“No… not really. It wasn’t any noise you made, but rather, the lack of noise. I think I sensed your absence and that woke me.”
“I was hoping the massage would help you sleep later.”
“Well, it helped me sleep much better, thank you.” Liz was a bit shy about how intimately he had touched her, even though it was all in the name of easing her pain. Just the thought of his hands on her like that had goose bumps raised all over her skin, to say nothing of achingly tightened nipples. She wanted him! But he didn’t seem to feel as affected. She nibbled her lower lip, glad that he was on that side of the room. Maybe he wouldn’t notice her sweaty palms, or the increase in her heart rate. She tried to mask her need with lighthearted banter. “Imagine my surprise when I got up this morning to make myself some breakfast and discovered that the grocery elves had visited. How’d you manage to do that?”
“I still can’t believe that you were here all week with nothing to eat,” he growled.
“I had food,” she countered.
“A couple of packs of ramen and one egg of questionable age do not constitute food. You had no bread, no milk, no meat . . . No wonder you’re so rail-thin.”
Silence. He was right.
“Why didn’t you tell me your father had massive debts that you had been trying to pay off – by yourself?” he asked. He didn’t even try to keep the admonishment out of his voice.
Liz replied, “Why are you always scolding me ?”
“Because you need it. You need a lot more than scolding, Elizabeth.” As he warmed to the subject, Vidar approached her, planting his hands on the couch on either side of her, trapping her. “You need someone to keep you in line, and keep you from starving yourself to death because you’re too damned proud to ask for help.”
He didn’t plan it; it just fell out of his mouth as he started speaking. “And I am that someone, Beth, whether you like it or not.”
Her response, too, just came out automatically. “You are not.”
She wanted to lean on him! She wanted to let him take control of her life, but he had yet to say one very important little word…. Love. Maybe he was just feeling responsible for her. After all, he was her godfather.
“Yes, I am,” Vidar insisted. “Who else is going to hold you to account, Elizabeth?”
“You’re ignoring the fact I’m a grown woman and I don’t want to be held accountable, Vidar.” It was a lie; she definitely did want it and not by anyone but him.
“I know you don’t, sweetie. But it’s the best thing for you.” His answer was given softly but with a backbone of pure steel. Then he whispered huskily, “And you can’t tell me that you truly don’t want me. I see desire written all over your face. You’re flushed, and your breathing has increased, and I bet if I were to explore you, I’d find you were quite ready for me.”
Liz buried her face behind her hands, mortified. “Vidar, don’t,” she pleaded.
“You never answered my question.”
“Which one?” she asked, proud of the sarcastic bite she threw into it. The man could be like an interrogator at times.
“The one about why you didn’t come to me when you knew you were in dire financial straights; that’s which one.”
She shrugged. “Why would I go to you? You don’t have any obligation to me. I’m just the daughter of your employer from nearly a decade ago.”
She felt the couch dip as he sat down beside her, close, but not touching. “Is that really the way you think of me?”
What did he want her to say? she wondered. That he was the only man who starred in all of her steamiest dreams? That she secretly wished he would come and take her in hand, give her rules and make sure she obeyed them, make mad, passionate love to her after blistering her bottom…. Liz knew she couldn’t say any of those things to him. Not until she knew how he felt about her! Did he truly love her? Did he want to spent the rest of his life with her? Could they have the relationship her parents had shared, or was she no more than a passing fancy to him, someone to play with and then set aside like an old Christmas present he had outgrown?
Back on the island she had felt treasured… but then he’d gone to work, and last night, well, she couldn’t even think about last night without embarrassment. He’d spanked her! And after dinner, he’d put her to bed like a small child. No words of love, no expressions of devotion. Last night he had reacted more like a concerned uncle than a lover.
She wasn’t about to bare her soul, to share her innermost secrets when she was quite sure that she was going to have her heart handed back to her in shreds. No, she’d much rather spend her life alone, dreaming about what might be without having those hopes and dreams dashed in the harsh reality of his rejection.
“I guess I have my answer, don’t I?” he said to break the long, soul-crushing pause.
Liz hadn’t meant to keep him hanging like that while her mind was whirling with a thousand possible responses, none of which were the truth. But she still couldn’t come up with anything to say that wouldn’t reaffirm his supposition or reveal entirely too much about how she felt about him.
“I’ve already done some poking into what’s going on with your father’s debts and I think you might well have overpaid some of them. I’m going to check into that and get back to you.” His voice was flat and didn’t invite question or comment. Then he rose and retreated to the office.
Liz stared at the space he had vacated, tears filling her eyes. She blinked repeatedly, trying to staunch their flow. It was no use. She wiped them away with her figures, but then she had to find a tissue for her nose. Damn him! Damn that man! How could he do that to her, lead her on, and then leave her hanging! Grrr! Maybe he should just go back to his Denver office. They seemed to get along better over the phone than in person.
She dumped the last of her Pop Tart into the trash. Her stomach was in too many knots to digest anything right then. She stashed the plate in the dishwasher, slamming a few cupboard doors while imagining all the horrid things she would like to do to that man right then.
“Don’t you just look like one of the zombies from ‘Walking Dead’,” Tracy commented when she arrived an hour later with a box of donuts and a stack of fliers to mail.
“Bite me.”
“What’s got your panties in a bunch today?” her long time friend asked with real interest.
No one, and that’s the problem, Liz thought, but kept it to herself. “Nothing. Let’s just get to work, shall we?”
Work they did, the rest of the day and into the early evening hours. Vidar never once came out of his office – not that she could tell – not to grab a bite to eat or even to use the bathroom. That closed wooden door was symbolic of the barricades they had built between them. The lack of communication and trust. The lack of commitment. Liz did her best to drown herself in her cause, but eventually she had to let her friend go, leaving her alone to deal with the silence screaming from the office. And that silence was named Vidar.
She fixed herself something to eat, tossing a frozen dinner in the microwave, which she later enjoyed on the couch in front of the television. She intentionally left her empty dishes on the couch. Vidar had always hated it when her parents let her eat meals away from the kitchen table. He felt that every meal should be served at a table with napkins, manners, and candlelight. If this didn't get a reaction from him, nothing would!
Then she retreated upstairs to her bedroom. Last night Vidar had tucked her into bed, and she had felt so treasured. He’d massaged her back, easing her pain more than any prescription had ever managed to do.
It took a while for her to fall asleep. Part of her kept hoping that he would come to her room. It made her smile, thinking of him all tall and dark and mysterious, snuggled up next to her on the pink full-sized bed that was teaming with stuffed animals, ruffles, and lace. But he never came. Just as she was about to drift off to sleep, she thought she heard him on the stairs, but her eyes drifted shut before she could be sure. And in the morning, wh
en she awoke she was alone.
* * * * *
Liz pulled on a pair of fuzzy slippers and skipped downstairs for breakfast. If Vidar wanted to mope, lurking about in the dark corners of the cabin, let him. She wasn’t going to let him ruin what could turn out to be a perfectly lovely day. At least, if she kept telling herself that, she might start to believe it.
Vidar was in the kitchen, though. Didn’t that man ever sleep? At least his clothes looked rumpled, as though he’d slept in them, and his expression looked like he might not have slept at all. She felt a moment of pity for him, but then she shook it off. She was here, after all. She was ready for a relationship with him… he was the one to clam up, to shut her out. Well, two could play that game. She wasn’t going to say a thing to him until he spoke first.
She dug out the box of Pop Tarts again, just to irritate him, although she would really have preferred an omelet. She made a show of opening the package, smacking her lips as she lowered the treat into the toaster. Leaning over the toaster while it heated up, she drew in a deep breath and savored the sweet aroma.
“Brat,” Vidar grumbled.
“Well, I’ll be damned,” she said sarcastically.
“Watch your language, young lady.”
“You’re speaking to me again. I guess I should get down and kiss the ground.”
Vidar grabbed her and pulled her in, wrapping her securely in his embrace. He inhaled deeply, tickling the area around her ear as he did. “We need to talk,” he whispered.
She shrugged. At least, she tried to, but held as closely as she was, she didn’t have much room to move at all. “Talk is over-rated. I need to eat.”
“I really didn’t like your characterization of me yesterday as just a man who used to work for your father.” He turned, pressing her up against a wall, then used one of his big booted feet to separate hers, forcing her to spread her legs to accommodate the intrusion of one his big thighs between her much more delicate ones.
It was entirely too intimate a position and Liz knew she should have been protesting his familiarity but she couldn’t seem to catch enough breath to do so. This stance had her just slightly off balance – which she imagined was exactly what he intended – and her hands itched to reach out and clutch the front of his shirt. She leaned against him, partly so that she wouldn’t end up collapsing entirely against him, but mostly because she desperately wanted to feel those hard muscles beneath her palm.
“We both know I was much more that. I am sorry for the misunderstanding that came between us for the past eight years, and I accept at least partial responsibility for that. I’m also sorry that I didn’t keep closer tabs on you. I could have. I could have followed your career, but I thought by staying away, maybe you would find a good man to love you and take care of you. But I find I am just not that noble any more. I cannot let another man take that job away from me. I am done with that, along with you thinking that I’m just some stranger in your life. That is going to end. Right now.”
Vidar tipped her chin up and pressed his mouth to hers. It was slow and sultry and had her heart puddling at her feet. She knew she should have been protesting the way he’d just strolled in here and taken over – as usual – but he was making her feel much too good to do anything that might jeopardize the heaven of his lips on hers. He was a perfect kisser. He kept the pressure just right – firm but not too demanding – as his tongue danced with hers, teasing and tempting and delighting in her responses.
One big hand came up to cup the back of her head when he thought she might decide to try to end it, and he wasn’t going to have any of that until he was good and ready. He’d obviously been much too patient – and by his own fault too absent – with her, not showing her demonstrably just how he felt about her. Not any more.
By the time he left her mouth to drop soft, tingling kisses down column of her throat, Liz’s knees were ready to buckle, and he knew it, too, damn him. She could tell by that annoying self-satisfied look on his face.
He forced her chin up again, so that she had to meet and yield to those stark blue eyes. “Now. I suggest you abandon any preconceived notions about who you think I am. I am your friend, and I’m not about to allow you to starve yourself to death because of your own stubborn pride, Elizabeth.”
She opened her mouth to respond, but wisely closed it again at the look in those eyes.
“And I intend to be much, much more than that, whether you like it or not.” He pressed his hips forward sharply and angled his thigh up, pressing it firmly against the notch between her legs, catching her unaware and reveling in the way her eyes widened in surprise then closed just slightly.
He’d put her into such a position – essentially straddling his thigh quite obscenely – that she had no choice but to grab handfuls of his shirt in order to stay upright. “L-let m-me down,” she protested, but it sounded weak and hesitant to her own ears. She could imagine what it sounded like to his predatory ones.
Instead he kissed her again, deeply, as he forced her to ride that broad, hard thigh of his, catching her mewls and groans of pleasure in his own mouth, letting them wash over him to settle in the area of his own already-bulging crotch.
“Oh, I don’t think so, Beth,” came the ragged whisper at her ear. “I’ve wanted and loved you from afar for so long… long before it was proper to do so. So I waited until you’d grown up. I lost track of you for a while, after visiting you in college. I let you get much too far away from me, so much so that you don’t even consider me a friend any longer.”
She couldn’t really dispute what he was saying. It was all the bald-faced truth.
But wait! Had he just said that he loved her? And wanted her?
Vidar wasn’t giving her time to consider his words. “But that’s done.” He took a small step back, still not removing himself from between her legs, though, and looked down into her eyes. “Your financial worries are over from here on out. And you’ve earned yourself a paddling for not coming to me with your problem in the first place, the moment it began to arise.”
There was one word that caught her attention in his little speech, even through her amazement at his confession of love for her: paddle. At that one word she started struggling to get away from him, which she realized she should have been doing throughout. The thought occurred that she didn’t know how exactly it was that she was supposed to resist him. He was too much of everything she wanted in a man, besides the fact he was twice her size.
All Vidar had to do to stop her escape was to press himself forward, and he did so, plastering her back up against the wall and her front against his. It was slow, painful torture to be so close to her and not have her naked beneath him, but that was coming, and it couldn’t come soon enough.
He was delighted to see the desire that she couldn’t quite hide in her eyes, but he also saw something he wasn’t expecting: a tinge of fear floating around the edges of that passion, and whether it was fear of him or the situation, he didn’t know, but he found the idea of her being afraid of him abhorrent.
As much as he desperately wanted to simply claim her as his own, to imprint her indelibly as his and his alone, he exerted a tremendous force of will and reigned himself in a bit. “In case you didn’t hear it the first time, my lady, I want you. Every single inch, from that lopsided bun on the top of your head to your pink bunny toes. Before and beyond anything else in this world.” He kissed her deeply and very, very slowly, coaxing and teasing, nibbling and sucking on her lower lip, then tongue, feeling the whole-body shiver that ran through her. His heart swelled when she somewhat shyly answered him back, nipping playfully at the tip of his bold tongue when it dared venture forth to plunder the inside of her mouth yet again.
Vidar growled low in his throat at her gesture, already imagining that it was his nipples she was biting so sweetly. Her curious – and somewhat triumphant – expression had him smiling broadly. “You look like the cat that ate the canary.”
“You said that you loved me?”
she asked, as if to make sure she’d heard him right.
He would have laughed, if it weren’t a tragic reality that she still didn’t seem to understand. “Yes, Baby,” he breathed. “I love you. And I plan to spend the rest of my life proving that to you.”
With another low, almost menacing growl, he lifted her high into his arms. “Right after giving you that paddling,” he said smugly.
Outraged, she tried unsuccessfully to struggle out of his arms, but when he tightened them just slightly, she found she couldn’t so much as move a hand. She was trapped against him, and he was on his way to the master bedroom.
“No – not there,” she pleaded.
He diverted to her room upstairs, the same pink and pretty little girl room that had been hers while she was growing up. He made a mental note that she should be given free reign to redecorate, especially the master bedroom.
He lay her down with infinite care, ever-mindful of her injury, although he didn’t know just how long he was going to be able to do that when he made love to her. He was already half out of his mind wanting her and common sense had been known to leave him entirely when he merely fantasized about this moment.
But there she was, lying next to him, not even trying to get away as he had worried she might, but even turning towards him, so that they each lay on their sides, facing each other. She was biting her lip, and he knew she wanted to say something.
Vidar paused in the act of reaching for the hem of one of the colorful layers of her ragtag pajamas. “Honey, I know you might not believe it quite yet, but you can say absolutely anything to me.” He wrapped his strong arms around her and simply held her, wanting her to feel his support as she decided whether to trust him.
“Except that which gets me into trouble.” That she had absolutely no problems conveying to him.
“Most especially that which gets you into trouble. You are expected to tell me when you know you’ve done something wrong, young lady.”
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