by Pam Howes
Alice closed the door behind her and hurried along the deserted street and out onto Lark Lane. It wasn’t far to the Legion from here, but a fair bit further than when she lived at Granny Lomax’s bungalow. Still, the exercise was good for her and now the blackout was over, it was good to see street lamps lit again. It was still freezing cold, and the bitter wind blowing up from the Mersey didn’t help. She hoped Terry hadn’t gone too far and got lost on his way back.
The Legion was heaving as she walked into the reception area. There were lots of people dressed up in wedding finery. Two Bootle brothers had married twin sisters from Aigburth this afternoon at nearby St Michael’s church, so it was a big wedding to cater for. The steward, Arnold, and Jack looked rushed off their feet. Arnold’s wife, Winnie, was red-faced in the kitchen, hurriedly filling plates for the buffet.
‘Ah, Alice, thank God,’ she said. ‘Here, chuck, take some of these out there and put them on the table.’
Alice picked up two laden plates and carried them through to the room. The buffet tables were already dressed with white cloths and decorated with flowered garlands. Two white-iced wedding cakes stood in pride of place in the centre. Alice put down the plates and tweaked a garland into place. She hurried back to the kitchen and brought out more food. Another table that held the glasses for the toast also held small plates, napkins and neatly arranged cutlery. Winnie had been busy and Alice wished she could have come in a bit earlier to help her.
As the evening got underway, the room soon filled to capacity and the regulars were invited to join in the celebrations. The bar was busier than Alice had ever seen it. Tips were coming in thick and fast and her little pot was soon filled with sixpenny pieces and shillings. The money would go into their holiday fund. She and Terry were planning to take Brian and Cathy on a family holiday this year to Blackpool, so every spare penny was being saved towards it. She couldn’t wait; even though summer was months off yet.
When a lull finally came she managed to ask Jack how Terry’s trial run had gone.
‘It was great,’ Jack enthused. ‘He seemed really pleased with the bike’s performance. Haven’t you seen him since he got home?’
Alice shook her head. ‘He wasn’t back when I left to come here.’
Jack frowned. ‘He told me he was just popping to see a fella he works at Tate’s with down near the Dock Road when he left me, and then going straight home. He should have been back well before you left. He must have got held up somewhere. He’ll be back by now, I expect.’
‘Well I hope so, because I left the kids alone and I haven’t asked anyone to look in on them.’ She looked at the clock above the bar and chewed her lip. It was now almost ten. None of their neighbours were on the phone so she was unable to check if Terry was home yet. He’d said only the other day that they should think about getting a phone put in. She’d remind him tomorrow to make enquiries.
Just before eleven o’clock, Alice was collecting glasses and putting them behind the bar to wash when the doors flew open and two serious-faced police officers hurried in accompanied by her mother-in-law. One look at Granny Lomax’s pale and tear-stained face and Alice knew instantly that something had happened to Terry. Her hand flew to her mouth as the room spun out of focus and Jack caught her as she dropped to the floor. He carried her into the kitchen, beckoning the officers and Terry’s mother to follow him. Arnold rushed in from the busy bar and asked what was wrong.
‘We don’t know yet,’ Jack whispered. ‘You go back out and see to the customers, or you’ll have a riot on your hands. I’ll stay here with Alice.’
Granny Lomax took hold of Alice’s cold hand. ‘You have to be very brave, Alice my love,’ she began, her lips trembling. ‘The officers came to tell me that Terry has had a bad accident on his way home from the Dock Road. He skidded on ice and the bike hit a lamp post. His injuries are serious and he’s been rushed to the Royal Liverpool. He had no ID on him and it’s taken them a while to find out who he belonged to. His bike is still registered to my address so they came to me and thankfully not to yours and the children. We’re going to be taken to the hospital now.’ She stopped and took a deep shuddering breath.
Jack gasped as Alice remained silent, just sitting there shaking her head in disbelief.
‘Jesus. I’m so sorry to hear that,’ Jack said, his colour draining. ‘Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to come with you?’
Granny Lomax rounded on him. ‘I think you’ve done quite enough, young man. If you hadn’t encouraged Terry to get that damn bike back on the road this wouldn’t have happened. You told him it was safe enough to take out today after you did the brakes.’
‘And it was,’ Jack said. ‘He came back while I was still at your house and all was well. You saw that, before he went off again to see his mate, and I left to come here to work.’
‘Madam, this isn’t the time to lay blame,’ one of the officers said. ‘The roads are extremely bad tonight. I think we need to get this young lady to her husband’s bedside. Would you like the young man to accompany us, Mrs Lomax?’ He addressed Alice, who nodded.
‘I’ll just get my coat and let the boss know what’s going on,’ Jack said, glaring at Granny Lomax as he left the kitchen.
Alice looked at Granny Lomax, who was protesting loudly that she didn’t think Jack should come with them.
‘I want him there,’ Alice said. ‘He stood by me when my mam died and all the other times he’s supported me. He’s our friend and I need him there. Terry would want that too, I know he would.’
‘Very well. I’m not arguing with you, Alice. I just think it’s very inappropriate, this friendship you have with him.’
‘Now hang on a minute, Missus,’ Jack said, coming back into the room with his coat on and catching the end of the conversation. ‘There’s nothing inappropriate about me and Alice. We’re good pals and we look out for each other, that’s all. If she wants me there, then I’ll be there. I’ve spoken to Arnold and he will sort someone out to go and stay with the kiddies,’ he directed at a white-faced Alice as he helped her to her feet and handed her coat over. ‘Freddie and his missus and Marlene are out there. He’ll have a word with them. Come on, chuck, let’s get going.’
5
Alice and Terry’s mother were taken to a side room on a busy ward. Jack took a seat in the corridor outside, telling Alice he’d wait there and to let him know if she needed him. Alice took one look at her white-faced husband, his head swathed in bandages, and burst into tears. His face was bruised, his chin bore cuts and his nose looked broken. She sat beside the bed, his mother on the other side. Alice wished she’d go away and let her have time alone with Terry, but she couldn’t bring herself to say anything, as that would seem mean. He was her only child after all. She stroked his hand and willed him to open his eyes. There were things she wanted to say to him, to tell him how much she loved and needed him, but she wanted to say them privately.
Granny Lomax cleared her throat and dabbed at her eyes with an embroidered handkerchief. ‘Alice, I’m just going to see if I can find the ladies’. I won’t be long. Will you be okay for a few minutes?’
Alice nodded. ‘Of course. I’ll be fine.’ She waited until Granny left the room and closed the door; then leant her head on the bed as close to Terry as she could. ‘Oh, Terry, don’t leave me. I couldn’t bear it. I love you so much and I’ve only just got you back. Don’t leave me, please.’ She sobbed and clutched his hand but there was no response from him. ‘We’ve got so many plans, Terry. The holiday with Cathy and Brian in the summer, and the new baby you want us to have. You need to get well and strong for us all. We need you. I so wish you’d not gone on that bike. I just knew, a feeling deep down that something would happen.’
She stopped as the door opened and his mother slipped back into the room and resumed her place at the opposite side of the bed and took hold of his hand.
* * *
Terry passed away at six the following morning without ever regaining c
onsciousness. The doctor explained to Alice and his mother that his head injuries were so severe that, even if he’d come round, there would have been every possibility he would have been in a complete vegetative state and unable to do anything for himself. The thought of her lovely, energetic and lively husband being incapable of even feeding himself was enough for Alice to know that Terry’s death was merciful, if nothing else.
A white-faced Jack was called into the room after spending all night sitting on the chair in the corridor. He said his goodbyes to Terry’s lifeless form and helped Alice and Granny Lomax to the family room, where a nurse brought cups of tea and plates of toast.
‘Just take your time,’ she said and closed the door quietly as she left.
‘Sugar, Mrs Lomax?’ Jack held the teaspoon aloft as she nodded her head, her face ashen.
‘Put an extra one in,’ Alice whispered. ‘She’s in shock.’
‘And so are you, gel,’ Jack said. ‘Don’t try and be brave, Alice. Is there anyone I can contact for you?’
Alice took a deep shuddering breath. ‘There are only the children, and I’m hoping Arnold did get Freddie and his wife to call in and look after them after we left the club last night.’
Jack nodded. ‘He will have done. Don’t worry about the kids right now. They’ll be fine.’
Alice sighed as fat tears ran down her cheeks. She felt totally empty and heartbroken. She and Terry’d had so little time together after all those years apart. It just felt so unfair to lose him now when they were on the verge of doing all they’d planned to do, before they were married and he’d had to go away. Brian and Cathy were going to be heartbroken too.
‘I hope so,’ she said. ‘I expect Marlene will have gone with them too, so between her and Freddie, they’ll have managed.’
* * *
After a lovely church service at St Michael’s, attended by all their Lark Lane neighbours and friends, including some of Terry’s ex-regiment and Alice’s Rootes ex-co-workers, he was laid to rest alongside his late father in the graveyard. Alice had asked Arnold and his wife to put on a wake for Terry at the Legion and everyone was invited back.
‘To think that my boy survived six years of being shot at by enemies abroad and then came home, only to be killed in his own city, beggars belief,’ Granny Lomax said to Arnold as he poured her a third gin and orange. ‘To say I feel heartbroken is an understatement. But life has to go on and Alice and the children need all the support they can get right now.’
‘Aye, you’re right, Missus,’ Arnold said. ‘And they’ll get it. Me and the missus will always be there for her, and Jack’s planning a fund-raiser to help her and the kiddies out.’
‘Huh, Jack!’ she grunted. ‘Trying to salve his conscience, no doubt. If he hadn’t sent my boy out on a bike with faulty brakes, Terry would still be here.’
‘Well we don’t know for certain that it did have faulty brakes, so it’s not right to blame Jack,’ Arnold said. ‘He feels badly enough about things as it is. Maybe it’s best to keep comments like that to yourself for now until we get a full report back from the police.’
Granny Lomax banged her glass down and shook her head. ‘I don’t need any police reports to tell me what I know is the truth.’
Jack, who was standing behind Arnold, shook his head. ‘That’s the drink talking. Don’t let her have any more, Arnold. She’s not used to knocking them back this early in the day.’
He signalled to Alice, who was sitting with Millie and Sadie, all nursing glasses of sherry, eyes red-rimmed from the tears they’d shed in church. She hurried over to the bar, wiping her nose on a soggy hanky.
‘What’s up, Jack?’
Jack pointed at Granny Lomax’s back as she made her way to a table where her next-door neighbour was seated with his wife and Granny’s farmer friend.
‘Your ma-in-law is going on about faulty brakes again,’ he whispered. ‘People will start talking if they hear her. Try and persuade her to eat something. The gin’s gone right to her head and loosened her tongue.’
Alice sighed. She filled a small plate at the buffet table, took it across to Granny and sat down beside her.
‘I think you should try and eat something,’ she said gently. ‘It doesn’t do to drink on an empty stomach. We don’t want you being ill in front of Brian and Cathy. It might upset them and they’ve had enough of that this last couple of weeks.’ She looked over at her brother and little daughter, who were at the next table, eating sandwiches. She smiled reassuringly at Cathy, whose lips trembled as she did her best to smile back. It was an effort to be brave for them and was going to be a long haul, but the three of them would pull together and cope. They were a team, and they’d manage, they’d have to.
Granny’s neighbour patted Alice’s arm. ‘Don’t you worry,’ he said. ‘We’ll get her to have a bite to eat and then take her home with us. She needs a bit of time to herself.’
‘Thank you,’ Alice said. ‘That’s a weight off my shoulders. I’ll go and see to my little girl now. She doesn’t really understand what’s happened and I have to put her first and look after her and my young brother too.’
She went to Brian and Cathy and took them to sit with Sadie and Millie. Millie lifted Cathy onto her knee and cuddled her. Jimmy came over from talking to Freddie and Marlene and asked if anyone would like another drink. They all nodded and he came back from the bar a few minutes later with a laden tray.
‘Thanks, Jimmy.’ Alice raised her glass, tears streaming down her cheeks. ‘To Terry, the love of my life. May you rest in peace, my darling.’
* * *
The day after the funeral Millie and Jimmy came to the house. Millie carried a cake that her mam had sent round.
‘I’ll put the kettle on,’ Alice said, leading the way into the back room. ‘Have a seat.’
As they all sat around the table drinking tea, Jimmy cleared his throat. ‘Er, we’ve something to tell you,’ he began. ‘We’re moving over to Blackpool to my parents’ place while we save up to apply to move to Canada. We can get there quite cheaply under the government immigration scheme, but we need savings for when we arrive.’
‘Sorry we’re dropping it on your toes now, Alice,’ Millie apologised. ‘It’s not the right time, I know, but Jimmy has got a job lined up to start next week and he can do extra work at the weekends with his dad and the fishing business. So we have to go tomorrow to get settled in.’
Alice nodded, but felt too numb to properly take in what they were telling her. Life had to go on. Everything wasn’t going to come to a stop because she’d been widowed. Millie and Jimmy had been there for her this last couple of weeks and she couldn’t expect them to put their lives on hold indefinitely.
‘You can always get the train over to see us when the weather gets a bit better. Maybe at Easter in the school holidays,’ Millie suggested.
‘Yes, we might do that,’ Alice said. ‘Write to me, won’t you? Don’t lose touch.’
‘Of course I will,’ Millie said. ‘And we’ll be coming over to see Mam and Dad so we’ll always call in when we do that. And my mam said if there’s anything they can do for you, you’ve only got to ask.’ She put her arms around Alice and gave her a big hug as Alice fought back the tears that seemed never-ending at times.
* * *
Alice did her best to pick up the pieces of her life in the months following Terry’s death. She struggled with her emotions and couldn’t sleep at night. She tossed and turned and cried quietly into her pillow so the children wouldn’t hear her. The awful feeling of knowing Terry was never coming home again washed over her each morning to the point that she didn’t even want to get out of bed, but she forced herself to carry on for the sake of Brian and Cathy. She didn’t want to end up like her mam after Alice’s dad had died, staying in bed all day and getting more and more depressed as time passed.
Going back to work at Lewis’s with Sadie had been a big help. And Marlene had offered her baby-sitting services on Saturday nights so
that Alice could still work her shifts at the Legion. Everyone told her that keeping busy was the best thing for her and she had to agree that they were right. Having spent so much time alone while Terry was away, she knew she was quite capable of coping again, even though it was the last thing she felt like doing.
She threw herself into everything she could, so that not a moment of time was wasted on sad thoughts and what ifs. She had her memories to look back on when she was alone at night and she sobbed herself to sleep for her Terry, whose arms would never again wrap around her, whose lips would never demand hers again. But there were also times when she felt so angry with him for messing about with the damn bike, even though he’d known it worried her to death. If only she’d kicked up more of a fuss and demanded he got rid of it. But that would have made her a nagging wife, and he wouldn’t have listened anyway, only laughed away her fears.
Cathy had taken to sharing her bed in the early hours, crying for her daddy. Granny Lomax said Alice was making a rod for her own back but Alice ignored her warnings; if it comforted both her and Cathy to cuddle up together then it was no one else’s business but theirs.
* * *
Alice bent to pull a tray of buns out of the oven and popped them down on the worktop to cool. She’d ice them later. Sadie was coming over with Gianni for the afternoon and then, after tea, she and Alice were going to the Mayfair to see a late matinee while Brian looked after the little ones. Sadie had insisted it would do her good to come out for a while and she’d even offered to pay as a treat. They were going to see a George Formby film, George in Civvy Street. The girls at work had told them it was funny and Alice felt she could do with cheering up a bit.