by Maya Banks
“I’m no longer offering it.”
“Oh, nice,” she said sarcastically.
“I want you to come back to New York with me.”
Her mouth fell open. “You’re insane. Why would I go anywhere with you?”
“Because you need me.”
Pain speared through her chest, robbing her of breath. “I needed you before.”
She turned away before he could respond. She framed her belly with her palms and tried not to panic.
Behind her Ryan was silent. Disturbingly so. Then when he spoke there was an odd, strained tone to his voice.
“I’m going out to have your prescriptions filled. I’ll pick us up something to eat. When I get back, I want you to be packed.”
His footsteps were heavy on the floor and then the door shut quietly behind him.
She sank onto the tattered recliner and massaged her forehead. Two days ago she had a plan. A good plan. She had everything mapped out. Today she had no job, her health was suspect and her ex-fiancé was pressuring her to go back to New York with him.
It made her cringe, but she realized she was going to have to call her mother. She’d once sworn she’d have to be dying to ever ask her mom for anything, but right now that seemed the lesser of two evils.
“What doesn’t kill me will make me stronger, right?” she muttered.
Lame. So lame.
Still, she picked up the phone, drew in a deep breath and called the last number she had for her mother. It was entirely possible Deidre no longer lived in Florida. Who really knew with her?
She’d washed her hands of Kelly the minute Kelly graduated high school and all but shoved her out of the house so she could move in her latest boyfriend. She’d informed Kelly that she’d done her duty and devoted eighteen of the best years of her life—years she’d never get back—to raising a child she’d never intended to have.
Good luck, see you later, don’t ask me for anything else.
Yeah.
Kelly was about to hang up when her mother’s voice came over the line.
“Mom?” Kelly said hesitantly.
There was a long pause. “Kelly? Is that you?”
“Yeah, Mom it’s me. Look, I need your help. I need a place to stay. I’m…pregnant.”
There was an even longer pause this time. “Where’s that rich boyfriend of yours?”
“I’m not with him any longer,” Kelly said in a quiet voice. “I’m in Houston. I lost my job and I’m not well. The doctor is worried about the baby. I just need a place to stay for a little while. Until I get back on my feet.”
Her mother sighed. “I can’t help you, Kelly. Richard and I are busy and we just don’t have the space.”
Hurt crowded into her heart. She’d known this was pointless, but somehow she’d hoped… Quietly, she turned the phone off without saying anything else. What was there to say anyway?
Her mother had never been more than a resigned babysitter.
Kelly smoothed a hand over her belly. “I love you,” she whispered. “I’ll never begrudge a single moment I have with you.”
She leaned back in the recliner and stared up at the ceiling, hating the helplessness that gripped her. She closed her eyes in weary resignation. She was exhausted.
The next thing she knew she was being shaken awake. She yanked her eyes open to see Ryan standing over her, a plate and glass of water in his hands.
“I brought you Thai,” he said gruffly.
Her favorite. She was surprised he remembered. She struggled to sit upright and then took the plate and glass from him.
He pulled a chair from the kitchen and sat across from her as she ate. His scrutiny made her uncomfortable and so she focused on her food, not looking up.
“Ignoring me isn’t going to help.”
She paused, set her fork down and then leveled a stare at him. “What do you want, Ryan? I still don’t understand why you’re here. Or why you want me to go back to New York with you. Or why you care, period. You let me know in no uncertain terms that you wanted me as far out of your life as possible.”
“You’re pregnant. You need help. Isn’t that enough?”
“No, it’s not!”
His jaw tightened. “Let’s put it this way. You and I have a lot to work out, including whether or not you’re pregnant with my child. You need help that I can provide. You need someone to take care of you. You need top-notch medical care. I can give you all of those things.”
She thrust a hand into her hair and leaned back against the recliner. He immediately leaned forward, slipping from his chair and going to his knees in front of her. He touched her arm, tentatively, as if afraid she’d recoil.
“Come with me, Kelly. You know this has to be worked out between us. You have to think about the baby.”
She held up a hand, furious that he’d try to manipulate her with guilt. But he caught her hand and lowered it, and then ruthlessly pressed his advantage.
“You can’t work. The doctor said you have to rest or you risk the health of your child as well as your own. If you can’t accept my help for yourself, at least do it for your baby. Or is your pride more important than his or her welfare?”
“And what are we supposed to do when we get to New York, Ryan?”
“You’re going to rest and we’re going to figure out our future.”
Her stomach lurched. It sounded so ominous. Their future.
She was a fool to agree. She’d be a fool not to agree.
She was willing to swallow her pride and take the check. Shouldn’t she be willing to accept his help for her baby’s sake? For their baby’s sake?
“Kelly?”
“I’ll go,” she said in a low voice.
Triumph flashed in his eyes. “Then let’s get you packed and get the hell out of here.”
CHAPTER FOUR
When Kelly woke the next morning, she struggled to make sense of her surroundings. Then she remembered. She was in New York—with Ryan.
In a matter of hours, Ryan had had her packed and hustled to the airport. They’d landed at LaGuardia close to midnight and he’d ushered her into a waiting car.
By the time they’d arrived at his apartment, she was dead on her feet. Once inside, she took her one bag and headed toward the guest room. The aching familiarity of the apartment—an apartment that used to be hers—threatened to unhinge her. It even smelled the same—a mixture of leather and raw masculinity. She’d never tried to change that. It had reminded her too much of Ryan, and she hadn’t wanted to remove it.
Down the hall was the bedroom where she and Ryan had made love countless times. It was where their child was conceived and where her life had been irrevocably altered.
Once again, she’d been reminded of how much of an idiot she was to come back here.
But this morning she felt resigned to her fate. After a quick shower, she dressed and padded into the living room where Ryan was already sitting typing on a laptop. He looked up when he heard her come in.
“Breakfast is ready. I was waiting on you to eat.”
Wordlessly, she followed him into the kitchen where she saw a table set for two. Taking a platter off the warmer, he carried it over to the table and began spooning healthy portions of eggs, toast and ham onto their plates.
As she sat down, she was forced to admit that she felt better than she had in weeks. She had certainly gotten more rest in the past twenty-four hours than she had in a long time.
“How are you feeling this morning?” he asked as he took a seat across from her.
“Fine,” she mumbled around a mouthful of egg. Her appetite was coming back and she concentrated on the delicious food in front of her.
This whole thing was weird. The ultrapoliteness. The cozy breakfast for two. It was so awkward that she wanted to go back to the bedroom and crawl back into bed.
After a long silence, Ryan spoke up. “I’ve made arrangements to work out of the apartment for the time being.”
She stopped c
hewing then swallowed the food in her mouth. “Why?” she asked flatly.
“I would think the answer is obvious.”
“This isn’t going to work, Ryan. I can’t stay here with you hanging over my shoulder all the time. Go to work. Do whatever it is you normally do, and just leave me alone.”
His lips thinned and then he got up and walked away without another word.
She stared down at her plate, furious that he acted like the victim. As if she was some horrible, ungrateful bitch.
Fury and aching sadness knotted her throat. How could she ever get past what he’d done to her? Maybe he was just as determined not to forgive her for her supposed transgressions, but Kelly was the innocent one in this whole sordid mess. Ryan had turned his back on her. He didn’t seem to want to acknowledge that little fact.
She fiddled with her remaining food, pushing it around her plate until restlessness forced her to her feet.
Wandering aimlessly back into the living room, she stopped in front of the large window offering a view of the Manhattan skyline.
“You shouldn’t be on your feet,” Ryan said from behind her.
She sighed and turned around, shocked to see him in just a towel. She swiveled back to the window, but the image burned in her eyes. His broad chest rippled with well-defined muscles and his lean abdomen was sculpted like a fine work of art. She used to spend hours exploring the dips and curves of his body.
“I’m sorry if I embarrassed you,” he said in a low voice. “I guess I didn’t give it a thought considering our past relationship.”
She had the ridiculous urge to laugh. Embarrass her? The only embarrassing thing was how her mind was currently wandering way below the makeshift waistline of his towel.
And of course, in his arrogance, he would assume—considering the “nature of their relationship”—that he could cavort about in the nude.
Drawing up her shoulders, she turned around again and stared coolly at him. “If you think because we were once lovers that you can take up where we left off, you’re sadly mistaken.”
He blinked in surprise and then anger replaced the surprise. “God, Kelly. Do you think so little of me that I would try to force you into a sexual relationship when you’re pregnant and unwell?”
“You don’t want to know the answer to that.”
He swore long and hard. “What makes you think I would ever want to sample my brother’s secondhand goods anyway?”
She balled her hands into fists and forced a careless reply. “Well, since your brother didn’t mind, I assumed it was a family trait.”
His blue eyes became ice chips and his jaw twitched spasmodically. Then he spun around and disappeared into his bedroom, the sound of the door slamming reverberating throughout the apartment.
Kelly sighed and sank into a nearby armchair. What demon had forced her to throw more fuel on the flames she would never know. The need to defend herself had long since fled. He should have believed in her then. She didn’t really care what he chose to do now. The desire for him to stand behind her and protect her had fizzled when she realized that she’d never had his love or his faith.
God, what was she doing here? Just being in New York again brought back too many memories she would be better off forgetting.
Restless and sick at heart, she made her way back into the kitchen and took stock of the contents of the refrigerator and cabinets. Deciding that she had all the necessary ingredients for one of her favorite dishes, she began laying them out on the countertop. At least it would give her something to do and lunch would be taken care of. She’d always loved to cook for Ryan when they lived together.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Ryan demanded, materializing out of nowhere and taking the pan she was holding from her. He steered her firmly away from the counter and back into the living room. “Sit,” he ordered once they reached the couch. He propped her feet up on the coffee table, placing a pillow under them. He stood back, his expression lacking the anger of just a few minutes ago.
“Maybe you didn’t understand the doctor’s orders. You’re to rest. Stay off your feet.” He enunciated each word in clipped tones as if he were speaking to a dolt. Well, that wasn’t entirely untrue. She was the biggest dolt in the world for getting caught up in this mess.
He seemed calm. And she was calm, too—at least for now. It was time to get things out in the open. “Ryan, we need to talk.”
He looked surprised and a little wary over her change in tone, but he sat down across from her and regarded her with open curiosity. “Okay, talk.”
“I want to know why you came to Houston.” She was careful to keep her emotions in check as she waited for his response.
He didn’t look pleased with her question. He looked away, at the wall, his jaw tight.
“And how did you know where to find me?” she continued when he remained silent.
“I hired an investigator,” he said after a moment’s pause.
Her mouth fell open. So much for being calm. “Why? So you could accuse me of being a whore all over again? So you could sweep in and upend my life? I don’t get it, Ryan. You hate me. I know what you think of me. You made it very clear when you threw me out of your life. Why the hell would you come looking to dig up the past again?”
“Damn it, Kelly!” he exploded. “You disappeared without a word to anyone. You didn’t cash the check. I thought you were out there hurt and scared—or dead.”
“Too bad for you I wasn’t.”
“Don’t you make this about me,” he growled. It was obvious he had only a tenuous grip on his control. “You took what we had and threw it in my face. You decided I wasn’t enough for you. I looked for you because no matter what you had done or how badly I wanted to forget you, I couldn’t stand the thought of you being out there somewhere scared and alone.”
He broke off and looked away. When he looked back at her, his eyes were shuttered. “I’ve answered your questions, now I want mine answered.”
They both glanced up at the sound of the front door opening and, to Kelly’s horror, Ryan’s brother, Jarrod, stood in the entryway. “Hey Ryan, the doorman told me you were back….” His voice died when he saw her. “Uh…hi, Kelly.”
Ryan watched as Kelly’s expression became glacial. Damn it, she was going to think he planned this. And while yes, the three of them certainly needed to hash out a few things, now wasn’t the time. He rose from his seat and headed in his brother’s direction.
It had taken Ryan months to see beyond his rage and jealousy to be able to entertain resuming a normal relationship with his younger brother. Before Ryan hadn’t given a second thought to Jarrod coming and going at will. He had a key. Ryan had always encouraged him to drop in and had looked forward to his visits.
But that was before Jarrod had slept with Kelly. Before the two most important people in his life had betrayed him. When he finally talked himself around to forgiving Jarrod and allowing him back into his life, he’d also considered that if he was willing to forgive his brother then perhaps he should also find Kelly and at least listen to her reasons why.
Things weren’t perfect between him and his brother now. Maybe they never would be. But they were better and Jarrod had started coming around more, even if he was more cautious than he’d ever been in the past.
Now Ryan had brought Kelly back and they’d all be forced to face the inevitable confrontation. A part of him dreaded it, but the other part of him knew he’d never be able to move forward unless this was fully resolved. But it would be done when he decided and not before. He and Kelly had too much to work out between them before they tackled the issue of Jarrod and her infidelity.
“This isn’t a good time, man,” he said in a low voice when he reached his brother.
Unease flickered across Jarrod’s face, and he glanced nervously over Ryan’s shoulder toward Kelly. “I can see that. I’ll come back another time.”
Ryan turned and saw Kelly tremble and then her fingers flexed
and curled into fists. She was as pale as death, her eyes large and haunted. “What did you want?” he prompted when Jarrod made no move to leave.
“Nothing important. Just came over to say hi and to tell you Mom wanted us over for dinner Saturday night. I hadn’t seen you in a while. I know you’ve been busy with your resort deal. I’d hoped we could get together like old times.”
Ryan sighed. He and Jarrod had always been close. Until Kelly. He hated this. Hated it all. Hated that a woman had come between him and the brother he’d all but raised after their father died.
“I’ll call Mom later, okay? And we’ll get together. Just not right now.”
“Yeah, I understand. I’ll see you later.” He backed toward the door, and Ryan followed. As Ryan gripped the doorknob to close it after Jarrod, his brother whispered, “Are you taking her back after what happened?”
Ryan drew his brows together. “Aren’t you concerned that she could be carrying your child?”
Jarrod flinched and his cheeks lost color. “Is that what she told you?”
Ryan studied him for a moment, his brows drawing together as he observed Jarrod’s reaction to the suggestion. “No, she didn’t tell me that, but surely you know it’s possible.”
“Uh-uh, can’t be mine,” Jarrod said, shaking his head emphatically.
“So you say.”
Jarrod stepped into the hall and then shoved his hands into his pockets as he stared back at Ryan. But he didn’t quite meet Ryan’s gaze. “I wore protection. Look, I’m sorry. I know this is a bad situation. But the baby can’t be mine.”
Ryan watched him walk toward the elevator, the same frustrated helplessness clutching his throat. He stepped back and shut the door, angry. Angry at Kelly, angry at Jarrod and angry with himself all over again. So the baby was his unless…surely she hadn’t had other partners besides him and Jarrod. He wouldn’t even give that consideration.
When he returned to the couch he wasn’t prepared for the absolute hatred and revulsion in Kelly’s expression. Before he could say anything she fixed him with a look that froze him to the bone.