by K. M. Raya
“She lost her sister last year,” a voice whispered into his ear, startling him from his trance. He looked over at Gabe whose eyes were still locked onto the singing duo.
“Yeah?” asked Sored noncommittally. He didn’t know how to respond, though his chest tightened a fraction.
“Her twin actually. Her name was Rosalie, but they called her Rose. I guess they were identical in every way according to what Alex told me.”
“Damn, that’s rough.” Soren knew his words were falling flat. What could he say to that? Losing a twin? That had to be traumatizing. The sadness in Lilith's eyes was beginning to make sense.
“Just thought you ought to know,” Gabe finished and Soren snapped his eyes to his manager's. He frowned at the overdressed man.
“Why the fuck would I care, G? She’s nothing to me,” he lied.
Gabe shrugged. “Again…just thought you ought to know is all.” He turned away and faded into the crowd of onlookers. Soren didn’t care where he was going, he was just glad he was.
He saw Angel watching the interaction with assessing eyes. His friend saw too much. Many people thought the big man was dumb and pretty, but Soren knew better. He knew he was calculating and cunning. Soren would have to be careful. People were catching on and he didn’t need that shit on his plate. He was wearing his feelings like a neon sign around his neck and it needed to stop.
He returned his attention to the window and watched as the next song shifted into something a little more upbeat. While she sang a song that sounded like a retelling of a wild night they had one night somewhere in Mexico, Soren could see a light in her eyes that he had never seen before. The song was funny—lamenting the loss of someone’s shoes and waking up hungover in a restaurant kitchen in a city they had never heard of. It sounded like it was written from personal experience and soon he realized that everyone that was listening was laughing and enjoying the tune immensely. It was nice to see a different side to the strangely dark woman. He found himself laughing at her lyrics as she went on about losing a bet to homeless man and possibly stealing a car. The song was so campy but it was incredibly catchy. He knew the label was seeing dollar signs on the horizon.
The song was coming to an end but with it came a sense of lightness. The mood of the studio and the room had shifted. She and Alex captivated their audience and it impressed Soren immensely. It was hard to hold the attention of studio and label executives, but they seemed to be doing s without even realizing it. The windows to the sound booth were tinted so much that he knew they probably had no idea just how many people were currently watching them. They were simply losing themselves to their music.
When the first half of their set was over, the audio guys called for a lunch break. The room began to empty but Soren remained at the window, watching as Lilith unstrapped her guitar and started to pack it away safely. He could tell that she handled her guitar with care and that it meant a lot to her. She respected her equipment. Alex mirrored her actions but Soren noticed the way the man's eyes flitted to Lilith over and over again—almost reluctantly. The sly looks were becoming more obvious as the days went by. It didn’t seem like Lilith was in any way reciprocating the feelings though. At this point, he knew there was something going on...at least on Alex’s end.
“You coming?” called Angel as the guys were leaving.
Soren waved him off, “Nah, man, go on without me.”
Angel frowned. “Dude, really? I thought you were over this shit.”
“Don’t fuck things up for us, Soren. I’m warning you...if you play with that girl's heart and ruin this tour, nobody will ever forgive your ass.”
Soren threw his hands up in a pacifying gesture. “Woah, woah Ang, I’m not gonna fuck anything up, okay? Just trust me, can you do that for once?”
“You know what? I want to trust you…but there’s a lot riding on this. If we fuck up—even a little bit, we could lose our opening act and we won’t have any time to look for a new one.”
“Are you shitting me? What do you think I'm going to do to her? I’m not asking for her hand in marriage or to have my first born. Hell, she already told me nothing’s going to happen, so you have nothing to worry about!”
Angel held his stare—seeing straight through his lies. “I know you Sor. I fucking know you. You fixate on things and people. She told you no and you can’t stand it. Just let this one go, man. It's not worth it.”
Soren shook his head. Angel was right, but he would never admit to it. Being rejected was like throwing down the gauntlet. A challenge he couldn’t say no to. Lilith Hayze was swiftly becoming an obsession and he knew that the only way to remedy that would be to sleep with her. Once. Just once, and she would be out of his mind forever. Just like all the others before her.
“Whatever man, you’re overreacting.” He waved Angel away, turning back to the window to wait for Lilith.
“When all of this blows up in your face, nobody is going to feel sorry for you ," said Angel before walking out of the sound room door. Soren ignored him completely.
Lilith grabbed her shoulder bag and swung it over her head before leaving the room. Alex was right there behind her and it made Soren feel like growling like an animal. He cursed himself. He was acting like a possessive asshole. Lilith stopped short when she realized that Soren blocked her path. Her dark eyes widened for a moment before her expression shuttered into a mask of irritation.
“Can I help you?” she asked deadpan. The smiling girl from just moments ago was long gone and her voice held absolutely no emotion. He didn’t like it.
“Can we talk?” He had no time to circle around it. They needed to clear the air and he needed her attention on him.
“I think we’ve said all that needs to be said, Soren, just leave it alone.” She tried to walk around him but he slid in front of her.
Alex stepped forward with a scowl on his too pretty face. “She said leave it, dude,” he snapped, and Soren wanted to throw a punch.
“How about you fuck off and let her handle her own shit, yeah?”
Lilith cleared her throat, catching their attention once more. “Cut it out guys, what are you thirteen?” She looked to Soren with a frown. “Meet me outside in five.”
He almost smiled in triumph. He heard Alex scoff behind her as he spun around to leave. He stormed through the halls until he burst his way to the back lot where people usually had their smoke breaks. His pulse was racing in anticipation and he felt like a little kid again. He waited on the steps anxiously, watching the door like a lunatic.
A moment later the door swung open and Lilith stepped out into the chilly autumn evening. She wore a light hoodie now and a pair of yoga pants with her signature red chucks. He loved her sense of style. Even with her tats covered she was edgy and alternative. Her mocha colored hair was still just as silky even though it was thrown up into a messy ponytail.
“So talk…” she prompted—pulling him out of his daydreams about her hair. He shook his head to clear it before leaning back against the wall casually.
“What’s going on with you?” he asked, and her face flushed. He could see the pink spreading up her neck and bleeding into the paleness of her cheeks.
“Are you serious right now? What’s going on? You won’t leave me alone is what’s going on.”
“That’s not true, we haven’t said a word to each other all week.”
She rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean. Everywhere I go, there you are!” she seethed. He was enjoying her anger for some reason. Anything to see that passion in her eyes.
“Well we are on the same tour, pixie girl.” He smirked. Her eyes were blazing.
“Don’t give me nicknames, we aren’t friends,” she snapped, and it only made him grin wider.
Soren stepped closer to her, making her body go still. He knew the effect he had on women—all women. Lilith was no exception. She could fight the attraction between them all she wanted, but eventually it would eat away at her until she gave in. That was the end
game.
“But we can be.” He guided her backwards. Her back was to the door now, reminding him of the first night they met.
Lilith chuckled, but there was no humor in it. “You want to be my friend?”
He shrugged, “Sure, why not? I mean, we’re gonna be spending an awful lot of time together on this tour, might as well make the best out of it right?” He smiled. “Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot. Hell, the worst foot...but it’s not too late to start over.”
He knew he was getting to her because she was looking less angry by the second. He knew damn well he wouldn’t be content with just being friends. His desire for her raged in his blood every moment she was near, and no amount of time would ever make it dissipate. But he needed to start somewhere. He needed her to not hate him.
“I’m just asking you to consider it. We don’t have to be besties or anything, but let's at least try to be civil.”
She rolled her eyes, but her lips turned up on one side a bit. The expression was so appealing that he had to look away. She had no idea how attractive she was.
“Sure, Soren. Friends it is, but no funny business okay? I’m not here for the drama and let me tell you… you scream drama.”
He feigned a wounded look, hiding his real hurt that surprised him. “Ouch, girl, that hurts.”
She laughed. “Don’t act innocent Soren James, you know how you are. I’m not an idiot and I know you go through women the way I go through hair ties.”
“True...” He tapped his chin pretending to accept her verdict. “Well, since I’m the scum of the earth and unworthy of her highness’s love, being friends seems like a good compromise.”
Putting her hands on her hips she shook her head. “You’re not the scum of the earth...just annoying as fuck.” She smiled, and he knew she was fucking with him.
16
Lilith
The days flew by and their studio time was coming to an end. It was still surreal to know that they were recording their first real album. They had been in a studio before, but it was always some run down amature place that they rented by the hour. This was the real deal and Lilith felt like she was floating. So far, the tracks they put down had been the best they had ever recorded. The label seemed to love their self written songs and so far hadn’t changed them much. They were having the time of their lives and the only thing missing in it was Rose.
The further into the tour they got, the more she missed her twin. Rose was always the wild one—always the first to suggest a night out while Lilith just wanted to relax at home with her guitar and a glass of wine. Rose was the fun one. The energetic one… but she also had demons—demons that Lilith never understood. Growing up they lived a privileged life. They never wanted for anything and their parents had taken care of their every need. They weren’t wealthy, but they were comfortable.
When they were teenagers, Rose started to pull away. Little by little she could see the change in her sister. Skipping meals, skipping school. Lilith had worried about her as it became more frequent. She had eventually been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, something Lilith did not suffer from. Alex worried as well. He fell in love with Rose early on and even though Lilith, Blair and Jett warned him that she could be volatile, he loved her anyways.
The partying got out of hand senior year of high school and Rose would disappear for days at a time—worrying their parents. They never called the police because Rose would always turn up when she felt like it. She would stumble into the bedroom at an early hour of the morning, drunk as hell and blazed out of her mind. Lilith remembered the way she would throw herself on the bed, humming some horrible, off key tune that would get stuck in her head. Lyrics would follow the humming and Lilith would wake up and secretly memorize them. Rose had been strange that way. When her brain was fucked up she became a deep thinker. She could write the most beautiful poetry when she was on something. Lilith would show they lyrics to the band the next day and Rose would just scoff and deny everything. They turned her words into songs that would haunt them someday. Actually, they had yet to introduce those songs to the public. It was still too soon.
Lilith wrote her own songs now. Every word, every chorus came from some experience she had. Stories would unfold on paper as she spilled her life onto the pages for everyone to see. She didn’t hide herself from the world and knew that when the time came for the media to dissect her life, she would be able to provide them with an outline—an autobiography via her music.
Lilith thought about Rose as she packed her bags on the last night at the LA hotel. They were headed out the next morning and would be on the road for the next few weeks. She was looking forward to seeing and experiencing some new places but she wished that Rose could have been there to experience them with her.
A knock on the hotel room door pulled her from her memories. When she opened it up, Alex stood there, a bottle of wine in hand and a smile on his handsome face.
“I come bearing gifts,” he said cheekily, and Lilith laughed as she swept her arm dramatically, beckoning him to enter.
“Happily accepted." She giggled and grabbed the bottle from his hands.
He settled himself against the headboard and flipped on the TV. Lilith popped the cork and poured two glasses half full. She wasn’t a lightweight and wine was her guilty pleasure.
“Can you believe we’re here right now, Lil?” Alex asked wistfully. He swirled the wine around in his glass and stared at it.
“You know what?” She took a sip. “Yeah… I can believe it. Fuck, we worked hard for this.” They had worked so hard and after everything they'd been through to get to that point, they deserved something good.
“You know our lives are about to change forever right? I mean, I was accosted in the bathroom of a Starbucks yesterday by someone who follows Serenity Rising on Instagram.” He laughed. “I guess they recognized me from a video that was posted of last weeks performance."
Lilith’s eyes widened. “No shit?” Damn, things were about to get crazy.
“Shit,” he confirmed and they both laughed.
“Well it's official, we're famous!” she announced and it both excited and scared her at the same time.
“Almost famous…” Alex corrected her. “Were like…YouTube famous. They know our faces but not our names and lives.”
“Yet,” she added.
“She would have been stoked, you know,” Alex said quietly as he threw back the rest of his wine like a champ.
Lilith sucked in a heavy breath. I guess we're doing this now. She thought. “Yeah, she would have… she would have been the one to tip off the paps.” They both laughed, knowing it was absolutely what she would have done.
They fell into a sad silence as the weight of their loss settled upon them. It had been this way for a year and didn’t seem to be letting up any time soon. Some days were better than others, but sometimes she still woke up looking for her.
“I’m sorry," whispered Alex and Lilith cast him a startled look.
“For what?”
He ran his fingers through his long hair and sighed, “I couldn’t help her.”
“Damn it Alex, it wasn’t your job to fix Rose… it wasn’t any of our jobs. She made her decision and you know as well as I do that when Rosalie Hayze makes up her mind, there’s no changing it.”
It was true. Rose was headstrong and determined to get her way. Lilith suspected for a while that there might be something even deeper simmering beneath the surface, but they had been too late.
She reached out to Alex and placed her hands on either side of his face—his scruff brushing against her fingers. “Look at me,” she demanded and his eyes rose to meet hers. There was so much sorrow in their depths. “We did the best we could…you loved her the best you knew how. She knew it too. Everything that happened was because Rose wanted it to happen, unfortunately we’re left to deal with the fallout and she’s not.”
Tears were gathering in Alex’s eyes and she knew that she was the only one allowed
to see them fall. Together they'd cried rivers of tears in Rose's room after her death. She used the pads of her thumbs to brush the droplets off of his cheeks. He sniffed and pulled his face back, letting her hands drop back to her lap.
“I know. It just…sometimes, when I wake up, I reach for my phone to call her until it clicks in my head and it's like she died all over again. She was supposed to be at my house that day…” He trailed off as his gaze unfocused.
“She was supposed to come over for dinner before the show that night but she wouldn’t pick up her phone. I thought she bailed on me again—or forgot, but every time I relive that night I ask myself what would have happened had I'd just gone to check on her.” His shoulders were shaking with sobs now and Lilith’s chest was tight. She knew exactly what he was feeling. She never talked about it, but a part of her also felt responsible for the way it all went down that day.
She reached out to him again and pulled his body to her chest. She held him there as he cried. She'd heard this story a thousand times before as he continued to puzzle it out. She knew it kept him awake at night—the what ifs. It was the same with her. If she had only arrived sooner…
“Shh,” she cooed as she scooted them both down the mattress. She reached out and grabbed the comforter and pulled it up and over their bodies. Alex kept crying as she held him tight. They laid there in the hotel room for hours, alternating between sobbing and sleeping but eventually it would be morning. Soon it would be time to leave this city and move onto greater things. Tonight, they would give into the sadness and the anger. Tonight, they would mourn her, but tomorrow they would live for her.
17
Soren
He woke that morning feeling lighter. His head was clear and he was well rested for once. There was no alcohol in his system and he'd fallen asleep before midnight the night before which was alien to him. The room was lit up with the morning sun that streamed through the hotel curtains. The day before had been wild. He couldn’t help himself but to remember the way Lilith agreed to be his friend. He smirked to himself at her naivety. She could think whatever she wanted, but he would have her eventually.