by Charlie Lee
Oh, God. I don’t know if I’m ready yet.
“I’d like that,” I find myself saying.
My brain freezes on the first visit I had with Amelia. It all played out in a sick and brutal scene. I learned how close she and Zoe were. She told me all about the way Zoe helped save her life. It was also the hardest pill to swallow knowing that Zoe was gripping onto one ounce of reality hiding Ricky away from them. So, see, I know everything already. Why do I need to go see her?
Amelia and her job were Zoe’s safe haven. I wasn’t a part of that. I get what Amelia’s doing, I really do. She misses my sister. So do I. Our talking is not going to help ease the pain.
Amelia’s stronger than she used to be. She’s come so far. The young new mother was once a victim to the cruel world of drugs. I know for a fact her love for Zeke and their daughter is stronger than what she had for her addiction. I’m sure it’s not easy to remain sober.
“Give me a few hours, and I’ll drive over. Can you text me your address?”
“Of course, thank you.”
I make a mental note of the address the minute her text comes through. I know the area very well. Thank God, I only had one glass of wine today. I’ve found myself drowning in bottles of wine night after night. The heartache dulls some. But it never leaves. I force myself to the bathroom not bothering to turn on the hot water. Why should I be able to enjoy the warmth of life when I couldn’t save my own sister?
The ice-cold water slices at my skin, forcing me to feel everything. It takes all my effort and energy to run a handful of shampoo and conditioner through my hair and wash my body. That’s it. I’m done. No makeup. No drying my hair. Nothing.
The drive blurs by, and before I know it, I’m at their house. I leave my purse and phone in my car. Ironic at best seeing that I’ve been attached to those two items the past few years. It was all about my career, and more importantly, saving Zoe. I failed.
God, give me the strength to be able to do this. I’m tired of falling apart.
Standing up, I’m forced to tug up my yoga pants to only have them drop right back down. I fold over the waistband a few times to keep them in place. My hoodie is swallowing up my entire body. It’s always been an oversized, worn hoodie and one of my favorites, but now it’s way too big. I’ve lost weight. Eating is not high on my priority list these days.
I’m still staring down at my hot pink chipped toenails peeking through my flip-flops when I hear my name being called out. Looking up, I see Amelia has her sweet miracle cradled to her chest and is waving at me. Her eyes are sad yet hold a hopeful glimmer. She’s a warrior.
I straighten my spine and do my best show of holding my head high when all I want to do is curl up and waste away. Wilder. It’s that little boy who has me putting one foot in front of the other. He needs me, and I have to get to him.
“Eden.” Amelia steps down to the last step. “Thank you so much for coming over.”
“Amelia, what are you doing?” An exasperated Zeke joins us on the steps. “You need to be sleeping if Clara is. How many times do I have to tell you?”
“Stop.” She places a palm on her husband’s chest. “I’m fine.”
She rolls her eyes then shoots me a warm smile. Even in the darkest of times, Zeke’s overbearing nature makes me smile. I feel a blossom of warmth grow in my chest. I would love to have a man love me the way he does her. To say the man has been intense since their first doctor’s visit would be an understatement.
“Come in.” Amelia reaches for my arm. “Zeke is grilling some steaks.”
“I am,” he adds. “And my wife is supposed to be napping.”
She sends him a death glare, but he doesn’t back down. He stands there challenging her, and the sparky little thing accepts. “Zeke, you tell me when to sleep, pee, and poop. I know you’re just helping, but I’m damn near ready to karate chop your balls.”
“It will be your loss if you do, babe. You might want to remember that when you’re ready to have sex.” He grabs her ass, gives it a little swat. They are perfect for one another.
“Give me Clara. I’ll lay her down, so you two can talk.”
Amelia hands over the little bundle with care and precision, never letting go of her until she’s firmly pressed into Zeke’s chest.
“Go have a seat in the living room. I’ll holler when dinner is ready.”
“I’ll sit wherever the hell I want.”
Zeke’s a persistent man, but also a very smart one. He bites his bottom lip and then winks at his wife. Once he’s gone, Amelia loops her arm around mine, letting out a growl.
“I love him; I swear I love that man with everything I have, but he’s just so damn frustrating at times.”
We walk through their living room, bypassing their couch. Amelia is determined to sit wherever the hell she wants to. It’s comical, really. Under normal circumstances, I would laugh. There isn’t a damn thing normal about any of this.
We end up out on their back patio sitting across from one another on loungers covered in striped pillows.
“It’s the doctor in him,” I blurt out. “It’s what we do.”
The words are bitter on my tongue as they glide out. I’m a doctor, but I wasn’t able to save my sister. How ironic.
“I know.” Amelia rearranges her messy bun on the top of her head. “I keep thinking he’ll relax, but he hasn’t. I love him for that. Before Zeke, I never had anyone who took care of me, and now I have it all.”
I nod. I’m so not ready for where this conversation is heading. I have no words left inside of me, nor any energy.
“I miss her so much, Eden.” Amelia’s words are barely a whisper. I feel them drifting away in the California breeze.
The tears spill over, trickling down my cheeks. I swear one day, they’ll all dry up. I’m not sure how it’s even possible to keep crying.
“Isn’t it crazy?” Amelia’s voice hitches with emotion. “She brought us all together not even knowing it.”
I bite down on my bottom lip and decide to go with honesty. “I’m fucking angry at her. I knew she had friends, a job she loved, and that was her place of solace away from Ricky. I begged and begged to help her until I was blue in the face. I was always afraid she’d shut me out for good, you know. Now my sister is gone. I should have done something more.”
I jerk back when Amelia falls to her knees in front of me clutching my hands in hers. “I know better than anyone how survival feels when there’s no hope of surviving. We can’t judge her. She was living the only way she could.”
“I’m not judging her. I’m judging me. I knew what he was doing to her. I knew it in here.” I point to my chest. Saying those words is freeing, but it doesn’t make the hole in my chest feel any better.
“I have to get Wilder back. He’s got to be scared. I know he is.”
I flip my gaze up to hers. Our tears are mirroring one another’s. She is a strong woman. It’s the determination in her bright blues that gives me hope.
“None of us will stop trying until that little boy is back home with you. When Zoe finally opened up to me about her son, I witnessed what true love really means.”
“What do you mean, none of you?” I interrupt her. Ignoring the part about her loving Wilder. I’m her sister. I know how much he meant to her. God, listen to me. My internal thoughts are turning me into a bitch.
“Well, Zoe isn’t the only one who kept secrets.” She rises and sits on the edge of her lounger. “We all have them. Ours is one that will bring Wilder back to his family, you.”
I clutch the sides of my head, growing more and more confused with each second, every effort of trying to process her words.
“Just tell me, Amelia. I hate secrets. Secrets are what took my sister from us all in the first place,” I blurt out.
“Most of the story is not mine to tell.”
“Amelia, don’t play those fucking games with me!” I snap.
She recoils at the nasty tone. I should feel ashamed. Bu
t I don’t.
“I’m not playing games with anyone. You need to know that there are so many different levels, layers, and puzzle pieces to all of this.”
I stand to lose my last thread of patience over her not making any sense to me. I throw my hands up to the sky and scream, “It’s simple. Really fucking simple. My sister is dead, and my nephew is missing. How much simpler can it be than that?”
Amelia’s tears run fast and hard down her cheeks. I’m out of control, and I know it. I don’t care. My mind cannot catch up with my tongue.
“Hey.”
His scent hits me first like a sucker punch to the gut. It’s him. The one who held me and walked me into the hospital. The man who held my hand at the funeral. Saxon. I’m instantly pissed, relieved, and confused as hell. The thick ropes of his arms wrap around me from behind. My body falls into his chest just like it was made to be there.
“Let me, Amelia.” The deep timbre of his voice rattles my core to a breaking point. “It’s my story to tell. I’m gonna keep it real fucking simple, yeah?”
What story are these people talking about?
“Take a seat.” He points. I sit. I do not like his demanding tone one little bit. He doesn’t take a seat. His hand goes to the back of his neck, squeezing out his frustration over me yelling at his sister-in-law. I’m sure of it. While I wait for him to chew my ass out, I take a few seconds to take him in. The sides of his head are shaved tight with longer pieces of hair on top pulled into a ponytail. He’s cleanly shaved. Handsome as any man I’ve seen. He’s overbearing and out-of-this-world sexy.
“I knew Zoe. Fuck, I wanted her. Ain’t nothing but the truth gonna fly from these lips. I don’t play games, darlin’.” Huh? What does he mean? Did he want her, want her? I’m beginning to think these people are as crazy as I am.
He grabs a cigarette from his front pocket, lights it, and takes a deep inhale of smoke. “Amelia was worried about her. I went to her house that day. I’m the one who found her dead body. The cops were already on the way.”
I fly into action jumping to my feet and getting right up in the man’s face. He smells like nicotine, danger, and power. I take a step back and ignore the smoke he blows in the air. “Was he there? Why didn’t you stop him?”
The lit cigarette dangles from his lips as he grabs me by the shoulders, sitting my ass right back down. He slowly inhales one more time then exhales. Deeply. I’m pissing him off. Good. Join whatever party game you and your family are playing.
“I don’t play fucking games, remember that part of the story, b—”
The last word dies off, but I’m not an idiot. I know what he was going to call me. It would only take three seconds of being around this man to know he doesn’t play by society’s rules. I’ve seen enough of his type over my years of working. It’s the way they roll. In my defense, I have every right to be the biggest bitch in the world. She was my sister.
“I have one of my best friends trying to track that fucker down. Hell’s Lovers is on it. He’s making it difficult for us to find him. We will find him, darlin’, and when we do, we will bring Wilder home, and we will take care of Ricky. He’ll get as good as he gave. A few of my buddies live for this shit. They scare the hell out of me, so cool your ass. Trust in us.” Trust? I don’t even know this man. Why in the hell does the way he says ‘trust’ and the way he says ‘we’ll handle it’ not frighten me the way I’ve been scared out of my mind for Wilder? I need to pinch myself. Or get drunk.
“You saw her,” I whisper, not even knowing how those words made it through the fog in my head right now.
He answers with a curt nod. Leans over and puts out the end of his cigarette with his boot. His eyes are watery. This is killing him.
“Zeke would kick your ass for smoking out here,” Amelia chimes in.
“He can fucking try.” Brick turns and strides to the house. “Need a fucking drink right now.”
“I’m sorry, Eden. I didn’t know how to tell you everything. I wanted you to know we will help you get him back.” She rises, holding her hand out to me. “Then my ass of a brother-in-law came in and ripped the Band-Aid off with no finesse whatsoever.”
I stare up at her for a long time. I deal with facts every day. The world is full of them.
Brick is no people pleaser. That is clear to see. I, however, appreciate his honesty. I have a choice to make. Lay out all my cards with him or go home and wallow in self-pity with no solution. I crave a cure. He just offered it to me.
I reach my hand up, taking hers and brushing away the last lingering tears.
“I’m sorry, Amelia.”
“No.” She clutches my hand tighter. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s that you never apologize for the way you feel. You wear that shit on your sleeve, and you conquer it.”
“Thank you.”
Before we step through the sliding glass door, I turn to her. “Thank you for loving Zoe for who she was.”
Amelia nods. Once we step into the house, the mood has shifted. Brick and Zeke are in a full-out argument over what seasoning to finish grilling the steaks with.
My heart still throbs with pain, but there’s a lingering flash of hope in there now.
Five
Brick
“Jesus Christ, she looks like fucking hell trampled all over her. Can’t you prescribe her some pills or something?” I bring the bottle of whiskey to my mouth, take two strong, heavy pulls. The burn in my throat doesn’t do a damn thing to ease the shit storm I’ve been dealing with.
I’m barely fucking hanging on. Seeing her this way has me pissed off at the whole damn world. The cops can’t find shit. We can’t find shit. And that motherfucker is out there somewhere with a kid who has to be missing the hell out of his mother. Dirty bastard.
I’ve kept in contact with Katch every day since I called him. Thank fuck, his wife, Caitlin, has her connections. She found us a picture of the piece of shit. I could have asked Eden the day at the funeral. One look at her, and I knew I couldn’t. I hated asking her the questions I did. My mind has been so twisted up over her that I’ve taken every gun run to New York that the club could find. Three times I’ve driven, delivered, and drunk. Had a damn good time with our friends on the east coast. Our faithful clients. The Diamond family.
Roan Diamond and his crew of men listened to me tell them what happened with anger spitting out of their eyes. They are at the ready to help us out if needed, and the way it’s going, we’re going to need them, like, yesterday.
“She won’t take anything. Hell, this is the first time she’s been over here to see the baby. You saw her at the funeral. She’s hurting.” Zeke doesn’t have to tell me; it’s written all over her like a war zone map. Pain. Its fucking aura surrounds her. Guts me.
“What did she say when you told her that you were the one who found Zoe?” I scoff over his words. Woman has some sass. I like it. More than I should.
“She about chewed my head off. Like you said, she’s grieving. Eden’s blaming herself, like the rest of us. The difference is, she knew; we didn’t. All we had were our suspicions. We all could have done more. There isn’t a damn thing we can do about it now but get that kid to his aunt, get our revenge, and make Zoe proud of her son.”
“What do you mean, we? You got an inner badass that you're about to pull out of your pocket?”
“You know who I’m talking about. You just keep your eyes on these women. Don’t be worrying about what I do.”
“Screw you. I’ll worry all I want. It’s my job as the big brother. You’ve been gone since the funeral. You haven’t even held your niece yet,” Zeke’s fast to reply.
Here we fucking go.
“I’ve been working. I’m here now. You're the first person I called when I got into town. I haven’t even been home yet. Where is she?”
He doesn’t answer. He takes his fancy-ass steak flipper and points. What the hell is wrong with using a damn fork? Steaks are gonna taste good no matter what you
use to flip them with. Prissy ass.
“Hey, babe, can you come and show Saxon how to hold Clara? He used to pick up our sister's dolls by the hair and throw them.”
“Fuck you, asshole. I did not. It was you. Amelia, keep your sexy little ass planted right where it is.” Jerk. I’ll show him who this girl will be looking up to her entire life.
“Come here, princess.” I lean down, curl one hand under her head, the other under her tiny little bottom. She stretches, makes a few noises, and goes right back to sleep. Take a look at this shit, fucker. She’s in love with me already.
“Man, she’s something else. I can’t believe you're a dad. How’s it feel?” I ask. Take a seat and place her on my lap. She is the cutest little thing I’ve seen in my life. All dark hair, rosy cheeks, and a tiny little mouth wrapped in pink. Perfect.
“Can’t describe it. Never thought I’d love another girl as much as I do Amelia. The minute I saw Clara, she proved me wrong.”
“Yeah, I bet. Uncle Brick brought you something. I’ll give it to you as long as you promise to give your dad all kinds of hell and let me know if boys start bothering you and shit,” I whisper to her, knowing damn well if Zeke hears me swearing, he’ll try giving me shit. I reach down and pull my gift out of the pink bag and hold it up. “I had no idea what to get you, then a friend of mine named Alina Diamond bought this for me to give to you. It’s a doll; her name is Clara, just like you.” My eyes water at the sight of her. Our sister would have been in love with this little girl.
I’m not sure how long I sit with her on my lap. It’s a first, that’s for sure. I love this baby more than anything. Protect her with my life.
“May I?” Eden sits beside me. Her arms are already reaching out to take Clara from my lap.
“They sleep a lot,” she says, cradling her in her arms.
“That’s what I hear.” I look around for Amelia and Zeke. When I see they are nowhere to be found, I decide now is as good as ever to set this shit straight. Make sure she gets my meaning from earlier and knows to keep it to herself.