly like high school,” Luis grumbled as they looked for parking on Garrick’s street. He’d made noises about whether they should arrive separately, but Tucker’s points about tight parking had won out over trying to be discreet about their friendship. “Hoping the cool kids won’t notice us crashing their party.”
“High school didn’t have this quality of food.” Tucker gestured at the crudité platter they’d made—sliced vegetables, homemade dip, olives, artichokes.
“True. And unlike the two bottomless pits you call kids, we’re actually in a position to slow down and enjoy the eating part.” Luis tried to pump himself up. He wasn’t usually this grumpy about being around people and generally liked getting out, but like Tucker, he’d been in a mood ever since yesterday. He wanted to hide away with Tucker, pretend the real world and all its obligations didn’t exist.
“The socializing part will go fine too. No one here is going to try to get us to play that stupid five-minutes-in-heaven game.”
“I don’t know.” He made an effort to laugh, give Tucker a grin as he finished parking. “I’d play that with you.”
“Wait till later.” Tucker’s look could melt an entire ice cream stand. “I’ve got more than five minutes in me, guaranteed.”
“Counting on it.” Luis congratulated himself on not suggesting they skip the party and go right to the sex. The boys were both out of the house, and anticipation for later made his pulse thrum. Last night, the twins had been up late, prepping for the test, and neither he nor Tucker had been confident enough in their ability to stay quiet enough to have sneaky sex. So they’d ended up cuddling in bed with a movie, which had been its own sort of cozy, and their morning make-out session had more than made up for any lack of sex, but he still wanted more.
He was fast coming to the conclusion that he was always going to want Tucker, wasn’t ever going to get enough of him. This wasn’t some random itch to scratch and get out of his system. No, this was the sort of desire that didn’t have an easy cure, and what was worse was that Luis wasn’t even sure he wanted one. Being turned on by every little thing Tucker did felt too damn good, this permanent state of arousal and appreciation.
“Come on. Promise I’m not throwing you into the tiger pit.” Tucker led the way up the walkway and short ramp to Garrick’s front door.
“Tucker. You made it! And you brought the new guy from work Garrick mentioned.” A younger man answered the door in a lavender shirt decorated with the cartoon ponies Luis’s nieces loved so much. Luis recognized him as Rain thanks to all the photos on Garrick’s desk.
“Yup.” Tucker was matter-of-fact as introductions were made, and after that, Rain escorted them outside. The house was a smaller remodeled ranch with a living area that opened to an expansive backyard patio with hardy plantings and a couple of seating areas, including one with a picnic table loaded with food.
“This is Garrick’s dad.” Rain introduced them to a big guy manning two grills.
“You’re the Californian, right?” the older guy asked, gesturing with a pair of tongs.
“Yeah,” Luis said warily, not sure where this was going. Many locals had decided opinions on transplants from other states moving in, as he’d found out as a kid. They were all about the tourist dollars, but not so much about Californians and New Yorkers and such taking up residence.
“Vegetarian? Half your state seems to be, I found. I’ve got mushroom caps and veggie kabobs, but also plenty of steak.”
Oh. That was easy. “Can I have a little of both? I’m not vegetarian, but I do love grilled vegetables.”
“Sure thing.” And with that, Garrick’s dad went back to his grill duties and Rain continued introducing them to different people, including a couple of coworkers from his hand crew. Garrick was in conversation with Lincoln Reid and his boyfriend, which was still such a strange sentence that Luis couldn’t help but smile.
Speaking of smiling, Rain and Garrick kept grinning at each other across the patio, and as best Luis could tell, the gathering was actually an excuse for them to engage in repeated eye-fucking, the sort of easy courtship where they weren’t afraid to show their feelings. Seemed like they each knew they had a good thing and weren’t about to waste it. It was the sort of established couple behavior that Luis had tried hard to convince himself that he didn’t miss, but even this short amount of time with Tucker had shown him otherwise. And now, watching the other couples, bitterness rose in his throat. Damn it. He needed more time.
After Rain left them to mingle, they headed back to the food table. He was fixing himself a plate when his phone buzzed in his pocket.
“Excuse me. Better make sure they aren’t about to call us out.” Not wanting to be rude, he ducked into the house to check his messages. But it wasn’t a work emergency. Instead, the message was from his mom, sad kitten emoji included.
You haven’t messaged your mami in a few days! We’re planning Josefina’s birthday in two weeks. Any chance you’ll be back? Everyone misses you so much, mijo.
Slumping against the kitchen wall, he took a breath while typing out a fast reply that he didn’t know a return date and would call soon. He missed the family a lot and didn’t want to miss little Josefina’s birthday, had picked out the perfect junior scientist kit for her weeks ago, but hell, he was going to miss here too. No easy way out of any of this.
“They calling you back to California?” A coworker of Rain’s, an older retired smoke jumper they’d been introduced to earlier, helped himself to some water from the fridge dispenser. He’d made some small talk about a brother on a hotshot crew near Los Angeles. Luis didn’t know him, but apparently the California connection had stuck in this guy’s head.
“No. Just my mom missing me.” He pocketed his phone.
“Ah. Surprised they haven’t sent for you. You heard the latest on the fires?”
“No, sorry, I haven’t.” Guilt snaked up his spine. He’d been so wrapped u
p in Tucker the last few days that he hadn’t paid much attention to out-of-the-area news.
“It’s bad.” The man, whose name escaped Luis, pulled out his own oversize phone and showed Luis a news story about all the acres burning in several different fires due to a rash of dry lightning.
“Hell.” That was his territory, the area he’d worked so hard to protect over the years, and his friends and coworkers on the line. He should have been paying more attention, and that was the truth. And if these fires continued, the chances were even higher that Rosalind or someone above her would call for him—he had the expertise they’d need, and as much as he wanted more time here, he hated the thought of his coworkers shouldering this big burden shorthanded.
“Yep. It’s a mess all right.” The other guy unknowingly summed up Luis’s entire last few weeks. A mess. He couldn’t be in two places at once, but oh how he wanted.
Eventually, he drifted back to his abandoned plate and Tucker, who had found a seat on a bench near the group that included Garrick.
“Everything okay?” Tucker patted the place next to him.
“Yeah.” He sighed as he sat down because he couldn’t lie to Tucker. “Well, nothing dire at least. Mami misses me and the fires in CA are getting worse, but no imminent callout here.”
“Of course your mom misses you. Tell her we enjoyed her recipe last night.” Tucker took on a wistful expression, eyes distant, undoubtedly because he knew Mami would like him a lot better if Oregon was around the corner from her suburban neighborhood.
“Will do. She always did enjoy feeding you, even if most of your appetite tended to come out at dessert.”
“That it did.” Tucker laughed, but it sounded forced. “Loved her chimangos. Way better than any ordinary donut.”
“If you’re nice, I’ll make them for you.”
“Deal.” Tucker bumped his shoulder, but the tight line of his mouth said he knew as well as Luis that the opportunity might not materialize.
Time. Ticking away, making Luis’s chest ache and his food turn to wood pulp, bland and heavy and about as appetizing. Around them, conversation swirled, people playing with Garrick’s dog and sharing funny pet stories, but Luis’s attention kept drifting. This was a nice, welcoming crowd, showing how far the area had come in the years since Luis had left. Garrick’s big rancher father managed a teasing relationship with Rain that even a cynic would call fond. Meanwhile, Lincoln and Jacob were sharing a glider, and their feet kept overlapping, little casual touches that showed how comfortable they were here. And yet Luis couldn’t shake the feeling that any fitting in was to be short-lived, a sense of doom rolling in like a wind from the west.
* * *
“You sure you’re okay?” Tucker asked Luis as they walked back into his dark house together. The twins were still out, Wade texting that they’d started another movie at Mitch’s and Walker still at Mary Anne’s, and both adding that they were likely to sleep at Heidi’s, a move that had aspiring matchmaker Wade’s fingerprints all over it. He flipped on the hall light while Luis hung close beside him.
“No. Not okay.” Luis shrugged, weary half-smile on his lips. “You?”
“Nope.” At least they could be honest together. Being with Luis at the party had been bittersweet—sweet because for the first time, Tucker could truly see how it could work here. Good food, good friends, no one there who cared whether he and Luis were more than coworkers, and good inspiration in the form of other couples making a long-term go of things. Hell, simply the way Rain and Garrick looked at each other was sugar overload. And sitting next to Luis, who wasn’t so bad at heated looks himself, definitely qualified as sweet. But also bitter because everyone kept talking about the California fires, and Tucker could practically feel the space-time continuum conspiring to zap Luis back there, body and mind, like one of the old sci-fi movies they’d enjoyed so much as kids.
“Sorry.” Eyes serious like he was apologizing for more than a bleak mood, Luis touched Tucker’s sleeve.
“You think we should talk about it?” Tucker gestured at the couch, but Luis tugged him toward the stairs instead.
“Not yet.”
“No?” Tucker truly was in no great hurry to have this conversation either, but the yet, now that was different. And ominous.
“Later. Right now, your kids are gone, my cat’s asleep on your sofa, and it’s okay if you don’t want sex, but I want to hold you and not talk for a while.”
“I feel that.” He absolutely did. Escaping the world sounded perfect right then, and it wasn’t like he had the words ready to explain everything in his head. Maybe if they hid out together long enough, the right words would come.
Following Luis to his room, he shut the door and fiddled with the dimmer and fireplace. They might be miserable, but at least they could be cozy and miserable. Silently, they stripped down to their underwear and climbed under the covers.
“This work?” Trying to give Luis what he needed and wanted, Tucker moved into one of his new favorite positions, head on Luis’s shoulder and chest, arm and leg across him. They’d fallen asleep like this more than once, and he loved all the little details—the drag of their fuzzy legs against each other, the warmth of Luis’s skin under his cheek, the sound of his heart and breathing, the secureness of Luis’s arms holding him even closer.
“Perfect.” Luis kissed the top of his head, and they lay there, breathing deeply for long moments. Where Luis’s thoughts were, Tucker couldn’t say, but for himself, he tried to block out everything other than the rise and fall of Luis’s chest. He wanted to memorize Luis’s scent, the way it mingled past and present with its familiar clean notes layered with his newer choices of aftershave and shampoo. Luis’s strong arm around his back was a heavy, welcome weight, keeping him tightly in Luis’s embrace, as if he’d even dream of escaping.
He was more than half-hard against Luis’s hip, and Luis was in a similar state, but neither of them moved to make this about anything other than finding comfort together. Not yet. In a moment they’d kiss. In a moment their hands would roam. In a moment they’d be that much closer to the conversation neither of them wanted to have. But right now there was this and Luis was right—it was perfect.
Tucker’s eyes burned, whether from emotion or from trying so hard not to drift off, he couldn’t say. Luis moved his fingers restlessly against Tucker’s back, the only clue that he too was still plenty awake.
“There’s always been something so right about holding you. Always,” Luis whispered.
“Yeah.” He had to swallow hard. “I wish—”
“No wishes.” Leaning down, Luis silenced him with a soft kiss across his mouth. “No regrets.”
Tucker already knew he wouldn’t be able to stick to that. So many wishes. So many regrets, past, present, and future alike. But he didn’t have to voice them. Not yet. Not when the alternative was to kiss Luis back, matching his tenderness, soaking it all up. His heart soared with everything he wasn’t able to articulate, finding all it needed in Luis’s kiss. They might not be able to talk, but their lips wrote poetry together.
Eventually, those sonnets turned more urgent than sweet and sad, their bodies adding a thrum of need, underscoring everything they weren’t saying. Luis rolled toward him, meeting in the middle, bodies in alignment even if nothing else was.
“What do you want?” Luis asked in a husky whisper.
Everything. But it wasn’t time to talk. “This.”
He didn’t need anything fancy, didn’t need fucking or even Luis’s ridiculously talented mouth. Only this, them moving together, shared desperation.
“Need to touch you.” Luis pushed Tucker’s boxer briefs down the second he nodded, then wiggled out of his own. Nothing between them now, their bare cocks brushed and they both moaned. Luis swept his hands all up and down Tucker’s back and sides, igniting all his nerve endings before drifting toward his cock.
“Mmm. Yes. That.”
“This work?” Moving even closer, Luis lined up their cocks so he could stroke them both together.
“Oh, yeah.” The friction was delicious, but he also knew how Luis liked things like this slick, so he grabbed the lube from the nightstand drawer, drizzled some onto Luis’s hand. Wanting to share in the sensations even further, Tucker moved his hand to join with Luis’s, creating a slick tunnel for their cocks to slide through. He felt the bond between their linked hands every bit as much as the slip and slide of their cocks.
“Kiss me again,” Luis demanded as if Tucker could do anything other than that, as if he might say no.
“Always.” This was all he could do, all he wanted, to kiss and stroke and feel Luis tremble against him, hear the rumble of his muffled moans. They kissed and moved, hips in perfect rhythm, legs and arms holding each other as tight as possible. Their hands had almost no room to operate, but somehow the press of their bodies made it all the sexier, let the slick friction between their cocks and the kissing be the stars of the show.
“Close.” Luis moved faster, Tucker following as readily as if they were tied together with imaginary string. And he knew Luis, knew that sucking on his delving tongue made him moan and shudder, knew how much to tighten his grip. The power of that knowledge ramped his own pleasure higher.
“Want this to last forever,” he panted.
“I know. Me too.” Slowing down his body, Luis kissed him long and deep, but the lack of fast motion was possibly even more devastating than the quickness had been. Tucker tried to quiet his breathing, but it didn’t work, muscles surging anyway until he was the one driving the tempo this time.
“Need...”
“You...”
“Yes.” Their bodies were back to writing shared poetry again, hips mirroring each other’s thrusts, lips equally demanding, sweat gathering on their skin as they pushed each other closer to the edge. His hand cramped and he didn’t care, didn’t care about anything other than making sure Luis went over first.
Feel the Fire (Hotshots) Page 20