Like You Read About

by Mela Remington

  To: shesbythenumbers@netmail.com

  From: DantheITman@netmail.com

  Date, Wednesday, January 16, 2008 1:45 p.m.

  Subject: Possibilities

  Cora,

  I’m not sure where to start, so I’ll start here, you’ve hit two things on the head, nothing ventured, nothing gained, and no harm, no foul. I will say your reply came as quite a surprise. I created that ad a while ago and have as of yet received only one response, yours. It was a pleasant surprise. I am flattered that you might think of me in that way. After the meeting last week, when we were talking and you mentioned my beard and you smiled at me something felt, well, there was just something, but I had been painting the new house so I figured I might just be high on paint fumes.

  Your responses to my questions were very witty. I always knew you were sharp, but color me even more impressed, that color is currently hidden under the blush I still sport whenever I think about you complimenting the beard, if I’d known that’s what it would take to get a pretty girl to notice me I would have gotten lazy years ago.

  I’ve also had one serious relationship. It was with a co-worker at my previous job, which is why it took me a couple of days to respond. I hope you didn’t think I wasn’t interested, because I am, but I needed to stew on it and get the sage advice of my twin sister, who boxed my ears, called me a bonehead and told me to grow a pair.

  I’m interested in getting to know more about Cora besides her love of strawberry candies, her Buffy the Vampire Slayer action figure collection, and her penchant for singing in her cube when she thinks no one is listening.

  So, here’s what I propose, let’s trade some emails, be pen pals of a sort, learn about each other a little more. Maybe get coffee, and see how we feel about possibilities, because bonnie lass, I’m as open to them as you are, so what do you say?

  Daniel

  “Holy fucking shit.” Cora sat slack jawed staring at her monitor.

  Kaelyn didn’t even bother with a chat session if Cora was cursing, aloud, at work, she needed to walk over. “What’s up; is everything okay?”

  Cora got out of her seat, plopped the little pixie in it and turned her to face the monitor.

  “Sweet merciful Zeus, Cora, this is… well this is fucking fantastic, but I will neither gloat, nor say I told you so, I’ll just think it.” She swiveled and smugly looked up at her friend.

  “Please go stand at the printer and pick this up for me. I need a hard copy of this, because quite frankly I can’t believe it’s real and Gwennie knocked my printer off my desk a couple of weeks ago and it shattered and I haven’t replaced it,” her eyes pleading.

  Kaelyn pretended great effort, “Fine, fine, fine, make the pregnant woman do all the work.”

  “You’re like twenty-eight seconds pregnant I think the spec will be able to take a ten foot walk.” And with that, she waited until Kaelyn was next to the printer and hit ‘print’.

  Kaelyn brought it back and made a sad attempt at playing keep away, Cora wasn’t tall but Kaelyn was pocket sized, she didn’t stand a chance at that game against anyone but her eighteen-month-old Charlie.

  “If that thing gets sticky tonight do NOT bring it back to this office,” Kaelyn snorted.

  “Do you even know how masturbation works, Kaelyn? It’s not like I’m going to run the printout all over my special places, I’ll just tape it to the ceiling above my bed,” she giggled as she folded it and put it away.

  Kaelyn went back to her cube to collect her stuff, Cora bundled up and walked around the pod on her way to join her friend at the elevator when she bumped into Daniel, she turned about twelve dozen shades of red, and hoped to god he hadn’t heard her say masturbation.

  “Have a good night, Cora, talk to you soon.” He smiled and whistled as he walked down the corridor to the stairs. Oh, he’d heard alright, blargh.

  Running for the elevator she stares at Kaelyn, “Did you see him when you walked back to you cube?”

  “Yup.”

  “And you couldn’t give me a heads up so I could sneak out the back door because?”

  “Well, he would have heard me, and that might have been more embarrassing than you talking about thinking of him while you enjoy the pleasure of your own company. Besides, you should have seen the grin on his face, he couldn’t wipe it off fast enough as I came around the corner. I have a feeling he’ll be making his printout sticky too.”

  “You are so gross, why are we friends again?” she was starting to sound crankier than she wanted to.

  “Because I’m smart, and pretty and you love me and I’m the only person in the entire company you are taller than.” A decisive nod and then she walked past her as the doors slid open.

  Cora sighed, wrapped her scarf around her neck, put her gloves and hat on and trudged through the falling snow to her car. Which had already been cleaned off, hmmm?

  Chapter 8

  The drive home took longer than usual, apparently they’re called Massholes for a reason, not a one could drive in this snow, and it’s New England for god's sake, it’s not like this is some crazy new phenomenon.

  She climbed up the stairs to her quaint little apartment. It wasn’t big but it suited her fine. One bed, one bath with a killer tub; and an adorable kitchen with plenty of room to experiment in, but after getting undressed and putting on a flannel nightgown she was too tired to experiment. So she took a bowl of the chili she’d made on Sunday and pre-portioned out for meals for the week and popped it in the microwave, while the chili went round and round Cora went and grabbed her laptop, plugged it in, and booted it up. She had a reply to write, right after she got over the humiliation of Daniel hearing her say ‘masturbation’; he had to know it was about him. But he was a dude, dudes did that like religion. Cora was a modern single woman, in touch with her needs and perfectly capable of scratching her own itch when the need called for it.

  The microwave beeped and Cora measured the cheese and sprinkled it on top, she grabbed her pre-packaged low fat tortilla chips and sank into her chair and a half and hit the remote. Flipping through the channels until she found a re-rerun of Buffy. Oh this was an oldie but goodie, Prophecy Girl. Cora could probably recite all the dialogue and that was kinda sad, she needed companionship, well someone besides an old half-deaf cat who was fickle with her affections.

  After finishing dinner and putting the bowl in the dishwasher, a luxury in a small apartment like this, she went back to sit down and open Daniel’s email. She chewed on her thumbnail, a habit she’d thought she’d long since given up but apparently not. Should she reply tonight, would she seem too eager? Oh god, this was just like You’ve Got Mail except she wasn’t as cute as Meg Ryan and they actually knew who the other person was. Okay, Cora you need to watch less movies, and maybe if you get yourself a boyfriend you won’t have quite so many lonely nights. And for the love of all that’s holy do not quote Meg Ryan.

  To: DantheITman@netmail.com

  From: shesbythenumbers@netmail.com

  Date: January 16, 2008 7:45p.m.

  Subject: Dear Pen Pal

  Daniel,

  I too am flattered by your response (to my response, which could become circular so I’ll stop now), and I will admit, I was a little angsty while I waited, but I tried not to let it affect the company’s financial status, so I think we’re safe.

  I like your idea of pen paling it, kind of a twenty questions, mad libs, lightning round, trivial pursuit mash-up.

  I like that you thought it through and talked to your sister (which is very sweet, I actually made the awwwww noise when I read that). These things can be tricky, but I think if we keep it quiet and don’t rush headlong into anything, we’ll probably be fine no matter how it shakes out, and we aren’t breaking any company policies regarding fraternization. I actually opened the company handbook online at one forty-five in the morning before I sent the email to make sure.

  You are right; there was something that day. I don’t know what it was, perhaps you w
ere high on paint fumes, and I was blinded by the awesome powers of the beard.

  So, here are some questions for you. You know how the game works, you answer mine, and you send me some of your own. So here goes…

  You mentioned a sister, do you have other siblings? I have one sister, but she lives on the west coast. My mom lives nearby, and my dad passed away when I was in high school.

  Favorite meal? When I’m being good, it’s my homemade turkey chili which is what I just ate for dinner actually. When I’m being bad, it’s anything from any Italian restaurant in the North End smothered in sauce and cheese. I am rarely bad these days.

  Favorite movie? Mine is the perennial favorite of women my age, Say Anything… It’s a chick thing…you wouldn’t understand.

  Favorite Book? Mine is a book called The Time Traveler’s Wife, I read it at least once a year. I am a voracious reader and one of the early adopters of this new electronic reader thing from Amazon called a Kindle. Not sure if you’ve heard of it, but I can take books anywhere. It’s amazing, it was my tax return splurge last year.

  Favorite curse word? Okay, I stole this one from the Actors Studio, but mine is motherfucker, it covers all manner of events and sins. However, being the sweet little lady I am, you’ll hardly ever hear a foul word pass my lips ;-)

  Okay, that’s enough questions for now, I’m going to curl up on a comfy chair and read a new book I downloaded. It’s called Twilight, it’s apparently all the rage and it’s about vampires (don’t judge), so win-win.

  Sleep well and keep warm, it’s blustery out there.

  Cora

  PS- thank you for cleaning off my Beetle.

  The ping of his Blackberry had him running from the upstairs master bathroom he was painting down to the kitchen. It was probably work stuff, but maybe it was a reply from Cora. God, her blush at the end of the day when her friend was teasing her about masturbating to his email, made him half-hard and he was grateful for the cold and snow when he walked out the door, to tamp things down. However since he’d come home and re-read her initial email and even the silly one about candy, no amount of cold shower was going to deflate him, luckily he had an eidetic memory so he didn’t need to worry about getting his Blackberry sticky as he stretched out in his king size mission style bed and took matters into hand. When he was spent and the endorphins had started to fade, his bed, an impulse purchase after he bought the house suddenly felt too big, maybe someday soon he could share it with the pretty redheaded bean counter. When the high wore off, he rolled out of bed and decided to be productive.

  It was her, and as he took a swig from his beer, he walked back up the stairs reading her email. He got the feeling she really was shy, and that she probably had self-esteem issues and other stuff that plagues women, because society feeds them shit about what they are supposed to be.

  To: shesbythenumbers@netmail.com

  From: DantheITman@netmail.com

  Date: January 16, 2008 8:15 p.m.

  Subject: Interrogation time

  Cora,

  I’m sorry that you felt a moment of anxiety waiting for me to man up. Thank you for your understanding. Did you really check the company handbook?

  I’m not sure what you’re talking about, it’s January in New England, there aren’t any beetles outside this time of year.

  Siblings, I have a houseful, six sisters, one is my twin, five of the seven of us share the same birthday, the other two are within a month of us. Apparently, my parents have a schedule from which they do not deviate.

  Meal? Anything my Nona made. She was is the quintessential old Italian grandmother. She made her gravy from scratch and all her pasta by hand, and with all that garlic, I’m not sure your vampire book would make it up the driveway.

  Book: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, the book is not about motorcycles, but has some zen elements in there – it’s about the search for “quality” and trying to find a definition for it. I actually read a little yesterday. The main character/narrator (semi-autobiographical) rides on a motorcycle across the country with his son, and starts having flashbacks about his life before he was put through electroshock therapy. Every once in a while, when I’m feeling unmotivated (not that I was yesterday – it was just handy), I’ll re-read parts of it to try to get my ass in gear. What is your story about? I could look it up but I’d like to know how you see it.

  Movie: Please don’t throw anything, but I’m not a big movie person. Star Wars, of course, shoot ‘em up action stuff, you know testosterone fueled movies, and Star Wars, of course. But with the right company and popcorn, I could be convinced to watch most anything, except French mimes, swear to me, Cora, swear that you’ll never force me to sit through a movie with French mimes.

  Curseword: I wouldn’t want to sully your tender sensibilities with my filthy sailor talk. Trust me, you should stay out the IT suite when all the guys are present, they can come up with some stuff that would even make me blush. All right, mine is son of a bitch, not too vile, but so useful.

  Okay, my turn:

  Dream vacation: Italy, for obvious reasons of course.

  Cats or dogs? I’m firmly in the cat camp.

  Favorite Band? For me it’s They Might Be Giants, got hooked in college.

  What would people say is your nicest quality? My mother and sisters say that I’m a gentleman, but I’d say it’s always willing to help a friend, be there for the big stuff and the small stuff, because it matters.

  Why don’t you own a bicycle? I own one, so I have no answer here.

  I’ve heard about the Kindle thing, it’s been all over TV. I’ve noticed you are a bit of a gadget girl, iPod, Kindle, that cute little pink laptop of yours, and yet you refuse the company Blackberry, why’s that?

  Okay, I’m going to grab a beer and flip through the TV until I fall asleep on the couch and get woken up sometime around three by my fat, grumpy cat.

  Dream wonderful things, Cora.

  Daniel

  PS I did clean off your car, because it’s what a gentleman would do. Plus, you were parked right beside me and your car is hardly bigger than a matchbox. I will also confess that I did hear you and Kaelyn at the end of the day and I saw that blush, your fair skin pinks up so adorably. But, there was nothing to blush about, I know Kaelyn is your best friend and sometimes it’s our best friends who give us the most crap. I won’t hold Tinkerbelle’s antics against you ;-)

  He wasn’t trying to be some pervert playing online sex games with her by bringing up that last part in the post script. He really just knew that her reading it would make her blush, and god, she was beautiful when she blushed.

  Chapter 9

  Cora fell asleep on the big chair in front of Say Anything. Was there a more perfect boyfriend than Lloyd Dobler? She had yet to find him, but maybe Daniel was a contender. He’d cleaned off her car, bought her candy, the sugar free kind, and he felt that zing too—it wasn’t all her.

  She decided to check the email once more before she turned off the DVD player and TV and crawled under the three quilts on her bed, she could never get warm enough to sleep, no matter how many blankets she put on.

  She let out a squeal of joy, another email from Daniel. She read it twice and then decided to just go to sleep with his words in her head. She’d respond tomorrow, that would be soon enough.

  Up before the alarm the next morning left Cora plenty of free time as this was an off day from the gym. So she turned on the TV, made some breakfast and fired up her laptop to reply.

  To: DantheITman@netmail.com

  From: shesbythenumbers@netmail.com

  Date: January 17, 2008 7:15 am

  Subject: Where do I begin…

  Daniel,

  Wow, that’s a LOT of sisters. I have enough trouble with just the one, but if they are responsible for your sweet ways then womankind should be sending them a muffin basket, weekly.

  You have my word that I will never ever subject you to French mimes; consider it a solemn oath.

>   Yes, I did read the company handbook, check the server logs if you don’t believe me ;-).

  The Time Traveler’s Wife, is a sci-fi bent tale only in the broadest terms, it is really more of a love story, filled with longing. A story about the way Claire waits for Henry, how she is always waiting, which strikes a chord with me, I suppose. I always have this sense of waiting and longing, for my life to really start, for the other shoe to drop. Maybe it was missing out on the going away to college experience and leaving home and being on my own for a while, but I always have this small piece of me that feels un-begun. This was the author’s first published book and it was a marvelous first outing. I’m hoping she writes again soon.

  Well, that was kinda deep of me at this time of the day, or at all. I thought about going back and erasing it and thought better of it as it’s how I really feel about it, and isn't this what we're trying to do, get to know each other... To do that there has to be a level of honesty,… so that was me, being honest…

  Also, I talk in dangling sentences all the time, you’ll see “…” a lot, so if you’re like Kaelyn and this is going to be a problem, let me know now because this‘ll never work out.