by Meghan Quinn
My breasts have always been sensitive, but now with all these hormones running rampant in my body, sensitive isn’t the right word to describe how they feel.
So heavy, so delicate, so taken over by the aching need to be played with.
Using his index finger and thumb, he rolls both of my nipples at the same time between his fingers.
“Oh my God!” I shout, bucking my ass into his cock, falling forward, my hands propping my upper half on the mattress. Head falling forward, my hair a privacy curtain from the intense expression I’m wearing on my face. I grind my ass into his cock, my pussy clenching with every grind, with every pinch of his fingers he continues to play on my breasts.
“I’m going to come,” I announce, surprising myself as another orgasm rips through me.
Hayden stills behind me as I moan in front of him, my head dropping to the mattress.
“Baby,” he whispers, his hand now soothing up and down my spine.
And just like that, that little touch, my body hums and need once again overtakes me. Cheek pressed against the cool white comforter, I rock my hips against him, begging him to take me one more time.
“Make me come again,” I whisper.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Hayden mutters before gripping his length and placing it at my entrance. Stroking my hips, his hand covering my ass, squeezing, he thrusts inside me, filling me whole with one stroke. Stilling above me, I can feel the tension rolling off him. “Fuck. So tight, baby.”
“So full,” I say, moving my hips backward, savoring the way he feels inside me. “I need you to move, Hayden. Please fuck me.”
Not saying a word, he grips my hips tightly and pulls out only to forcefully thrust back inside me, his balls slapping against my skin, the sound so erotic. Pulling out again, he repeats the process, refusing to speed up, keeping consistent with each thrust. His grip growing tighter and tighter until he thrusts so deep, he stills, hitting me where I need it the most.
Deep inside me, I spasm around him and grind my hips, swiveling, my impending orgasm starting to blacken the world around me.
“Fuck, fuck,” he groans, picking up his pace now, his strokes fast and hard, burying my face in the mattress, muffling the sounds of his orgasm, but I feel when it happens, when he comes inside me, his white-hot arousal filling me, sending me over the precipice.
Like a feral cat, I scream out his name, my hands ripping the comforter, my pussy contracting relentlessly around his arousal, pulling everything from him, every last drop until we both collapse to the bed, our bodies sweaty and spent.
After a few minutes, once our breathing evens out, Hayden scoots me to the top of the bed and pulls me under the covers with his body wrapped around mine, his hand protectively covering my belly, and his face buried against my neck.
He doesn’t have to say anything. I know how happy he is, because in this moment, this quiet moment, I feel that mile-long smile of his against my skin. And because of that, I can’t help but smile myself.
“Are you okay?”
“Hmm . . .”
A nose nuzzles my neck, a strong body wrapped around me.
“How are you feeling? I can’t believe I lost control and fucked you so hard. I hope the baby is okay.”
“The baby is fine,” I sigh, kissing the arm encompassing my shoulder.
“I’m sorry. I’ve wanted that so badly. Ever since that morning, ever since I said those words, I’ve wanted a repeat, and I lost my mind. But, God, Addie, I can’t tell you how much this means to me. How much it means that you chose me over him.”
“Hmm?” In my sleepy haze, I swear Hayden just called me, Addie. He never calls me Addie.
“And this baby, I’m going to love it with everything in me, just like I love you.”
Strong arms turn me over in bed and I come face to face with Logan, a curve in his lip and sexy, ruffled hair.
“What the hell,” I scream, scooting out of his grasp as I’m torn from a dream.
Eyes adjusting to the dark room and the worried man next to me, Hayden, tries to hold on to me as I back away.
“Adalyn, is everything okay?”
Scooting far away, I nearly tumble out of bed before Hayden catches me, moving quickly on the bed.
“What’s going on?” He’s not angry, just incredibly concerned.
Hayden, yes that’s Hayden. I had sex with Hayden, not Logan.
I had sex . . .
Oh God. I had sex with Hayden, when Logan kissed me yesterday and told me he loved me. And that dream, what was that about?
It felt so real, being in Logan’s arm, his lips grazing my skin, his voice rumbling over my body, igniting a fire deep within me. But it wasn’t Logan. It was Hayden, right?
“Baby, you’re scaring me, is everything okay?”
I shake my head, unable to look Hayden in the eyes. Scrambling out of his grasp, I search for my clothes. This was a mistake, a huge mistake. I should have never had sex with Hayden, especially when I’m so unsure of anything.
Logan loves me.
Hayden wants me. Hayden needs me.
I’m having Hayden’s baby.
I don’t want to lose Logan.
I don’t know what to do.
Bra is the first thing I find, so I strap that on followed by my pants and shirt, forgetting my lace thong entirely. Not even looking back, I go to the entryway where I slip on my shoes and snag my purse from the console table. Before I can open the door, a strong hand halts the door in place. From the corner of my eye, Hayden’s body appears, covered in athletic shorts and that’s it. His chest is heaving. I can only imagine the death glare he must be giving me.
“What the hell is going on?”
“I need to go home,” I say, keeping my eyes fixed on the door in front of me, willing it to open on its own.
“Why the fuck do you need to go home?” Angry Hayden, just like the day at the cottage when I broke things off. It’s the same tone in his voice, the same furious vibe pulsing off him.
“Logan will wonder where I am.” The words pop out of my mouth before I can stop them. I go to correct myself, but nothing comes to mind. So instead the mention of Logan’s name hangs in the air between us, like an impossibly large pink elephant.
“Do you care if he knows you’re here, with me?”
I play with the strap of my purse, unable to answer Hayden’s question.
“Look at me, Adalyn.” When I don’t turn around, he carefully moves me so I’m against the door, forced to look him in the eyes—his distraught and sad eyes. “Do you have feelings for Logan?”
Do I have feelings for Logan? Good question. He’s my friend, a man I once saw myself having a future with. I could see us fitting perfectly into each other’s lives. And then . . .
That was a mistake.
Those four words knocked me on my ass, tainted my view of him.
But after last night, I don’t even know anymore. But I just thought the same words about Hayden, and I’d wanted him with every fiber of my being.
“I see,” Hayden says, taking my silence as an answer.
Pushing off the door, he runs both his hands through his hair, his muscles straining, his features a picture of pain.
“Fuck, I don’t want to have to fight for you, Adalyn. I thought . . .” He pauses and shakes his head. “I thought we had something.” Going to his couch, he sits down and bows his head forward, both hands gripping the back of his neck, a man completely and utterly hurting. Suffering.
Go to him, I tell myself. Hold him, reassure him. Tell him it’s going to be okay. But every time I get the courage to take a step forward, Logan’s pleading and loving eyes flash in front of me.
I’m stone, unable to move. And with each passing second I don’t move, I’m slicing the man before me right in half.
“Fuck,” he mutters and stands from the couch. Shaking his head, he grabs the keys from the console table and opens the door. Somberly, he says, “I’ll drive you home.”
The drive is deathly silent and what should be a five-minute drive feels like an hour of pure torture, my mind racing a mile a minute trying to think of something to say, some kind of reassurance to end the pain Hayden is so visibly going through.
When we reach my apartment, Hayden parks the car and looks out the window, his hand gripping his chin, contemplating something. Unsure of what to say, I reach for the door handle when Hayden grips my arm.
Still staring out the window, he sighs and takes a second before he brings his focus to me.
Deflated and dejected, he removes his hand from me and says, “Before you go up to your apartment, I need you to know something.” His throat tight, he clears it and continues, his voice strained. “The day I met you at Racer’s, I knew the universe I was living in was altered by your presence. I knew at that moment I would never be the same. My instinct never fails me. I was right. Over a little Northeast summer, I grew to know this incredibly funny, authentic, and beautiful woman. I learned about your family, your younger years, your fears, and your loves. With each story you told, each passing glance you gave me, every part of your body you let me own, I fell deeper and deeper in love with you.” My breath catches in my throat. “And then you told me you were pregnant. Yeah, I was shocked at first, but after the shock wore off, it was solidified. The woman I met over a stack of unpaid bills was the woman I would never be able to let go.” Shaking his head, his shoulders slump as he looks past me, up at the apartment. “And yet, here I am, having no choice but to let you go.”
Passing his hand over his mouth, he brings my hand to his lips and presses a gentles kiss across my knuckles.
“I love you, Adalyn. You are my dream girl, the mother of my child, and the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I can’t compete with another man if you love him. I won’t. I don’t want to ask you to choose. But I need to know if . . . I need to know if you’ll love me. If not, I’ll back off. Still be there for you and the baby, but I won’t . . . I won’t fight.”
His words rip through me, tears falling from my eyes.
“Tomorrow is my home game you have tickets for. After the game, the families of players greet us when we come off the ice after the game in the players’ hallway. I’ve put your name on the list. If you come tomorrow, if I see you waiting in that hallway, I’ll know you’re mine forever. But don’t show up if you have any question about wanting to be with me, because the next time we’re together, I want you wholeheartedly. I want all of you. Do you understand?”
I nod, tears streaking down my cheeks.
“This is it, baby.” He wipes a tear from my eye. “No more fucking around. You’re either with me or you’re not. And if you’re not, I will be civil when it comes to our baby, but don’t expect me to be nice to him.”
Pulling away, he stares out the window, ending our conversation.
Such all-consuming sadness blankets me as I squeak out his name, “Hayden.”
He shakes his head. “You either show up tomorrow, or you don’t. That’s it, Adalyn.”
With that, he unlocks the door, the click of the locks echoing in the car, sending a clear-cut sign to me there is no negotiating. I either want him or I don’t.
And what’s scary is I’m almost positive I want him, but the words fail to leave my lips.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
ADALYN
Sleep has eluded me.
How could I possibly sleep when Hayden’s sorrowful eyes are burned in my memory?
What have I done?
This is such a mess, and I’m the one to blame.
Logan came into my room this morning with a muffin and some tea, but I asked him to leave it on my nightstand. When he asked if everything was okay, I told him I was really tired from getting in so late.
And when he came in at lunchtime to see if I was okay, I told him.
I told him I didn’t love him the way he loves me. The words fell out of my mouth before I could even think about how they might hurt him.
But the decision almost seemed too simple after Hayden dropped me off. Logan, although sweet and caring, and a beautiful human I always want in my life, he’s not the man I’m grieving. I’ve had my time to grieve Logan, and he’s a chapter in my life that’s closed.
But leaving Hayden’s car last night, due to my feelings of total despair, I could barely walk up the stairs to my apartment without breaking down.
And right there was evidence enough that the man I needed by my side was the man I destroyed with my silence.
I hate myself.
After Logan left my room, I cried. Not for the loss of Logan, but for the loss of Hayden, the dent I put in our relationship. No, not dent, but the chasm created by a dagger straight to his heart. And what’s worse is I’ve now done that twice. I’ve. Done. That. Twice. And he’s not a man who deserves to be treated like that once, let alone twice.
Many times I thought about calling him last night but once again, I was apprehensive. Deep down, I know he’s the one, but when it comes to pulling the trigger, I’m gun-shy.
Now it’s an hour before his game; I stand in front of my mirror, questioning my decision to go to the game. If I don’t go, Hayden will assume it’s over forever, but if I do go, I’m giving myself over to him—my heart, my broken and battered heart.
But not going isn’t an option.
Adjusting the elastic band of my jeans, I take a look at myself one more time. I look like a moose. The Quakes shirt Emma gave me with Hayden’s name and number on the back is entirely too tight around my stomach but I keep it on, wanting to show my support.
I forgot to hand out the tickets to the other girls in my office so I’ll be sitting in a row all by myself. It might be better actually, because I’ll be a nervous wreck the entire game, and I’d prefer not to be asked what’s wrong every two seconds. Going to the game by myself will be much better.
I make my way to the front of the apartment complex where I told my Uber driver to meet me. Driving into Los Angeles doesn’t sound appealing to me right now, especially when I haven’t done it yet. I’ve only driven to work and around my little area. To be honest, Logan has done most of the driving if we’ve gone somewhere.
Oh Logan.
God, he was so upset. It kills me to think of his reaction. But then again, we’re better off as friends. I hope after this blows over he still wants to be my friend.
What a mess.
My Uber driver pulls up just as my phone rings in my purse. I hop in the car, buckle up, and give the Uber driver a quick hello before pulling my phone out of my purse.
Racer.
Leaning back into the seat, getting comfortable. I answer. “Hey Racer.”
“How’s my girl doing?”
He sounds chipper. Recently he’s fallen in love, the big teddy bear that he is. But I wonder, did Hayden call him? Do he and Hayden talk about us, about the baby? It seems like Hayden is more of a private man, one to keep his personal business to himself. Which honestly, I am too for the most part. I can’t remember the last time I divulged all my secrets to Emma. Can you blame me? Last time I involved her in my big news, she interfered big time.
I know, I know, she was in the right, but still!
“Doing all right,” I answer, sounding less than convincing.
Racer doesn’t miss a beat. “What’s going on?”
Sighing, I watch the palm trees pass by the window while I gather the courage to talk to Racer. “Logan told me he loved me.”
There’s a pause and then, “Oh, for fuck’s sake. I told you taking him out there was going to be a bad idea.”
“I didn’t bring him out here. He wanted to come. He wanted a change, he wanted out of Binghamton. I thought he was coming out here as a friend.”
“Addie, I love you, you know that, but I think anyone could have foreseen what was going to happen. He moved across the country with you, shares an apartment, takes care of you, so it’s obvious he’s a man in love. If I was single, I don’t think I wo
uld have done the same for you, and you’re one of my best friends, but that’s a huge life change for someone to do who’s not in love.”
When he puts it that way.
Ugh, I’m so stupid.
“It was nice to have someone here.”
“Hayden is there.”
“Part-time, Racer. He’s here part-time, and I was flying across the country, pregnant, uprooting my life—”
“And is that it?” Racer’s voice grows more serious. The easygoing and fun-loving Racer has been switched out for the more serious one.
“What do you mean?”
“Why did you move out there, Adalyn?”
“Well,” I stumble over my words. “Because Hayden asked me to.”
“If I asked you to move for me, would you?”
Probably not.
“What’s your point, Racer?”
The driver swerves to the side, drawing my attention to the front where he’s playing around on his phone. Uh, can he please concentrate on the road? Someone is not getting a five-star rating, that’s for damn sure.
“My point is, you need to figure out why you’re out there.”
“Did Hayden call you?”
“No.”
I drawl out his name, “Racer, did he call you?”
“He didn’t. Why, what happened?”
I cross my leg and rest my hand on my belly, a new habit I’m becoming accustomed to. “Logan told me he loved me then the next day, Hayden and I, umm . . . you know.”
“Had sex. It’s okay to say the words.”
Not when I’m in an Uber car two feet away from the driver.
“Yes, that. And I must have fallen asleep after, because the next thing I remember is waking up next to Logan, him holding me and caressing me. It was so real that when I woke up, I freaked out and couldn’t get away from Hayden quick enough.” God, I really hate myself. “I then proceeded to tell him about Logan.”
“Oh, Adalyn.”
“I know,” I groan. “Ugh it was a mess. Racer, he was so distraught.” Taking a second to gather myself, I say, “He told me he loves me.”
“Of course he does, Adalyn. Christ, you’re just realizing that? I could tell he loved you when he was still here in Binghamton.”