by Amanda Ray
"Wow," it was the only thing I could manage to say. It left my lips like a gust of wind. Letty gave me a soft smile and I leaned down feathering my lips over hers with the lightest kiss. "You're unbelievably strong, you know that?" My thumbs traced her lips and I wiped away a tear that ran down her cheek. Her now dark chocolate eyes began to fill with tears and I kissed her again.
"So are you," Letty whispered into my mouth. We lay there, holding each other for the rest of the day. My heart was full and I felt so much lighter. Not only from my confession but from hers. She'd let me in and no amount of money could have made me feel richer. We weren’t enemies anymore. We didn’t despise each other. I didn’t know what was happening. What we were. But whatever this is, whatever we are, I was in. All in.
Chapter 23
Letty
The semester was flying by faster than usual and winter break was only two weeks away. After opening up to Brooks that night it was like something shifted. We weren't enemies anymore. He opened up a door inside of me - a gateway - to feelings that I had closed off long ago. I'd never shared that much with someone before other than Savvy. She was the only other person in the world who knew everything about my life and even when I opened up to her it was a struggle. Brooks had made me feel...normal.
Safe.
I've always been the girl who looked sociable and fun on the outside but was blocked off completely on the inside. I never let anyone too close, never told them about the real me. About my life. I was private, closed off.That’s what drew Savannah and I close; we’re the same in that way. When I had first met Brooks I didn't doubt for a second that he would be like everyone else. That I would never let him in. Hell, he was the most arrogant piece of crap out there and I didn't even want to be in the same space breathing the same air. At least, that's how I felt back then. But now...now I look at him and I feel warm. Happy. Wanted.
We've been spending almost every night together doing mundane things like coursework, making dinner, cuddling, talking. What I thought was going to be a one off, something that would mean nothing but sex, has turned into something so much more. He takes me in the best ways, knows my body better than I've ever thought possible, but everything else beyond the sex was something I wasn't prepared for. Just resting in his arms and listening to his heartbeat awakens something inside me that I thought died the day my sister did. But seeing him now, standing in front of our Psych class, waiting for me with an extra cup in his hand, I know that this is so much more. That he means so much more. I'm terrified of the feelings I have for him already. The influence he has over me and my body. But I'm terribly excited for it too.
"Hey," I breathe into his mouth right before I kiss him. My fingers racking through his hair to deepen the kiss. God, there's nothing like kissing this guy. Brooks grunts, biting down on my bottom lip. A little flick of my tongue and we're both panting, wanting to skip class and take this somewhere private but before we do a classmate bumps into my back breaking us apart and we laugh. I pull away, shaking my head and staring down at the concrete, "Damn. I feel like a teenager again. I have no control over my impulses with you. It's a little ridiculous."
Brooks laughs, handing me my hot cocoa, "Yeah, baby, I know exactly what you mean." I look up slightly to see him adjust his jeans and I can't help but laugh. Jeez, what is the matter with us? "So, listen," I peer up at him waiting for him to continue. He takes a sip of his coffee and I notice his cheeks are bright red. Is he blushing or is it just the brisk December air? "I don't know if you have plans for winter break. I mean, I know that you worked for most of the thanksgiving break and you went over to Savvy's so I figured you would probably be doing the same thing for winter break," he rambled, "but if you're free... or I mean... if you just want something to do, or if you want someone to hang out with... I'm going to be around because we have this auction we have to go to after the holidays so I'm only going home for Christmas eve and day and then I'll be back. So...if you maybe....want to...."
"Sure," I said, cutting him off, smiling at his rambling and saving him from his misery. Brooks' eyes light up, he smiles at me, leaning down and kissing my nose, "Yeah? Okay. Great." He laces his fingers through mine and begins to walk us into class but before we reached the threshold he stopped and turned around to me. "One more thing."
"Ooookay?"
"For the auction."
"Yeah?"
"We can bring dates."
"Okay?"
"So would you....I mean...would you like to come with me? As my date? Like, as my girlfriend?"
I sucked in air, my heart pitter pattering and my stomach flipping. Girlfriend. I felt the blush creep from my neck to my face and I had to bite down on my lip. I nodded, feeling tears fill my eyes. Brooks cups my face in his hands, running his thumb over my lip and pulling it out from my teeth. Looking between my eyes he slowly leans down and lays the gentlest kiss on my lips. I felt the earth move, time stopped and I didn't want to live anywhere else but in that moment. I was feeling things for him that I didn't know I could feel anymore but with his simple words and gentle kiss he showed me that he was feeling them too.
We pulled away and walked into class. Taking our seats the professor walked in right after us and began. After a few minutes I turned and glanced at Brooks. The guy I used to hate. The man I dreaded to see. The one person I couldn't stand with every fiber of my being. But now...now I knew for sure. Now I knew that what people said was true. That love and hate are a fine line because looking at the man who sat next to me now. The one I could have called an enemy at the beginning of the year was now someone entirely different to me. He was now the one person I didn't think I could live without -other than Savvy of course. The one person who made me feel safe.
Wanted.
Loved.
And that's when it hit me. My smile grew and I stared and stared some more. Brooks was no longer the person I hated. He was the person I loved.
I loved him.
Madly. Passionately. Insanely. I was in love with him. Things had moved so quickly- too quickly- between us. A few months ago we couldn't stand each other. We barely knew anything about each other. But then things started to change. They started to drift and I can't go back to the way it was. I can't remove him from my life. He can't be my enemy again. He's become too much to me and I don't want to. No, I can't let that go. Let him go. So now there was only one question I needed to know: Does he feel the same way about me?
Chapter 24
Brooks
I could feel her staring at me. Scorching my skin. But in the best possible way. I had tried my hardest to stay focused on the professor and the lecture, but who was I kidding? Not like it really mattered anyway -we handed in our papers on Frued last week, the professor opting against us debating; something about a fight breaking out in one of her other lectures, and had a few exams. Our final one was next week. So really this was just a review and why the hell would I be paying attention to that when I had Scarlett-sexy-ass sitting next to me, staring at me.
The few times I had looked over at her she blushed and focused back on the professor. When class was over I gave her an earth shattering kiss- at least that's what it felt like to me- and hustled to practice. We were working overtime this week because we were facing one of the biggest rivals on the roster. Plymouth oaks. Their goalie, Ryan Lamarande, was number two in the division and their team was number three. People were gunning for them to win the game on Saturday and I wasn't having it.
Coach Jones and I agreed to have extra practices to make sure the team was in shape and working the best drills to accommodate P.O.'s drills. We've watched hours and hours of tapes zoning in on even the smallest slip ups that we could take from them. We were going to win. I had no doubt. But I'd be lying if I said all the extra practice wasn't draining. We've been here before, worked ungodly hours to get to our wins but for some reason, this time was excruciatingly exhausting.
"Maybe it's all the extra sex?" Nate said, drying his freshly washed hair. We'd
just gotten out of the showers, practice had ended an hour ago and I was lagging behind. All my teammates had left except for him, Ky and Mason. I was sitting on the bench, still draped in my towel, struggling to put on my damn socks because I was so fucking tired.
"What do you mean?" I didn't even have the energy to sound irritated at his question but I was so confused. Maybe because I was so tired?
"I mean that we all know you're used to the extra practice. The extra workouts. Hell, I think you've always pushed yourself harder than anyone here, but now all of a sudden it's hitting you and you're burning out."
"Maybe I'm just getting old dude. Ever think of that?"
Nate laughed, Ky and Mason snorted in the background, "Yeah. No. Nice try though."
I chuckled, finally standing up and throwing on my sweatpants, not even bothering to put on my briefs at this point because damn I just needed my bed. And maybe Letty's warm body.
"All I'm saying is that ever since you started sleeping with Letty on the daily, you've been overly exhausted man. And that's not normal for you. Usually when you get with puck bunnies it's like an adrenaline rush, like an energy drink for you. But with her, it's like she tires you out."
"That's ‘cause they go at it like bunnies, Nate. B's not playing with that girl. He'll take her all night, any place he can get her. You can see it all over his damn face anytime she walks in a room." This from Mason.
I scowl at Nate, "First of all, she's not a damn puck bunny so you can shut the fuck up right now. And second," I turned toward Mason,"you need to shut your goddamn mouth too because you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. And let me make this very clear. If anyone else says another fucking word about her I'll rip your goddamn teeth out and make you eat them, you got that?"
They all paused. Frozen and staring at me with blank faces before they busted out laughing. "Shit man. I knew you liked her so I was just pressing your buttons but man, I didn't know you were that far gone. You like her. Like really like her." Nate was smirking at me and I was clamping my fist so hard, trying my best to restrain from punching my best friend in the face, that I was pretty sure my palms were bleeding from my fingernails digging in.
"Yo, he's so far gone! Let's just hope she feels the same way otherwise you'll be shit outta luck my friend." Kyle walked by with his evil fucking grin and I couldn't help it. I punched. Well, I punched the locker. I should have punched his face but I was too drained to get into a fight right now.
"Fuck you," I murmured and threw on a hoodie grabbing the rest of my stuff. Nate waited for Ky to leave the locker room before talking, "B, you know I love you man but he's kinda right. You played the game dude and if she doesn't feel the same way, if she's not in love with you by the time we go to auction, you're gonna have to pick a consequence and I don't wanna see that happen. I don’t wanna see you get played, man."
I let out a heavy sigh. I knew Nate was only trying to protect me and I knew he was right but I didn't want to think about the game right now. The dare. Letty wasn't just some toy to play with. She wasn't just some girl to fuck with and win this thing. She became more somewhere along the line and now I had to find a way to not only win this thing but make sure she never found out about it. Because I knew, I just fucking knew, that if Letty ever found out about the real reason I had started with her then that would be it. She wouldn't listen -she wouldn't bother- she'd be done and I'd lose her forever. And I don't think I'd ever want to lose her.
"She means more to me, Nate," I sighed, not meeting his eyes. I didn't want him to know how much I felt for her but I knew that he could already tell.
"I know, man."
"How do I know she feels the same way? I mean...how do I find out? I don't want to go about this the wrong way but I don't want the guys to get involved and fuck it all up for me either." I looked up to meet his gaze. I sighed again, getting up to leave. Nate patted me on the shoulder in an attempt to make me feel better but it didn’t work.
We were headed toward my car and I saw Ky and Mason up ahead talking in the parking lot. "Fuck. I just know the second I bring her to that auction someone's going to corner her and tell her. They're gunna fuck it up for me before I can even find out what this really is. I like her man. I do. A lot."
"I know," Nate breathed, looking between me and the others. He shook his head glaring at the back of Ky's head. We'd slowed down, not wanting them to overhear our conversation. " I just don’t want to see you get hurt, B.” Nate looked between me and Ky, “Tell you what. Figure your shit out with her. She's a good girl, B. Her and her friend Savvy, they're some of the good ones. Figure it out, man. But until you do, I'll be there. I'll help you make sure she's never alone at the auction so no one can say anything to her. But, B. You gotta tell her. If you really do like her, if you really have feelings for her, you gotta tell her the truth. Otherwise, when it does finally come out, it's going to blow up in your face and you’ll both end up hurt."
I inched toward my Jeep, feeling a tightness in my chest, "I know, Nate. I know." My throat felt like sandpaper and I tried swallowing to ease the pain.I’m already hurt just thinking about it. About what would happen if I lose her. If she found out. "I will. I'll tell her. Soon." Nate nodded and walked to his car and I whispered, "Eventually."
Chapter 25
Letty
Saturday night. I looked around at Wade's and shook my head. The bar was packed to over full capacity and I hadn't had a break since the moment I stepped in at noon. I had an earlier shift tonight which meant that I'd be able to get off at ten and enjoy the rest of my night with Savvy and the boys.
Brooks and the rest of the Sterling U hockey team planned to come to Wade's after their game but no one expected the entire arena, plus the other team, to show up too. There was barely any room to move around and I was dripping sweat even in my tiny little uniform.
"Hey, sweet thing. If I throw in a good tip can I get a kiss with my shots?" I'd been getting hit on all night, hell, I get hit on every night. That's the price you pay when you work at a bar, especially in a uniform that makes guys go ga-ga, but I was starting to get agitated now. My shift was almost over, I was hot and sweaty -and not in a good way- and honestly I just wanted to punch this guy in the face. I turned around giving him the fakest, sweetest smile I could muster up and said, "How about you keep the kiss and the tip and I'll get you those shots?"
"Nah, honey. I'd rather you keep the shots and gimme the kiss."
My eyes rolled and I could feel fire coming out of my nose. "Listen pig head –"
"Pig head?" I turned toward my best friend's voice and saw Brooks and Nate standing behind her, "I think that's the tamest thing you've ever said to someone hitting on you." Savvy looked the guy up and down, "Even if he is a pig head." Nate snorted and I couldn't help but let out a little chuckle.
"Why don't you shut your mouth you little–"
"You wanna finish that fucking sentence jackass?" Nate had stepped up in front of Savvy, Brooks right behind him, getting in Mr. Pig head’s face. He threw his hands up, shaking his head and walked away.
"You guys know that's why we have bouncers right?" I let out a sigh watching them as they glowered after the guy. The second he was out of sight they moved to the front of the bar.
"Yeah, well, who needs them when we're here?" Nate winked at me and I laughed. His easy going spirit made him someone you'd want to be around.
"What time do you get off, babe?"
I looked up at the clock before turning around to answer Brooks' question, "I still have ten minutes. You guys wanna try to grab a table and I'll put in some food for us so it's ready by the time I get off and I'll meet you over there?"
They all nodded. Brooks leaned over the bar to plant a kiss on me and then they were all off to the booth in the back.
When my shift ended I'd made my way over to the table, laughing, drinking and doing a whole lot of drunken flirting with my man. My man. It felt kind of nice to say that. Who would have thought that at one poi
nt the thought of being with Brooks would have made me physically ill but now it just gives me butterflies and brings a smile to my face.
"Why are you smiling like that, you weirdo?"
I looked up from the table, my eyes focusing on Savvy who was staring at me with a wicked smirk. "No reason."
"Liar!" I laughed at her response. She knew. She just knew. "You're so smitten with him. It's written all over your face. It's kinda gross." She laughed, I shook my head, "I know but I can't help it. I don't know why." I glanced over at the boys. Brooks, Nate and some of the other hockey players were playing darts and laughing while drinking some beers. Savvy and I were sitting in the booth gorging on some fries.
"You hated him. Like seriously, you despised him. I think I kinda hated him too by association but he's actually...kinda...nice." I smiled, my eyes still on Brooks. "I know. I honestly can't even remember why I hated him in the first place. But all I know now, is the feeling I get when I look at him. When he's around it's like everyone and everything else just disappears. He turns my world inside out and upside down. It's like he takes all of the air out of the room leaving me breathless but with a simple look or smile or touch he makes everything okay again. You know?"
I looked back over at Savvy and she stared at me wide eyed with an all knowing smirk."What?" I asked.
"You're in love with him."
"What? No."
"Yes. Absolutely. One hundred percent yes. You love him, Letty. Admit it."
I shook my head and looked back over to Brooks. I know I do. I absolutely know that I've fallen madly in love with him but I couldn't admit it. Not out loud. Not to him. Not to myself. It's too soon. We barely know each other. I let out a sigh looking back at Savvy. "I can't. We barely know each other. We just started dating. No. I can't."