by Suzi Davis
“What am I going to do, Grace?” He looked up at me, his bloodshot eyes filled with desperation and tears. No matter how stupid Clarke could sometimes be, no matter how egotistical and self-centered and vain, right now he really did need a friend and whether I liked it or not, I might be the only real friend he had.
“It’s going to be ok,” I began, speaking in a soft, calming voice. He nodded eagerly, wanting to believe my words. “You need to go talk to her, Clarke. You shouldn’t be telling me these things, go tell her. Look, you’ve got just enough time to convince her to take you back, to go to Jamaica still. Go! Tell her you’re an idiot and you didn’t mean whatever you said, tell her you want to be a family, tell her you’re sorry and you love her.”
“But… I don’t know if I can say that.”
“Why not?” I asked, completely exasperated.
“Because… I don’t know if I love her yet, or what I mean is, I think I’ll grow to love her—”
“Don’t tell her that,” I muttered. He pretended not to hear.
“But I can’t say I didn’t mean the things I said because I did mean them. I do mean them, with all my heart,” he continued in a softer voice. He looked up, his eyes burning into mine. “I’m still in love with you, Grace. I’m still hoping, even now, that there might be a chance…”
“No,” I cut in. “Clarke, we’ve been over this. You and I are only friends, that’s all we’ll ever be but I don’t know if we can even be that if you keep declaring your love for me,” I stated bluntly. “I don’t think you even really love me—you’re just afraid and you’re looking for something familiar. I’m not the same girl you knew in high school, Clarke. You need to focus on you and Tanya now. Maybe one day we can be friends again but I can see it’s just not going to work now. If you want to save your marriage, you need to go. Now. Go talk to her, go apologize. Tell her that I’m permanently out of your life. Tell her that our friendship, at least for the time being, is over.”
“But—”
“You need to leave.” I looked pointedly at the door. His eyes drooped, his mouth pulled down at the corners. I could tell I’d hurt him but what choice did I have? I couldn’t be much clearer and he just didn’t seem to be getting the message.
“You’re right. I should go.” He stood, not meeting my eye and slowly moving towards the door. Out of habit, I rose, ready to escort him out. When he suddenly spun around and clasped my shoulders, it caught me completely off guard.
“Goodbye, Grace,” he whispered, his voice husky. And before I could stop him, he was pulling me against him, his lips pressing firmly against mine in a one-sided passionate kiss.
I was too startled to immediately react. It took me a second before I managed to wriggle my arms free and pull away, firmly and angrily shoving him backwards.
“Clarke! Seriously, what’s wrong with—” I began but my throat constricted, choking off my words as I saw who stood behind him in the doorway.
Clarke, looking completely unapologetic, turned lazily. He glanced over his shoulder, following my gaze to the open door, then he froze.
David stood in the doorway, an unreadable expression on his face. He looked tired, and perhaps wary. Behind him stood Sebastian. My first reaction was one of instant relief: Sebastian was home, he was safe. This immediately changed to panic as I took in Sebastian’s expression. This was not good, not good at all.
Sebastian was glaring at Clarke, his expression more fierce and terrifying than I had ever seen before. His eyes burned with pure hatred. They had become so dark that they appeared to be black. His skin was even paler than normal, making him look to be some kind of dark demon. His eyes were narrowed, his jaw clenched, his lip curled up slightly in an unfamiliar expression. I’d never seen him so furious, it was truly terrifying.
He pushed past David, stepping into the kitchen with death in his eyes. His gaze never left Clarke’s face for a second.
“I warned you,” he muttered darkly, “she’s mine.” His voice was low and possessive, completely opposite to his usual light and lyrical way of speaking. I watched in mute horror as he reached into his jacket and pulled out a silver handle. With a quick flick of his wrist, a dangerous-looking blade was revealed. Confusion briefly registered in my mind; where had he gotten that knife? I didn’t even know he carried one. And what was he doing threatening Clarke with it? I couldn’t understand what was happening. And then everything happened at once.
Sebastian charged Clarke, his movements lithe and deadly. I heard myself scream, frozen in panic and horror. Clarke’s eyes were wide with fear as he tried to step backwards. David reached for Sebastian as if to stop him but he was too late. To my horror and total disbelief, Sebastian thrust the knife deep into Clarke’s gut. Dark red blood was already soaking into Clarke’s rumpled white shirt as Sebastian’s momentum carried them both to the ground. The look on Clarke’s face as he fell, I would never, ever forget, along with the piercing sound of my own scream.
Chapter Six – Unveiled Threats
I scrunched my eyes tightly closed, covering my face with my hands. I panted into my palms, desperately chanting, “That didn’t happen. It’s not real. That didn’t happen.”
“Grace!” David yelled, his voice tense and impatient.
My hands fell from my face and I opened my eyes. David had managed to pull Sebastian off Clarke and Sebastian had lost his knife somewhere. David was barely able to hold onto him. Sebastian thrashed wildly, struggling with an inhuman rage to reach Clarke. I was still too stunned to do anything but watch this nightmare play out in front of my eyes.
“Let go, David,” Sebastian growled.
“I’m trying to help you. You don’t really want this,” David responded, speaking through clenched teeth as he strained to hold onto Sebastian.
“Don’t tell me what I want.” Sebastian’s voice was low and deadly calm; it sent chills down my spine. It was the voice of a stranger, the voice of a monster. His thrashing stopped, his breathing slowed. He turned to David with his deadly, black eyes. “Let go,” he commanded. David didn’t move, didn’t flinch. Sebastian’s jaw tensed and then suddenly he struck, his body spinning and twisting so fast that he was out of David’s grip in almost the exact same instant as he was slamming his hands into him, throwing him halfway across the room against the far wall.
David cried out as the air was driven from his lungs and he fell onto the floor. He scrambled back to his feet, his eyes full of barely concealed fury. “Have it your way,” he spat at Sebastian, panting slightly. He stormed out of the house without looking back.
Sebastian slowly turned back towards Clarke, a crumpled, motionless heap on the floor behind him. His eyes gleamed with cruel anticipation.
“Stop.” I spoke softly but my words sliced through the air, immediately halting Sebastian’s steps. He looked at me for the first time and for a second his conviction seemed to waver. His eyes softened, his brow creased, his stance started to relax but suddenly he tensed, shifting back to the strange, aggressive, dangerous Sebastian.
I knew I had no choice. I gathered the magic within me, directing it easily and effortlessly at Sebastian and Clarke. It poured from me, an invisible flood of light and power that swelled to fill the room. The air vibrated with power, my power. I took a slow, steady breath and then closed my eyes, focusing on what I so desperately wanted. I didn’t want this to be real; I didn’t want this to be happening. I didn’t want Clarke to be hurt, I didn’t want Sebastian to be capable of this kind of horrible, terrifying violence. I didn’t want any of this.
“Please, stop,” I whispered, my voice breaking with pain and desperation. I slowly opened my eyes to find myself looking directly into Sebastian’s.
We stood just a few feet apart. I could already sense the change in him, the anger abruptly snuffed out but it had been replaced by something else, something almost worse. He stared at me with his large, gray-blue eyes, traces of black still shadowing his irises. He looked horrified.
“
It’s too late,” he whispered back in a hollow voice. Then he turned and ran out.
I fought the strong urge to follow him. I wanted to make sure he was ok, I wanted to understand what was going on. But right now, I had to attend to Clarke. I hesitantly approached him, holding my breath as I nudged his leg with my foot. There was no response. He had to be ok, I wanted him to be ok. I tried to believe that he was.
“Open your eyes,” I quietly commanded. The instant the words escaped my lips he began to stir. A low moan rose up from him as he slowly rolled onto his back. My eyes quickly searched his chest for the knife wound, for blood or any sign of the serious injury I had seen him sustain but there was nothing there but a couple missing buttons and a small tear in his shirt. Relief swept through me.
“Ugh… where’s Sebastian?” Clarke groaned, wincing as he sat up.
“He left.”
“What happened? Did he knock me out?”
“Yes.” It was the easiest answer.
“Shit. I thought he was going to kill me for a second.” Clarke shook his head, mumbling a few other choice swear words. “I could have taken him, you know. He just caught me before I was ready, knocked the wind out of me and must have gotten a good shot in to my head.”
I glared back at him. “I’m glad you’re ok—I really am—but you need to leave, now.”
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to go after him,” Clarke muttered, stumbling to his feet unsteadily. “I probably should though, little punk.”
“Just go! Get out of here. Go talk to Tanya.”
“Oh… Tanya. Right. Ok… well…”
“Go,” I repeated. “And please don’t come back here. Don’t call, don’t text—just go, forget about all this, forget about me.”
Clarke stiffened slightly. “Fine, if that’s what you want.”
“It is. Go.”
Clarke’s eyes lingered on me a moment longer. His lips parted as if he were about to say something else but I shook my head, silencing him.
“Goodbye, Clarke.”
The instant he was gone I collapsed at the table. I couldn’t believe what had just happened—it had happened, hadn’t it? It didn’t seem real. I could barely believe that it was real. Clarke obviously didn’t remember being stabbed and there was no sign of the knife or a trace of blood any where. I couldn’t believe Sebastian was possible of such violence. How could he be? But he had stabbed Clarke, hadn’t he? Where was he? What was going on?
As I tried to make sense of everything in my head, I made my way outside. I immediately noticed the faint scent of cigarette smoke that trailed through the air.
It didn’t take me long to find him. He was down at the back of the Jensons’ garden, sitting on the edge of the pond, the large koi fish slowly circling before him. His back was to me and he didn’t turn as I approached. His shoulders were hunched and he appeared to shudder between taking deep drags off his cigarette. I paused a few feet back from him, staring at this stranger before me. How could he have attacked Clarke like that? He had tried to kill him. What the hell was going on? I felt like my whole world had turned upside down, like I didn’t even know Sebastian anymore. It was both heartbreaking and frightening. I felt so lost.
I didn’t know what to do or say. Already, my mind was trying to make excuses for Sebastian’s behavior. Perhaps I had inadvertently wanted him to react that way? Maybe I had less control over my powers than I thought. Or maybe someone else had wanted him to hurt Clarke, someone whose ability had recently been awoken… David? Was it possible? I didn’t know what to think. Would Sebastian remember stabbing Clarke? It had happened so quickly and then been so quickly undone… had it even happened? Was I losing my mind?
The sounds of Sebastian’s rough breathing broke me from my bleak, entangled thoughts. He trembled slightly, his free hand roughly wiping his eyes. My heart broke at the sight of his tears. My decision was made in an instant.
“Sebastian,” I said quietly as I stepped up beside him. He immediately tensed, his whole body motionless except for the cigarette smoke that slowly coiled up into the cold air. He resolutely stared straight ahead.
I lowered myself down to sit beside him. Without hesitation, I leant against his warm side, closing my eyes and holding in my own pain. His body was rigid, he still didn’t move.
“That cigarette stinks,” I commented, not knowing what else to say.
My voice seemed to finally reach him. His muscles shifted from steel to stone as he moved, butting the cigarette out amongst the small pebbles where we sat. He cleared his throat.
“Sorry.”
Just one word but it conveyed so much. I turned to face him. There was so much pain in his eyes, anguish and regret weighing down each feature of his face. He looked years older. He looked tormented and confused and yet his wide eyes seemed to also be pleading with me, silently asking me for… something.
“What happened?” They were my only words when I wanted to ask him so much more.
He shook his head, lowering his eyes.
“I don’t know.” He paused, his brows pulled down, sparkling tears still clinging to his long, thick lashes. He brushed at them in irritation. “I lost control,” he confessed, in a soft and angry voice. I knew he wasn’t angry at me, he was furious with himself. “I’ve been having a rough time lately. I’m so confused, Grace. The nightmares and… I don’t know. I just don’t understand what’s happening to me.” He paused again to take a deep breath, and then his words came faster. Flying from him as if he’d been holding them in so long, they were bursting to come out. I didn’t dare interrupt him. “When David found me today, I was pretty worked up. He talked me down from it, convinced me to come home—to you. I wanted you. I needed to see you, to talk to you, to be with you so badly. It’s better when I’m with you—I’m better. But then when I walked in and saw you with Clarke, in his arms, his lips on yours… For a second I was devastated, I thought you’d finally realized that I’m not… that I can’t… I thought you’d chosen him. Then I saw you push him away, I saw how angry you were and as soon as I realized he’d kissed you without your permission…” His whole body trembled, his voice thickened with fury. “I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill him like I’ve never wanted anything before in my life. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t stop. Even now, it’s hard to remember that it’s wrong. That I shouldn’t want that…”
Fear prickled at my skin. Not fear of Sebastian, that was ridiculous, but fear for Clarke. I suddenly felt the urge to not only protect Clarke from Sebastian, but also to protect Sebastian from himself, and there was only one way I knew how. I silently hated myself for using the magic again—especially for using it against the man I loved. It was probably an unnecessary precaution really but…
“Sebastian, I would never want you to kill Clarke. Ever.” I spoke quietly but the magical strength behind my words reverberated through the air. The koi fish scattered before us.
“I know.” He spat the words back at me, his voice angry and bitter still. I recoiled from him, stung by his tone.
“What’s going on? Why are you acting this way?” The pain and fear I was struggling to contain somehow threaded its way through my words. Sebastian looked at me in concern. The angry, frightening, dangerous Sebastian had disappeared and the boy I knew and loved had returned.
“I’m sorry, Grace. Please don’t worry. It’ll be ok, I promise. I’m just… having a hard time.”
“You said that but I still don’t know what it means.”
He sighed. “It means… I’ve just been really confused lately. The nightmares are getting worse. I barely sleep anymore and I’m so exhausted all the time that I feel like I’m losing my grip on reality sometimes. The headaches, the insomnia, the disorientation—at times it overwhelms me and I feel like I can’t remember who I am, or who I was… I don’t know.”
My heart broke to hear him speak like this but at least I had a ray of hope to offer him. I knew I had to proceed cautiously.
“Sebastian,
I can help you. I think I’ve found a way that you can remember, a way to get back your lost memories—”
“No,” he cut in firmly. He grabbed my hands, clasping them tightly in his. His eyes were wide and staring intensely, almost desperately into mine. “Don’t. Promise me you won’t try.”
“What? I don’t understand?”
“There’s nothing good in the past, Grace. Please. I don’t want to remember anymore, I don’t want anything to do with it.”
I stared at him, bewildered by his sudden intensity that bordered almost on panic.
“You’re wrong. I know that there are a lot of good things in our past, Sebastian. There are thousands of beautiful memories waiting—important memories. I think we have to remember, in order to move forward—”
“No, don’t. Promise me you won’t. Don’t try and remember, promise me. I can’t bear to lose you,” he begged, his hands squeezing mine so tightly it was beginning to hurt.
I looked back into his wide and frightened eyes. I couldn’t understand the fear in them but as always, I was powerless to deny him anything he wanted.
“I promise,” I lied, realizing that I could never reveal to him the truth. That I already remembered, that the Lost Magic was back, that he no longer could use it.
“Thank you,” he breathed, his whole body sagging with relief. He pulled me into his arms, holding me tightly against his chest. “It’s going to be ok, Grace. I’ll get better, as long as I have you.”
I didn’t answer. I was afraid to speak, afraid he might hear the shame in my voice. Because I knew now that I was the one who had done this to him, I was the one who had stolen his memories and left him this way. I was the cause of his nightmares, the reason for his confusion and pain. If I had never tried to destroy the Lost Magic and erased his memories of the past, he would be happy still, life would still make sense. And even though I knew how to cure it, how to clarify his confusion, I had promised not to. I could make him remember but I wouldn’t as long as he didn’t want to. I’d just have to find a way to convince him that he did.