Idrissa Bundddle – group hug.
Kwaku Heyyy! Stop that stupidness.
The group cheer and do the group-hug thing. Kwaku breaks away and he and Michael pop the bottles of champagne.
Issi Hey, Kwaku, you look great!
Kwaku That’s what a man likes to hear on his first day back. And it’s all because of him. (Pointing to Michael.) I love this man.
Dashing in just as the biggest champagne bottle pops is Kwaku Mackenzie Jnr, better known to all as Junior. He is very sharply dressed, very verbose in an almost childish way, but very lovable. Kwaku looks at him without warmth.
Junior Immaculate timing as usual, even if I say so myself.
Kwaku (plenty of side) No one ever need talk for you, Junior.
Junior (ignores him) Hey hey, watch this joke I just get.
All Oh nooo, Junior, no more of your jokes!
Junior Alright, your loss, this one was a classic.
Enter Lola.
Kwaku Where’s Val?
Lola He’ll be here soon.
Kwaku OK everybody, grab your glasses. And for those that want something a little stronger – I have a bottle of Clarke’s Court from home. Two thousand per cent proof. Puts hairs on your chest.
Issi Not a good look for me, I’m afraid. Hope that wasn’t produced using child labour or anything?
Kwaku smiles at her knowingly, then catches himself. He and Michael fill the glasses.
Kwaku Anyway, Michael said the press launch went well this afternoon . . . ?
Issi Brilliantly. Well done, Junior.
Junior Thank you.
Kwaku Well, on behalf of Michael and me, thank you. An organisation such as ours is judged by one thing and one thing alone – its results. And today, we, you, got a result . . .
All Hurahhh, damn right we did.
Kwaku But, well, it’s ridiculous me talking, I wasn’t here doing the hard work. Michael, finish off na, you speak posher than me anyway.
Michael reluctantly accepts. But this is always his role.
Michael Well, I’d just like to second Kwaku’s words – everyone said we were crazy coming up with this whole Minister for Race thing, but the power of your research and the quality of our arguments today have borne fruit. Hayden Johnson, the first ever Minister for Race. And even the Daily Mail, actually only the Daily Mail, attributed the idea to us. It wasn’t very complimentary but a mention is better than a kick up the proverbial. So, (he lifts his glass) to you, the best think-tankers in the game, well done, cheers.
All Cheers.
They all swig their drinks down.
Kwaku There’s some Jamaican ginger cake there. I’ve already cut it, so help yourselves and, yep, top up, and then pull the chairs up and lets get down to some work.
As the assembled top up, in dashes Val Henry, Kwaku’s eccentric oldest employee. His official title is Communications Director – but what that really means is he is a glorified postman who sits in at all meetings on Kwaku’s say-so. He is Kwaku’s eyes and ears, almost his talisman. Today he is wearing heavy boots and matching Hawaiian shorts and top.
Junior (half showing off to Issi) Hey, Valerie, hurry up, you gonna miss all the – how he call it? All the devil brew, and you wouldn’t want to do that, would you?
Val I done told you a hundred times, don’t call me no fucking Valerie, sorry ladies, my name is Val. My modder call me Val. Val, OK?
Junior (spooky) Oowww, the brew is calling youuu.
Val (warning) Stop provoking me.
Kwaku Leave the man alone na, Junior. One day he’s gonna flip on you arse, and you go see.
Junior Yeah, yeah.
Kwaku Val, I’ve got you some sorrel juice, OK?
Val (snaps) I don’t want nothing . . . I’m fasting!
Kwaku What you fasting for?
Val You forget, Thelma Burgess child dead last week? Tonight is the nine night. Man has to be clean for when the spirit leaves the earth for the last time.
Kwaku Right . . . fine. So, Val, you want to kick us off in customary fashion?
Val Fadder, bless the minds, the thoughts and the deeds that may come from this union. In your blessed name.
They open their eyes. Kwaku looks to Lola, who indicates that she’s ready to take notes. Idrissa didn’t close his eyes in the first place.
Kwaku Alright, I just want to say on record it’s great to be back at work. Now, we’ve not been hitting the back of the net much of late so now, while we’re hot, this is the time to really press our new and existing idea home. Michael, how’s the tax relief on the African remittance project going?
Michael Meeting at DfID went well this morning, they like the idea in principal and are willing to fund the initial research.
Junior Does our new Department of Race have a say on it?
Michael No, no, International Development.
Junior Pity, I’d say we could double the budget.
They all laugh.
Kwaku Issi?
Issi Having difficulty finding a model for African Remembrance Day that they think Gordon will run with . . .
Kwaku Can we tie it up with our reparations agenda at all?
Idrissa huffs under his breath.
Issi We shouldn’t, people have had slavery overload. If they’re separate ideas, we have to get two separate ‘no’s.
Kwaku There is not going to be a ‘no’ – now’s our time! . . . Hayden will be up for this I know, but I’m wary of throwing everything at him in his first few weeks.
Junior We are his favourite think-tank!
Kwaku Yes, which is why we have to think strategically. Never your strong point, Junior.
Idrissa (huffs loudly) Junior?!
Idrissa looks towards Michael.
Kwaku What?
Beat as they all look to the ground. Idrissa still looking at Michael.
Kwaku What?
Michael (carefully) Well, we kind of had a unit discussion on Friday ahead of this just to get you up to speed, and Idrissa had some thoughts that maybe we should take the opportunity to speak about now?
Kwaku Indeed. Idrissa?
Idrissa I’m used to success, Kwaku, one mention in the Daily Mail in six months is not my definition of it. We’re not publishing anywhere near enough material for us to be viable any more, and that’s because . . .
Kwaku I wouldn’t say that’s true!
Idrissa . . . Well, you’ve not been here. When was the last time we were asked to comment on anything in the press or even had an editorial written about an idea we’ve put out there?
Kwaku Today!
Idrissa That wasn’t an editorial and the idea wasn’t really ours. You guys know me – I’m sorry, but I speak my mind. We run this place as if the Brixton riots were something anyone actually fucking remembers. Our thinking is in the Ice Age, people, our agenda is old school . . .
Kwaku (calm) I don’t think fighting for a Minister for Race is old school. Neither do I think that fighting for reparations for the holocaust of slavery is . . .
Idrissa Reparations is a dead dog. When those children are killing each other on the streets like animals, think anyone cares about reparations?
Kwaku Did the Jewish community say that? Did the Japanese say that to the Americans, if I remember de de de facts correctly . . . (he tries) in umm, umm, 19 . . .
Then looks to Michael.
Michael (quickly) ’88.
Kwaku . . . ’88, that’s right, they received . . . (Grapples with his mind for the numbers.) How much again, Michael? Tell him.
Idrissa (irritated, he reels off) We all know for the internment of Japanese Americans during World War Two the Yanks gave 1.2 billion dollars, payments of 20,000 dollars to each of the 60,000 internees still alive and for the establishment of a 50-million-dollar foundation to promote the cultural and historical concerns of Japanese Americans. That – was – yesterday!
Kwaku (almost smiling) Really? So, at this meeting you had, was this ‘we are in a time warp’ t
heory the general consensus?
Idrissa The consensus was that self-flagellating liberalism is dead. It was never going to last for ever and we are stupid to think that it was. The agenda has changed and we’ve got to skip to the beat or die. Today my friends, the money is in self-criticism.
Junior What does that mean when it’s at home?
Idrissa That they want to know that we can look at our problems objectively and not always blame the white man for our every fucking woe.
Kwaku Oh, self-hate you mean?
Idrissa (perplexed) Why does introspection have to mean self-hate? Isn’t that what democracy . . .
They are all shouting.
All Twenty quid – In the sin bin – haaa! You know that word’s not allowed . . .
Idrissa Oh shit! I wasn’t being lazy, sometimes you have to just use that word. Maybe we should look at that rule too.
He takes twenty pounds and places it in the middle of the table. Junior gets up and puts the money in the swear box.
Michael Carry on, Idrissa.
Kwaku clocks the tacit encouragement.
Idrissa I’ve run a couple of things past a few people – advisors, journalists and the like – and they all have responded positively.
Kwaku (surprised) You’ve spoken to people already?
Idrissa Friends. Bear with me, OK, these are just headlines, suggestions – things to just get us out there again.
Kwaku OK.
Idrissa OK. Ready? Why black men beat black women –
Kwaku/Junior/Lola (outraged) What . . . ?
Idrissa I know we can get money for that. Listen, listen, we do an authoritative report on the social causes of domestic violence seen through the prism of race. It serves women in our community that are victims of domestic abuse but it also serves the wider community – violence amongst the under-classes. Debate will run from Derry to Glasgow to Harlesden bloody High Street. Right at the heart of it – your social agenda. Invest in people, or it costs more in the long run.
Kwaku How does that serve us, Idrissa?
Idrissa (riffs) Alright, another angle, on the equality platform or even health – have white men caught up in the genitalia department? The myth of black male genitalia. How has that contributed to notions of modern inferiority, or even current social dysfunction? I mean, I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’m experiencing very little difference . . .
Val (exclaims) Stop that batty-man business! I rebuke you in the name of Jesus.
Idrissa I mean, there’s another one – rampant homophobia in the black community – causes of and cures for.
Kwaku We can’t put out that kind of stuff . . . what does it say?
Idrissa stands.
Idrissa It says debate, people – debate. Debate, ideas are everything.
Junior But . . .
Idrissa But nothing . . . for Christ’s sake let’s stop lying to ourselves. We’ve always been in the business of giving white people what they want. Now they want something else. And if we don’t give it to them, someone else will. The revolution will not be subsidised, my straight brothers.
Kwaku Anyone else see it like Idrissa does?
All are wary of comment.
Michael I think there’s an element of truth in it, yes.
Issi There’s an argument that post-7/7 we’re in a different world. Yes, I suppose I am in agreement.
Kwaku Lola?
Lola Oh, I leave the thinking to you guys –
Kwaku (slightly irritated) Lola?
Lola From my point of view – it’s hard enough finding good-quality black folk that want to work for us. If we’re being perceived as behind the curve – it’s a discussion we should be having.
Junior I don’t like the sound of it.
Kwaku looks at Val.
Kwaku Val?
Val I don’t know, what would Jesus say at a time like this?
Junior bursts out laughing. They all want to laugh but stare at Junior till he stops.
Val I suggest we all read Psalm 111 and pray on it.
Kwaku Right. OK. Well, I think we’ve gone just about as far as we can with this debate. I’m due to meet Hayden tomorrow, let’s see what he thinks about where we stand in the marketplace . . . Final point on the agenda, the shortlist for our new intern.
Issi It’s not my decision, but it comes down to two for me and I have my favourite . . .
Junior I don’t give a toss, intern is an intern . . .
Val (to Junior with side) . . . So long as they pretty, right?
Junior ignores this. Kwaku looks at Junior, then continues.
Kwaku What I was going to say is that I met this wonderful young man a few nights ago, Oxford and, um, some university in the States . . .
Lola looks up and stares almost violently at Kwaku.
Kwaku And, um, as you said an intern is an intern but I think this guy is perfect for us. So – if you all don’t mind? – I have his CV here for you all to browse at your leisure.
He looks in his case, but it is not there.
Oh sugar, must have left it at home. I’ll email you all tonight. In principle, everybody cool wid dat?
They all shrug shoulders, nod in gentle agreement.
Issi We did say, Kwaku, we were going to try an’ balance out the testosterone in this office.
Junior How many women do you want? We already got three – you, Valerie and Idrissa.
Val . . . I told you already.
Kwaku Junior, stop being an arse. So, if everyone’s in agreement, meeting adjourned. Val?
Val Father, thank you for the wisdom, thank you for the guidance. And thank you for not letting me put a sharp pickaxe in Junior’s brain. Amen.
Kwaku See you all in the morning.
Val Sunshine, come back – when you was gone them forgot you start this cos of me, you na! (Whispers.) Is like them wanted to push me out.
Kwaku Well, I haven’t forgotten – as long as I’m here you’re OK.
Michael I gotta dash to a meeting at church, K, I’ll call you in an hour.
Michael leaves with the others. Lola turns to Kwaku and speaks so that the others cannot hear.
Lola I know where you’re going with this intern business. Don’t do it, Kwaku. I’m warning you, I tolerate many things, but I won’t tolerate that. You hear me?
Kwaku Is that all you have to say to me – today – on this day?
She walks away without answering.
Issi Kwaku, can I see you for a moment?
Kwaku Of course.
Lola is the last one out of the door. She looks back at Kwaku and Issi over her shoulder.
Issi Sorry about all of that Idrissa stuff.
Kwaku (angered) Why didn’t you tell me last night?
Issi That’s outside my job description, Kwaku . . .
Kwaku (with doubt) You really think we have to go down that road, Issi?
Issi Maybe for a little while.
Kwaku Twenty-five years fighting every negative thing they’ve thrown at us, black organisations can’t survive without ripping themselves off or apart, there’s no constituency for black thought, etc., etc., only to put out ideas more racist than the men I came into this to fight? Maybe I’m getting too old?
Issi You’re the sharpest man I know.
Kwaku Used to be, maybe. (Sensitive.) You think I should wrap this ting up, Issi?
Issi kisses him very gently on the lips. We can see that they have been intimate before. Kwaku quickly looks over her shoulder at the door. Still in the kiss, she bites his lip and draws a little blood.
Kwaku Owi!
They have done this before as well. Kwaku wipes the blood away, without expression. But Issi smiles a little.
Issi Whatever you decide, it will be the right decision. I know that.
She moves away. Kwaku looks hard and long at her. That was not the right answer. When she gets to the door she smiles and leaves.
Lights. Over Max Romeo’s roots rock reggae classic ‘One Step Forw
ard’.
Scene Two
Issi is working at her computer. Val, dressed today in a Native American outfit – headgear but not the full feathered business – is handing out mail, but covertly attempts to listen in on Idrissa and Michael’s conversation. Idrissa is sitting on Michael’s desk and they are speaking quietly. Michael keeps glancing to see if Val is listening.
Idrissa . . . And they’ve called me three times to see if we’ve spoken yet. That’s how much they want you, Michael.
Michael Really?
Idrissa Now this is not for me to say . . .
Michael . . . But you going to say it anyway.
Idrissa Baby, you don’t have to turn twice and you’ll be fifty, let this opportunity pass and I don’t know how many more offers like that you’re going to get. You gonna play second fiddle to that drunkard for ever?
Michael (firm) Don’t speak about him like that, OK?
Issi (shouts) . . . What’s the name of the female President of Liberia again?
Michael Umm, umm, Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf.
Idrissa gets off the table and walks back to his desk with his manuscript.
Idrissa Johnson-Sirleaf! That’s not a very African name, is it?
Michael Her great-grandfather was a freed slave who repatriated – or was he European?
Idrissa (innocently) Oh yeah, they’re like the West Indians up there. Full up of whitey.
Michael Idrissa!
Val That’s not a very nice thing to say, is it?
Idrissa What, that Liberians have a lot of European in them? It’s not like I called them slave babies or something.
Val kisses his teeth loudly. The others shake their heads.
Idrissa What? What? You gonna deny it now? It’s all up on the TV in that genealogical show – West Indians have like sixteen or twenty per cent white blood in them. Are they being horrible when they say that?
Junior walks into the office, having heard the end of the conversation.
Junior Idrissa, what nonsense you going on about now?
Idrissa I was simply explaining the genealogical history of the African Caribbeans. You guys – well not you, cos your mother’s African, you’re more like three-quarters . . .
Junior Sometimes you sound like pre-emancipated Germany, boy. Anyway, fuck all this, hear da joke I just got on my phone. You gonna love this one, Idrissa . . . Wait, wait, it wasn’t you that sent it me, was it?
Plays 1 Page 15