“Where are we going?” Dade asked. He knew this area. Every step they took toward the remains of what had been the joint refinery made the heaviness inside grow a little more. From the news-vids, all that had been left was a blown-out mess.
“Don’t blame yourself,” Saben said. “It would have happened whether you were there or not.”
That was true, but it didn’t do anything to help Dade find absolution.
Seeing for himself the raw crater that had formed where there were once buildings pulled the breath from his body. The destruction was so horrible, it hurt to look at it. The area around it had been decimated. All that was left was the dried-up husk of what had once been the refinery and the apartments that had surrounded it, the steel cores that went all the way below to Undercity now visible.
The loss of life must have been astronomical. Worse than what the visicast had reported. The govies would have tried to keep how bad it had been from the citizens to help quell the riots and regain order.
As they neared the area, the smell in the air changed. The tang of burned material, mixed with the sulfur of the static cloud, left a thick residue in the back of his throat. He wished he had an air-breather, but they had planned to mix in with the displaced citizens.
This wasn’t how he’d thought he’d meet Saben’s family. For so long he’d wanted to know where Saben had come from. And now, because their home had been destroyed, Saben was finally letting him in.
In a way, he was happy that he was wearing a synth-mask. Saben’s family members were staying with others who wouldn’t be receptive to a Solizen in their midst. Anonymity would help him navigate the many layers of simmering anger that he needed to understand before he could help them.
On the other hand, he hated that he was hiding. It felt wrong, as if he were ashamed of himself. Dade was unsure how Saben’s relatives would react to him. They knew that Saben had worked for Dade in Sky Tower Two. He hoped that Saben would have told them that he and Saben were friends more than they’d been employer and employee. He wanted to make a good impression but wondered if it was possible.
Dade knew very little about Saben’s family. The only time he’d been allowed close was when he’d watched the boy he’d assumed to be Saben’s brother die. But it could have easily been a younger cousin. Either way, the boy’s death had given Saben a manic resolve that convinced him to help Dade escape the Towers.
It felt like Saben believed in Dade more than he believed in himself. That he was positive they’d figure out a way to help Saben’s people. Dade wasn’t sure if he deserved that trust. So far, he’d made a mess of things.
They entered a hollowed-out building that had previously stood connected to the joint refinery. A full city block had been destroyed, leaving behind empty skeleton structures. Some walls remained, the floors between what had been stories and exposed metal beams. Chunks of debris were everywhere. The larger pieces had been left in place, but some had been swept into piles to create a path to the center. Most of what they walked through from the skywalk to the middle of the building was deserted. The wind screeched as it wound its way through. And it was almost entirely dark in there, because the city lights couldn’t penetrate into the gloom.
Saben snapped out a glo-wand, and Dade followed suit.
At first he heard the sounds of coughing. Then he started to see the faint glow of torchlight the farther they went. He realized the refugees had set up makeshift barriers from the debris, trying to insulate themselves from the elements as best they could. They were grouped around small fires, huddled together for warmth. They’d collected as many things as they could from the wreckage of the apartment buildings that had been adjacent to the refinery—anything that hadn’t been destroyed beyond reason—and used it to make their spaces comfortable.
He estimated that there were hundreds of families here. No wonder Saben had trouble finding his family. Even if the data sensors implanted in their wrists could be checked on the city grid, it would only ping a location. He’d still have to search the encampments, one by one.
Dade broached the question he hadn’t had the opportunity to ask. “I don’t understand why you went to Crispin.”
The whole thing hadn’t made sense. Crispin had kept Saben in relative comfort, and when Dade had approached him, he’d been eager to make a deal. He needed to understand whether Crispin was an enemy. Saben had warned Dade many times to stay away from him, and yet Crispin had been the first person whom Saben had gone to for help. There was more going on here than Dade understood. He felt he needed to get to the bottom of it in order to know who his true enemies were.
“What else was I supposed to do?” Saben asked. “You were missing. I thought you’d died. I was hurt and wouldn’t last on my own. I couldn’t go back to Sky Tower Two, not after the govies shot you. I wasn’t sure who to trust, and I needed medical attention.”
Dade remembered what it felt like to be lost, alone, and without his connections. He didn’t blame Saben for his choice. And Dade had obviously done the same thing, indenturing himself to Crispin.
“Sometimes there are only crappy choices,” Saben said. “There’s no reason to look back and regret them.”
Dade grunted in agreement.
“I knew I had to get better before I went to find my family.” Saben sighed. “I couldn’t be more of a burden to them. They’re in no position to help me.”
Dade nodded. The pit in his gut that was always there, whispering his failings, grew deeper now. If he hadn’t asked Saben to play the Ghost that fateful day, then Saben would still be safe in the Sky Towers. If Saben hadn’t been hurt trying to escape, they both wouldn’t have been bound to Crispin.
Saben, unaware of Dade’s inner turmoil, said, “Crispin is decent. He may not be ethical, but he keeps his promises. He was always fair to his fighters. Better than the other slavers. I was well fed and had access to a med pod, even years ago when I worked the pit.”
“Right,” Dade said in acknowledgment, though he didn’t agree. Crispin had kept Saben in a cage. Dade would never forget or forgive that. “You were friends once?”
Saben made a negative sound. “Not friends. He’s someone I knew I could count on to take care of me when I needed it. For a price.”
A price that had been too high, for both of them. Arden was right. He should have thought it through a bit more before he’d struck the bargain. It would have turned out much the same, but at least he may have been able to put in some safeguards.
Saben’s family turned out to be quite large. There were aunts, uncles, and numerous cousins who shared space around a fire. He had four brothers, all younger, and an older sister. They all looked like him. Without the muscles, of course. Skinnier versions with wiry dark hair and big eyes.
They seemed eager to meet Dade, welcoming him as one of their own. Generous even in the midst of the crisis they faced. It surprised him that Saben had kept them a secret. And not for the first time wondered at the reason Saben had kept his background private for the many years he’d worked in Sky Tower Two.
Dade and Saben didn’t stay long. There was no place to sit. And it became increasingly uncomfortable to politely turn down the offer of their meager food rations.
“We can’t just leave them,” Dade said as they were walking away. “We have to do something.”
Saben shook his head. “I needed to make sure they were settling in okay, but there’s nothing we can do right now.”
“Can’t we help them find better shelter?” But even as Dade spoke, he had no idea where that would be. The city was crowded, space at a premium. The loss of a city block of apartments had only exacerbated the problem.
“They’re on the waiting list for relocation,” Saben said. “I’ll keep checking on them and make sure they have current rations.”
If they were scheduled for relocation, that meant they had work permits. They were lucky, probably luckier than most of the people they’d seen tonight. Saben’s family would eventually get ou
t.
“If we weren’t going to do anything for them, why did you bring me here?” Dade asked in frustration that had been building all night. Now he couldn’t contain it. He knew there was no upside to giving in to his anger, but he hated feeling helpless. Both feelings had been his constant companions for weeks.
Dade was not going to sit around. If he couldn’t figure out what to do with his own situation, then he would use his excess energy to help these people. He wasn’t without choices. Dade just needed to broaden the scope of what he thought he could do.
“For now I need help moving fresh water in here.” Saben pointed at the metal drums the people squatting in the building were using as storage containers. “It’s going to take some manpower, and most of them are too weak to move it.”
Dade nodded, thinking. “And in the long term?”
“We have to get them VitD. Not just my family, all of them. Even if they manage to survive the cold and hunger, they’ll die without VitD.”
Dade nodded again. He’d figure out a way to get it done. He felt the change inside him. The rightness clicking in. The knowledge that this was where he was supposed to be, what he was supposed to be doing, and who he was supposed to fight for.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“Stretch it out one more time,” Nastasia encouraged. She stood behind Arden and supported Arden’s arm as she lifted the flex plate. It was flat, no wider than her palm, and strapped over the back of her hand. When turned off, it weighed less than an ounce. When it was turned on, it used airflow to push a weight against her stressed muscles.
Grunting, Arden followed Nastasia’s instructions. The pull in her side made her breath catch. Her flesh was knitted together thanks to several sessions in a med pod, though the muscles underneath had not regained their strength.
She was still assigned to the medical bay. The med wires had been pulled from her body, and she was able to leave her room daily to walk on the light track in the gym. She’d been careful not to wander too far and hadn’t explored Mina’s compound at all beyond those two areas. While the confrontation with Roan hadn’t scared her, it had served to remind her that she didn’t want to look too eager to see the setup. Not appearing too curious would be the first key to earning their trust.
She felt better, almost herself. Her slow recovery hadn’t improved her disposition, though. Every time Nastasia showed up to help with her physical therapy, Arden’s mood tanked. Logically, she knew that she had to be in top shape in the field. That was a matter of life and death. Still, working toward full mobility did nothing to curb her frustration at not being perfectly healed.
Nastasia’s voice was pleasant as she gave Arden instructions. That, along with the encouraging smile she always wore, rubbed Arden the wrong way. Arden wasn’t buying the nice act. There was a reason Nastasia was being so amiable.
She kept waiting for Nastasia to pump her for information. Slyly, of course, because Nastasia had so far turned out to be everything she’d expected of Mina’s second: whip-smart, with a sense of dry humor, and always silently calculating. And yet, not once had she asked Arden anything remotely pressing. The more Nastasia didn’t ask, the more irritated Arden became.
Perhaps Arden was just grouchy and it was coloring the way she saw everything. That was a high possibility too.
She’d had a lot of visitors over the past couple of days. Roan, the idiot, kept coming. She might have even thought he worried about her, given how often he showed up. Coco and Annem had come as well, always together and always for a scant few minutes. Mina had dropped by several times. She’d take a seat and try to have a conversation, but as neither one of them wanted to speak about real issues, there had been very little to talk about. Even Saben had come to visit, though he was mostly silent. He’d fill her in on day-to-day activities so she felt like she knew what was happening beyond the walls she currently occupied.
And then there was Dade.
He’d come to visit as well. Except that every time he showed up, their conversation was strained. They were both aware of the camera. And knew that they couldn’t share what they were thinking. Seeing Dade, and yet not being able to connect on an emotional level, only heightened the tension between them.
No wonder she was crabby.
She’d had too much time alone. It gave her ample opportunity to think and plan. Her head was filled with a million different scenarios. And yet she hadn’t the ability to discuss them with anyone.
“Focus,” Nastasia reminded her. “Physical therapy is an important component to regaining full mobility.”
Arden grunted.
Nastasia turned off the flex plate and took it from Arden. Next, she had Arden do several stretches without any resistance. Then Nastasia gently put her hand against Arden’s triceps and pushed.
Arden let out a little gasp of distress that she couldn’t hold back.
The burn flared through her side. It moved along her body and into her chest. Making her feel as if her lungs had collapsed. Her mouth fell open as she began to pant in shallow bursts. Arden wanted to beg to relax her arm. Though she kept her mouth shut, she locked her jaw together, suffering through the pain.
Nastasia paused, her gaze assessing Arden. Then she released her, letting Arden’s arm drop. “We need to work on your range of motion.”
“It’s fine.”
“Sure, until you have to fight for your life. Stubbornness will get you killed.”
Arden couldn’t argue with that. Hearing the truth, though, poked at her anger. She rubbed at her side, in an ineffectual effort to loosen the skin there.
“How come you’re so smart about this stuff?” Arden asked. Most of them knew how to do field patching, but this required specialized knowledge.
“I trained to be a doctor before I joined Mina.”
Arden raised an eyebrow. “You wanted to be a doctor, and yet somehow you ended up in the gang of a weapons dealer. What did she have on you to get you to agree to that?”
Nastasia gave a bark of a laugh. “She didn’t manipulate me if that’s what you’re implying. I’m an idealist. It just so happens that my job here fits into that nicely. Turns out I can get more done illegally than I could in the medical profession.”
“I see.” Arden continued to rub her aching side, thinking.
What had surprised her the most when coming here was how much Nastasia was involved with the operation. And how clearly she had been in charge for a long time.
“Tell me the endgame,” Arden finally said.
Nastasia, who was putting away the equipment they used, paused and turned back to face Arden. “What are you talking about?”
“Mina. You. What the plan is for Dade and I.” Arden crossed her arms. “I asked Roan, and he doesn’t know. Or pretends not to know. I’m thinking maybe you’ll tell me what’s going on here.”
Nastasia didn’t say anything for a long time. And then when she did, her words were measured. “She’s offering you a family.”
Arden snorted.
“I’m not going to pretend she won’t ask you to do things that maybe you won’t like. That’s a given. But she knows who you are, and she knows you’re loyal to your core. It must have hurt when your gang turned against you.”
It felt like she’d been stabbed straight in the chest. Arden didn’t say anything. She couldn’t. Her breath had disappeared when creeping white began to fill the sides of her vision.
“Why don’t you give it time?” Nastasia asked. “See what happens. It’s not like you’ve got much to do anyway.”
Arden knew how that worked, though. That was how they sucked you in: fed you, gave you shelter, fixed your broken body. She wouldn’t fall for it.
Nastasia seemed to know the direction of her thoughts, because she asked, “Have you ever thought about taking what you deserve?”
“What do you mean?”
“You were dealt a pretty crappy hand. But that doesn’t mean that you have to live with it. You are perfectly capable of changi
ng things.”
Yeah, Arden had considered that. Had even followed through with it. And then it had all fallen apart. “Maybe I deserve this. I betrayed my family. Perhaps constantly fighting for a place in this world is the price I have to pay.”
Nastasia looked her straight in the eye. “Do you really believe that?”
Most days she did. When the guilt was too much and it all felt so crushing.
Walking over to her, Nastasia placed a gentle hand on her arm. “Some people are your family because you’re born with them. Some people become your family because you need them. These people are my family because I’ve chosen to be with them. And that’s the best kind of family to have.”
Was family a choice? Her cousin had said as much to her before his death. Had urged her to get out of Lasair and find a new path. She’d thought it meant either staying with her gang or leaving them completely. Yet more and more she was considering a third option.
Choose.
The thought was so simple, it left her bereft.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Dade walked next to Arden. He fought his instinct to say something to get her to smile. But if he did that, they might talk about other things. He wasn’t good at subterfuge. Avoiding anything that would require him to come clean seemed like the best course of action. “Are you happy to be out of the med bay?”
“I’m ready to escape the constant monitoring.” She sounded tired but mostly herself. “Nastasia said she’d find me a bunk after the meeting.”
Dade had swung by the med bay that morning to walk with her. He’d found her dressed, sitting on her bed waiting for him. He’d been surprised that she’d looked so well—perfectly put together again with no trace of her injury, including the closed-off expression he’d come to expect.
He’d kept tabs enough to know that she hadn’t wandered the compound, so he’d thought that she was still too weak to do so. That had been a mistake. He obviously hadn’t visited her enough to stay on top of her recovery status.
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