by Elle Kennedy
“Gage. You’re fucked up,” Reed said firmly. “You need to get looked at.”
“I’m good,” he mumbled as he battled a rush of dizziness. “Just pop my shoulder back in, will ya?”
Disbelief echoed in his friend’s voice. “Sweet Jesus. You’re nuts.”
He stumbled toward the wall. “I’ll do it myself then.”
“Oh, for chrissake.” He caught a flash of movement in the corner of his eye. “Jerry, get over here.”
“Shouldn’t he be lying down for this?” their security guy demanded, equally dumbfounded.
“Yeah, but do you want to try to get this stubborn idiot to follow orders?”
Gage felt himself being moved, and then his arm was being lifted and hot agony rippled through him. Reed’s strong grip slowly pulled on his biceps, shifting his arm away from his torso. He bit the inside of his cheek so violently he tasted more blood in his mouth.
“You good, bro?”
“Just…do…it,” he said through clenched teeth.
The tension was unbearable. His shoulder burned, ached, pulsed with agony, and then a sickening crack sliced the air, and pain mingled with relief as the joint popped back into place.
As his vision blurred again, he leaned into Reed with a groan. “No…hospitals.” He felt himself losing consciousness. Fought it. Kept talking. “Just…take me home.”
“God, I really hate you sometimes,” Reed mumbled.
The black dots in front of his face got worse, an undulating sea of darkness beckoning at him. “One more thing.”
“Demanding bastard tonight, aren’t ya? What is it?”
They were in motion now, Gage’s bulk supported by Jerry and Reed as they carried him out of the alley. He had the vague impression of the sidewalk beneath his feet, but couldn’t seem to make his eyes focus.
“Skyler…” He swallowed, wincing from the taste of blood coating his throat. “Don’t call her…don’t…she can’t know…promise.”
“Goddamn it, Gage—”
“Promise.”
There was a pause, then Reed’s unhappy voice. “I promise.”
Gage nodded gratefully.
And passed the fuck out.
…
If it were anyone else calling, Skyler probably would have slept through the ringing of her phone, but she’d programmed a personal ringtone for Gage, and somehow her subconscious knew it. Her eyes snapped open and sought out the bedside clock. When she realized it was four in the morning, instant concern swept through her. She knew Gage wouldn’t call so late if it weren’t important.
She picked up immediately—and was startled when a voice that didn’t belong to Gage filled her ear.
“Skyler? It’s Reed.”
Her stomach clenched. Oh God. Something must be seriously wrong if Gage’s best friend was on the line.
“What happened?” she blurted out. “Is he okay?” The slight hesitation on the other end sent her heart rate into overtime. “Reed. Tell me what happened.”
“O’Donnell’s crew roughed him up.”
She swallowed a cold rush of fear. “How bad?”
“Bad. And the muleheaded mofo refused to go to the hospital, so I took him home. Can you—”
“I’m on my way.”
She hung up without another word and proceeded to dress in a panicky whirlwind, throwing on the first items of clothing she found. Then she flew down the stairs toward Lacey’s room, only to halt in her tracks when she remembered that her friend was at the hospital. Damn it. Lacey was a doctor—Skyler would have felt a million times better if her friend had been able to check on Gage with her.
How badly was he hurt? Why hadn’t he called her himself? Terrified thoughts buzzed through her mind as she slid into her car. Since it was so late, there was zero traffic on the road, but she forced herself not to drive double the speed limit. She couldn’t afford to get pulled over by a cop right now.
Panic and worry sizzled in her veins the entire way to Gage’s house. When she got there, all the lights were on, and Reed met her at the front door, his blue eyes grim.
“He’s in the living room.”
She was already pushing past him. She didn’t take off her shoes, just careened into the living room. Her heart plummeted to the pit of her stomach when she saw Gage.
He was on the couch, flat on his back with his eyes closed. Well, with one eye closed—the other was swollen shut, black and purple and twice its normal size. Her breathing grew shallow as she examined the rest of him. A cut on his eyebrow, held together by a row of narrow butterfly stitches. More bluish bruises on his bare chest, white tape wrapped tightly around his torso. His hands were at his sides, and from where she stood, she noticed his knuckles were red and caked with blood.
Reed’s voice drifted in from the doorway. “We cleaned him up, taped up his ribs, and shoved some aspirin down his throat.”
Skyler sat next to Gage and gently touched the cheek that wasn’t bruised. He didn’t stir, massive chest rising and falling with each steady inhale and exhale.
“He was probably right about the hospital,” Reed added, albeit grudgingly. “The doctors wouldn’t have done much more than Jerry and I did. None of the cuts are deep enough for stitches, and there’s nothing they can do for his ribs.”
Skyler swallowed, then shifted her gaze to Reed. Another man stood next to him. Their employee Jerry, she assumed. “You guys can go,” she said softly. “I’ll stay here with him.”
Reed’s forehead creased. “You sure?”
She nodded. “Go. We both know he wouldn’t like having all of us fussing over him. It’ll just make him grumpy.”
Reed’s lips twitched in a reluctant smile. “You’re right about that.” He walked over and dropped a quick kiss on her forehead. “Good luck with our patient. Though I have a feeling he’ll be grumpy regardless.”
Yeah, so did she, but there was no way in hell she was going anywhere.
She moved her attention back to Gage, effectively dismissing the other men. She heard their footsteps in the hall, the creak of the front door closing, but her focus remained on Gage. She squeezed his hand, then dipped her head and pressed her lips to his in a tender kiss. He still didn’t stir, and she didn’t try to rouse him. He needed to rest right now.
But there was no rest for Skyler. She stretched out beside him, keeping an inch of space between them as she settled on her side and watched him breathe. Tears stung her eyes when she started cataloging all his cuts and bruises again.
Gage had been so certain Mitch O’Donnell had accepted that their arrangement was over, but obviously he’d been wrong. So fucking wrong. O’Donnell had gone out and punished him for not toeing the line, and Skyler fought the urge to track that bastard down and strangle the life out of him.
As she mentally plotted O’Donnell’s demise, an uneasy thought occurred to her. Clay could help.
No, Clay would help, if she only asked him.
But did she really want to reach out to the man who’d brought chaos into her family and uprooted her entire life?
You wouldn’t do it for Gage?
She pressed her lips together, trying to keep a sob at bay. God, that wasn’t even a question. Of course she’d go to Clay if it meant helping Gage. She’d do anything to stop O’Donnell from hurting the man she loved.
Skyler froze.
The man she loved?
Her heart beat faster as she stared at Gage’s face, still unbelievably gorgeous despite being all bruised up. But even from the start, it had been about more than his looks. It was his intensity, his strength, his dominance. It was the thrilling sex and the sweet kisses. The way he appealed to her nurturing side and fueled her confidence and challenged her to unleash her wild side. Her previous boyfriends hadn’t done that. They’d been content with the status quo, the same old date nights followed by the same predictable sex.
Gage, on the other hand, was not at all predictable.
She loved him, damn it. She loved his
gruff voice and his dirty words, the roughness of his touch, his rare smiles and even rarer laughter. Maybe he wasn’t the most open person, but she was so much closer to unlocking him, she could feel it. And had no doubt that when he finally let her in, she’d love him even more.
Somehow during her train of thought, she must have fallen asleep, because when she opened her eyes, sunlight was streaming in through the curtainless windows. It was morning. And Gage was groaning, she realized.
The hoarse sound shot her into a sitting position. She quickly wiped the sleep from her eyes just as his opened. He looked disoriented for a moment.
“Sky?” he rasped.
“I’m here.” She touched his cheek in a soothing motion, startled to see him flinch. But not from pain. No, his eyes were swimming with…unhappiness?
“I told him not to call you,” Gage mumbled.
She wrinkled her brow. “You told Reed not to call me?”
Another groan. “Gonna…kill him.”
“Don’t you dare.” She pinned him with a fierce glare. “If he hadn’t called, I would’ve kicked his ass. This is exactly where I need to be, right here by your side.”
His third groan sounded like it was mingled with the word “no,” but she decided she’d misheard him.
Skyler hopped off the couch and smoothed out her tangled hair. “I’ll get you some water.”
“No.”
Now she heard it loud and clear. She frowned when he attempted to sit up. “Don’t move,” she said firmly. “You’re just going to jostle your ribs and make them hurt worse.”
The insufferable man ignored the command, sliding up until his back rested against the arm of the couch. “Sky…” The unhappy look returned, clouding his gray eyes.
“Don’t argue with me,” she grumbled. “I’m getting you some water, and then making you something to eat.” She crossed her arms. “I know you don’t like accepting help, but I’m here to take care of you.”
“No.”
The word ripped out of his throat once more, bringing a pang of uneasiness. “Why not?”
He rubbed his fist over his good eye before peering helplessly at her. “Damn it, Skyler. You can’t be here.”
Disbelief spiraled through her. “Where the hell else would I be?”
He went quiet for so long she wondered if he’d say anything at all. But then he did, and her entire world rocked on its axis.
“I want you to go.”
“Why, damn it?”
“Because…” He was breathing hard. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying. It’s just the painkillers talking.”
“I didn’t take any painkillers. I know exactly what I’m saying, baby.”
Tears pricked her eyes. She knew she shouldn’t ask, but evidently she was a glutton for self-punishment, because the question burst out anyway. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying it’s over.”
Chapter Thirteen
Gage felt like a dozen fists had pummeled his chest repeatedly—and it had nothing to do with the fact that eight men had literally done that to him last night.
It was the devastation in Skyler’s beautiful blue eyes that evoked the beat-to-shit feeling. He’d known he’d end up hurting her, but knowing and seeing it happen were two very different things. Two very different levels of pure agony and total self-loathing.
But he couldn’t turn away from the course he’d set. He wasn’t good enough for her, he’d known it from the start, and it couldn’t have been clearer now, not if it was written in neon and flashing in Times Square. He was black and blue, courtesy of some very dangerous men, and he knew damn well that O’Donnell’s crew wasn’t going to leave him alone.
Christ, he’d been a naive fool. Thinking that Mitch would happily let their arrangement come to an end. Ha. The bastard would keep coming after him until he got what he wanted from Gage. If it struck his sick fancy, he’d even use Skyler to get it, and there was no way in hell Gage would let O’Donnell hurt her.
“Are you saying this because of Mitch? Are you ending it to protect me?” As usual, the damned woman read his mind.
“Partly,” he admitted.
“Well, that’s bullshit.” It was rare to hear her swear, and with such vehemence, too. “You don’t need to play the hero, and if you’re really worried he’ll come after you—or me—we can get the cops involved. Get a restraining order. There are lots of things we can do that don’t involve breaking up!”
“Skyler—”
Her eyes blazed with determination as she cut him off. “I can call my stepfather. Clay works for the—”
“This isn’t just about Mitch,” Gage interrupted. “I’m trying to protect you from me.”
She faltered, blinking in confusion.
“I’m not good enough for you.” His throat closed up. He’d never felt this helpless in his life. “Don’t you get it? I’m a punk from Southie who grew up to be an emotionally detached bastard. You deserve better.”
Skyler’s jaw tightened. “There you go again, telling me what I need. I can make my own decisions, Gage—and I choose to be with you.”
“I won’t let you.” He set his own jaw, and ignored the resulting ache that pulsed through his face.
One eye was still out of commission, but the other worked just fine, and he clearly saw the cloud of despair darkening Skyler’s eyes. Lord, she was beautiful. Beautiful and vulnerable and sweet and strong. Stronger than he’d thought, sure, but she was owed better than a man who was tangled up with thugs, a man who couldn’t truly open up to her. Lowering his guard during sex was one thing, but the intimacy she needed—no, the intimacy she deserved? He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to give it to her.
That sappy phrase suddenly floated into his mind, the one about loving someone enough to let them go. Well, he loved Skyler. He loved her strength, her intelligence, her endless compassion, and most of all, her light.
The light he’d eventually extinguish.
“I can’t be the kind of man you need.” His throat burned so badly he could barely get a word out. “You need someone who’s open and talks about important stuff, someone who smiles and laughs. That’s not me. I shut down years ago.”
“You’ve been opening up. I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it.” Desperation clung to her voice.
“It’s not enough. It’ll never be enough.” Gage staggered off the couch, light-headed and sick to his stomach. When Skyler took a step forward, he held up his hand to stop her. “No, I’m fine.”
Her eyes flashed again. “God. You can’t ever accept help, can you? Would it kill you to let someone help you?”
Frustration slammed into him like a sledgehammer. It was the same accusation he’d heard a hundred times before. “See?” he said miserably. “It’s happening already. If we keep this up, you’ll end up resenting me. I can’t be the man you want me to be.”
“I want you to be you,” she burst out. “I don’t want you to change—I just want you to trust me enough to show me the real you. The good parts, the bad parts, just you.” She stopped abruptly, realization dawning in her eyes. “But you don’t trust anyone, do you? You can’t trust anyone, not completely.”
Swallowing, Gage slowly shook his head.
“Then you’re right.” A defeated breath shuddered out of her mouth, her shoulders sagging as if they were carrying the weight of the world. “We don’t stand a chance.”
A fiery rush of pain slid through him, but he couldn’t argue with her. They hadn’t stood a chance from the beginning.
Goddamn it. He should’ve followed his own frickin’ ground rules. Keep things light, keep it all about sex. Maybe if he’d stuck to his guns, he wouldn’t feel like someone had ripped his chest open and was prodding at his heart with a pair of rusty pliers.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“Yeah. So am I.” Skyler looked so sad he almost charged forward and pulled her into his arms, but he forced himse
lf to stay motionless.
After a long, agonizing moment, she came up and brushed a featherlight kiss on his lips. “Good-bye, Gage.”
His throat was too tight to answer, so he settled for a jerky nod.
He’d expected the pain, the accusation, the anger. But it was the disappointment in her eyes that ripped him to shreds.
That disappointment was the last thing he saw before she walked out of the room, and out of his life.
…
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
The chiding internal voice followed Skyler all the way out to her car. Somehow, her legs carried her there without buckling. Somehow, she got in the driver’s seat without collapsing.
God, she should have seen it sooner, but she’d convinced herself that Gage was letting her in. That slowly but surely she’d succeed in earning his trust.
But she hadn’t realized that trust was unattainable. She’d been chasing a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Trusting someone—really trusting them—meant letting yourself be truly vulnerable, and Gage had banished those emotions at a young age.
She’d been a fool to think something as silly as love would change that.
Her fingers shook as she turned the key in the ignition. She drove away from his town house with tears in her eyes, wondering where the hell she would even go. She didn’t want to return to her empty house, which made her realize just how much she’d enjoyed having Gage in her life, how much she’d loved having someone to spend time with, to talk to. She had two roommates, but she might as well have been living alone.
Hospital or museum. Those were her options. Lacey and May would let her cry on their shoulders and listen to her vent, something she desperately needed to do at the moment.
Ten minutes later, she found herself pulling into a parking spot that didn’t belong to either Boston General or the city’s modern art museum.
Skyler blinked. She’d unconsciously driven to her stepfather’s house in Beacon Hill.