by Mia Pride
Where is my dress? They had just made the best love of his life, he tells her he has missed their relationship together, and all she can ask about is her dress? Heart in his throat, he sat up and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “You will not be needing your dress, Lin,” he tried to stay lighthearted and playful. “I intend to have my way with you at least one more time tonight,” he whispered, leaning in to nibble on the salty skin of her neck.
Gently pushing him aside, Aislin slowly stood up and, spotting her purple dress lying in a heap near the hearth, walked over and silently picked it up. “I did not mean to give you the wrong idea, Alastar.”
Her head shook slowly as she fumbled to right her inside out dress, but his ears rang with defiance and rage at her words. He was a volcano ready to explode. “What do you mean the wrong idea? I read very clearly in every moan, thrust, and gasp from your body that you enjoy being with me.” He stood up from the bed and yanked her dress out of her hands, throwing it into the fire.
Her eyes grew wide as the fire popped and hissed, its flames devouring her dress. She turned on him with her own fire blazing in her eyes. “Do not be an animal, Alastar! I have nothing to wear home now!”
“You are home now… Wife!”
“I am not your wife, and this is not my home!” She tried to shove at his bare chest but even in his weakened state, he was like a stone wall. Her eyes trailed down his nude form and a frown marred her face when she took in the jagged angry scar on his side. “Much has changed between us, but I cannot help the pull my body has toward yours. I’m sorry I made you believe it meant more than it did.”
All the air left his lungs. Her words hurt more than any sword wound. She was gutting him every second she rejected him, and he could not continue this way. Grabbing her shoulders, he pulled her to him and felt himself on the verge of tears. What did he have to say to make her trust in him again? “Lin. I love you,” he said forcefully. “I will love you, and only you, every day for the rest of my life, and even if you never come back to me again, I will never love another.”
Getting down on his knees, he slid his hands down to her waist and laid his head on her abdomen, where his child grew stronger every day. “You and our child are all that matter to me,” he murmured, kissing her belly button. “I am nobody, nothing without you.” Tears ran down his face and his throat closed from all the emotions rushing to the surface all at once. He was not beyond begging.
As she looked down on him, tears slid down her cheeks, dripping off her nose and landing in his hair. She cupped his hand with hers and shook with repressed emotions, breathing deeply. He could feel her body expand and contract as she struggled to breathe. “I wish I could do this, Alastar,” she sniffed. “I had promised myself never to marry, never to love… never to have children. But, it happened and I wanted this so much,” she sighed. “But it was new, fragile, and you shattered it. How can I ever trust you again? How can I believe that your attentions will not sway to another lass? Or that you will not someday take Elwynna as your lover? All these thoughts… they tear me up, make me sick inside. Make me want to close my heart and never open it again to any man. My love for you has left me raw and vulnerable. ‘Tis more than I ever thought to bear. ‘Tis better to turn away and never know the pain I felt, when I saw you with her, ever again,” she croaked.
“You are so wrong about everything, Aislin.” He kissed her belly one last time and stood up, cupping her cheeks, allowing her to see his tear-streaked face and to feel his vulnerability in this moment. His heart was open and bleeding for her. “The only love I bear Elwynna is that of a companion and nay more. I would never be with her, even if you left me in shambles tonight, walked away and never looked back, I would never be with her. ‘Tis you. Only you. I need you to believe me.”
He reached out and picked her limp hand up in his, pressing her palm to his chest. “My heart has been broken into shards since the day you left me, and will only heal when you trust me again, and come back to me. It beats only for you, Lin.” More tears fell down his face and he pushed his forehead against hers, feeling her breath mingle with his. “How can I make you see? I need you. I love you. Do not leave me again.”
He was begging like a pathetic fool, but he could not care. There was only one woman in the entire world he had ever loved, and she could not find it in her heart to believe him or forgive him. It was tearing him apart. Their babe would be born in a few short moons and then what? He refused to live separately from his family.
Their babe gave a strong kick and, with his body pressed against hers, he felt it and locked eyes with her, unable to hide his proud grin. She breathed deeply and wiped her eyes, pulling back slightly. “I… I will think on it. ‘Tis all I can promise for now. I came here today to solidify our position as friends. I had not meant to make love to you, but I suppose you have that power over me,” she frowned.
He had hoped for more of a commitment than that, after getting down on one knee, openly sobbing, and pouring his heart out to her, but he supposed her own pain and confusion ran deep. He also knew part of her reticence was because she feared he only chose her due to the child. He had chosen her way before that, but this was now his burden to bear and he would do aught to prove it. “Do, Aislin. Think hard, because I will never stop trying to earn your love and trust back,” he vowed.
“’Tis only my trust you have lost. Not my love, never that,” she shook her head and looked at him with a sad smile. “I will only ever love you, but if the loss of love is the price I pay for never feeling hurt or betrayed again, I will accept loss.”
She would not need to accept the loss of his trust or love. He would make her trust him again, even if it took the rest of his life. He just needed to find a way. He opened his mouth to promise her that he would make this right, when a heavy fist knocked on his door. Her eyes grew wide as she looked from the door to her naked form, then the burned up remains of her dress in the fire.
Alastar cursed and walked over to the bed, grabbing a heavy wool blanket, tossing it to her as he yanked his trousers up over his hips. “Who is it?” he shouted with annoyance.
“’Tis Àdhamh! We have a problem!” Alastar cursed under his breath and looked at Aislin as she wrapped herself up in the blanket. She nodded at him and yet, did not attempt to hide away. She could hide behind the curtains of either of their beds, but hiding was not Aislin’s style, and he loved her the more for it.
Walking to the door, he lifted the bar and allowed Àdhamh in. Elwynna followed closely behind Àdhamh and Aislin went stiff as a board near the fire. Alastar frowned and looked at his wife, praying she did not lose her temper, or take back her promise to reconsider their marriage. If only she knew what he knew… but it was not his news to tell.
“What is it, Àdhamh?”
“Tis Mal Mac Rochride. He is at the gates, demanding Tuathal release his daughter to him, otherwise he will wage another war. He claims she is being held hostage.” Elwynna sidled up alongside Àdhamh and looped her hands around his elbow, resting her blonde head on his strong shoulder. He opened his arms, and she willingly went into them, wrapping her arms around his waist.
Aislin gasped from near the fire, and Alastar looked at her from the side of his eyes. He was not certain if she gasped at the news of Rochride at their gates, or at the sight of Elwynna and Àdhamh embracing. He had known for a short while now that a love had formed between his two dear companions. As Elwynna stayed in Àdhamh’s home to heal, a bond had grown between them and it made Alastar beyond happy to see them together. He wanted to tell Aislin, but he had hoped to convince her that there was nothing between him and Elwynna without having to share the secret Àdhamh had made him promise to keep.
Elwynna, though welcomed by many within Ráth Mór, was still an outsider and the daughter to their enemy, causing some to be suspicious of her presence. The development of Mal Mac Rochride now at their gates would only serve to cause more trouble for the lass. Now was not the time to explain all to
Aislin.
“You two lassies stay here,” Alastar demanded, bending over to pick up his tunic and slip it over his head in a hurry. He scowled at Aislin and narrowed his eyes, stepping closer to her. “I mean it. Do. Not. Leave.”
She swallowed and nodded. “I cannot.” She rubbed her belly and looked at him. “I have something very precious to lose and I shall not risk it. I swear upon my soul.”
Alastar nodded slightly at her before his gaze went to her lips. The need to kiss her was stronger than his self-control. Grabbing her shoulders and pulling her body to his, he claimed her mouth with a fierce need, roughly, letting all his possessive desires take control. Before she could react, he pulled away swiftly, gripping her as she swerved slightly from the shock. “We will return.”
He and Àdhamh left swiftly, knowing their women were safe. Aislin was trapped in his home with nothing more than his wool blanket for coverage and Elwynna as company. Och, she was going to box his ears when he got back.
***
How had she ended up in this position? She had only come over to Alastar’s to try to make certain their relationship remained companionable for their child’s sake. How had she ended up in his bed? Och, well she knew the answer to that. Alastar had a power over her even she could not deny. When they were alone, her clothes fell off. Why had she ever thought she could resist making love to him for the rest of her life? And why had she believed she could make love to him again, and keep her love for the man under control? Being with him was as easy as breathing. He filled her, made her whole, made her want for things she wasn’t certain he was capable of giving… and she wasn’t certain she was ready to give him the opportunity to hurt her again, but it was too late for that.
Not only had he made her body ache all over, but he made her heart ache with love when he got down on his knees and allowed her to see true love shining in his eyes. She had known it then. She would take him back.
And then Elwynna had shown up. Just the sight of Alastar’s former lover brought bile surging up in her throat, reminding her of every painful word and every painful moment. It made her head clear as the haze of love and lust dissolved. Elwynna. His words of love, promising she would make a good wife… that had been why Aislin continued to resist his pleas. Those things had happened, and she still could not come to terms with them or convince herself they would never happen again.
But, when Elwynna came in behind Àdhamh and embraced him, the air in the room had shifted. Aislin had slyly gazed at Alastar to observe his reaction to the scene. Surprisingly, he did not seem the least bit shocked, nor did he seem to mind at all. The jealous rage she had witnessed earlier that day when she kissed Amos had not appeared in the slightest when Àdhamh held Elwynna.
It was like a sudden rush of air filled her lungs for the first time in ages, as if the boulder of pain and betrayal that had weighed heavily on her heart had finally been removed. He had been telling the truth all along. His love for Elwynna was nothing like the love he had for her. There was no burning lust in him for Elwynna, no possessive need, or jealous rage when she held another. Alastar had seemed almost pleased to see the two together.
Och, she had been a blind, bloody stubborn fool. As for his foolish wager, she could no longer find it in herself to be angry. She knew well enough that he had been pursuing her long before that wager was made. Her brother insisted it was simply an arrogant way for him to come up on a dagger, and she found she believed him. Alastar had been an arse to make such a wager, but it had not been meant to harm her, and it certainly was not the true reason he married her. He married her because he loved her.
She wanted to jump up and down and pull out her own hair, punishing herself for her foolishness. She was so bent on avoiding the pain of love that she was making them both completely miserable. With a clarity she had never known, she knew she had to make things right. The man had suffered so much these past sennights with his wound and her leaving him and yet, his love for her had not wavered. He even let all his pride go and bent his knee to her. Aye, she was a cursed fool and now that she knew it, he was off trying to prevent a war, while she was wrapped in a wool blanket, alone with Elwynna.
Looking over her shoulder, she saw Elwynna standing several paces away with her hands folded primly in front of her, looking around nervously. The poor lass must feel even more out of place than she did. “At least you have your clothes on,” Aislin mumbled over her shoulder to Elwynna, whose face went from solemn to shocked just before bursting out with laughter.
“Aye, ‘tis true. Where are your clothes, anyway?” Elwynna giggled as she looked around the tidy home for any sign of them. Aislin pointed to the hearth fire and smirked. “In there?” Elwynna said with confusion. “He threw your dress in the fire?”
“Aye. ‘Twas his way of making certain I could not leave.”
Elwynna snorted in amusement and Aislin felt her resolve to dislike the woman start to fade. She was kind with a ready smile and not at all spiteful as Aislin had believed. Still, she had questions for the woman.
“I think we need to talk, Elwynna.”
The woman nodded and stepped closer. “Aye, I believe you are correct.”
Instead of asking specific questions, Aislin sighed and let the knot of tension between her shoulders ease. “I will brew us some tea. Then I hope you can tell me from the beginning. ‘Tis best, otherwise I will continue to bombard you with less than kind questions.”
Understanding, Elwynna nodded. “Tell me which jar he keeps the herbs in and we shall talk while I help you.”
Several moments passed as Aislin listened to Elwynna speak of her terrible childhood with a father who cared more about power and control than his own child. As an expectant mother, it made Aislin’s heart ache for the woman before her. She spoke of Alastar and Jeoffrey with fondness, praising them for being the only decent men she had ever known growing up.
When Alastar’s family had been slaughtered, he went through a dark phase where all he could do was rage, cry, or seek her affection. Elwynna and Alastar had grown much closer during those days, their pain working as an anchor between their hearts and bodies. Hearing that part of their past caused a sick envy to develop in her gut. She knew it was foolish. She had all his love now and even carried his child, but she longed to have been there for him during those dark times, to have been the lass there to comfort his sorrow. Yet, she was thankful he had Elwynna there during his time of need. She supposed love for him could overcome her selfish envy.
As time passed, Elwynna became more serious about Alastar than he was interested in being, so he ended their physical relationship. Aislin had heard this story before from Alastar, but it was interesting to hear it told from Elwynna’s perspective and even more interesting to note the similarities. He had truly told Aislin all about his life, and she had continued to push him away. Remorse flowed through her as she recalled her stubborn pride during these past sennights.
“Truly, I believed myself in love with him. It broke my heart when he ended our relationship. He said neither of us was ready for marriage. We were so young. I do see that now. I only wish I had seen it before I played a hand in tearing you both apart.”
As they sat around the low table sipping on tea, Elwynna put her mug down slowly and grabbed Aislin’s hand. “When Daniel came back to our camp, he told me Alastar and Jeoffrey were now in Ráth Mór. Then he told my father about Tuathal, the layout of the land, and the strategies of the warriors. Daniel had always been a coward, but I was disgusted when I heard him helping to plan the attack. The man had nay loyalty to anyone. Truly, Aislin, he never told me about you, or else I would never have arrived believing I could have a relationship with Alastar again,” she paused just long enough for a breath.
“I was so distraught. The only two men who had ever treated me fairly in my life were now at risk because of Daniel. I had to come and warn Alastar and Jeoffrey. I could not get in until the gates opened, but I had hoped to sneak through the melee and find one of th
em.” She shook her head and stared down into her steaming mug of dandelion tea. “It was a terrible idea. I am a foolish lass. I just couldn’t allow them to be betrayed. And yet, because of my presence, Alastar was stabbed in the back by Daniel, and then lost his wife. I have been living in agony this entire time, wishing you and I could speak, and yet fearing you.”
Aislin flinched and pulled back. “You fear me?”
Elwynna shrugged and nodded. “Och. Everyone says you are a fierce lass. Your skill with the bow is legendary, and they say your temper is not to be trifled with. If you do not mind me saying so, I saw it first hand when I had come to help change Alastar’s dressing. You scared me terribly. I thought you may attack me.”
“I wanted to,” Aislin winked. “But nay, I never would. I reserve my temper for my poor fool of a husband, what with his loose tongue and poor decisions. So, that is why you were here that day? Simply to change his dressing?” Her eyes narrowed suspiciously.
“Maggie came home ranting that Alastar was all alone. She had many other ill or injured people to help, so the thought of spending extra time with him had her in a frenzy. I felt as if it was entirely my fault you had left, and I wanted to make things right. I volunteered to take care of him and change his dressings. He had already said he only loved me as a companion. He told me he was in love with his wife. I did not go over there with any ill intentions, I swear it. However, things went from bad to worse…”
Aislin sighed and wagged her finger at Elwynna. “And just so you know, he said cruel things to me and told me to go. I knew shortly afterward that he was intentionally chasing me away. I felt bad for leaving and decided to go back. Only, when I walked through the door, there you were, leaning over his bare chest and stroking his skin while he told you how beautiful you are and what a fine wife you will make. All I could believe was how very quickly he moved on. It sounded as if he was preparing to offer for your hand in marriage… or mayhap already had. Can you blame me?”