“Are you, by any chance, referring to Ms. Laverna?”
“That’s the one.”
“Well then, I appreciate your concern and advice, Harry, but the truth of the matter is that Laverna and I are getting along rather well. In fact, I find her one of the warmest, kindest people I’ve met for some time.”
“No foolin’?” The ex-biker was genuinely impressed. “Beeker, either we’re talkin’ about different women, or I’d be greatly obliged if you’d give me a few pointers on technique sometime over a few brews.”
“I’d be glad to,” the butler’s voice came back. “But I’m not sure how much help I can be. I’ve never really considered my conduct with women as being ‘technique.’ In fact, I make a point of being myself rather than trying to impress them, and the response has been favorable, for the most part.”
“Hmmm. I dunno. There’s got to be more to it than that,” Harry said. “Every time I’ve tried bein’ myself with the ladies, they tend to look around for a cop.”
That got a laugh from Beeker.
“Of course, Harry, you should remember that when it comes to being oneself, you and I are notably different people. Still, I’ll be willing to chat with you on the subject sometime, if you’d like.”
“All right, my man, it’s a date. Just say when and where, and I’ll be there with a notepad.”
“It will probably have to wait until this assignment is over,” Beeker said. “I’m of the impression that while it’s on, we’re to avoid each other’s company publicly, for the sake of secrecy.”
“Yeah, I know.” Harry sighed heavily. “Well, let me know when you think it’ll be all right.”
There was another moment’s pause.
“Are you all right, Harry?” the butler said at last, a note of concern creeping into his voice. “Forgive me if I’m prying, but you sound a little down.”
“I guess I am … a bit,” the ex-biker admitted.
“What’s wrong? Is it anything you’d like to talk about?”
“I dunno … It’s just that …” Harry struggled for a second, then the floodgates went down and the words came in a rush. “I just feel kinda cut off out here … out of the information loop, you know? One of the things I’ve always liked about the cap’n is that he always made sure I knew what was goin’ on, even when it didn’t involve me direct. Now I only hear about some of the things that are happenin’, and even then it’s after the action is over. For the most part, I just stand around here and polish glasses and wonder what’s goin’ on with the crew. I’ll tell you, Beeker, it’s gettin’ to me. You know, it seems like more and more often I see somethin’ or think of somethin’ and turn to point it out to the guy next to me, only there’s no one there. I mean, there’re folks here and all, but no one I can talk to. Know what I mean?”
“If it’s not pointing out the obvious, Harry,” the butler observed once the ex-biker had run out of words, “it sounds to me like you’re lonely.”
Harry thought for a few beats, then his face split in a wide smile.
“Damn! You know, I think you’re right, Beeker! Son of a gun! That never occurred to me … I guess ’cause I’ve never been lonely before.”
“Excuse me, Harry”—Beeker’s voice was gentle—“but don’t you mean that until recently, you’ve always been lonely?”
If it was from anyone else, Harry would have simply laughed at the suggestion, but he had a great deal of respect for Beeker, so he gave the idea serious thought.
“I never thought of it that way,” he said slowly, “but … you know, it’s funny. When I first heard about this assignment, I was really lookin’ forward to bein’ out on my own again … gettin’ away from uniforms, and maybe mixin’ with a few of the folks like I used to hang around with. The way it is, though, I just can’t get into it. There’s even another biker here who keeps wantin’ to talk about old times, but I have trouble gettin’ fired up to brag about how bad the old club used to be. In fact, the more I think about it, the more it seems we ran on bullshit—all the time tryin’ to impress each other with how tough we was so’s nobody would think we was afraid. The fact is, the only place I’ve felt comfortable just bein’ me is with the cap’n and the troops.”
“I can’t say I’m surprised, Harry,” the butler said. “Of course, I’ve been with Mr. Phule for a long time now and watched the effect he has on those around him. Let me assure you that you’re not alone in your reactions. After a lifetime of feeling one has to pretend to be something he’s not, finally meeting someone who can not only accept but appreciate people as they are tends to generate—”
“Excuse me, Beeker,” Harry interrupted. “Hang on just a sec.” A flurry of activity at the door had caught the ex-biker’s attention. Four men had just trooped in, Stilman the obvious leader. Paying no attention to Harry, they took seats at a table and noisily called for a round of drinks.
“It’s okay, Beeker,” Harry said. “Just a little movement in the enemy troops. What was that you were say in’?”
“Just that many people who had long since resigned themselves to being alone or the oddball in any group, find that …”
Harry was only listening with half an ear, the rest of his attention focused idly on the table of heavies.
They seemed to be in a good mood, shaking hands and patting each other on the back, and he caught the flash of Stilman passing out thick envelopes, presumably full of money, to the other three men.
“Hold on, Beeker,” Harry said, still eyeing the table of men. “There may be something goin’ on here. You might want to pass the word that …”
He broke off in midsentence, his blood suddenly turning ice cold.
Stilman had produced two objects from his pocket and was holding them up for inspection. From the back of the room, the ex-biker couldn’t see too clearly, but he didn’t have to. He’d know those things from a mile away. He should … he’d issued enough of them.
Stilman was holding two of the company’s wrist radios.
“Harry?” came Beeker’s voice in his ear. “Are you there? What is it?”
“Listen close, Beeker,” Harry growled into the phone, barely recognizing his own voice. “I may not have time to say this twice … got me? Tell the cap’n to run a body count on the company. Fast. I think someone’s in trouble. Only … listen up, Beek … be sure to tell him not to use the wrist radios for the check. In fact, tell him to pass the word to be careful what gets said over the radios period! It looks like the opposition has gotten hold of a couple of ’em, so there’s a good chance they’ll be listenin’ in … for a while, anyway. You got that?”
“Got it, Harry,” the butler shot back. “Do you want him to get back to you when he’s done?”
“Tell him not to bother. I’ll get back to him later if I can.”
“Harry, are you in trouble? You sound—”
“Just tell the cap’n,” the ex-biker said hurriedly, and broke the connection.
Stilman had just gotten to his feet and, after one last round of handshakes, was heading out the door.
Forcing himself to move casually, Harry strolled behind the bar.
“Can you cover for me for a few, Willie my man?” he said. “I gots to slip out for a minute.”
“I suppose so,” the other bartender said. “It’s not like it’s real busy, or—hey! What’s up?”
Harry had been fishing around under the bar, but now he straightened up holding a sawed-off pool cue loosely in one hand. Effectively a lead-weighted club, it was kept to break up fights and happened to be one of Harry’s favorite weapons.
“You really don’t want to know,” he said with a wink. “In fact, you haven’t seen a thing, right?”
“If you say so.” Willie shrugged and pointedly turned his back.
Holding the weapon close to his side so it would not be noticed easily, Harry headed out of the bar, hurrying slightly to make up for the lead Stilman had on him.
* * *
Tiffany looked
smaller stretched out in the clinic bed, the sight tugging at Phule’s heart and conscience as he had known it would. He had been stalling making this visit since he heard the doctor’s appraisal of the extent of the actress’s injuries, even to the point of prolonging his conversation with Doc. The stuntman had been in surprisingly good spirits, remarkably good considering his two broken legs, and had even succeeded in putting the Legionnaire commander relatively at ease over the incident. That feeling had fled, though, upon first viewing Tiffany’s bandaged face, draining away as if someone had pulled a plug in his mind and let his hastily constructed defenses run out like so much water.
She seemed to be asleep, and after a few silent moments Phule started to leave.
“Hi, Captain.”
“Hello, Tiffany,” he said, forcing a smile as he turned back.
“I don’t suppose you know anyone who’s casting for The Mummy’s Bride, do you?”
The actress’s hand came up to touch her bandages.
“I … I don’t know what to say, Tiffany,” Phule stammered. “‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t start to express what I’m feeling.”
“Sorry about what?” Tiffany said, raising herself slightly on her pillow. “You warned us it might be dangerous when you gave us that first briefing, and you gave us a chance to back out then. If anything, it’s our fault, because we went against your set procedures. We were the ones who decided to play soldier on our own, going outside the hotel and not bringing one of your regular troops along.”
The commander shook his head.
“I never imagined it would come to this,” he said. “If I had, I never would have—”
“Listen to me, Captain,” the actress interrupted. “It’s our fault, not yours. Okay? If I don’t blame you, don’t go blaming yourself. I never should have let Doc talk me into tagging along.”
“I’m sure Doc didn’t think that—”
“Hey! I’m not trying to hang this on Doc, either,” Tiffany said hurriedly. “I’ve been making my own decisions for a long time and living with the consequences, good or bad. I’m a big girl now, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“Oh, I’ve noticed, all right,” Phule said, smiling in spite of himself. “Don’t think that I’m totally insensitive or blind. It’s just that running this outfit is taking a lot more of my time and attention than I had expected, and I really can’t afford any distractions right now.”
“A distraction, eh? Well, that’s something,” the actress murmured.
“Excuse me?”
“What? Oh, nothing.” She managed to let him see her close one eyelid in a broad wink. “At least now I know what it takes for a girl to get you into her bedroom.”
The smile disappeared from Phule’s face as if someone had turned out the light.
“Since you’re awake, Tiffany, I wanted to tell you not to worry about … about the damage to your face. I’ve already put in a call for a plastic surgeon, and we’ll be covering all the expenses and continuing your salary for however long it takes to erase any trace of what’s happened.”
“I know. The doctor told me, except …” The actress turned her face toward the commander. “You know, it’s funny. I was still groggy from the painkillers he gave me, but I think he said something about Maxine Pruet covering all the expenses.”
Phule’s expression tightened slightly.
“I know,” he said. “I was told the same thing. We’ll see about that. You just get some rest and concentrate on getting better and don’t worry about where the money is coming from. I’ll take care of dealing with Mrs. Pruet.”
He started to ease toward the door.
“In the meantime,” he continued, forcing a lighter tone into his voice, “be sure to let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
“Well … there is one thing, Captain.”
“What’s that?”
“When you talk to the surgeon … Is there any chance he could do a little work on my nose at the same time? I’ve always thought it was too big, and since he’ll be operating anyway …” She let her voice trail off.
“Consider it done.” Phule smiled, more confident now that Tiffany hadn’t been merely putting on an act for his benefit. “I’ll be sure he confers with you on what the final result should be, and you can make any adjustments you want.”
“Thanks, Captain,” she said. “I suppose it sounds silly, but—”
“Excuse me, Captain?”
They looked around to find Doc’s son standing in the doorway to the room.
Tiffany waved. “Hiya, kid! Welcome to the horror show.”
“Hello, Tiffany.”
“Hi, Junior,” Phule said. “Your father’s right down the hall. He was awake a little while ago when I talked to him.”
“I know, Captain,” the youth said. “I’ve already been to see him, thanks. You’re the one I was looking for.”
“Oh?” The commander glanced quickly at Tiffany. “I was just finishing here, if you’d like to step into the hall.”
“No, here is fine. In fact, I want Tiffany to hear this, too.”
“Okay. What’s on your mind?”
“Well … the others asked me to talk with you, since I was coming over anyway to visit Dad.” The youth seemed suddenly uneasy. “What it is, is … well, we all appreciate what you told us, about paying off our contracts and sending us back to Jewell, but—”
“What? Wait a minute!” Tiffany broke in. “You didn’t tell me anything about this, Captain.”
“It didn’t concern you,” the commander said tersely. “Not for a while, anyway. You were saying, Junior?”
“Well, sir,” the youth continued, squaring his shoulders, “we’d like you to reconsider your decision. We want to stay on until this thing is finished. As far as we’re concerned, nothing has changed from the original agreement.”
“Nothing?” Phule scowled.” That isn’t how I’d describe what’s happened to your father and Tiffany.”
“I can’t speak for Tiffany,” the youth said. “But my father’s had broken bones before. It goes with the job. As for the rest of us, we were warned of the possible danger involved in this deal, and we accepted it. Just because it’s become a reality hasn’t changed the terms of our contract. We’re all ready to go on working for you if you’ll let us.”
“All of you?”
“Well, we haven’t had a chance to check with Tiffany,” the boy admitted. “That’s why I wanted to discuss this in front of her.”
“You can add my vote to that, kid,” the actress said firmly. “It looks like I’ll be stuck here for a while anyway, but …” She pulled herself up into a sitting position, hugging her knees to steady herself. “Let me tell you something, Mister Phule. You may be some kind of hotshot in the business world, or even the military, but it seems you have a lot to learn about show business.”
“I guess I do,” the commander said, shaking his head slightly. “Would either of you care to enlighten me?”
Tiffany gave out an unladylike snort.
“It appears you have the common misconception that entertainers are hothouse flowers that have to be babied and protected. Well, nothing could be further from the truth. Our profession has never really been socially acceptable, and anyone who makes a living at it has had to put up with physical and mental abuse as a norm, not as an exception. You may think of the theater as being sophisticated and artsy, but our roots are in traveling troupes that were closer to carnivals and snake-oil shows than any black-tie opening night.”
“We’re used to butting heads with the locals,” Doc’s son supplied calmly. “It’s almost like we’re gypsies, and being hassled or exploited—or blamed for whatever goes wrong in the near vicinity—gets to be expected after a while. Usually we have to knuckle under and go along with things or risk being run out of town. This time, though, we’ve got the forces of authority on our side for a change. Heck, we are the forces of authority.”
“What the kid’s trying to say, Captain,
” the actress added, “is that we may be temperamental and sometimes quit a job in a huff, but nobody runs us off a stage … except maybe the director or stage manager. In this case, that’s you. Now, if you tell us that we’re not performing up to snuff or that you have to make some budget cuts, that’s one thing. But don’t tell us we’re being pulled from the cast for our own good. You hired us because we’re all pros … ‘real troopers,’ as the phrase goes. These yokels can’t even imagine a situation bad enough to close us down if you say it’s all right to keep working.”
“The show must go on, eh?” Phule smiled wryly.
“That’s about it,” the youth said.
“All right.” The commander sighed, reaching a decision. “Pass the word that any of the actors who want to stay on, can. Oh, and son …?”
“Yes, sir?”
“There’s a tradition in the Space Legion that lets a recruit choose his own name when he signs on, and suddenly I don’t feel comfortable thinking of you as ‘Junior.’ Is there anything else you’d like to be called?”
The youth’s face split in a sudden smile.
“Well, sir,” he said, “I think I’ll take my cue from the lovely lady here. Why don’t you just call me ‘Trooper’?”
“Consider it done,” Phule said. “Pass the word on that as well, and be sure to give everyone my personal thanks.”
“Thank you, sir!”
The youth drew himself up and gave a snappy salute.
“Thank you, Trooper,” the commander corrected with a smile, returning the salute.
“That was nice, Captain,” the actress said after the youth had departed. “Would it be a horrible imposition to ask if I could give you a kiss before you left?”
“Tiffany,” Phule said with mock solemnity, “it would be a pleasure.”
The phone rang on the bedside table.
“Damn!” the actress snarled, then caught herself and smiled again. “Don’t go away, Captain. I’m going to hold you to that kiss.”
“I’ll be right here,” the commander promised.
The phone rang again, and the actress reached for it.
“Hello? … Who? … Oh … No, I’m fine, thank you. It’s nice of you to ask.”
The Complete Phule’s Company Boxed Set Page 46