by Ford, Mia
Lexi: I know, I do know that about him.
Krysten: Come on, you need to just do this already, okay? Let us know how you get on.
I nod at my phone screen, knowing that everyone is right. It’s time. The moment to keep it to myself has long passed and this is all that I can do now. I have to figure out the best way to blurt out that I’m pregnant and just hope that Cooper takes it well. The longer I leave it, the harder this will become.
I don’t want to, I’m not ready for it, especially if it is rejection, but I have no choice. I start the long old walk back up to my apartment where I’m sure I’ll find him sitting on the couch waiting for me.
It’ll be fine, I tell myself as I walk up the stairs very slowly. It’s going to be okay.
I rub my belly, desperately hoping that me and my baby will be okay no matter what. Even if Cooper doesn’t want us, we’ll be fine. I was planning on doing this alone anyway, so the control doesn’t matter that much, I can’t get hung up on it. If he says no then we’ll both have that closure. Life can begin again.
I push the door open and there he is, staring at me expectantly. He opens his arms wide, inviting me in with his body language. I want to fall into those arms willingly, I really do, but I need to knock this barrier down first.
“So, Lexi, are you ready to talk to me now? It’s time we have this conversation, don’t you think?”
“Yeah,” I sigh loudly. “I think so too.”
I take a step closer to him, mentally falling apart. The only thing that’s keeping me upright now is the knowledge that he already knows. He’s seen the picture, put two and two together, and he’s here. That has to mean something. I don’t know what but it can’t be nothing. There’s a part of him that at least wants to know.
“Cooper.” I take in a deep breath and close my eyes. “I’m pregnant.”
Those words should be freeing, they should let me loose, but actually I’m left feeling more trapped and pinned down than ever.
47
Cooper
“You’re… pregnant.” I knew it, I already worked it out but to hear it is something else. “I can’t believe it.”
“I know, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, it was all just at such a messy time. We were breaking up, I didn’t want you to feel like you had to stick with me because of the baby.”
“But I’m not the one who wanted to break up, I wanted to stay with you.”
She has to know this, she must be able to see it in my eyes. She’s the one who stepped back from me.
“I’m sorry, I feel really bad about all of it. I wasn’t in the best place.”
I push myself into a standing position and I wrap my arms around her. She stiffens. She straightens up, not hugging me back, but at least she hasn’t run away. That’s what I was most worried about. That she would go and keep on going, constantly shoving me off of her until there’s nothing left.
“No, I know, with Trent and everything. It’s been a big problem.”
“Right, and it made me act all crazy. Then with this… well I didn’t know what to do.”
“But a baby… that’s good news, isn’t it? I mean, you don’t totally hate the idea?”
“No, I don’t.” She can’t stop a small smile from playing on her lips. “I don’t hate it at all.”
“Okay, so that’s a good place to start from. Because I absolutely love the idea.”
As I say those words, I realize just how true they are. I do want another child. A baby brother or sister for Aubrey. It’s something that I’ve wanted for a very long time, and with Lexi too. I guess I didn’t expect it to come right now like this, but that’s okay. Life doesn’t always dish out what you think is going to happen.
“You do?” She peers up at me through her eyelashes. “Because I thought you’d assume that I’m trying to trap you. Which obviously isn’t the case at all, we were just not always careful, you know?”
“I couldn’t possibly think that you’re trying to trap me when all you’ve done is push me away.”
“Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Urgh, it’s just been such a mindfuck.”
“So, we’re both happy about this news?” I ask cautiously. “This is a good thing.”
“Yes, I think so. I’m still waiting for you to freak out but it seems it.”
“And where do we go from here? What do you want?”
“I… I don’t know… I haven’t really gotten past the part where I tell you this information.”
I lean a little closer, almost about to kiss her, but I stop myself at the very last moment. This isn’t my choice, this hasn’t ever been my choice, but it’s even less so now. She s carrying my child and my future.
“Okay, well I’m not freaking out, and I don’t think I’m going to.”
“Because of Aubrey? Because you already know what you’re doing?”
“Because of you as well. I couldn’t imagine anyone better to have a baby with.”
She blushes an adorable shade of pink. I want to reach out and brush my fingers against her cheek, but I still feel like I have to be very careful and deliberate with my actions so I don’t upset her.
“I’m going to be really honest with you, Lexi,” I start, deciding that it’s time to get it all out there to see where we go from here. “I want to be with you, that hasn’t changed at all over the last few months, nor has it changed now with all of this. But if you don’t want to be with me then that’s okay too, I completely understand. It has been hard, it hasn’t been straightforward, we’ve had battles to face along the way. So, if you are against that then that’s okay as well. I will happily be a co-parent with you, I’ll pay bills and buy whatever our child needs…”
“But if I do want to be with you, what happens then?”
“Well then…” I can sort of tell by the tone of her voice that this is what she wants which floods relief all the way through me. Thank goodness, this is all that I’ve wanted for a very long time. “I will ask if you want to move back into my place so I can take care of you and the baby and we can be together.”
Her breaths start coming out short and ragged, I can tell this is crushing her, the decision is just too much. I step away, giving her the space that she needs. I never wanted to put any pressure on her, but even less so now.
“I’m going to go home now, give you some time and space, okay? I will be there waiting for you.”
“I was going to come to Aunt Bessie’s to see Aubrey…”
“Oh, you can go. You can take as long as you need. I don’t want to put the pressure on, like I said.” I step away, smiling reassuringly at her. “I will be waiting, and it honestly doesn’t matter whatever your answer is. Don’t be afraid if it isn’t what you think I want to hear, because I get it. I still won’t be going anywhere parenting wise. I will always be there for you in that regard. This is fine, this is good really, at least we both know where we stand, right? Or at least, we will do. We can make a plan from there.”
I feel kinda good as I take off out her door and I walk away. This doesn’t feel as tragic as it once did. Now, I understand, now there’s a promise of some kind of future. Whatever that might be. I will understand and respect whatever she chooses. I will be happy because I know it’s the right thing to do.
Also, on top of that, I’m going to have another baby. Now that really is something!
* * *
I try to focus on the action movie playing on the screen, but it isn’t really working. I also have my laptop open and my emails there in front of me but I can’t focus on that either. To be honest, I’m so wrapped up in my emotions. I keep darting between extremely happy to be finally getting everything that I want, and utterly terrified that Lexi is going to continue to push me away and it’ll all fall apart.
This is the sign that we should be together, I don’t want to lose her.
I grab my cell phone and stare at the screen again, wondering why she hasn’t even text me. Perhaps I should message her to see where her h
ead is at. Although… no, maybe not. I don’t want to pressure her. She knows where my head is at now, she knows that I’ll give her the world. It’s up to her if she wants to take it.
Ring, ring… ring, ring…
The moment I drop my phone back on the couch it rings, almost as if I’ve summoned her to do so. But as I grab it eagerly I see Cassie’s name on the screen instead.
“Hello, is everything alright, Cassie? Is Aubrey behaving herself?”
“Yeah… she’s just seen her bedroom and she’s gone nuts for it. I think she wants to stay.”
“Oh!” My eyes almost bug out of my head. “Right, I see. Well, what does Bessie want…?”
“You know, Mom. She’s desperate for her to sleep over. I’ve had to force her not to say yes until I’ve spoken to you. I had to hold her back because I don’t know what plans you have.”
“Erm, well of course she can stay.” The idea does make my chest tighten a little. “But I’ll be on call in case you need me for anything. She might change her mind when it comes to bedtime.”
“Oh, my goodness, you have no idea how happy Mom will be. Aubrey too.”
I smile to myself. “Well, maybe this could be the start of something.”
“Yeah, that would be amazing. I will obviously keep you up to date all night long. I know you’ll worry.”
Knock… knock.
“Oh, hang on, one minute, there’s someone at the door, Cassie.”
“Is there?” Is it me or does she sound like she knows what’s going on? “Okay, speak soon.”
She hangs up the phone and I walk towards the door, my heart hammering wildly. Now Cassie has me wondering if it’s Lexi at the door, and I seriously don’t want to be disappointed. I know I told her to take all the time in the world but I’m not sure I can handle it much longer. And it’s only been an hour.
Please, please let it be Lexi, I pray to anyone and anything. Please don’t let it be anyone else.
I swing the door open and let all the tension sag from me as I take in Lexi. “Oh, hello.” I try to sound cool as I lean up against the door frame, but it doesn’t really work. “It’s good to see you, Lexi.”
“Do you think I can come in?” She shuffles awkwardly from foot to foot. “Do you mind?”
I step aside and watch her walk through the door. “Of course you can.”
She walks through into the kitchen, rubbing her head hard. “Sorry, I know this is a bit weird.”
“It’s not weird at all. I’m glad you came here.” I smile reassuringly at her. “It’s great to see you.”
“Auntie Bessie has Aubrey for the night, am I right?”
“Yes… it’s going to be a bit crazy, isn’t it? Her having here overnight.”
“She’ll be fine. Auntie Bessie is great with kids. She adores Aubrey, you know that, don’t you?”
I nod and give her an expectant look. She came here for a reason, she obviously has something to say, so I’m ready to hear it. Right now, I can’t tell if it’s good or bad news, but I’m sure all will become clear.
“Okay, right, so I came to talk to you about what we discussed before. I know that I should have answered you right away but I needed to think it through. This isn’t just about me, it’s about the baby too.”
“Of course. I would expect you to take your time, that’s why I walked away.”
She chews down on her bottom lip and gazes up at me through her eyelashes. She looks so heart-wrenchingly gorgeous that all I want to hold her, but I can’t just yet. I have to be patient.
“I want to be with you, Cooper. It scares the living shit out of me, but I do. I want to give this a go. We have something. There has always been something between us, we’ve just tried to push it down to make life easier for everyone else, but it hasn’t really worked, has it? We’re miserable.”
“I’m unhappy without you, yes. I’m finding it really hard to be away from you.”
“Yeah. Me too.” She nods slowly and smiles, making my heart flutter with joy. “I miss you a whole lot.”
“So, you really want to give it a go?”
I step closer to her and reach out my hand. I hook my hand around the back of her neck and I pull our lips closer together. I wait until she whispers the word ‘yes’ at me, then I go in for the kill. I dip my head down and I kiss her, claiming her as my own for what I hope is the very last time. I want this to be it now; me and her together forever. No more messing around. Me, Lexi, Aubrey, and our new little baby, a brand-new family.
It’s an amazing, exciting concept, one that thrills me all over.
48
Lexi
All of a sudden, the atmosphere in the room changes completely, and a heat creeps up through the both of us. Cooper’s hands are all over me, touching my hips, my butt, my stomach, and I want more from him. This is a huge step for the pair of us, making the decision to give it a real grown-up go, rather than darting backwards and forwards while we make up our minds. We can’t do that anymore.
“Oh, Cooper.” I loll my head back as he moves his lips from mine and slides them down my neck. His fingers dig tightly into my hips. “That feels good. So good.”
“Come on,” he murmurs, vibrating against my skin, sending burning sensations flooding me. “Let’s go to bed. I don’t have any responsibilities tonight, so we have all the time in the world.”
I can’t stop the giant smile from spreading across my lips as Cooper takes my hand and he leads me towards the stairs. My heart skips about ten beats as I run my eyes up and down his body, drinking him all in. Now, he finally feels like mine, all mine, and I guess that’s all I wanted really. I kept trying to dress it up in other ways, pretending like I’m good with just being me, but this is what I really want. This is the life I need.
A delicious bubbling sensation runs all the way down from my belly to my panties and I shudder. It hasn’t ever been this good as it is with Cooper, I never should have let anything get in the way. I vow to myself as we finally reach his bedroom that nothing will tear us apart again. This is how it’s going to be.
“You are beautiful.” Cooper spins me around and crashes his lips to mine. “So pretty.”
His fingers edge my top upwards. He grazes electricity up my torso, igniting the flame deep in the pit of my belly. I fix my eyes on his and watch him intently, loving the deep desire there. He really wants me and that only turns me on more. How could I even think about not feeling this way again? It’s everything!
“I love you,” I whisper without really thinking about it. “I really do.”
Cooper stops. He freezes where he is and his eyes open wide in shock. I wonder if I’ve gone too far…
“I love you too, I should’ve said that to you earlier. I’m kicking myself for keeping it in.”
“You really feel that way too?” I giggle girlishly. “That’s really awesome.”
“I do. I know I should have mentioned it before, but it’s always been so complicated.”
“Not anymore. Nothing will get in the way of us anymore.”
Cooper lifts me up and I instantly wrap my legs around him. I groan as I feel his erection pressing at my core. He’s on fire too, which I love. My eyes roll into the back of my head, I lose myself in the sensations.
“Oh fuck, Cooper, that feels… oh shit.”
He places me gently on the bed, but the way that my top flies off my head is much less gently. I feel like he’s battling between wanting to touch me softly, to treat me like a princess and the mother of his child, and the desire getting the better of him. I don’t really know which side I want either, so I’m enjoying the mix of both.
He cups his hands under my butt and yanks my trousers down, then his lips press against my thigh, spreading them further apart. My head falls back and he kisses me everywhere, even occasionally touching my panties with his lips. He doesn’t exactly connect with my most sensitive area but he’s close enough.
Cooper presses me back and I go willingly, lying down on the fla
t of my back. He climbs over me, hovering above me, and as he looks down on me I notice how ragged and desperate my breaths have become. With a cheeky smile playing on my lips, I reach behind my back and unhook my own bra, letting my breasts rise and fall freely. His eyes actually glaze over as he looks at me, as if this is him seeing me for the first time.
“Oh, you are so beautiful.” He shakes his head playfully. “So gorgeous, you have no idea.”
I arch my back towards him which drags his lips down to my nipples. He connects and swirls his tongue around me, making moans I didn’t even know that I could make come out of my mouth. He tugs and teases, the pulsing in my core intensifying with every passing second. I want to shred my panties into tiny pieces to get them out the way. I’m so desperate for him to be inside me it hurts. I knot my fingers up in his hair and tug hard.
“Cooper, you… you’re driving me crazy. I can’t… I need you.”
He pushes himself up into a sitting position, which is annoying because my nipple already misses him, but as he peels the hot sticky clothing from his body, I prepare myself for what’s to come. He’s giving me exactly what I want. I prop up onto my elbows and lick my lips as I watch him get naked for me.
“I guess this means that you’re my boyfriend again? You belong to me.”
“I sure do!” He hovers back over me like a predator. “And you belong to me as well.”
“Hmm, I love that.” I grip him and pull him back to me. “All yours.”
This time as we kiss it’s even more intense than before. I spread my legs wide and wrap them around him.
“I need those panties off you,” he growls. “They are really in the way right now.”
“My underwear? What about yours?” I pull at his, the need to have him naked much more intense than for me to be. I struggle with them and kick them off, then watch intently as he slides down my body and he takes my panties off. As soon as they’re off, I grab hold of him to take control and I flip him onto his back. He goes willingly, happy for me to have all the power over his body.