February Or Forever

by Juliet Madison

‘I don’t recall ever mastering the yo-yo,’ Chrissie said.

  ‘Let’s see if I can still do this.’ He rolled the yo-yo then grabbed the string with his other hand, then again with the other hand, forming a triangle. The yo-yo rocked back and forth between the shape. ‘Ooh yeah, I’ve still got it. This one’s called Rock the Baby.’

  A smile flashed onto Kai’s face, and in response, onto Chrissie’s. Kai stepped closer to Drew, who let go of the string and snapped the yo-yo back to his hand.

  ‘Did you see that, Mum?’ Kai asked. ‘It was like magic.’

  Drew beamed. ‘Just takes patience and practise, that’s all. Here, let me do something else.’ He spun the yo-yo and did a fancy circular throwing thing. ‘You know,’ he said when he finished the trick, ‘that one was one of the first tricks I learned, apart from Walking the Dog. If you like I could teach it to you.’

  ‘Can he, Mum, can he?’ Kai looked up at Chrissie as he tugged on her hand, and Drew mouthed, ‘If that’s okay?’

  ‘He sure can. I’ll get back to the painting while you boys — oh I mean, men — play with the yo-yo.’

  Kai grinned. ‘Yes!’

  Chrissie went back to the bedroom and picked up her paint roller, smiling to herself as she listened to Drew teaching Kai the trick. Something fluttered inside, a cosy sensation that threatened to bring a tear to her eye. She loved being able to teach her son new things, but sometimes it was nice to have someone else take over. Victor had tried teaching him some yo-yo tricks, but he wasn’t the most patient person. He said Kai just ended up frustrated so he took him to the oval to play soccer. Drew’s voice as he spoke to Kai was so calm and gentle, so caring and encouraging, that she wanted to lock the doors and never let him leave. If only she could have someone like him in her life all the time.

  A while later, when Chrissie had made a start on the next room, Kai called out, ‘Mum! Come and look.’

  She put down her paint roller and went into the other room.

  Kai stood next to Drew, the yo-yo in his hand. ‘Watch this!’

  He spun the yo-yo and swung it like Drew had done earlier, then he let it spin down to the floor where it rolled smoothly along the carpet as he walked forward. He then flung it back up, and although he missed catching it, he tried again and managed to get the string rolled back into the yo-yo. The sense of achievement in his smile and rosy cheeks warmed her heart. Such a simple thing, yet something so important for Kai’s self-confidence.

  Chrissie clapped. ‘That was brilliant, Kai! Well done. I have no idea how you did that, but it was impressive.’

  ‘I know,’ he replied, not one for modesty. ‘But I can’t tell you how I did it, it’s mine and Drew’s secret.’ He looked at Drew and gave him an exaggerated wink, and Drew returned it with one of his own.

  ‘Put one here, buddy.’ Drew held up his hand for a high-five, and Kai hit it with a victorious slap.

  ‘Can I give you a high-five too?’ Chrissie held up her palm in front of Kai.

  ‘Okay then.’ Kai slapped it, then Chrissie held it up for Drew too. He high-fived her then gripped her fingers for a brief moment.

  ‘Thank you,’ she whispered to Drew, as Kai wandered off to practise.

  ‘It was my pleasure. I had fun.’

  ‘Really, it means a lot,’ she said. ‘I’m glad you’re here.’ She held his gaze and knew that whatever was going on between them, Drew was feeling it too. They’d have to say goodbye eventually, but neither of them wanted to admit that yet.

  ‘I’m glad to be here. And Kai’s a great kid. Smart. I can tell there’s so much going on in that mind of his, he thinks carefully about everything.’

  ‘He does. Sometimes too carefully!’

  ‘It’ll serve him well in life, I think.’

  ‘Thanks.’ She smiled.

  ‘Well, I better help you with the rest of the painting.’ He placed his hand on the small of her back and walked with her to the room.

  Half an hour later a knock sounded at the door. Drew turned his head to face Chrissie, his eyebrows raised.

  She shrugged. ‘I’m not expecting anyone.’ She got off the ladder and walked out of the room and over to the window. The verandah roof hid her visitor, until they moved out from underneath and over to a plant, leaning forward to smell its flowers. Her brown wavy hair tumbled over her shoulders. Melinda!

  She turned around to Drew who had come out of the room. ‘My friend from Sydney is here! I had no idea she was coming, she didn’t say anything.’

  ‘It’s okay, I’ll head back to Serendipity.’

  ‘But she might see you. You still want to keep your presence a secret, right?’

  ‘Well, yes, I would like to.’ He scratched his head.

  ‘Melinda is trustworthy, but I don’t want to cause any problems for you.’

  ‘I’m sure it’d be fine if we crossed paths. Unless she happens to be a journalist!’ He chuckled.

  ‘Actually…’

  Drew’s eyes widened. ‘She is a journalist?’

  Chrissie nodded. ‘But she wouldn’t say anything, I’m sure.’ Chrissie hovered at the edge of the stairs. ‘Oh, I know what to do. Stay here, I’ll be back in a minute.’

  She left Drew there with his palms turned up as if to say ‘what’s the plan?’ and scurried down to the door.

  ‘Mel! What are you doing here?’ She hugged her friend, keeping her on the doorstep.

  ‘I’m child-free for the afternoon and evening and thought I’d go for a nice, long Saturday drive and surprise you! I’ve obviously succeeded.’ She flashed a smile. ‘I’m here to give a helping hand in any way I can. Though I’d have to leave by about eight tonight. And who knows, maybe I can manage a glass or two of wine a little later?’ She nudged her in the ribs, then glanced inside. ‘Hi there, Kai!’ Kai waved then returned to his yo-yo practise.

  ‘That’s lovely of you! It’s so good to see you!’ Chrissie slapped her forehead. ‘But, oh damn it, I’m all out of milk, and I know you love your coffee.’

  ‘Well then, I’ll go pick some up,’ Melinda replied, her thumb pointed behind her shoulder.

  Exactly what Chrissie hoped she’d say.

  ‘Oh, could you? That would be great. It’s just I’m halfway through painting a wall and I don’t want it to dry before I’ve blended it all together and reached the corner.’

  ‘No worries at all. I’ll go do it now and then we can have a coffee and a chat before getting stuck into more painting or whatever you need help with.’

  ‘Thanks hun, you’re the best.’ She gave her a hug and told her where the nearest store was.

  When her car had driven out of the driveway Chrissie dashed to the kitchen and opened the fridge. She grabbed the carton of milk and took it to the sink, then poured it down the drain.

  ‘Mum, what are you doing?’ Kai asked, as she turned on the tap to help the milk disappear.

  ‘Oh, um, just…the milk was a bit old and yucky so I had to get rid of it.’

  ‘But I just drank from that.’ He pointed to the now empty milk carton. ‘Does that mean I’m going to get sick? Oh no!’ He brought his hands to his face in typical worrywart fashion.

  ‘No, not at all!’ Chrissie chucked the carton in the recycling bin and grasped her son’s arms. ‘You’ll be fine. I think it only went off in the last couple of minutes. Sometimes milk, um, does that.’ Oh dear. Lying to her son? All in the name of keeping Drew’s visit private. Drew!

  She dashed upstairs. ‘Sorry! My friend, Melinda has gone to pick up some milk. So…’

  ‘So I better skedaddle before she comes back?’

  Chrissie bit the corner of her lip. ‘I’m sorry, I mean, you can stay, I just didn’t know if you wanted anyone else to know you’re here.’

  ‘It’s totally fine. I’ll head back and leave you girls to have a catch up. I’d love to meet your friend, but I really need to lay low right now.’

  ‘Of course, I understand. And sorry to cut short our time together.’

/>   Drew wrapped her in his arms. ‘No more apologies. No expectations. Go with the flow, remember? And I’ll…’ he pulled back from the embrace, ‘flow on outta here.’ He made a flowing movement with his hand and offered a small smile.

  ‘Thanks again for your help. Especially with Kai.’ She placed her hand on his cheek and he took hold of it, kissing her palm.

  ‘It was nice to do something else with you, apart from yoga.’

  ‘It was.’ She wished she could do more things with him this month. Go for walks and out to dinner, visit art galleries and have picnic lunches in Miracle Park. But those things weren’t allowed. Everything had to stay behind closed doors, or in a secluded part of the outdoors. Her sadness at their limited time was overtaken by a thrill at the fact that she, reliable and honest Chrissie Burns, actually had a secret lover. It was kind of exciting, having to keep secrets and pretend and make up excuses. Not that he was completely her lover; their affections hadn’t gone beyond delicious kisses and tender touches, and maybe it wouldn’t. That would probably be a bad idea and make their inevitable separation even harder. Not to mention the fact that her job could be in jeopardy by breaking the rules. Oh God. What am I doing?

  Before she had time to agonise over the situation, Drew spoke again. ‘So you’re off to the markets tomorrow with my sister and Sam, I hear?’

  ‘Yes, I’m looking forward to it.’

  ‘Maybe I’ll give you a call afterwards.’ He took her hands in his.

  ‘That would be nice. Only if you want to, of course.’

  He leaned close to her. ‘I want to.’ He kissed her softly on the lips. ‘I really want to.’ He kissed her again, firmer this time, with the urgency of an unfulfilled need. Was he talking about calling, or something else? Whatever it was, she really wanted it too.

  Chapter 20

  Kai ran his hand through the water of the Wishing Fountain in Miracle Park as they walked around it, ripples spreading outwards.

  ‘Kai, don’t put your hand in there, please,’ Chrissie said.

  ‘It feels nice,’ he replied. ‘When am I allowed to do swimming lessons?’

  Familiar guilt and fear simmered inside her belly. ‘I thought you didn’t want to do them?’

  ‘But Sam does them and he can do a roly-poly under the water. I want to do a roly-poly under the water too.’

  Chrissie swallowed. ‘When I’m not so busy I’ll have a look at the lessons and see what we can do, okay? Maybe in the school holidays.’

  ‘When are the holidays?’

  ‘Um, about five or six weeks time, I think.’

  ‘And how long till Christmas?’

  ‘Christmas? Kai, that’s a long way off. We only just had one!’

  ‘But I love it. And maybe you and Dad and me will have Christmas dinner together like we used to.’

  Chrissie sighed, stopped, and turned to Kai. ‘Honey, I know you miss your dad, and I know things are different now, but we both love you very much. And I promise, our next Christmas is going to be the best one ever.’ She rubbed his back.

  ‘Can we have turkey and ham?’

  ‘Yes, we can have both. I might even get a gingerbread house, what do you think of that?’

  ‘A gingerbread house to actually eat?’ His eyes bulged.

  ‘Yep. You can start with the front door, and I’ll have one of the windows.’

  ‘Can I eat the whole roof off?’ He laughed and snorted. ‘Imagine living in a house with no roof!’ He laughed some more. She’d have to teach him about homelessness and Third World countries sometime and how lucky they were here in Australia. There was a lot she had to teach him. Sometimes the responsibility of what lay ahead for years to come overwhelmed her. Parents not only had to be caretakers, but teachers as well.

  ‘Actually,’ Kai said. ‘I think I’ll let Dad eat half the roof and I’ll eat the other half.’

  ‘That’s kind of you.’ They walked towards the assortment of market stalls scattered throughout the park and spilling over onto the stretch of grass alongside the harbour.

  ‘I can’t wait to show Sam my yo-yo tricks,’ Kai said, pulling the yo-yo from his pocket and turning it around in his hand.

  ‘He’ll be very impressed, like I was.’

  ‘Mum, is the painting man coming over again? I want to learn more tricks.’

  The painting man. Chrissie chuckled, then realised she should have thought things through when she’d agreed for him to visit yesterday. She needed to be more careful who she allowed into their lives. She didn’t want Kai to get hurt by someone leaving again.

  ‘Um, I’m not sure sweetie. He might not be staying in town much longer. But I’ll do my best to learn some tricks and help you with them.’

  ‘Oh, but I like the painting man. He’s awesomely cool.’

  Chrissie smiled. ‘Yes, he is definitely awesomely cool,’ she said softly.

  Chrissie kept an eye out for Sarah’s jewellery stall; she’d said it was near the bottom of the park where it merged with the side of the harbour. She passed an enticing-looking stall called Homemade for You, with various gourmet relishes, sauces, and spices, packed into cute little jars. Nearby was a stall with pictures of the human body, various health books, and an iridology camera. She’d seen one at Serendipity, in the naturopathic section. The man behind the table peered into it, then a moment later a close-up image of someone’s eyes appeared on a monitor. Fascinating. She’d have to give it a go sometime. A few people were lining up for their turn. Mark Bastian, naturopath and acupuncturist, Tarrin’s Bay Medical Clinic was written on a sign attached to the stall. It was good to see doctor’s surgeries embracing complementary therapies. She’d have to remember his name. Maybe she could take Kai to him to make sure he was getting all the nutrition he needed. Sure, she could make use of the practitioners at Serendipity, but would prefer someone outside of her work environment.

  She was about to walk past when she noticed his business cards on the side of the table. She leaned in and took one, and he looked over at her and smiled appreciatively. He certainly looked healthy; his coffee-coloured skin was clear and smooth, and he had no bags whatsoever under his eyes.

  ‘Oh look, here we are.’ Chrissie pointed to the jewellery stall where Sarah was finishing up early so she could spend time with her and their kids. Her daughter, Gemma, had agreed to watch over the stall along with the help of a friend.

  ‘Chrissie, you found me,’ Sarah smiled. ‘Hi, Kai.’

  Kai waved and immediately joined Sam at the side of the stall, showing him his yo-yo.

  ‘Wow, you’ve got some beautiful things.’ Chrissie scanned the array of bracelets, earrings, necklaces, rings, and accessories, shining and glittering in the sunlight. A girl came up to the table from behind the stall, her wavy dark hair parted down the middle and earrings swinging below her ears.

  ‘You must be Gemma?’ Chrissie asked.

  ‘Hi. Nice to meet you.’ She held out her hand and Chrissie shook it. ‘You have beautiful hair, such a gorgeous shade of blonde.’

  Chrissie patted her hair. ‘Oh, thank you. That’s nice to say. I was just admiring yours!’

  Gemma smiled. ‘So you’re a yoga teacher?’

  Chrissie nodded.

  ‘That’s so cool. I’ll have to try it.’

  ‘I highly recommend it.’ Chrissie eyed the jewellery again, and a unique ring caught her eye. It had three different coloured stones in an asymmetrical abstract arrangement. She picked it up. ‘This is nice.’

  ‘Only ten bucks too.’

  ‘Gemma, don’t do the hard sell on Chrissie, I don’t want her to feel obligated to buy something,’ Sarah said.

  ‘But I’m just saying it’s a bargain, Mum.’

  ‘I’ll take it,’ Chrissie said, taking ten dollars from her purse and handing it to Gemma.

  ‘Cool, thanks. My first sale.’ She held the note up in her hands and did a happy dance.

  ‘Now, any problems, you call me, okay?’ Sarah glanced at Gemma first
and then her teenage friend, who was sitting on a chair to the side.

  ‘We’ll be fine. Might even sell more than you did in the morning.’

  ‘I’ll see you back here at three o’clock.’

  Chrissie walked away from the stall with Sarah, Sam, and Kai, Kai with a smug look on his face having showed Sam his yo-yo trick.

  ‘Mum, can I buy a yo-yo?’ Sam asked.

  ‘If we find one.’

  Chrissie smiled at Sarah. ‘It’s good he’s asking for a good old-fashioned toy. I’ve heard when boys get older it’s all expensive video games.’

  ‘Yeah, I’m trying to delay that as much as possible. He plays Liam’s Xbox sometimes, but most games are violent so he’s not allowed near it when Daddy’s playing.’

  ‘Yeah, so much violence. Why can’t they all just hug and smile and be happy in games?’

  ‘Now there’s an idea. Instead of seeing how many baddies you can shoot, see how many people you can hug. Much better.’ Sarah smiled, then rubbed her shoulders like they were sore or she was fatigued.

  They walked down to the harbour, and Chrissie veered to the grassy side of the stalls instead of the water side. Crowds of people weaved around them, the pace was slow and breezy, the smell of sausages sizzling hung in the air, and seagulls squawked and swooped down at people throwing bread crumbs on the grass.

  ‘Can we buy something, Mum?’ Kai asked, peering at the stalls as they passed by each one.

  ‘Depends what we find.’ She glanced around. ‘Oh look, there’s a bookstall, why don’t you go and choose a book?’

  ‘Okay, Sam you help me choose.’ He tugged his friend’s sleeve and they busied themselves amongst the display of children’s books.

  ‘How’s the house coming along?’ Sarah asked. ‘Managed to do any renovations yet?’

  ‘A few small things. Got some painting done yesterday, which was good.’ She almost said ‘with Drew’, but thought better of it. No need to suggest there was anything going on between them, she didn’t want to affect her growing friendship with Sarah by saying, ‘Oh and by the way, I’m totally hot for your brother and we can’t keep our hands off each other.’

  ‘It all takes time, doesn’t it?’