You’re Everything I Need: A Forbidden Romance

by Ford, Mia

  “Well, I suppose I can’t say no to a rare sorry from you, can I? Come on, let’s go.”

  “Great.” Krysten looks visibly relieved. “Thank you, I appreciate it.”

  Flora blows out a giant breath too. I think she thought everything was about to explode then. Thank goodness it didn’t.

  * * *

  I lie on my bed, staring at the picture in my hands, wondering who this girl on the glossy pages of a fashion magazine is because it sure as hell doesn’t feel like me. If me and Cooper hadn’t slept together again I could easily put the whole thing down to me having a mental moment of nothingness. Something that we can ignore, but I know it’s more than that. So much more. My feelings for Cooper run deep, and the idea that I might just be a fantasy to him damn near kills me. I want to be everything, not a passing fancy.

  Krysten is right, her words are harsh but her sentiment is right. I need to keep away from Cooper for real this time, so I don’t make a fool of myself. The most important thing I can do is protect me.

  Her apology was funny, we all had a good laugh about it while we cooed over the images of the much more beautiful version of myself, but what I’ve been left with is the deep knowledge that I need to be much smarter now. For real. Just because we have a chemistry, a magnetism, doesn’t mean we need to act on it.

  I’m not going to talk to Cooper about it again, we’ve already proven that doesn’t work, I’m just going to keep going and going and going. If that gets too hard, maybe I will have to start searching for another job. I do love the one I have, but I can’t lose my life for it. I lost four years to a man, I can’t lose more for a job.

  It’s time for me to start focusing on myself for real this time. I need to start being me.

  19

  Cooper

  I drum my fingers along my desk just staring. The work is beginning to pile up around me, but I can’t focus on any of it. Not when Lexi is keeping away from me. Everything about her screams that she has her barriers set up high, the clothing covering every inch of her body, the permanent neutral expression she has on her face, the way she’ll only talk to me about work… it’s for the best, I need to accept it but it does hurt.

  “Hey, Lexi.” Sally smiles brightly at her. It seems they’ve become very good friends recently. It hurts that I don’t know that, I would much rather Lexi have told me herself. Not because she owes me any kind of explanation I just want to be involved with her life. I like knowing everything. “You up for coming out tonight? Me and Jenny are headed to the bar again if you’d like to come? We can hang out with the hot guys again.”

  The words ‘hot guys’ crush me. I actually feel a physical pain shoot across my chest. I grab onto where my heart is willing the agony away. It isn’t helpful, I can’t do anything about it.

  “Oh yeah, I would like to go out with you guys again, I had a really good time last time.”

  “I know, right? That was awesome. Jenny and I really enjoyed it. Oh, and by the way…” Sally leans in closer, but thankfully she has a really carrying voice. She can’t keep any secrets however hard she tries. “Adam was asking me about you again. I’m sure he wants to ask you on a date.”

  “Tell him not to, you did tell him no, right? I really want that to stop.”

  “Oh, I did. I know it isn’t him you’re interested in.”

  I completely freeze over. Either there’s someone else in Lexi’s life, not that I can see her having a connection with anyone like me, or she’s been talking about what happened with other members of staff. After swearing me to secrecy, it doesn’t seem very realistic that she would do either of those things.

  “As long as he knows not to bother, I’m fine.”

  “No, you don’t want someone from here anyway. They are all a bit…” I can’t see the face that Sally pulls but I imagine it’s one of mild disgust. “You know, they just aren’t any fun. We need to have some fun after everything that we’ve been through. And you’ll be proud to know that despite remembering Tony’s number, I still haven’t been in touch with him. You did me a real favor by making me get rid of his details.”

  “That is good news. We can move on from our crappy relationships together.”

  That makes me realize I barely know anything about Lexi’s situation from before. I’m aware she got cheated on and that she wasn’t happy, but that’s about it. I’ve spent so much time living in the moment that I haven’t thought about much else. No wonder she wants to pull away, I’ve only really showed interest in the moment. What if she thinks that I don’t really like her? That I only want a fling? Maybe that’s how it started but I don’t think that’s how it is now. I think my feelings for her run deeper than they probably should.

  Fuck, I’m in a mess. This is stupid. If I don’t stop it soon…

  Just as I’m about to bury my head back in my work, a shadow fills my door frame. Electricity sizzles all over my skin, I feel weird all over, I already know that it’s Lexi before I even look.

  “Is everything okay?” I force a giant smile on my face. “Can I help you with everything?”

  “Sorry, I know that conversation happened right outside your door. It wasn’t very professional.”

  She looks sheepish. A pinkness tinges her cheeks. I watch her drag her foot awkwardly along the floor.

  “It’s absolutely fine. You don’t have to change your behavior around me.”

  “I just… I feel like I do. I don’t want to act hurtful in any way. I’m not going to a bar to hook up.”

  “Oh, I know that.” This is strange. She’s being far more honest than we normally are with each other. We’ve been tip toeing around, avoiding the difficult topics, but now she’s diving right in. “I didn’t think…”

  “And the whole thing with Adam, that’s nothing. That’s just him trying it on.”

  “I know. Is everything okay, Lexi? You don’t have to explain everything to me.”

  She smiles thinly at me, I can see the intense strain behind her eyes. My heart goes out to her, whatever she’s struggling through I want to make it better for her.

  “I’m trying my hardest to find the right balance here. Like, we tried ignoring it and that didn’t work, then we tried caving to it and that’s wrong as well. Maybe we need to have a bit of an honest conversation.”

  “Honest? Yeah, I can do that. Honesty is supposed to be the best policy after all.”

  “Okay. So, we’ll give this a try, see how this works out. Honesty. It’s worth a shot.”

  She smiles and nods, finally looking a little bit relieved. Thank goodness. “Right, well I’ll get out of your hair then. Let you get on with your work. I’m sure you must have a lot to do. You look pretty busy.”

  As she leaves, something unlocks inside of my chest and I actually do find it a bit easier to think about getting on with my work. We’ve come to some sort of conclusion which is good. Friendship. An honest and open friendship. It might not be exactly what either of us want, but that doesn’t mean we can’t get the best out of it.

  Having Lexi in my life in some way is much better than not having her at all. I need to make this work.

  * * *

  “…and they lived happily ever after.” I close the book with a smile. “Did you enjoy that?”

  Aubrey smiles and nods and she points to the front of the book. “Princess Lexi.”

  I turn it over and nod as I see what she means. The cartoon character has a shock of red hair running down her back. “Oh yeah, I see what you mean. She looks a lot like Lexi, doesn’t she?”

  “I like Lexi.”

  It takes me a couple of moments to realize that she called her Lexi rather than Mommy. Aubrey is finally starting to realize that Lexi is her own person. It’s sweet and really tugs at me.

  “Yeah, I like Lexi as well. She’s lovely, isn’t she? It was nice when we saw her at Grandma’s.”

  “I want to see her again. Can we?”

  I part my lips, wanting to immediately answer yes but to be honest I d
on’t know what answer I can give. We probably will because now we’re having this ‘open and honest friendship’, but I don’t know.

  “Hmm, I’m sure we will. I don’t know, we’ll have to see, won’t we?”

  “You like her?” Her eyebrows furrow as she asks me this. “Like Lexi?”

  “Yes. Of course I do. I like her a lot. She’s very nice, isn’t she?”

  Aubrey nods, satisfied. I can’t stop myself smiling as I look down on her. She’s so sweet. Very perceptive by the look of it. She can see that I do like Lexi more than I care to let on. She doesn’t look mad about it either, which is hard. I don’t know if she’d like to have her around more often…

  Not that it’s a question I’m willing to ask. I don’t want to open that can of worms.

  “Right, well I’m going to let you get some sleep, darling, because I’m sure there’s a lot that you and Caroline are going to do tomorrow. I think she was telling me earlier that she wants to take you out.”

  “Yay! The park.”

  “Probably.” I chuckle. “I’m sure Caroline will do whatever you want to do.”

  She beams, looking far too much like her mom once more. I grin back, but there’s a thick ball of emotion lodged in my throat as I do. I rub her arm, wishing I could find the right words for her.

  “Night, night, Daddy.”

  “Night, night, beautiful. I love you very much.”

  “Love you too.”

  “Sweet dreams.”

  I lean down and kiss her on the head before leaving the room. I pause in the door way to watch her just for a moment until she drifts into a peaceful sleep. Her breaths rise and fall, she lets out a little snore, she’s adorable.

  Once she’s sleeping, I wander around the house a little bit aimless and lost. I don’t know that to do with myself. I feel on edge, like there’s something that I really need to do to make myself feel more like myself again. Right now, I’m far from that. All the fakeness I have to keep up is really hard.

  With a deep sigh, I decide that the best thing I can do is head into the shower. I need to cool down my body so I can think straight. Standing under the jet of water is bound to calm me down.

  Only, it doesn’t. In here, it feels like I’m freer to let my imagination to run free. I zip back to that day, the day where she was modelling for me. Only this time I’m the guy with her and to be honest there aren’t any photographers around either. It’s just me and her rolling around in the hay. I’m holding her, touching her everywhere, running my hands over that gorgeous body of hers as every single fiber inside of me reacts.

  “Oh, Cooper, you are driving me wild,” she breathes to me as my hand slides down my soaking wet body. I’m hard as a rock, desperate for a relief. “You are so fucking sexy.”

  I picture her hand around my cock and I slide my fingers up and down. I toss my head back and groan, imagining her clamping her lips around me and bobbing her head rhythmically. It feels so fucking good. I don’t know what it feels like to have her mouth on me, but considering everything she does feels so incredible, I know she’ll be incredible. I imagine her eyes fixed on me as she licks me like a fucking lollipop.

  “Oh, fuck,” I moan as the pleasure begins to build. This isn’t ever going to be real, we won’t be back here again, so these little snatched moment here in the shower is all I’ll get. I need to make the most out of it. “Shit.”

  Now, fantasy Lexi presses herself against the shower wall and she presses her ass out to me. I slide into her from behind and pump hard and fast. “You’re so beautiful,” I mutter. “Fucking hell, Lexi.”

  My heart races painfully, thumping against my sternum, my breaths are sharp and ragged, my head spins, thoughts of Lexi absolutely consume me. I can’t be around her all the time when I’m so attracted to her. The closer I push myself to the edge, the more convinced I become that this is all going to burn in flames.

  But that doesn’t stop me from losing my shit. I can’t help myself, I still like it.

  The pleasure explodes from me hard and fast. My desire covers me, washing off as the water streams over me. I huff loudly, regret flowing through me. Maybe I do feel that way but I shouldn’t. It isn’t healthy and doesn’t help anyone. This is such a messy situation; I don’t want to make it any worse.

  “You idiot,” I mutter to myself. “You complete and utter idiot. Get yourself together, man.”

  What I need to do is something nice for Lexi, something to let her know that I’m okay with friendship. The question is what?

  20

  Lexi

  The knocking at the door wakes me up. I stream across the apartment at the speed of light, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and trying to straighten my pajamas at the same time. I’m not expecting anyone which is why I’m trying to have a lie-in, but that only makes the visit even more terrifying. What if it’s my mom and Cassie told her everything? What if it’s Cassie and she’s finally come to have it out with me? What if it’s Cooper and he’s come to fire me because he can’t hack it? There are so many options, but none of them are good.

  I swing the door open, my heart pounding in my throat, but it isn’t any of who I’m expecting.

  “Oh… hello.” The stranger makes me even more aware of my disheveled appearance. What must he think of me? He’s probably judging me all kinds of ways. “Sorry, I… I wasn’t expecting anyone…”

  “I have a parcel for you, Miss Lexi Headley?”

  “Yes, that’s me.” I reach out to take the box from him. “But I’m not expecting anything.”

  He half-heartedly shrugs at me handing me a sheet to sign. Clearly, he isn’t that bothered that I don’t know what I’m getting. I suppose this must be normal for him. “It might be a surprise.”

  “A surprise?” Ooh, that’s quite exciting actually. A surprise sounds fun. “Oh right, thank you.”

  I scribble my name down and smile at the delivery guy, who gives me a bit of a strange look back. I’m trying my best to act like I’m a normal person, but clearly, I’m not doing a very good of it.

  “Right, well enjoy your surprise, Miss. Erm, yeah, goodbye.”

  I narrow my eyes and watch him walk down the hallway, wondering what all that was about. Maybe it just seemed a lot weirder because I’m half-asleep. I shake my head sadly and head back inside.

  The box isn’t massive, it’s not something that should terrify me, just a small little innocuous box. It’s just the secrets that it might uncover that worry me. I have no idea what’s going on. I try to work out who it might be from, but no one immediately comes to mind. The only thing I can do is tear it open.

  “Chocolates!” Okay, well I can’t exactly be mad about that, can I? “Nice!”

  I pull the box open and pop one into my mouth, making a sound of excitement as the delicious insides ooze into my mouth. This is one of my friends trying to make me feel better. It’s nice actually. A big smile spreads across my face. At least through all this inner turmoil, I still have people who care about me. It can’t be Sally or Jenny because although they are my friends, they don’t know where I live, so it has to be my original girls. They know better than anyone what I’ve been through anyway, so it makes a lot of sense.

  Lexi: Thanks for the chocolates. That’s a nice treat!

  Krysten: What chocolates? Save some for me! Are they the expensive kind?

  Flora: I didn’t send you any chocolates.

  Lexi: Oh… well, I don’t know who it could be then?

  Flora: Was it your mom or someone in your family?

  Krysten: I bet it was that hot, unattainable boss of yours.

  Lexi: Do you not remember what I told you about Cooper? Definitely not him!

  Krysten: I bet it is. I bet he’s trying to make things alright again.

  Lexi: You think? I don’t know, wouldn’t that be a bit weird?

  Krysten: The whole situation is weird. This wouldn’t surprise me.

  Lexi: What do you think, Flora?

  Flora: Krysten
might be right. It could be an olive branch.

  Lexi: I suppose so. I did tell him that I want to properly try and be friends.

  Krysten: There you go, then! This is him telling you that he wants to be friends…

  Flora: Just be careful. You don’t want to end up back in bed with him.

  Lexi: You don’t need to worry about that. That’s never going to happen. I put a pin in it and it’s over now. If this is him then it’ll just be a friendly gesture.

  Krysten: There’s only one way to find out and that’s to call him.

  Lexi: You’re right. I’ll do that. I’ll let you know how I get on.

  Krysten: Good luck!

  Flora: We’re here for you, no matter what! Next time, the chocolates will be from us!

  Lexi: Thanks, girls, I love you both to bits.

  Krysten: You know we love you too. Lots and lots.

  I nod determinedly at the screen, knowing that’s the right thing to do. I just need to work up the courage to do it first, and since it’s so early in the morning, that will take some caffeine. I grab a couple more chocolates and I take them to the coffee machine while I wait for the pot to heat up. I think idly about all the reasons why Cooper might do this, and I suppose in a way it is a lot like him. He’s sweet like that, and I can imagine him thinking about doing something nice to bridge the gap between us. If so, this is really nice of him.

  “Yes,” I mutter with a sharp nod. “I need to give him a call. Just to work him out.”

  I pour myself a drink first and take a giant swig. Then I sit back at the table and I take a couple more chocolates and I chew on them thoughtfully while I dial. It’s weird, calling Cooper on a weekend when I don’t need to.

  Ring, ring… ring, ring… ring, ring…

  My heart hammers against my rib cage, I bounce up and down in my seat as I wait, nerves zigzag and dart all the way through me. There’s a little bit of excitement as well, but I’m doing my best to ignore that.