by Sophie Pert
It took a very long time, and when they were done I left the bar and stumbled out onto the dark streets.
So here I am, wandering home through empty streets. Wishing beyond wish that something good would happen to me. Knowing that it never will.
I glanced at my watch again, barely visible in the dark, and see that it is now 11:42. Almost midnight. Almost time to check off another day on the calendar and proclaim yet another failed attempt to make my life something more than terrible.
I was so focused on wallowing in my own self-pity that I didn’t even notice the festival until I was already in the midst of it.
One minute I was wandering down a street, a moment of staring at my shoes and when I look up again there is a flurry of activity all around me.
Surrounding me on all sides were tents and lights and colours and people. A street festival, with music and celebration blasting out into the night air.
I know vaguely where I am, know where my house is from here at least, and to get to my destination I have to go through this. Yet another in a long line of terrible and unfortunate events, of course my luck would have me surrounded by happy people when I’m having one of my horrible nights.
Resolving to give up on the outside world and live as a hermit in my apartment for the rest of my days I stomp forward, trying to get through this place as quickly as possible.
It was a riot of colour and activity all around me. The sights and sounds were overwhelming, it was all I could do to press through it. It felt like I was moving against an overwhelming current.
Then I noticed it, moving straight towards me, a massive line of bodies. A parade.
They stood shoulder to shoulder, flying streamers and playing instruments. As they came along through the crowd everyone either joined the party or stepped off to the side.
I chose the side and so, apparently, did everyone around me.
When the parade surged past us, everyone took a step back to give them space. In the midst of the cacophony of sound and the confusion of colour I lost my footing and stumbled backwards through a curtain, into a darkened tent.
My eyes struggled to adjust to my surroundings, to see something in the dark. At first the flickering of the candles came into view, and then the curtains and tapestries. Last I saw the man, sitting stationary and still.
I jumped a little as my eyes fell on him and I saw him staring back, unblinking.
“Hello,” he said in a whisper, and for the first time I realized I couldn’t hear anything else except for his voice and my breathing, the raucous noise of the crowd outside had faded away into silence.
I couldn’t speak.
“Please sit,” the words were polite, but the intonation, it seemed to be a command. I obeyed.
There was a table between us, and we sat in silence. I burned a hole in the tabletop with my silence, spending an inordinate amount of effort scrutinizing the pattern of the tablecloth until it started to spin. Then I looked up.
He was observing me, seemed to be looking at me with a level of concentration that I had never seen before. I felt laid bare before him, like I would never be able to hide from his gaze.
“I’m a loser,” I said bluntly, “I’ve been a loser for as long as I can remember and I can’t seem to shake it. I can’t make a connection with anyone and I’m always alone. I’m failing at my job, I’m failing at my personal life and I’m failing at… I’m failing at everything…”
He sat still again, unflinching.
I continue, “I know when it started. I know what would have… what would have changed everything. College, my first year. If I had just… you know they make such a big deal about losing your virginity. Everyone does. If I could have just done it in the first year I know everything would be different. If I could just go back.”
“You can,” he whispered, and with those two soft and simple words it was like blowing away a fog. I knew he was telling the truth. I instantly believed him, completely and utterly.
He held up a single feather, small and pure snow white, “This feather. All you have to do is speak your wish aloud and set this feather aflame. Once it ignites, then your wish will come true.”
He placed the feather on the table and continued, “Be warned though, what you wish will come to pass, you will not be able to take it back. If you alter your reality, you will lose this reality. You will not be able to come back.
“Make your wish specific, make certain that it is what you want. When you make your wish you must be as clear as possible, or the world you wake up in may not be the one you wished for.”
He sat back, clasping his hands and going silent once more.
The choice was an easy one, I had nothing in this life for me. Any different reality would surely be better than this one.
I grasped the feather between my thumb and index finger and spoke the next words without thinking, all in a rush, “I wish I had a better time in college and that I was happier and that I lost my virginity the very first day,” then I dipped the feather into the candle on the table.
It burst into flame all at once, the bright flash of light blinding me and leaving behind smoke and a dimly fading light. I felt my eyes grow heavy and sleep came upon me all at once.
---
I dreamed I was floating in a field of darkness, a pitch black field as far as the eye could see.
The light came from all around all at once. Not bright and white and shocking it was warm and soft and red, like viewing a lightbulb through closed eyes.
It came with warmth, a soft and smooth warmth like the midday sun on bare skin or the comfort of a blanket on a cold winter's night. I relaxed in it, letting it surround and suffuse me.
It made me relax.
Then the pressure started, bit by bit and slowly it started to press on me and press into me. It felt remarkable on my skin, like it was scouring me, lightly scraping at me and removing everything until my skin felt raw and pure in its stead. Then it pressed on me further, wiggling into my pores and pressing down onto me.
It felt like I was being surrounded by clay, the warm red clay of the earth.
The pressure increased, and I felt it press down on me. It pushed onto me, wrapping around me and pressing the breath from my lungs. It felt like it was crushing me, felt like it was almost unbearable.
Then it receded, pulling away from me and leaving me changed. Somehow. How I did not know.
As the world faded back into black it left me behind.
I slipped back into nothingness.
---
The light pouring through the window was sharp and bright, unlike my dream it was the harsh light of midday.
I didn’t like it.
I wanted to go back, back to the comfortable warmth of the between place, back to the warm red clay place.
But that unfortunately wasn’t an option.
So instead I stretched, letting my muscles unclench and relax, moving slowly and luxuriously like a cat.
I realized with a dull sense, something sparking in the back of my mind, that I wasn't in my bed at home. Something about this place seemed different, different and yet somehow familiar.
It felt like a place I had been before, someplace I has spent a lot of time, someplace I hadn’t been for quite a while.
I opened my eyes.
The ceiling, white stucco yellowing slightly with age. Bare walls pockmarked from the memory a hundred thumbtacks. Stiff mattress below me, bare and firm.
I knew where I was in an instant.
I was back in college.
I sat bolt upright in my bed, my so familiar bed and glanced to my left, to the place I knew it would be. My calendar, one of those rip a page for each day inspiration quote calendars. The date was staring right back at me. My first day of school, the day I moved in.
Wow.
It had actually worked.
I’d gone back in time.
I had a second chance, a chance to be someone better. A chance to change my life.
/> This was my freshman dorm room, a place I was incredibly familiar with.
The first time around it hadn’t even taken a week in college for me to realize that popularity was out of my grasp once again and so this place became my refuge, the only place I could go to get away from the crowds of people. I spent most of my time here as a result, if you needed to find me you could count on me either being here or in class. After the first month I didn’t even eat in the cafeteria anymore, I would just bring my food back here.
That wound up not sitting well with my roommate.
He was an outgoing type, always able to easily make friends, chat up the ladies, bring them back to his place. Then when he got them back I was there and… well he was of the opinion that I ruined his chances.
I don’t think I did.
Sure maybe he would have had a better track record if I wasn’t such a wet blanket, but the many sleepless nights I had from the sounds coming from his side of the room was more than enough evidence that I didn’t destroy his chances.
Maybe he just wanted someone more like him for a roommate, someone more like a wingman than a wet blanket.
Personally I think he was just a bit of a jerk.
Now I might not have been the greatest roommate, but that still didn’t excuse the shitty way he treated me. It seems like everytime he saw me he had another stupid comment, some way to put me down. He did it in front of other people and he did it when it was just the two of us and I honestly don’t know which is worse.
It destroyed my confidence and it led to me having a reputation as a loser, and that reputation carried with me through my entire time at school.
Honestly though, as mean as he was to me I think he was worse to the women he brought over.
It’s not that he was mean to them, not to their faces at least to them he was always an upright and perfect gentleman. Once he’d gotten what he wanted from them he changed.
He didn’t answer their calls, he avoided them around campus, he used them and dropped them to the curb.
Plus he talked. To me, to his friends, to people he brought back to the room he spread rumors and gossip about how easy the girls were.
It wasn’t just my reputation he ruined, he ruined everyone he came into contact with.
He got away with it too, I don’t know how exactly but he did. He was just, he had this charm about him that made it difficult to hate him and oh so easy to believe him. There was this air about him while he spread these rumors, that he was doing it for your sake, that he was helping you out. The people he ruined, they might hate him but everyone else thanked him for his ‘important information’.
Of course that was in the past now, or was it the future? Either way it didn’t matter.
Now, evidently, I was back in college.
I wasn’t going to be a wet blanket again.
I wasn’t going to make the same mistakes again.
That starts with mistake number one, trying to be friends with Zack my asshole roommate.
First things first I get up off the bed. I need to get myself looking presentable and get out of this room, get out there and make some friends while it’s still daylight out. Shouldn’t come back here until it’s late and dark.
Zack’s first impression of me should be the guy that stumbles into the room drunk and happy and trailing friends. He should immediately think that I’m the sort of guy that gets along with everyone.
More importantly I had an objective. If this really was caused by that wish, and I don’t see how it wouldn’t be, then that meant that the lucky girl I would lose my virginity to is out there somewhere and I needed to find her as quickly as possible. Afterall my wish had been that I lose my virginity on the very first day of college, so today was my lucky day.
Time to get out there and get this done.
Eager and excited I jump out of bed and immediately trip, stumble and tumble to the ground.
Lying there, with the cold tile floor on my face, I can’t help but grin stupidly and think ‘Way to get a good start to the day’.
I giggled to myself, trying to figure out why exactly I had tripped. I hadn’t tripped over anything it just… It felt weird... When I stood up it felt like my centre of gravity was all different.
Now that I thought about it everything felt all different. Felt like I wasn’t myself.
I shuffled around on the floor, moving up to a sitting position and putting my back against the side of my bed.
This outfit I was wearing, what was this? A baggy sweater and sweatpants? All grey? I mean I’m not the most fashionable but this was ridiculous even by my standards. So plain and formless and the material felt so rough against my skin.
I touched the sweater and felt, underneath the cloth, something odd and unfamiliar.
What was this body? It definitely wasn’t mine.
What exactly had I wished for?
I reached down, tentatively, grasping the bottom of my sweatshirt with both hands and pulled up.
I was breathing heavily now, breathing hard as I pulled the sweatshirt over my head and threw it to one side. Then I looked down and had to stop myself from screaming.
What I saw was definitely not my body, and whatever had happened with that wish it had definitely gone wrong, because what I saw staring me in the face was a torso clad in a tight tanktop and underneath that tanktop were two breasts. Two breasts I definitely didn’t have before.
I grabbed at them with my hands, one hand on each breast, and tried to do… something… I pulled at them, lifted them and saw that yes, they definitely were attached to me. They’re a part of my body.
I felt like I was hyperventilating. Going dizzy with disbelief.
Slowly I released my breasts - Wait. No. Not my breasts, let’s just go with the breasts.
Slowly I released the breasts and, concentrating on taking it one step at a time, I got up off the floor. Standing, clad in a white tanktop and grey sweatpants I turned towards the mirror I knew was on the back of the hallway door.
I saw this body for the first time, and the girl staring back at me was definitely all woman.
She had short blonde hair, pixie cut style, that was a bit messed up from lying in bed. Her skin wasn’t pale, but at the same time not tan. She looked like she didn’t spend much time outdoors, but that she wasn’t naturally pale. Her body was nice, frankly, not too skinny but I wouldn’t even venture to call her chubby. She didn’t have an ounce of unnecessary fat on her, but her stomach wasn’t exactly washboard abs either. She looked soft, like she had something to grab onto where necessary, but never too much.
Her breasts were perky, just a bit bigger than perfect handfuls they stood up off her chest proudly. They looked like they would be so much fun to play with.
She had an innocent sort of look to her, like she wasn’t much familiar with how the world worked and would be ever so grateful to you if you would show her. Her eyes were big and round, beautifully bright blue orbs with long lashes. Her nose was a cute button in the centre of her face, it twitched just slightly as I noticed it. Her lips, her lips were possibly the most indecent part of her. They looked so soft, so full, so inviting. They were the sort of lips I’d spent hours fantasizing about touching, about kissing, about parting with the head of my-
My cock!
I broke out of my reverie and a panicked look crossed the face of the girl in the mirror. Ignoring everything else for a second I hooked my thumbs into the waistband of the grey sweatpants and pushed them down. Down over shapely and full hips. Down past a plump and perky butt. Down to the ground, to puddle around petite ankles and tiny feet.
This girl was wearing a pair of booty shorts underneath the sweatpants, shorts that clung to her hips and ended just too short, just enough that you could see the bottom of her butt cheeks. They were tight and form fitting and even though I knew it couldn’t be there anymore I had to be certain.
I unzipped the shorts and plunged a tiny hand inside, between her thighs.
I
t was gone.
In it’s place there was something, something very different.
I knew what it was, even if I had never touched one before. The soft lips and indentations, the slight wetness, the slick sensation.
A vagina.
Oh my.
I yanked my hand, out from between my legs and stumbled back, breathing heavily. I kept backing up, away from the mirror, until I hit the desk behind me. Reaching out I placed both hands on the desktop to hold me up and tried to centre myself.
How was this possible? How could this happen? How could the universe be so cruel?
How could I have a second chance only to have it messed up like this?
I guess it figured. I never could just have it easy.
I looked at the reflection in the mirror, she leaned against a desk staring back at me. She looked confused and a little sad, and somehow that didn’t diminish her attractiveness. I lifted a hand to wave, she waved back. She cracked a smile.
“Well at least I’m attractive,” I said, a soft and sweet voice lilted through the air.
She was cute, and now that the unattractive grey sweatpants were off it was apparent that she was pretty fit as well. Like I said before she isn’t athletic, at least not in appearance. She doesn’t look like she spends every hour in the gym but she looks like she enjoys a good long run every once and awhile. She’s cut and she looks like she’d be a lot of fun to hang around with.
And now, with her hair dishevelled, her shorts unbuttoned, and breathing heavily from the shock of it all. Well now she looked like she was on the verge of jumping on whoever the nearest guy was and riding him until she came to a shuddering climax.
Right now, staring at this reflection in the mirror, I found myself staring into the eyes of a very horny girl.
She bit her lip, and knew exactly what came next.
Her fingers played at the hem of her shirt, flicking at it and revealing flashes of her toned and tight tummy. Bit by bit she drew it up her midsection, showing more and more of her smooth and soft skin. Her nails dragged lightly over her taut skin, leaving light red lines as they drew themselves up her torso.