by Pam Howes
‘I’ll go and dish up while one of you takes Cathy up to the bathroom to wash her hands.’ She smiled, putting the thoughts of the bike out of her mind for now. No point in worrying before she needed to. ‘Good job it’s payday tomorrow. You can have a pint or two to celebrate on Saturday night.’
* * *
Alice woke from a deep sleep and lay listening to the muffled sounds of crying. Cathy? She rolled onto her back and reached her arm out to Terry’s side. But he wasn’t there. She sat up and switched on the bedside lamp. Terry was on the floor curled into a semi-foetal position, his pillow wrapped around his head, sobbing. As she slid out of bed he began to scream and thrash around, his arms flailing above his head. She hurried around to his side and dropped down beside him. She couldn’t remember if you were not supposed to wake someone from a nightmare, or was it sleepwalking? Alice sat by the side of the bed and rubbed his back gently, making soothing noises to him. After a few seconds that seemed like hours he woke up and stared at her, panting, terror in his eyes.
‘Terry,’ she whispered. ‘It’s okay, darling. It’s me, Alice. You’ve had a bad dream. Let’s get you back into bed, come on.’ She helped him to his feet and he clung onto her.
‘I thought I was back in France,’ he whispered. ‘I thought they were going to kill me.’
‘You’re safe,’ she said, as he lay beside her. She cuddled him close.
‘It must have been my walk through the bombed-out city that triggered the nightmare,’ he said. He took a slow deep breath, sweat still shining on his forehead. ‘I’m lucky to still have you and our baby.’
Alice smiled and kissed him. ‘And I’m lucky to still have you,’ she said, hoping the nightmare was a one-off and wouldn’t happen again. He’d seemed genuinely terrified and he was still shaking as she held him close.
* * *
Alice looked across the crowded concert room at the Legion and smiled as she saw Terry talking animatedly to Jack Dawson, the barman, who had gone out to collect empties. She pulled a pint for the customer standing at the bar in front of her and poured a gin and tonic for his wife.
‘Put the change in your tips, chuck,’ the man said and picked up his drinks.
‘Thank you,’ she called after him and dropped the few pennies into the pint pot where she and Jack pooled their tips. It was mounting up quickly tonight. They were really busy and, in spite of hardship, most customers had been telling them to keep the change. There’d be a few extra shillings to take home with her wages later to eke out next week’s housekeeping money. She might even be able to treat Terry to a packet of Woodbines as a surprise to last him until his first pay packet.
Jack put the empties onto the bar and Alice took them to the sink to wash while he collected more.
‘You okay, gel?’ he asked as he limped back towards her, his hands full. Jack had lost half his right foot in a shooting accident before the war got started properly. He’d been medically discharged from his soldiering duties and had thrown himself into helping at the Legion and raising money for injured soldiers by organising shows and raffles. ‘I’ll just finish collecting pots and then you can take a break with your hubby and mates. Great to see everyone enjoying themselves again, isn’t it? Good to have you back working again as well. I’ve missed you.’
Alice smiled. ‘Aw, thank you, Jack. I’ve missed you too. It’s nice to be back at work. I’ll pour myself a sherry ready to take across for my break.’
‘Pour me a scotch while you’re at it. Make it a double. Back in a minute.’
Alice poured the drinks and waited for Jack’s return. He liked his whisky, did Jack – a bit too much, some said. But Alice knew he drank to mask the nerve pain in his injured foot at times and tonight, with the steward and his wife being away for the weekend, they were extra busy and he might be feeling the pain more.
* * *
Terry smiled and moved over to make room for Alice as she joined the noisy table. She dropped a kiss on his lips and sat down beside him, raising her glass to everyone.
‘This was a good idea of Sadie’s,’ she said. ‘Lovely to see my old workmates again.’
‘Nice that you’ve all kept in touch,’ Terry said.
‘Well, Freddie and Marlene, along with Millie, are Cathy’s godparents, as you know, so we’ll always be in touch with them. Talking of Millie, she and Jimmy should be here soon too. They’re a bit late. Jimmy must have got delayed on his travels from Blackpool.’
The doors flew open as she spoke and Millie and Jimmy hurried inside. Jimmy went to the bar and Millie looked over as Freddie shouted to her. She waved and came over to the table, giving hugs and kisses all round.
‘Lovely to see you all again,’ she said. ‘I’m so excited about tonight. A bit nervous as well, because I haven’t sung for a while.’
‘I’m looking forward to hearing you sing,’ Terry said. ‘It’s a first for me.’
‘Oh, you’re in for a treat,’ Freddie said. ‘She’s got the voice of an angel, has our Millie.’
‘I’ll have a quick drink first to calm my nerves,’ Millie said, grinning at Freddie. ‘Then I’ll go and see Jack and the pianist to ask what time they want me to start.’
* * *
Jack introduced Millie and she began her first spot with ‘That Old Black Magic’. She was soon into the flow, flinging back her head, long blonde hair swishing around her face and shoulders. The claps and cheers and shouts for more echoed around the room. Next came ‘Swingin’ on a Star’, followed by Billie Holiday’s wistful ‘I’ll be Seeing You’.
Alice felt a mix of pride and emotion. Pride at seeing her lovely friend giving her all, and emotion, because the song reminded her of being without Terry for all those years. He tapped her hand and nodded to the dance floor. She got to her feet and he took her in his arms. They swayed together, eyes closed, lost in the music. Her head on his chest, Alice breathed in the scent of him. She felt a tremor go through her and was so glad they’d have the house to themselves when they got home.
As the audience rose to its feet and applauded, Millie took a bow and blew kisses, telling them she’d be back later to do an Andrews Sisters spot with her best friend Alice. Cheers and whistles followed and Alice smiled. They’d always finished Millie’s second spot with a duet or two. She walked with Terry back to his seat and then hurried behind the bar, where Jack raised an eyebrow at her flushed cheeks.
‘On a promise then, is he?’ he said, smirking.
‘Jack, don’t be so smutty. That’s the first dance we’ve had for over five years.’
‘Only teasing, queen,’ he said, pulling a pint and banging it onto the bar. ‘Here, take him that, from me. Right, who’s next?’ he called, turning his back on Alice.
Alice hurried over and gave the pint to Terry, who raised it in Jack’s direction. ‘Thanks, mate,’ he mouthed as Jack nodded.
Following a mad rush at the bar while everyone got a refill, Jack nipped to the stage and announced Millie’s second spot. She beckoned to Alice, who looked at Jack.
‘Can I? It can be my second break.’
‘Yeah, go on. The bar’s quiet for now.’
Millie began to sing ‘Don’t Fence Me In’ with Alice harmonising with her. They bowed to the applause and wolf-whistles and grinned at each other. Alice looked across at Terry and Jimmy, who were staring open-mouthed at the pair as they sang ‘Rum and Coca-Cola’ and couples got up to dance. She smiled at Sadie, who was dancing with Freddie, Alice’s foreman from Rootes. More people took to the floor as they sang ‘Don’t Sit Under the Apple Tree’ and then finished with ‘Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy’. And in spite of not having a band to back them, Alice felt they’d carried it all off well with the piano man’s help. She looked over at Jack, who was looking at his watch, an impatient expression on his face.
‘I’d better go back to the bar while you finish off,’ she whispered to Millie. ‘I’ll see you later.’
Jack announced last orders just before Millie began her final songs and Alice did
n’t have time to think as she pulled pint after pint and poured sherry and gin for the ladies.
‘I gather you enjoyed that?’ Jack said as a lull descended.
‘I loved it,’ Alice enthused.
‘Hmm.’ Jack nodded. ‘Can’t say as I’d be happy if fellas were wolf-whistling at my woman. Surprised Terry puts up with it.’
Alice stared at him and shook her head. ‘Terry doesn’t mind. He’s not the jealous type. Thank goodness.’
Jack shook his head and pushed past her to go and collect empties. Alice wondered what had made him say something like that, but was too busy to let it bother her for long. She just wanted to get cleared up as quickly as they could so she could get off home with Terry, to their much needed night alone.
3
December 1945
Leaving Terry snoring gently, Alice slipped out of bed, pulled on her dressing gown, slid her feet into fluffy slippers and crept down the stairs into the back sitting room. Shivering, she banked up the cinders in the fire grate with a shovel of nutty slack from the brass coal scuttle, threw on a firelighter and some twists of newspaper and ignited the lot with a match. Once the flames were roaring up the chimney, she drew back the curtains and grimaced at the dull grey sky that looked heavy with rain, or maybe even snow. It was certainly cold enough for it, as her mam would have said. In the kitchen she put the kettle on the hob and spooned tea leaves into the old brown pot that had been in use since Alice was born. Yawning, she stretched her arms above her head. Just over one week to go to Christmas and she was so looking forward to it this year.
It would be the first Christmas of six without the war and the first as a proper family, but sadly, the second without her lovely mam. As she rinsed two mugs at the sink, Alice thought back to Mam’s final Christmas in the convalescent home. She’d passed away not long after.
While the kettle boiled she went to pull back the curtains in the front room, smiling as she sniffed the pine-scented air. They’d decorated the best room with a real tree this year, complete with lights and baubles, and had hung crepe paper streamers on the walls and ceiling. Now the blackout linings were down, the criss-cross tape removed from all windows, and with the curtains remaining open until late at night, it was a joy to see all the pretty trees twinkling in the windows on Lucerne Street after such a long time of nothing but total blackness.
The festive air continued in the shops on Lark Lane. Although there were still shortages and rationing on many goods, things were easing slightly and people were looking relaxed again. The family had been invited to Terry’s mother’s for Christmas dinner and Alice was looking forward to it. Granny Lomax’s farmer friend had promised her a turkey this year. Terry had originally invited his mother here, but she was having none of it, and to keep the peace, Alice had persuaded him to go along with her plans. Granny had come to them last year while Terry was still away on the front, and insisted it was her turn to host this time. Brian wasn’t bothered either way, as long as he was fed and watered, and Cathy was always happy to spend time with her granny.
Back in the kitchen Alice brewed the tea and poured it into the two mugs. She popped the cosy on the pot and carried the mugs carefully up the stairs. Cathy and Brian were still sleeping, but Terry was awake, lying with his hands under his head on the pillow. He smiled, brown eyes twinkling, as she placed the mugs down on the bedside table.
‘Come on, get in quick,’ he said, throwing back the covers on Alice’s side of the bed for her to climb in beside him. She snuggled close and he kissed her, running his hands through her long brown hair, fingers tangling in the waves. She loved these few precious minutes with him before the kids woke up. Now a daddy’s girl, Cathy would be in soon with a book for Terry to read to her. She loved that he could do all the voices to the characters and he made her laugh.
Brian and Terry were getting along well and, with the exception of the motorbike issue, Alice was pleased that Terry had helped fill the gap that Rodney’s death had left. Brian needed a big brother. He was desperate for a go on Terry’s Harley-Davidson bike that he’d kept stored in his mother’s garage during the war, but Alice had forbidden Brian to get on it.
Last night as they’d got ready for bed Terry had casually let it slip to Alice that Jack had offered his services when he was ready to work on the bike. Terry had been to the Legion for a couple of pints and he said they’d discussed getting together soon at his mother’s house to take a good look at the Harley and see what work was required to get it back on the road. After standing unused for so long, the bike would need a complete overhaul and a good servicing before it was ready to ride again.
Now Terry was working again he’d been saving up for any parts the bike would need. He wanted to get it up and running as soon as possible so he could use it for his daily travel to Vauxhall instead of dashing out to jump on the overcrowded trams each day. Alice still wasn’t happy about Terry riding his bike, but at least it meant he’d be home a bit earlier than he would using the trams.
Alice finished her tea and Terry took the empty mug from her and pulled her into his arms. The door opened and their daughter ran into the room, giggling. She bounced onto the bed and squeezed in between them.
‘Passion killer,’ Terry said, tickling Cathy until she screamed for mercy. ‘That’s what you are, a right little passion killer.’
‘Passion killer,’ Cathy repeated, grinning. ‘I want my toast and chucky egg now.’
‘Oh you do, do you?’ Terry said. ‘Demanding little monkey, isn’t she, Mammy?’
Alice raised an eyebrow. ‘You’ve got your mother to thank for that. She’s always given in to her every whim.’ She lowered her voice. ‘And be careful what you say to her, she tells Granny everything!’
‘Does she indeed?’ Terry grinned and slid out of bed. ‘Mother was the same with me though, spoiled me rotten. But I’ve turned out all right, haven’t I?’
‘If you say so!’ Alice teased. ‘You’ll do, I suppose. I’d better get up. No lie-in even on my day off with this one. And as soon as Brian gets scent of the toast he’ll be up wanting breakfast too.’
Downstairs Alice put a saucepan of water on to boil for the eggs and sliced some bread. She turned on the grill and stood with her back to the sink while it heated up, deep in thought. On the surface of it Terry seemed fine, but sometimes at night he still had a recurring nightmare where he thrashed around in his sleep, crying out and howling for mercy. It made her blood run cold, imagining what he’d endured while abroad. When he awoke, sweat dripping from him, he refused to talk about the horrors that still haunted him. He’d told her he wanted to shut it all out of his mind now that he was home, but Alice knew it was impossible. What those poor men had gone through didn’t bear thinking about. All she could do was support him and hold him until the terrors passed and he fell back to sleep.
Millie said Jimmy was the same and she hoped the nightmares would pass or become less frequent once they were married. Millie had accepted Jimmy’s marriage proposal on the platform of Lime Street station on the day he and Terry were demobbed. They’d now set the date for Valentine’s Day in February. Prior to their engagement they had only met once, on the day Alice married Terry; Millie and Jimmy had been their witnesses at the wedding ceremony. The pair had written to each other throughout the war and become close enough to fall in love. Alice smiled as her thoughts veered all over the place with happy memories. Their friends’ wedding was something to really look forward to next year.
* * *
Alice groaned when Cathy was up at the crack of dawn on Christmas Day and rushed into their bedroom, dragging her sleepy parents down the stairs, whooping with delight at the sight of the gaily wrapped parcels under the tree. Cathy flopped down on the floor with a bulging stocking that she’d pulled off the end of her bed and proceeded to empty all the little things Alice had sought out, secretly wrapped and kept hidden away. Wax crayons, a colouring book, colourful ribbons and matching hair slides; a tangerine, an apple and a
shiny half-crown tucked in the toe.
She shrieked excitedly and put everything carefully to one side while she unwrapped the parcels under the tree. A chubby teddy bear with a red bow around his neck from her godfather Freddie and his wife Rose; a knitted cardigan in a soft shade of pink from godmother Marlene; a dolly wearing a nurse’s uniform from Millie and Jimmy (a timely reminder to Alice that Cathy might just decide to indulge her mother’s dreams of becoming a nurse one day); a teddy bears’ picnic jigsaw puzzle from Brian; and a beautiful red velvet party dress from Granny Lomax.
‘What a lucky little girl you are,’ Alice said.
‘Now it’s Mammy’s turn,’ Terry said, handing Alice a tiny red square box that he pulled from his dressing gown pocket.
‘For me?’ She opened it and gasped. Nestling inside on white satin was a ruby and diamond eternity ring. ‘Oh, it’s beautiful, Terry, thank you so much.’
Terry smiled and slid it onto her finger just above the wedding band he’d given her five years ago. ‘You waited an eternity for me, or that’s what it felt like, so it seemed appropriate to give it to you.’ He kissed her and she flung her arms around his neck.
‘Daddy’s turn now.’ Cathy pointed to a large parcel with Terry’s name on it.
Alice handed it to him. ‘Now, this doesn’t mean I approve, because you know I don’t, but if you’re planning to ride the damn thing, I’d like to see you dressed properly to protect your body.’
Terry tore off the wrapping paper and looked at the brown leather jacket lying on his lap.
‘Wow, Alice, a biking jacket; and a warm one at that.’ He stroked the thick sheepskin lining. ‘This will keep me snug as a bug. How on earth did you manage to get such a luxury? It must have cost you a fortune, love.’