“I’m sorry about suggesting the theater tonight,” Cole says. “I didn’t think about it. We need time to get to know each other. We can do that some other time. What would you like to do now?”
Jade doesn’t want to suggest her place right away. It’s only 8:40 p.m. and part of her doesn’t want to rush the butterflies into migration. The other parts of her want to snatch him up, cuff him to her bed, and leave him there, claimed as hers forever. She wonders if he realizes just how close by she lives.
“I live around the corner. We could…”
“Let’s do that!” he says enthusiastically.
Was this a bad idea? Hmm. No. Feels too good.
“Okay. We could walk or we could just drive over. It’s up to you. Do you remember which building it is?” she asks.
Cole pulls Jade’s hand gently.
“Let’s walk. I don’t want to let you out of my sight. It’s gorgeous out tonight and I want to spend every moment with you. We can worry about the cars later. They don’t do meters after 4:30 anyway,” he says. “That gives us plenty of time.”
They walk in gentle comfort as Jade fills him in on her love for poetry and his for old documentaries. Jade is relieved he hasn’t pushed her to talk more about Jonah, the last person she wants to talk about this night. But she’s curious about who has broken his heart. She can’t imagine wanting to let a guy like Cole go. She is mindful, though, that it’s only their second date and isn’t naïve enough to think there couldn’t be something more than perfection to this mystery man. Plus, she knows her own pattern: fall in love quickly and then abandon.
Ace Hartman is on fire as he walks into the clinic Monday morning. And an unprepared Jade is barely awake after a scandalous amount of making good on those phone sex promises all weekend with Cole.
“Gretchen’s not coming. She says it’s not helping. She hates the group thing because of those idiot clients of yours, Lux and Sarah, and I don’t know if I want to be here, either,” Ace says.
Jade takes a deep breath, smiles at her client, and ushers him to the therapy room. Ace is three steps in front of her, cutting her off as he turns the corner into the room.
He plops down on the couch, repositions the throw pillows, and continues.
“I don’t know what to do with her, Jade. I really don’t. I want to love her. I mean, she’s my wife. I told God I’d love her. I promised I’d love her forever. But how? That woman. Well. You’ve seen her. She’s miserable! I’m not sure what’s even left to love!” Ace barely breathes before starting right back in. “And she thinks getting pregnant again is going to fix something!”
Aware that he sounds just like Jonah once did in describing his relationship with Kate, Jade sips her tea. Black. Stronger than usual. Very hot. Steaming. Ironically, like Ace.
“I think that before you continue, Ace, I need to clarify something for ethical purposes. Is it my understanding that Gretchen is never coming back? Or is this just for one session? It’s not usually customary for me to meet with one member of a couple instead of each member of that same couple as individuals,” Jade says.
“I have no clue what she’s doing. She said she wanted to meet with you alone because I don’t let her speak, and that you and I gang up on her. I mean, really? Does the woman always have to be a victim?”
“Okay,” Jade says. “What I’d like to do, for the sake of fairness, is call Gretchen and offer to have her come in today as well so that I can meet with each of you individually. How does that sound?” She remembers how furious she’d been when Jonah and Kate had gone to marriage counseling and the counselor had insisted on talking to Kate alone. I was so unfair. It’s so different from this side of things. She was probably a great therapist.
Ace agrees and Jade steps out of the room to call Gretchen. When Jade returns, Ace is kneading and cracking his knuckles.
“Okay, Gretchen has agreed to come in in an hour. That gives us plenty of time. I can see her then. This way you will both have a chance to explore your feelings about whether or not to continue therapy privately,” Jade says. “Later, if you want, we can schedule a joint session to talk about where both of you are. Or, you can decide together at home and let me know.”
“That’s fine. Whatever. I really don’t care. I just need someone to talk to. When she’s here I can’t be myself. Everything is an act. I hate it,” Ace says.
“What’s an act, Ace?”
“I don’t know! I’m not attracted to her anymore. I feel like I settled. Do you know she doesn’t even have a GED? She dropped out of school in ninth grade and had a kid that she gave up for adoption. The only job she’s ever done is filing. I’m back in college, working full-time at the station, and part-time at the jail. I’m doing everything I can to make the best life I can for her and our son. And she does nothing but sit on her ass all day downing candy bars! It feels impossible…”
Jade now fully understands why so much of her training focused on self-as-therapist issues. Like it or not, the job comes with major burnout rates and a skepticism that is not typical in most professions. Sessions with couples like Ace and Gretchen doesn’t help anything when it comes to believing that love is a real thing. She finds herself cranky with Cole when he calls that night to make small talk.
“Hey, gorgeous! How was your day?”
“It was fine,” she sighs. “And yours?”
“What’s wrong, babe? You sound down. Did something go bad with your clients?” he asks.
It isn’t lost on Jade how easily Cole picks up on her quirks. Still, it isn’t enough to lift her mood.
Oh, nothing’s wrong: Just spent the day listening to problems I can’t solve.
“No, everything is okay,” she says, reminding herself that Cole has done nothing wrong. She closes her eyes and tries to take herself back to Friday night when he’d held her and rubbed her head until she fell asleep after making love for the first time. This is not his fault. You just need to take a vacation. Her brain keeps chanting Gretchen’s words: All men leave. Jonah left. Stop!
“I miss you! Do you want to come over tonight or at least get dinner together?” Cole asks.
“Actually, I’m pretty tired. I think maybe I need to take a bath and head to bed early,” she says.
“Sounds delicious! Are you sure you don’t want company?” Cole persists.
Delicious? What an odd choice of words. She’d always said Jonah was delicious.
Jade smiles. “No, I’m really just not good company tonight, I’m sorry,” she says.
The new couple spends time on the phone before Jade finally slips into the tub. She closes her eyes as she sinks into the bubbles and thinks of spending the summer swimming and water skiing with Cole. She wishes she could drown any doubts she has about Cole, but writes her concerns off to her past hurts. It’s good to have doubts; to move slowly. This is healthy.
Jade’s mental list of clients is at full blaze when her thoughts are interrupted by the ringtone of her cell.
“Finally!”
What. Now? Now you call me? The moment Jade hears his voice, she wants to drop the phone in the tub and kick herself for answering without checking the number of the incoming call. No! No!
“Oh, babe! I’ve missed you!” Jonah says, his voice almost desperate: Raspy.
Jade’s heart pounds so loudly she is sure he can hear it.
Hang up!
Jade doesn’t know what to say.
“Hi,” she squeaks. “Why are you calling me?”
“Oh, come on, baby. Don’t be like that! Haven’t you missed me? Kate’s finally calmed down. She’s not monitoring me as much. I told you I’d call you as soon as I could. You didn’t think I’d forget about you, did you?” he purrs.
Jade gags.
Six months. Six months. He forgot you for six months. After promising to marry you. After promising to leave her. What lies has he told her? She’s a victim here too. You’d be monitoring his ass too!
“I can’t talk. I need to go.
Please don’t contact me again,” she says, hanging up the phone.
Adrenaline pumps through every vein in her body. She hasn’t felt so alive in her entire life. Suddenly, she knows she needs to see Cole. Screw Jonah. Screw married men. She hates herself for not being able to sit with her emotions without running to another man, but she doesn’t know any other way in this moment. She figures this is healthier than hitting *69. She can figure out a way to manage her pain more independently later.
“Hi!” she chirps into the phone before Cole can even answer. So much for authentic. “I changed my mind. The tub was great. Want to come over?”
“Say no more, babes! I’m on my way!”
One hour later
Just be honest. It’s not like you’re still seeing him. Jade sighs. This thing with Cole is moving fast—too fast—and he needs to know. Now is as good a time as any, she concludes, as she tells Cole about her ex and how he insisted he and his wife were no longer in love and just in the relationship for the sake of their kids. Cole nods and doesn’t interrupt as Jade explains how she and Jonah had started simply as friends but how she’d grown to care for him.
“Babe, you don’t need to justify it to me. I’m not a saint. He hurt you, that’s all I need to know,” Cole says, stroking Jade’s hair. “Why is this coming out now? Did something happen? Did he hurt you again?”
“He called tonight. I didn’t realize it was him. I would never have answered! I hadn’t heard from him for six months except for messages he left. It took me off guard,” Jade says, feeling Cole’s body tighten.
“And?”
“And I told him not to contact me again,” she says. “I don’t want anything to do with him. All he does is hurt me.”
Cole’s chest muscles relax. He exhales into Jade’s hair as she continues.
“There’s more you should probably know. You think I’m a good person. You don’t know the whole story yet,” she says, hesitating. “I’m not a good person.”
Don’t do it.
Cole meets Jade’s hesitation with silence.
The silence is an invitation—a gentle spur—and Jade is too spent to fight it. Here goes nothing.
“Okay. Well. After Kate found out and he decided he wasn’t going to leave, well, after that, I found out I was pregnant. I just couldn’t go through that without him. I knew I couldn’t look at the baby without seeing him,” she says. “I just couldn’t do it!”
Jade sobs into Cole’s arms as she recounts her trip to the clinic with Sue. Telling the story of her abortion—the first time she’d even talked about it since that day—makes her understand like a lightning flash exactly why clients value therapy.
Cole listens and lets Jade cry until she has no more tears. She finally looks up at him, afraid to see his verdict.
“Do you…do you hate me?” she asks. “I know honesty is the best thing, but this is something I’m really not comfortable sharing. It’s not something I’m proud of.”
Cole gives Jade a gentle kiss on her forehead.
“No, Jade. I could never hate you,” he says, holding her quietly until she drifts to sleep. Jade never slept so soundly.
Ethics aren’t always cut and dried. Jade scrolls through the new Code of Ethics amendments from the state licensing board as she folds her laundry and waits on a casserole she’s baking for a former sorority sister’s baby shower as Sue’s call comes.
“Hello?”
“Hey. Do you have a client who works at the PD?” Sue doesn’t fool around.
“HIPAA much? You know I can’t tell you that,” Jade says, laughing at the irony of her most recent reading venture.
“Oh, be quiet! I have some info for you. You probably need to know this. It’s a safety thing. And since when are you so closed-lipped?” Sue pushes.
“If I had a client who worked at the police department, what would you want to tell me about him or her?” Jade asks.
“The shelter got a new client today. She said her husband is a cop and that they saw you for therapy. He left her and their kid the other night. Just up and left. Did you know he’s abusive? Did you know he beats her and won’t let her near the checkbook? The man is huge, apparently. She’s terrified of him. Anyway, she took their kid with her and they’re living at the shelter. You need to watch your back with this guy. He’s not someone you want to be alone with,” Sue warns.
Jade puts the fresh sheets she’s been folding on the arm of the couch and sits back down. Her laptop is still open to the ethics rules. She closes the lid.
“No. There’s no way. I don’t believe that for a second. I had them for couples and I asked about domestic violence. She never said a word,” Jade says. “In fact, she denied it kind of casually; like such a thing wasn’t even possible with them. Are you sure?”
“Positive. Remember, there are four types of DV,” Sue insists.
“Could this be some sort of retaliation? I mean, I know he left her. I just met with her as an individual too. Even then, she denied any sort of abuse.”
“Denial? Fear? I don’t know. What I do know is she and her son are living at the shelter. Why would someone do that if they weren’t really afraid? You haven’t seen the shelter. It’s not a place you want to spend a lot of time,” Sue says.
“What is she claiming he did to her?”
“She won’t get specific. A lot of her concern is around his size. He’s a lot bigger than her, apparently,” Sue says.
Bigger? Not really. Stronger? Yes.
Jade considers Gretchen’s 280 pound, 5’10” frame compared to Ace’s.
“She’s not exactly small, Sue. I mean, you obviously met her, right?”
“Yeah, I’ve met her. Wow, Jade. Feminist much? Did you forget that women are beaten every day? It’s not about who is bigger than who, anyway. What’s your deal with thinking she’s making this up? What else do you know?”
“I can’t place it. I can’t describe it. It’s just a gut thing. You could have come to me with this with many of my clients, and I’d have believed it. But this one? No, I’m not seeing it,” Jade insists. “Don’t you guys ever get women in there who make false allegations?”
“Seriously, Jade? Have you lost it?”
Maybe I have. Why am I so defensive of Ace? “Okay. I’ll be careful,” Jade temporarily concedes. “Thanks for the heads up.”
“What’s up? You look upset,” Jade says.
Ace stares at his worn steel-toed boots. He shrugs.
“I don’t know. Just not feeling it today, I guess,” he mumbles.
“Not feeling therapy? Or something else?”
Don’t act any different than usual. Sue is just paranoid. Jade wishes her friend never gave her information about Ace, but it’s too late to mute what she’s already heard.
“No, it’s not that. I know I need to be here. I have no one to talk to,” he says.
“What would you like to talk about today? Is there something specific?” This is why you lose at poker, she tells herself.
“Well, it’s a rumor I heard. I ran into Lux after group last week and he told me that Sarah is out of the hospital. He said that she and Gretchen have been talking. I’m supposed to get my son this weekend, and Gretchen told Sarah that wasn’t happening,” Ace says. “Apparently, she’s going around town telling people that I was abusive.”
Jade tries to look surprised. She raises her eyebrows.
“Why would she do that?”
“I don’t know,” Ace says. “Last week, when I told her I was going to leave and stay in a hotel for a few weeks, she flipped out. When I told her I wanted joint custody of Ace, Jr., she was in the middle of cooking. She threw a frying pan at me.”
Sounds like Kate.
“Wow. Are you okay? Why didn’t you tell me about that?”
“I felt stupid. I mean, look at me. I’m a grown man. A frying pan is not going to hurt me. But the thing is that I was holding Ace, Jr. We’d been playing and I was carrying him on my shoulders,” Ace says. “Sh
e could have hit him. Thank God she’s clumsy and missed us both. I knew that I needed to leave for sure after that. I wanted to flip out on her but I knew leaving would be the best thing. So that’s when I checked into the hotel.”
“Have you talked to her since then?”
“Well, sort of. We’ve texted. I asked to see Ace, Jr., and she said I could see him this weekend. We’re supposed to meet at the park and go from there. It’s too cold to hang out there. I was thinking of taking him to play in the balls at Burger King. Or, if it wasn’t bad, we could make a snow fort together. But now, with this rumor, I’m worried that’s not going to happen.”
“What makes you think the rumor is true? Has she ever accused you of being abusive before?”
“No. Never. In fact, when we first talked about separating we called a lawyer together. We wanted to do this amicably. She wanted to keep Ace, Jr., and I was originally okay with that until I thought about it more. My mother was reminding me that if Ace, Jr. was raised mostly by her, he wouldn’t have a father around enough, just like me. I don’t want that for him. He needs to learn how to be a man. She babies him. I think she flipped when I said I wanted primary custody and that’s why she’s doing this.”
Word this carefully. “Has there ever been any abuse between either of you, besides the frying pan?”
Ace looks at Jade, holding his gaze before answering.
“No. Never,” he says emphatically. “I have never hit a woman. Ever. My father beat my mother. I don’t believe in that shit. You know this, Jade.”
“Ace, I’m not doubting you.” Oh, yes I am. “I’m just trying to figure out what’s motivating her to say this. Do you know who she’s saying this to besides Sarah?”
“According to Lux, she told Sarah that she and Ace, Jr. are staying at a shelter in Greenfield.” Ace holds his head in his hands and begins to cry. His shoulders shake as Jade reaches for tissues.
Jade stands up and rests her hand on Ace’s shoulder after he pushes away the tissues. She watches his face. It’s impossible to miss how wounded he is.
Craving Forbidden (Craving Series Book 8) Page 22