“But that’s what the arrangement was, right? No strings attached?”
She smirked as if I’d walked right into the spot she wanted me. “Here’s the thing about love, lads – there are no arrangements. The heart just doesn’t work that way. You could get things in an iron-clad contract if you wanted, but that doesn’t mean either of you would stick ta it – or that life wouldn’t have other things in mind. In this case, life most certainly did. Two things, in fact.”
I frowned, thinking about what she was telling me. She continued, her truth hard one I didn’t want to admit.
“Now, knowing you like I do, Finny, I’m going ta guess you didn’t exactly keep a cool head during the conversation with your Kenna.”
“I was fine,” I hedged, looking at the ceiling.
She laughed. “You’re a smart kid -both of you are- but cooler heads you most certainly are not. And I can’t say I blame you in this case, Finny. Learning you’re a father isn’t an easy thing to process.”
“You’re right about that. And I can’t help but be mad about it, you know? Two years with those two were stolen from me. I’ll never hold them in my arms as babes, I’ll never watch them take their first steps…”
She was nodding knowingly. “You right about that. But what’s done is done. And look on the bright side – you got to skip dirty diapers.” She flashed me a smile, and I matched it with one of my own. “Maybe it would’ve been better if Kenna had done this, and maybe it would’ve been better if you had done that. But neither of you did this or that. All you have now is the present.”
“Then what do I do?”
“First step is ta get your mind right, clear your head. Next is ta talk ta her but talk to her like you should’ve. No yelling, no blaming, no anger.”
I sighed. She was right, as always.
“Anyway, you’ve got a lot ta think over. And you know I’m here for you every step of the way, boy.”
“Thanks, Roxie.”
“You’ll get through this. And when it’s all said and done, you’ll bring me a cute pair of twins ta spoil.”
I cracked a smile. “It’s a deal.”
She nodded. “Anyway, animals need tending. Chat with your brother, yeah?”
We said our goodbyes, then it was just Patrick and me.
“So,” I said. “When’s the proud new uncle gonna visit me and my kids?”
“Soon. Got a job in Dubai for the next couple of weeks, then a fashion shoot in Rome. Then after that, you’ve got me word.”
“You’ll get here when you get here,” I said with an easy grin.
“I promise it won’t be too long. Roxie’s not the only one who’s gonna be spoiling those kids.”
“Assuming Kenna even lets me see them.”
“She will. No mother would turn down a good man who wants to be in the picture. You’ll see.”
“Thanks, brother.”
“Now, enough with the sappy shite. I’ll talk to you soon, yeah?”
“Sure.”
Patrick reached forward and closed the laptop, and I let out a sigh as the line went dead.
Roxie was right – Kenna and I were going to have a long talk. It wouldn’t be easy. But the most important things in life never were.
Chapter 14
KENNA
Seated at my drawing table in the guest house, I wanted to scream. I was beyond frustrated trying to make the revised plans for the party come together in a way that made sense. I just couldn’t do it. The color scheme was all out of whack, and nothing I tried seemed to make sense.
And it didn’t help one damn bit that Finn was in the back of my mind, the fight we’d had last night running through my head on repeat.
I was at the part in playing it over where I was beginning to second guess myself. Finn had been pissed, maybe rightly so. After all, I’d waited three years to tell him he was going to be a father. And though I might’ve had my reasons, it started to feel…wrong.
On top of it all, I was due to take the kids over to Gia’s to play with Gillian and Oliver. But how the hell was I going to find the time to do that when I still had a shitload of work to do on the party?
I’d known that my life as a single working mom had been a seat-of-the-pants process, like building a plane while it was in flight. But it was starting to feel like my luck had run out, that I was on the verge of watching a life I’d done my best to hold together crash.
Where the hell was my sunny attitude, the positivity that had taken me so far?
I didn’t feel like myself, and it scared me.
“Mo-mmy!”
Sophia was not happy. I heard her little footsteps stomp into the office, and when I turned to greet her, her hands were on her hips. She raised her foot and stomped it down, a mean look on her face.
“Mommy’s busy. What’s up?”
“Auntie G!”
At that moment, all I could think about was how much easier it’d be to have a father there, a stern figure to tell her we’d be leaving soon, to give me a chance to focus on the task in front of me. Mom and Dad were out for the evening, which meant I didn’t have a cavalry to call. I was on my own.
“I know you do, kiddo. But Mommy’s in the middle of some really, really important stuff right now and we can’t leave until I’m done.”
“Go now!” Another foot stomp.
I closed my eyes and took in a deep, slow breath. Tears of frustration welled in my eyes, but I quickly wiped them away – I didn’t have time for any of that nonsense. Being a single mom meant being strong.
My phone buzzed before the discussion could go any further. I reached over and snatched up my phone to see it was Gia. I opened the text and read.
OK, change of plans…
My gut tensed.
…Gavin’s having a few doctors from his clinic over for a meeting. How about I bring the kids there, maybe pick up some pizza on the way?
I could’ve sworn I could hear angels singing. I leaned back in my chair and stuck out my arms, a big, stupid smile on my face. My fingers moved at lightning speed to answer her.
That sounds amazing.
Great. The kids can eat, and I can help with the party.
Sometimes I felt like I didn’t deserve the amazing friends I had, but I wasn’t about to second-guess my luck.
You’re the effing best.
Don’t I know it ;) See you in an hour.
“Yo, Soph – how about Gillian and Oliver come over here instead? And Aunt Gia might even bring some pizza!”
The toddler rage that had been all over her face only a few moments ago vanished, replaced with a happy smile. “Yes!”
I closed my eyes and smiled, beyond happy that a reprieve was on the horizon. “Here’s the deal,” I said to Sophie. “If you and your brother can be on your best behavior, Auntie G will bring pizza. Otherwise, it’s brussels sprouts and bedtime.”
Her eyes widened in a fearful and pretty damn cute sort of way. Without another word, she hurried out of the room, calling out “Sam! Sam!” as her voice faded in the distance.
After popping into the living room to make sure they weren’t destroying anything, I hurried into the office and grabbed my MacBook, bringing it out to the kitchen bar to work while the kids played quietly together.
After an hour or so, another text from Gia told me she was here. I told her to come on in, and minutes later she appeared at the front door to the guest house, kids in tow. The sight of Gillian and Oliver sent Sam and Sophia into a tizzy, and I had to hurry and let the gang in before the toddlers smashed through the front door in a frenzy of excitement. The kids started screaming in happiness as soon as the doors were open.
“Whoa, there, young ‘uns!” Gia said in a pretend southern accent. She had three pizza boxes balanced in her hands, and I hurriedly took them.
“Thanks,” she said, the smell of pizza filling the air. “You’re a lifesaver.”
“Wait a minute.” The two of us made our way over to the counter, the kid
s yelling “pizza, pizza!” with wild expressions on their faces. “You’re the lifesaver – I don’t know what I’d be doing if you hadn’t shown up to help.”
“You get my back, I get yours,” she said, plopping a bag of water bottles on the counter. “That’s how us moms do it.”
Without another word, I opened my arms and pulled Gia into a hug. “Best boss, best friend.”
She laughed, hugging me back. “Best boss, best soon-to-be partner.”
After the hug was over, she regarded me with a curious expression. “You doing alright?” she asked as I opened the cupboard and took out some paper plates. She went for cups and napkins, pouring the water and passing out the napkins to the kids.
“I’m…I don’t want to complain…”
Gia raised her hand. “Don’t even start with that. You’re a single mom, and you’re more than entitled to feel exhausted sometimes. You kick butt at work and then you kick butt with the kids. If anything, you need to know when to take some time for yourself.”
She was right on all counts. Not like taking time for myself came easy, of course.
“Well, there’s the other thing, too.”
Gia regarded me with a curious expression as she arranged the pizza boxes as the kids practically foamed at the mouth. “Ahh,” she said, realizing what I meant.
One by one, we plopped some slices of extra cheese onto the plates and passed them out.
“Gillian,” Gia called. “You’re the oldest, so pick out something appropriate on Netflix.”
Gillian gave a totally adorable thumbs-up before corralling the rest of the kids over to the TV. Gia and I kept our eyes on them for long enough to make sure something halfway decent was on TV with the minimal amount of bickering possible. Minutes later, the kids were happily watching Coco and chomping on their pizza. I took a bite of pepperoni, chewing it and staring off into space.
“Blessed silence,” Gia said with a smile. “Anyway…there’s something I wanted to talk to you about with the whole F-I-N-N situation.”
“Oh no. Why do I have a really bad feeling about this?”
“It’s fine. Just that he messaged Annie earlier today.”
“Wait, what? Why?”
“He wanted your number.”
My blood went cold. “What?” I wasn’t sure why I sounded so shocked. Of course, he’d want to talk to me at some point. No way he’d let the issue drop.
“You’re really surprised the you-know-what of your children would want to talk to you about what’s going on?”
“I don’t know. It’s like, part of me was hoping I could hide out here in my house and never have to face it.”
She chuckled, wiping some pizza grease off her face after taking a bite. “You know it’s not going to be that simple. Mr. Handsome Irishman wants to get this matter sorted out.”
“It’s just…the way he talked about it. He was pissed, and that wasn’t the kind of vibe I wanted around my kids.”
“I get it – I really do. But still…”
“I know, I know. Anyway, did Annie give it to him?”
“No. We wanted to run this by you before we did anything.”
“Thank you, I appreciate that.”
“Sure, sure. But at the same time, we wouldn’t be very good friends if we didn’t say our peace.”
“True. And that is?” I folded my slice of pizza and took a big bite. It hit me that I’d been so wrapped up in work and the kids that I hadn’t had anything but a Chobani that morning for breakfast. I was freaking starving.
“That you need to talk to him, and you need to do it soon. We can’t exactly ignore Finn when he’s asking us for a way to talk to you.”
I chewed and swallowed. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“So, we figured the best thing to do would be to give you the chance to let this happen on your own terms.”
I took another bite as I listened curiously.
“Annie’s going to text you his number later. And when you get it, you need to message him today.”
I scoffed. “Are you serious?”
“Sure am. I know this sounds like we’re telling you what to do, but you have to know that this needs to happen. And if you don’t get in touch with him today, we’ll give him your number and let it happen like that.”
I sighed, wiping my hands on my paper towel before balling it up and tossing it onto my plate. She was right – they were right. I couldn’t put this off, no matter how much I wanted to.
“Fine, fine. Tell Annie to send me his number later.”
Gia smiled, pleased as punch. “Good! Now, let’s eat up and see what you’ve got for the meeting with Marla tomorrow. You feeling good about it?”
“I’ll feel good once I have something ready to show her.”
“I bet you’ve got some great ideas. Come on.”
We plopped a couple more slices of pizza onto our plates, and after making sure the kids were good, we sat down at the dining room table with our laptops open. The work went surprisingly well. Gia and I pared down the possible color palates and worked on something a little more romantic and “dangerous” – just like Marla had wanted.
“This is perfect, I think,” Gia proclaimed as she stared at what we’d created. “The kids aren’t going to be at the event, but we still don’t want to have anything too risqué. The black and red tablecloths are a nice pop of romance, then we can balance that all out with some silvers and whites and deep purples for the rest of the décor.”
“Those are all my ideas, so you know I’m down.” I flashed her a sly grin.
“See? You just needed a push in the right direction. I wouldn’t have given you this gig if I didn’t think you could handle it.”
The credits rolled on the movie, and we glanced over at the kids to see that they were asleep.
“Hmm,” Gia said. “I’m thinking a sleepover might be in order.”
“Good call.”
As if on cue, my phone buzzed with a text from Mom, asking if I wanted to send the kids over to the main house for hot chocolate.
“Perfect,” Gia said after I showed her the text. “Come by to pick them up in the morning?”
“Sure. And thanks again for everything.”
Another smile. “My pleasure. Like I said, moms get each other’s backs.”
We packed up the pizza before getting the kids up and over to Mom’s. She greeted our little crew with the promised hot chocolate, the gang hanging out in the cozy living room as Gia and I said our goodbyes.
“Don’t forget about the you-know-who thing.”
“I most definitely will not.”
A short time later, the kids were ready for bed, the pizza and hot chocolate and fire as effective as a sleeping pill. Mom and Dad helped me get them into the spare bedrooms, and once they were in for the night, I went back to the guest house and started work again in the office. I didn’t get far into it before my phone buzzed with a text from Annie with Finn’s contact information, along with a message that read TEXT HIM NOW. The message was followed with a sweet little smiling emoji.
I KNOW, I KNOW, I typed back, adding a winking emoji of my own.
A little boost wouldn’t hurt, of course. I zipped downstairs and poured myself a glass of wine. Once that was in hand, I stared at Finn’s contact info, tension tightening in my belly. When I was ready, I clicked the info and added it to my phone, then went to the message screen.
Hey. It’s Kenna.
It seemed lame, like there was so much more that needed to be said, but it was as good a place as any to start. My thumb hovered over the send button for several long moments before I bit the bullet and pressed it.
Done. I set down the phone and picked up my wine. I sipped, then set it down to begin cleaning up the mess from the impromptu sleepover. And right at the moment I shoved a stack of greasy paper plates into the trash, my phone chimed. I froze, knowing it had to be a text from Finn.
To read, or not to read. I tossed the question around in my he
ad before realizing it was a ridiculous thing to consider. Was I going to ignore him after I’d been the one to text first? I hurried over to my phone and picked it up, bracing myself with another swig of wine.
I took a breath and read the text from Finn.
Hey. Thanks for getting in touch. First of all, I’m sorry about how I acted. This is big for both of us, and I really screwed it up by not keeping a cool head. If it’s alright with you, I want to give it another go. How do you feel about meeting and talking, getting this all sorted out? Or, at the very least, starting something to build on.
I read the text, trying to wrap my head around how normal it was. It was so much calmer, so different from the conversation we’d had, that I couldn’t help but wonder if someone else had written it for him.
Still, I didn’t want to make any hasty decisions. After all, there was the not so small matter of the twins to worry about. Now that he knew they were his, it was a whole other ballgame. If Finn wanted, he could press the issue, make damn sure that he was in their lives legally.
What if he wanted to stay separate but still see the kids? My parents had stayed together – and for that I was lucky as hell. I’d known plenty of other families, however, that had been torn apart by divorce. Nothing but total horror stories of parents fighting endlessly, using the kids as bargaining chips in their games. Even in the best cases, there would still be the drama of handing them over for weekends and holidays, of confusing them as to where their home was, of wondering why Mom and Dad weren’t together.
Just the thought of being separated from my babies was enough to make me sick to my stomach.
But the days of pretending their dad wasn’t out there were over. It was a new world and ignoring reality would only hurt all of us in the long run.
I picked up the phone and typed out a message.
Yeah – a do-over sounds good. When?
Wednesday? If you’re not busy.
Another deep breath as I considered it.
Wednesday works.
Then I’ll be in touch. Thanks for reaching out.
The Irish Doctor’s Secret Babies: A Secret Baby Romance Page 12