Table of Contents
Unnamed
ALSO BY DEANNA LYNN SLETTEN Finding Libbie Walking Sam Maggie’s Turn Memories Sara’s Promise Widow, Virgin, Whore Destination Wedding Summer of the Loon Kiss a Cowboy A Kiss for Colt Kissing Carly Outlaw Heroes
Unnamed
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organizations, places, events, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Text copyright © 2017 by Deanna Lynn Sletten All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher. Published by Lake Union Publishing, Seattle www.apub.com Amazon, the Amazon logo, and Lake Union Publishing are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc., or its affiliates. ISBN-13: 9781477823170 ISBN-10: 1477823174 Cover design by LEADesign
CONTENTS CHAPTER ONE CHAPTER TWO CHAPTER THREE CHAPTER FOUR CHAPTER FIVE CHAPTER SIX CHAPTER SEVEN CHAPTER EIGHT CHAPTER NINE CHAPTER TEN CHAPTER ELEVEN CHAPTER TWELVE CHAPTER THIRTEEN CHAPTER FOURTEEN CHAPTER FIFTEEN CHAPTER SIXTEEN CHAPTER SEVENTEEN CHAPTER EIGHTEEN CHAPTER NINETEEN CHAPTER TWENTY CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE EPILOGUE ABOUT THE AUTHOR
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CHAPTER ONE Jessica Connors gripped the steering wheel as she maneuvered the twists and turns on Highway 1 along the Northern California coastline. It had been a rainy March day, and although the downpour had ended and the sun was peeking out from behind the clouds, the road was still slick. As she drove, Jess tried to concentrate on the road ahead, but her mind kept running through the list of things she still had to do that evening. She shouldn’t have tried rushing a drive into the city for groceries and paint, but their refrigerator was nearly empty, and she was eager to start painting the next bedroom. She had only two months left before the first guests arrived at their newly remodeled bed-and-breakfast, and there was still so much left to do. But her last-minute run up the coast had left her short on time to pick up the girls at school. Her seven-year-old, Jilly, would patiently wait for her in the hallway, probably playing a game of hangman or tic-tac-toe with Jerrod, the neighb
CHAPTER TWO Clay Connors pushed his unruly brown hair out of his face as he strode down the hospital hallway. His worn boots clicked on the shiny vinyl floor. He knew he was in desperate need of a shower and change of clothes, but there was only one thing on his mind right now. Jess. He approached the nurse’s station and spoke to the young woman who was working at her computer. “Excuse me,” he said hurriedly. She stared at him, a bit startled, but composed herself quickly. “May I help you?” “I was told that Jessica Connors is on this floor. Can you tell me which room?” Hesitating, she studied him. He supposed the two-day growth of beard and his bloodshot eyes from lack of sleep weren’t doing him any favors. “Are you a relative?” she finally asked. “I’m her husband.” The word rolled off his tongue so naturally yet felt strange. He hadn’t referred to himself as Jess’s husband in two years. But it was the truth, and if it would hurry the process along, he’d say it a hundred times. All he
CHAPTER THREE “Excuse me, sir? Excuse me?” A sharp voice caused Clay to sit up suddenly. He rubbed one hand over his face as his other hand held Jess’s. He glanced around the hospital room, dazed. Had he fallen asleep? “Excuse me,” the voice said again. Clay caught sight of a woman standing in the doorway with two girls. The curtain was now wide open—when did that happen?—and the trio was staring at him. Recognition hit him as soon as he stared into the green eyes of one of the girls. Maddie. He looked at the other girl, and his heart flipped. Jilly-bear. They’d grown so much over the past two years that he almost hadn’t recognized them. A smile slowly spread across his lips. “Excuse me,” the woman said again, shaking the smile from Clay. “Who are you?” Clay stood, returning his gaze to the woman. She wasn’t much taller than Maddie, and she was very thin, but her glare could knock a big man down to her size. She wore black pants, a stiff white shirt, and sensible flats. This was a no-n
CHAPTER FOUR June 2001 Clay and Jess cruised along the curvy coastal road in his battered pickup truck, with the windows wide open and the Eagles blaring over the speakers. They stopped at a little burger joint tucked away a block from the beach and sat at an outside table under a striped umbrella. It had been a beautiful day, and even now, as the day was winding down, the weather was perfect. After ordering, Jess looked at him curiously. “So, how do you know about this place?” she asked. “Played here a few times. They have a small stage in the back corner where we barely fit. But the place brings in a good crowd.” “Do you play at all the little bars in the area?” Clay grinned. He liked that Jess was interested in his band. She looked so adorable tonight wearing a red tank top under a white cotton shirt that she’d tied at the waist of her faded blue jeans. Her blond hair hung loose, and she kept slipping it behind her ears. He thought the splash of freckles across her nose and cheeks w
CHAPTER FIVE They rode in silence the entire forty-five minutes to the hospital, as they’d done on the way home last night. No amount of prodding by Clay could get Maddie to speak, and Jilly stayed quiet as if out of loyalty to her sister. He glanced in the rearview mirror to gauge the girls’ reactions as they once again passed the dried paint on the asphalt. Both sets of eyes stared at it, but neither girl said a word. The stillness in the car afterward felt even heavier. He stopped at the nurse’s desk before going to Jess’s room. Maddie wanted to head directly to her mom’s room, but Clay made her wait. She crossed her arms and glared at him, but he didn’t give in. He wanted to make sure no one was in there doing any type of procedure on Jess before he took the girls in. The nurse gave him the all clear and said she’d let the doctor know he was there. When they entered the room, the girls immediately set their backpacks down and ran to their mother’s side. Clay walked around to the ot
CHAPTER SIX Eileen answered the door when Clay arrived to pick up the girls. The Neilsons lived in a neat, colonial-style house with white clapboard siding and black trim. It stood straight and tall, just like Eileen, and that thought made Clay chuckle. He asked her if they could talk outside a moment, and she agreed and stepped out onto the porch. “Thank you for watching the girls and having them over for dinner,” he said. “I’m happy to do it. For Jess,” she said. Clay nodded. He heard her loud and clear—Eileen wasn’t doing it for him. “I have something I want to share with you. Actually, your husband thought it might be a good idea if I did.” Eileen’s brows rose. “I was at the AA meeting tonight. I’m a recovering alcoholic.” “Oh.” Eileen cocked her head and studied him a moment. “That’s the reason I haven’t been around. At least, it used to be the reason, and I’ve dragged it out for almost two years. I didn’t abandon my family—I’ve been supporting them financially all along—but I was
CHAPTER SEVEN “We need groceries,” Maddie blurted out as soon as Clay entered the kitchen the next morning. Clay was in desperate need of coffee after his restless night. Thinking about the first time he and Jess had made love had only made him worry more about her lying in the hospital in a coma. What if he never had a chance to hold her again? His love for her had never wavered, even while they were apart. He couldn’t bear losing her now without being able to tell her again how much he loved her. “Did you hear me? We need groceries. We’re out of almost everything.” He focused on his daughter. She was wide-awake and dressed, standing there staring at him with her arms crossed. “Okay. We can pick some up on the way home from the hospital tonight,” he said. Groceries. Why hadn’t he thought that they’d need to buy some? It had only been yesterday that Eileen
had dropped off a few necessities, but those wouldn’t last forever. Despite his anxiety over Jess’s condition, he needed to step up
CHAPTER EIGHT Clay knocked on Maddie’s bedroom door and waited. From his side he heard music playing—some nondescript pop song—and a television show on low. Jilly came to the door and smiled up at him sweetly. “Can I talk to your sister alone a moment?” he asked her. “Okay.” Jilly went to watch television in the other room. Clay glanced inside the bedroom and saw Maddie sitting on her bed, a book in her lap, ignoring him. He took a deep breath, released it, then entered the room. “Madds. I’d like to talk to you a moment.” He walked over and sat down on Jilly’s twin bed, only a couple of feet away from Maddie. Maddie continued staring at her book. “Maddie. Look at me.” When she still didn’t, Clay picked up the stereo remote from the nightstand and shut off the music. “Hey!” she said, glaring at him. “Good. Now we can talk.” “So talk, then,” Maddie said, crossing her arms. “Listen, sweetie. I get it. You’re angry with me and upset about your mom. But we’re all in this together. Me, you,
CHAPTER NINE Clay spent Tuesday morning by Jess’s side and then picked up the girls at home after school and made the trip back to the hospital. It had rained that day, and the dark, wet pavement glistened in the headlights, reminding them all of the day Jess’s car had rolled over. “Don’t drive too fast, Daddy,” Jilly said from the back seat. Clay looked in the rearview mirror and saw that her eyes were as big as saucers as she stared at the road. He understood her fear. “I won’t, Honey Bear,” he assured her. “I’ll be very careful.” He glanced at Maddie, sitting in the seat next to him. She was also staring at the wet pavement. “Mom had driven this road a million times in the rain and fog, and nothing had ever happened. How could she have rolled it that day?” Maddie turned to him. “Did anyone tell you how it happened?” He shook his head. “You just don’t want to tell us,” Maddie accused. “No, Madds. I’d tell you if I knew, but only your mom knows what happened. The officer at the scene
CHAPTER TEN The next morning, Clay’s cell phone rang right after the girls left for school. He glanced at it, and panic seized him. The hospital was calling. “Hello?” he answered, already running out the door to his car. “Mr. Connors?” “Yes.” “This is Dr. Bradbury. I’m sorry to have to call you like this, but your wife’s condition has changed.” Clay went still. “Is she all right?” “She had a seizure this morning. It caused other complications. She’s having an CT scan as we speak to determine if there has been any damage.” “Damage? What do you mean?” Clay asked. “I’m not saying that there is any; that’s the reason for the CT scan. But after the seizure, your wife stopped breathing on her own. We now have her on a ventilator. The scan is to check if there are any internal injuries that we might have missed the first time. I’m sorry I had to tell you this over the phone. Will you be coming here today as usual?” “I’m on my way there now.” “Good. We can talk when you get here. By then we’ll
CHAPTER ELEVEN 2003–2004 Clay and Jess were happy and enjoying married life in the months following their wedding. Clay earned enough money so Jess could quit her waitressing job and concentrate on school full-time. They lived in his one-bedroom apartment but didn’t mind the small space because it was just a quick walk from the beach and not too far of a drive for his work or her school. Friends often gathered at their apartment. His bandmates and many of the studio musicians were always dropping by for a beer and to strum out a tune or two on their guitars. Jess’s pastry classmates would come by so they could practice making one of their latest dessert creations. Most evenings, they’d all end up walking down to one of the nearby pubs for a few beers, dinner, or a game of pool. And on weekends, Clay and his band usually played in small bars around LA, and Jess and her friends would tag along. They were all young and carefree, and there was always a party or music wherever they went. Je
CHAPTER TWELVE Clay and the girls spent Sunday the same as they had Saturday, first working on the house, then driving into the city to see Jess. Maddie was quieter than the day before, only telling her mother that they were still working on the house and that it would be finished soon. Jilly barely said a word. Clay thought that they were all at a loss as to what to say anymore. Without any response or positive change in two weeks, it was getting harder to sound cheerful. Eileen stopped in and brought Emma and Jerrod along to cheer up the girls. Clay noticed that it helped. The older girls sat and chatted while Jerrod and Jilly opened her notebook and played a few games of hangman. Eileen fidgeted with the flowers, freshening them up. Clay had learned that she wasn’t one to sit still—ever. But he appreciated the reassuring presence she brought with her. She spoke with confidence that Jess would come out of her coma any day now, and it revived the girls’ faith. “How do you do it?” Clay
CHAPTER THIRTEEN 2005–2009 Time flew by for the little family. Clay’s career was booming, and he spent many days and nights at studios around LA, as well as on the road playing lead guitar for both up-and-coming and established artists. He felt guilty spending so much time away from home, but he knew that if he didn’t grab the opportunities that arose now, his career would suffer later. And Jess constantly assured him she understood. She knew how long he’d worked for this, and didn’t want him to stop because of her. “This is your dream,” she told him many times through the years. “I knew that when I married you. I won’t be the one to make you give it up.” He assured her that when things calmed down, she’d have her turn too. “Maybe we could even afford for you to open your own pastry shop,” he told her. “Wouldn’t that be fun? You could be your own boss.” Jess laughed. “Maybe. Once Maddie’s in school, it could be a possibility.” Because he was gone a lot, Clay gave 100 percent of his tim
CHAPTER FOURTEEN It took some doing, but Clay finally talked Maddie into going for dinner at the pier. “Can we agree to a truce and enjoy ourselves tonight?” he asked her. “We have to eat anyway, so it might as well be somewhere fun.” Maddie agreed only because Jilly kept saying she wanted to go. “Have I been on one before?” Jilly asked excitedly as they left the apartment. Maddie rolled her eyes. “Of course you have. We lived here for years. And there are wharfs and piers up where we live too.” Jilly ignored her sister. “Dad?” “Yes, you have, sweetie. Maybe you’ll remember this one when we get there.” Clay chose to drive even though it wasn’t too far of a walk, since it would be dark by the time they headed back. He passed the bar where he and Jess had met, and it made him smile. “See that business there?” He pointed at it. “Yes,” Jilly said. Maddie stayed silent. “That’s where I first met your mother. She was a waitress, and I was in the band. I tried flirting with her, but she ignor
CHAPTER FIFTEEN The trio dropped off Clay’s guitar at home and then headed out to dinner. They drove to a place across the street from the beach and ate outside at a table with a blue-and-white-striped umbrella. “I can’t wait to hear the recording from today,” Clay said as they waited for their food. “Can we play it for Mom when we get back?” Jilly asked. “She would love hearing it.” “I think that’s a wonderful idea,” he said. “What do you think, Madds?” Maddie nodded but stayed quiet. The food came, and Clay and Jilly were the ones who did all the talking. Afterward, they went back to the apartment, since they wanted to leave early in the morning for home. Once there, Clay called Eileen to ask how Jess was doing. “She’s still the same,” Eileen reported. “I wish I had good news for you, but nothing has changed.” “Thanks, Eileen. We’ll see you tomorrow.” He hung up. “Mom’s still the same,” he told the girls. “But she’s sure to perk up when she hears Maddie playing her favorite song.” Ji
CHAPTER SIXTEEN 2011–2012 After one month of rehab, Clay came home feeling healthier and thinking clearer than he had in years. He was ready to return to his life with renewed energy. Unfortunately, life had thrown their family an unexpected curveball, and Clay came home to more stress than he could manage. While he was in rehab, Jess’s mother, Karen, had been diagnosed with stage 4 breas
t cancer and was immediately put on an aggressive treatment plan. Jess was taking her mother to doctor appointments while juggling the girls’ summer schedules. Maddie was almost seven and had just started taking piano lessons and swimming classes. Jilly was a year and a half and was busy walking everywhere and getting into everything, needing constant supervision. When Clay came home, he had no chance to slowly acclimate himself back into the daily family routine. In order to give Jess the time she needed to care for her mother, he had to immediately take over caring for the girls, which was stressful
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN For the next two nights, he and the girls went to visit Jess after school. Jilly tried talking to her mom but soon grew discouraged. Maddie did too. Nothing they said elicited the reaction they wanted. Despite their excitement over the prospect of finishing the house, they still wanted only one thing—for their mom to wake up. But there was no sign of it happening. So they soon fell into silence, reading or working on their homework. Clay hated to see them lose faith, but he understood their feelings. He realized it had only been three weeks, but that was a long time for those left waiting. He hoped that once they started working on the house again, it would renew their faith in Jess’s coming back to them. The next morning, Maddie was already up and working on the yellow room when Clay came upstairs. She’d enlisted Jilly’s services to help with the taping and laying down plastic on the carpeting. He was delighted that Maddie had included her sister. “It looks like you
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN Monday was another typical day, with Clay spending the day with Jess at the hospital and then getting home in time to make dinner for the girls before taking Jilly to swimming practice. Maddie went along as usual to help Jilly dry her hair and change afterward. They were getting used to their routine, so much so that it was becoming normal. Clay hated that it didn’t include Jess, but he was happy the girls were accepting his presence. Tuesday when Clay arrived at the hospital, he met Dr. Bradbury in the hallway. “Good morning, Mr. Connors,” the doctor said, shaking his hand. “I’m glad you’re here. I’m going to try to take your wife off the ventilator again. It’s been a week since I’ve tried, so I’m hoping we have better luck this time.” Clay followed the doctor into the room and watched as he reset the machine settings. “Usually, our patient is awake, and we can tell them to try to take a deep breath to clear their lungs,” Dr. Bradbury said. “But in your wife’s case, w
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