by K. M. Raya
He winced. Was he that obvious? He looked around the room and could see his bandmates in various states of drunkenness and soon to be nakedness. Miles already had his shirt off and the girl on his lap was missing her shoes. Normally, Soren would have been right there with them, but suddenly he realized that the redhead no longer sat on his lap. When had she left? He honestly couldn’t remember. Fuck.
He looked around again and realized he didn’t see Alex either. Wasn’t he just right here? Soren tired to remember. Panic was welling in his chest and he couldn’t explain why. Suddenly he was up and off the couch, rushing to the floor to ceiling glass windows which overlooked the dance floor. He could hear Angel chuckling behind him.
A sea of bodies swayed beneath him. Women with glowing skin, soaked in sweat and men prowling around them like a pack of wolves. His eyes frantically searched the dance floor and he tried to hell himself he was only curious. His eyes caught a figure standing next to the ground floor bar and he recognized Alex, the blonde guitarist. The guy stood there, sipping his drink but his eyes were fixated on the dancefloor. Soren followed the man's gaze, already knowing where it would lead.
Sure enough, there she was. Her body moved to the beat with precision and grace. He'd seen her on stage, so he already knew that the girl had an ear for music, but the way she danced was on a whole other level. Blair swayed next to her and it was as if the two women were in a world of their own. Lilith’s eyes were closed like she wanted to shut out the world around her.
Soren had observed her for long enough that he knew that there was something she was hiding. A sadness that hovered around her like a dark and stormy cloud. Though she was full of smiles and laughter, he knew better. He recognized the sorrow even now as she writhed to the sensually slow beat. The club was known for it talented DJs. The music wasn’t very mainstream and people would often find themselves dancing here for hours.
Alex left the bar and Soren watched as the man wound his way through the sea of people—eyes still locked onto Lilith with laser precision. Soren held his breath as he watched Alex reach out for her. Lilith opened her eyes, startled, but relaxed with an easy smile when she saw her friend. She spun in a circle and Alex grabbed onto her waist and brought his body flush with hers. Soren couldn’t breathe. The air had been sucked from the room and he could feel his fingernails digging into his palms as he clenched his fists. Were they together? He didn’t think so. They hadn’t behaved like a couple and he knew that Lilith didn’t seem like the hookup sort of woman.
Soren spun from the window and stormed his way across the room but before he made it to the hallway, Angel called out to him.
“Be careful man, don’t do anything fucking stupid okay?” he warned and Soren simply spun back around and stomped out of the VIP lounge. Fuck this. Fuck her for making him feel like this.
12
Lilith
The music pulsed around her and flowed into her veins. She was drowning in it. This feeling was like nothing she could replicate. She closed her eyes and the world disappeared, the only thing she could feel was Alex’s hands on her waist. It didn’t bother her. Alex had been one of her very best friends since as far back as she could remember. She was comfortable around him and trusted him. Her heart ached for him every time she remembered the devotion he’d felt for her twin. He had loved Rose so fiercely and so wholly that she had been sure that they would have grown old together. Rose had her issues, though. There had been a darkness within her for so long and nobody had known how to help her. Alex tried to soothe it. He 'd tried everything he could to pull her out of the pit she had dug herself into, but nothing ever worked. Still though, Alex had stayed by her sister's side, never once giving up on her.
She could feel his body flush against her and contentment fell over her like a familiar blanket. Music was a thing that could bring people together no matter what. That’s why she did what she did. For that reason, she began writing lyrics, creating melodies and singing songs. One day, she just knew that it would be her songs that these people writhed to. It would be her voice in those speakers making people feel the way that she was feeling now.
As she danced, Lilith began to feel a slight shiver which started at her toes and worked it's way up to her neck. Somebody was watching her. Her eyes snapped open and she could see a familiar figure approaching. He shoved people out of the way as he got closer and she could feel her heart rate pick up. His dark eyes wouldn’t leave hers and she couldn’t bring herself to look away either. Soren was like a force of nature sometimes. His presence in general was impossible to ignore, but when that man’s attention was focused on you, well… the rush of power she felt in those moments was indescribable.
Alex’s hands squeezed her hips a little tighter and she frowned. Looking up, Soren James was standing in front of her, barely any space between them. She felt Alex back off, a cold rush of air filling the space where he had previously been. Soren stepped forward, rough hands sliding over the top of her jeans as they continued to sway. She didn’t know what this guy’s game was, but she wasn’t about to let him ruin her night. If he wanted to play, then she was here to win.
Without a word between them they danced for what seemed like hours. His hands were everywhere at once and the feeling made her giddy. She refused to examine the reason for that. His lips were so close to her ear that she could feel his heavy breaths as the puffed on to her skin, sending goosebumps over her arms. His lips were now touching her neck and she could feel the smile on them. His breath smelled like expensive whiskey and peppermint gum.
He was kissing her neck now and she had no idea why she was letting him. Something about letting herself get lost on the dance floor was lowering her inhibitions and making her do things she wouldn’t normally do. She understood the rockstar life and didn’t want to hold that against him. He was a single and attractive man and should be able to be with anyone he wanted, but that didn’t mean that she was willing to be one of the toys he played with—despite the fact that his hands on her skin made her thighs clench.
She'd idolized Soren for as long as she could remember listening to his music. She had always been a huge fan of Serenity Rising. Being a hardcore fan meant that she also knew who wrote the lyrics that Angel sang so well. She knew they were Soren's words and in a way, she'd always felt a special kind of way about him.
When she began to tire, she excused herself to the bathroom to cool her face off, brushing his arm as she turned away from him. Thankfully, the upstairs hallway had private bathrooms, away from the crowds and the annoying drunk girls puking in the stalls. She stood at the sink, looking into tired eyes in the reflection of the bathroom mirror. Her hair was matted to her face with sweat and there was a red mark on her neck from Soren’s facial hair. Damn that man... she cursed him. Her pale skin was flushed under the fluorescent lights and there were bags under her glassy eyes. Tonight had been one of the most exciting nights of her life aside from that first performance. She was finally living every dream she had ever had.
The door opened behind her she let out a small yelp of surprise when Soren stepped through the threshold. “What if I was on the toilet!?” she screeched but he simply locked the door and prowled forward.
She held her breath as he reached her, grabbing her by the backs of her thighs and hoisting her onto the countertop. She put up no resistance—she didn’t want to. His hands on her were like magic and she wanted to feel something good. Something real.
His lips crashed to hers and she could feel his teeth when he bit down on her lips, making them swell and ache. Her hands gripped his head, nails raking over his short hair making him groan. His fingers trembled as they found their way up her thighs and she wondered if he was as nervous as her. Her hands traveled lower until they were disappearing beneath his shirt and lifting it over his head. His torso was covered in ink that wound down both arms and up the sides of his neck.
His hips ground into hers sending jolts of pleasure through her body. It had been a few month
s since she'd been with a man and she already promised herself that she would not be going there with Soren James. Her resolve was wavering as his lips kissed their way down the side of her neck and she shivered under their silkiness. This man knew his way around a woman. She almost shuddered at the thought. Her brain was battling her heart and her heart was winning. She wanted this. She wanted to be held, to be worshiped by somebody but her brain was screaming that it was wrong. His cock felt long and rigid as he thrust his hips to meet hers. Soft, low noises ripped from his throat—causing her brain to shut down.
Just as she felt his hands reach for the hem of her shirt, something slammed against the bathroom door, startling them both. Someone pounded on the door and she could hear giggling from the other side. Shit. Had she really been about the have sex in a bathroom of a club? What was wrong with her? Lilith smoothed down her shirt as Soren backed away with a frown on his handsome face.
“Hold on a sec—” he started to say but she cut him off with a glare.
“This was a bad idea…I’m sorry I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking.” She backed away from him, watching his eyes cloud over in anger.
“You wanted this too, Lilith,” he snapped, and she refused to acknowledge the warmth that spread to her cheeks after hearing him say her name for the first time. “Don’t act like you didn’t know exactly what was happening.” His voice was taunting now.
She straightened, brushing the nonexistent lint from her shirt, looking everywhere but in his dark brown eyes because she knew he was exactly right. “You're right, I knew what I was doing but this can’t happen. I think we both know that.”
Soren's eyes froze over but he smirked and she could see the mask falling over his face once more. The openness she’d seen in his expression as they danced was long gone and the rockstar was back. “It’s not like I was asking you to marry me. Damn, can’t we just fuck and get it over with?”
Lilith reeled back as if he had slapped her and she could have sworn something like regret passed in his gaze before he shut it down. He bent at the knee and picked his shirt up from the bathroom floor.
“Guess not…” he huffed with a breathy laugh before slipping the shirt back over his head, washing his hands and turning to leave.
She stood there watching it play out with her mouth slightly open. She knew he was an asshole, but this was beyond anything she had imagined. Was he really about to treat her like one of those girls he screwed against hallway walls?
“Are you serious right now?” she asked as he unlocked the door.
He turned to her, smirk in place and whispered, “As a heart attack, pixie girl.”
13
Soren
What the fuck is wrong with me? Soren asked himself after he fled the bathroom. He’d left her there—mouth hanging open and tears building in her pretty eyes. He tried to hurt her. She hurt him too, yes, but he had done so on purpose. The moment they were interrupted, he could feel the change in her body language. It was like she snapped out of a haze, or a dream and back into reality.
He couldn’t understand what was happening to him. Never in his life had he worried himself over the feelings of some chick. They flocked to him constantly and all he had ever been guilty of was giving them exactly what they asked for. It was cliché as fuck, but the rockstar life almost demanded the behavior. When most of your life was spent on the road—a different city every night, should anyone really blame you for not wanting a relationship?
He headed for the VIP room immediately and made a beeline for the bar. After a few shots of god only knows what, but it was strong… he felt a pair of hands slip around his waist from behind. For a brief moment, he wondered if it was Lilith, but quickly shook it off because in the back of his mind he knew he would have been able to feel her enter the room. How sad was that?
Turning around, Karly was there—ready and waiting. Her attention was riveted on him and it felt good to be wanted so badly after that rejection. Karly was a beautiful girl with bright red hair chopped off bluntly at the shoulders. Her skin was a pale pinkish color with freckles on her shoulders. She was pleasant to look at although she had nothing on Lilith. Fuck! He needed to stop doing that.
He needed to stop fixating on the one girl he knew he shouldn’t touch—the girl who clearly wanted nothing to do with him. Tour romances were fleeting. If he slept with her, she wouldn’t be just another girl he’d leave behind. She was a part of the tour. She was a face he would be forced to see day after day for the next year and he didn’t know if he was prepared for that. It would be awkward at the very least, for her to watch him with a different girl every night… because that how it would be—just like always.
His mind drifted to that douchebag Alex. He knew he was being harsh on the guy that he had never really met, but he couldn’t help it. He had yet to figure out what the dynamic was between him and Lilith, but just the thought of his hands on her body was enough to make him want to break something. Soren had to wonder if he could handle any guys hands on her.
He put a stop to those fury inducing thoughts and tried his damndest to put the siren out of his mind once and for all. Karly rose up on her tip toes and brushed her glossed lips over his. Her breath smelled like whatever fruity drink she had just downed, and it was almost sickly to his senses. He kissed her back though. Because he could. Because she was willing and happy to receive his affections. She hummed under her breath and for a moment he felt his body come alive again. It might have been the alcohol but it was nice to feel something.
Winding his arm around her shoulders he turned around and caught Angel frowning at him. His friend had a blonde chick across his lap, but he was watching Soren regardless. He could feel his friend’s disapproval from across the room but ignored it. As he turned to guide Karly from the room, he could see Angel and Nero shaking their heads. He didn’t know where Max had disappeared to, but he no longer cared. Who were they to judge him?
Outside the club, the air was cool and crisp. It sobered him almost immediately. A car was ready for him and the crowd was finally thinning. Karly was latched onto his arm like a vice but he just wanted to get out of there. He opened the door and ushered the redhead into the back seat. As he made a move to slide in after her, a tingling spread over his body. He turned, and his eyes locked onto Lilith. She stood by the door, arms wrapped around her shivering body, waiting for Blair who was talking animatedly to the bouncer behind them. The look of utter devastation on Lilith’s angelic face was almost enough to make him slam the door in Karly’s face and beg for forgiveness.
But he didn’t slam that door. He didn’t beg for forgiveness. No. What he did was much worse. He smiled at the her and with a sadistic wink, he turned and slid into the seat without looking back.
Once back on the bus, he had Karly pinned beneath him. The alcohol was burning off and he could feel himself tiring. He kissed her neck and ran his hands along her slender arms. Her skin wasn’t as soft as Lilith’s. Her hair was tangled around her head and splayed across the white pillowcase. It was the wrong color. Her eyes gazed up into his and their blue depths were hollow. His arms gave out and he fell to his side but Karly just rolled over and climbed on top of him. He gripped her hips but there was no enthusiasm. He was simply going through the motions.
Her hands traveled down his bare chest and her fingers latched onto the buttons of his jeans when he grabbed her first. She giggled.
“Okay, stop,” he demanded as she held her hands still. She frowned at him in confusion.
“What's wrong, baby?” she asked as though she had any sort of claim on him. She bent down to kiss his lips. He turned his face away and she clumsily slobbered on his cheek.
“I’m serious—get off!" He pushed her lightly and she fell to the side with a huff.
“What the fuck is your problem?” she snapped. Her attitude was pissing him off.
“You can show yourself out…” He reached beneath the mattress for the bottle of whiskey he knew would be waiting there
.
“Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how fucking hard I worked to get here tonight? I could have just as easily come back with Nero but no, Soren, I chose you!”
He watched her in silence as she hastily threw her dress back on. There wasn’t much to it, just a tiny scrap of dark green fabric. She shuffled into her flat shoes and attempted to tame her tangled hair. Mascara was smeared beneath her eyes.
“You heard me, Katie,” he slurred—knowing damn well her name was Karly. He just didn’t care.
The look in her eyes could have crumbled mountains. Stalking forward, Karly slapped Soren across his cheek and the burn of it was welcoming. He'd been numb for so long that it was almost better than sex.
“Fuck you!” she screeched as she fled the room.
“You sure tried!” he yelled back, but all he could hear was the slamming of the tour bus door. Shit.
14
Lilith
“Before God and Jesus I swear to you Blair, I will murder you in your sleep if you don’t turn that music off!” Lilith shouted through the bus as she held her pounding head in her hands. She regretted everything about the night before.
The only barrier between her and the rest of the band was a thin little curtain which hung from the roof of the bus and offered some small semblance of privacy at her bunk. The problem was, she could hear everything. She knew it was Blair because she was the only rocker she'd ever met that had an inexplicable love for folk music. She listened to it on car rides, in their apartment and now she was bumping it on the bus. She couldn’t take it. Not for a year.
Ripping her curtain back, Lilith glared at her friend. Blair sat happily at the table in the center of the bus, sipping her coffee, scrolling through her phone and bobbing her head to that god-awful crap.
“Blair!” She snapped her fingers in front of the girl’s face. Blair snapped her eyes up and her lips tipped up in a smirk.