Plays 1

by Kwame Kwei-Armah

  Idrissa I doubt it. What gag is it?

  Junior ‘Bush in hell . . . ’

  Issi Where he goes down on Clinton?

  Junior Oh shit, you’ve heard it?

  Idrissa Why did you think I’d like that?

  Junior Cos he sucking dick innit! Haaaa!

  Idrissa OK, OK, that’s how we playing it today huh? If racism didn’t make it two -isms, you homophobes would lose my black arse in a heartbeat. Backward black people!

  Adrian . . . Where?

  They all turn and see Adrian McKay – attractive, very bright and smartly dressed, except for the mud on his shoes – standing at the entrance to the office. He is scanning every detail of the room from where he stands.

  Michael Hello, can I help you?

  Adrian This is the IBPR, right?

  Michael Yes.

  Adrian Then I doubt if I’ll find any in here.

  Michael Any what?

  Adrian Backward black people . . .

  They all look at him. The gag didn’t work.

  I’m Adrian McKay.

  Michael Adrian?

  Adrian The new intern?

  Beat as we see that something is wrong for Michael.

  Michael Are you sure?

  Adrian My letter says quite clearly the IBPR . . .

  Michael (catching himself being watched) Of course, I just didn’t think you were starting today.

  Adrian (humble) You must be Michael . . . I’ve read much of your work, sir. Your early essays on culture, media and race have influenced me greatly.

  Michael (wary) Thank you. Actually, could we speak outside?

  He stands, still working out what is the best thing to do.

  Issi Introductions, then. I’m Issimama, our brilliant research fellow. I also do payroll on the side. Good person to know.

  Adrian Pleased to meet you.

  Issi Pleased to meet you too. This is Kwaku Mackenzie Junior – our Operations/Events manager . . .

  Junior Junior! Good to meet you.

  Adrian So you’re Junior?

  Junior That’s what the lady just said.

  Adrian You look different to the picture on the website.

  Idrissa He was having a bad hair day.

  Adrian Gosh, must be weird having your father’s name and working in the same place?

  Junior Which is why people call me Junior.

  Junior And this is Val, our longstanding postman . . .

  Val Spiritual officer . . .

  Issi Of course.

  Val Greetings!

  Junior Val. Why are we dressed as a Native American today?

  Val (isn’t it obvious) Black Indian power, innit. Chávez, the role of people of colour is rising. (He points violently to Idrissa.) And you, shut your mouth. I don’t want to know what he is or isn’t to you, OK? (Back to Adrian.) We got to let the people them know. Communication isn’t just about TV. Gotta make them see it on the streets, on the Tube.

  Adrian You, you travel on the Tube like . . .

  Val (smiles) Yeah man, every day.

  Adrian Respect, I dig Chávez big time.

  Val Love-ins.

  Issi And last but not least . . .

  Idrissa Idrissa Adebayo. Head of Policy.

  Adrian Good to meet you, sir.

  Idrissa Not quite, sir, yet, but it’s coming! How you doing?

  Adrian Good, thank you.

  Idrissa Welcome to the IBPR.

  Junior (jumps in) Don’t think I’m rude, I’m just checking, but being an intern and all, you’re not adverse to doing the morning coffee run, are you?

  Adrian Not at all . . .

  Junior Here’s a tenner, mine’s a latte, chai latte, his is a double capp, hot chocolate for Val, and what you having, Idrissa?

  Idrissa I’m fine actually.

  Junior Oh yeah, and an Evening Standard.

  Adrian stares at him for a beat.

  Enter Kwaku who has a suit-carrier in his hands. He is not drunk but all can smell the drink on his breath. He walks past Idrissa. He’s in a steely-eyed, down-to-business mood.

  Kwaku What you fine about, Idrissa? You’re never fine. Adrian, you’re here already?

  Adrian You did say eleven.

  Kwaku Did I? Never mind, it’s good to be early.

  Once Kwaku has walked past Idrissa, Idrissa doubles, sniffs, and recognises the smell. Alcohol. He looks up at Michael, a look Michael reads and understands. Sadness falls over his face.

  Adrian I tend not to do BPT.

  Kwaku Black people time can sometimes be an advantage.

  Idrissa When?

  Kwaku I can’t quite tell you off the top of my head, but got to defend your people, right?

  Adrian Yes, sir.

  Michael What’s the suit for, K?

  Kwaku Race in the Media Award ceremony tonight innit!

  Michael It was last Tuesday.

  Beat.

  Kwaku Oh shit, I must have put it on the wrong day . . . my bloody hand-held keeps messing up. (Quickly turns to Adrian.)

  Michael (jumping in) Kwaku, can I talk to you a moment?

  Kwaku Not just yet. Adrian, sit down everybody, gather round right away. As the ragga DJ Cutty Ranks was fond of saying, ‘Wait dere man – uno think me did done.’ Roughly translated for our non-ghetto employees . . . hold up a minute, you thought I was all washed up. Junior, take the minutes. I’ve been thinking . . . Let’s have an hoorah for that!

  All Hoorah!

  Kwaku Though money has never been a motivating factor, as we’ve established, we need to bring some in. I accept maybe our output has not been reflective enough of what we all think. I want to throw some ideas at ya and see if you agree with the direction of travel. I think this will revitalise our stock, and that’s what you’ve been speaking about, right?

  Idrissa In essence.

  Kwaku So, point one: if we wish to influence public policy, we need more profile . . .

  Idrissa looks at Michael – is he OK?

  Kwaku Issi, I think one of your discussion papers last year looked at the disproportionate number of black homeless kids?

  Issi The Centrepoint Report.

  Kwaku So, I got on to the phone last night, called Michael at the Black Nation, pulled in the Blair apology exclusive favour, and he’s going to run a big spread about us in next week’s edition. ‘Why Black People Need to Think!’, something like that.

  Idrissa The Black Nation?

  Kwaku Yes – problem?

  Idrissa No, I love the paper but –

  Kwaku (speeds) Right. Also called Maddy at the Guardian – she’s willing to do the same, but one proviso, it’s got to be around something new. So, Issi, I want you to get in contact with a handful of the most deserving kids you interviewed – and I’m going to call a couple of the famous ’ballers, get them to stump up some money. Oprah style. We buy three small little terraces – redo them and a few of the childs dem are rehoused – a black housing system inspired by one of our ideas. (Points at Idrissa.) With our own black money. Use that template all over the country.

  Michael Footballers don’t put up money.

  Adrian Rio Ferdinand did.

  Kwaku (ignores) And then there’s education – well, that wide open for us now – and it’s one of Hayden’s and Gordon’s pet subjects.

  Michael What would be our angle on education? We’ve already done –

  Kwaku That was five years ago! We find the new research that will support a big recruitment drive for young black teachers helping to tackle institutionalised racist exclusions of black boys, and let’s call them racist – always causes a stir.

  Idrissa (laughs almost) Not that old chestnut?!

  Kwaku You know, Idrissa, sometimes you can be really aggressively negative.

  Idrissa If these white teachers are so racist, why are African boys doing well?

  Kwaku What do you mean?

  Idrissa Just what I said – African Caribbean are the ones fucking up, not Africans.

&nb
sp; Kwaku Umm, well . . .

  Idrissa Well what? See, you can’t answer that, can you? Dragging out old chestnuts like racist white teachers and institutionalised . . . Aaghhhh.

  Kwaku What, what are you trying to say, it’s the kids dem fault?

  Idrissa Yes I am! There’s research in the States that shows African Americans are scoring beneath their white peers from primary school to law school. Yet new African immigrants with English as a second language are outstripping the Afro Americans every time. Why? Those are the questions we should be asking if we want to be relevant. Jesus, did you say new ideas?

  Adrian Maybe it’s because the African boys did not have to go through the trauma of slavery.

  Kwaku That’s it, boy, in at the deep end.

  Idrissa Now that’s depressing. (Almost disbelief.) Where were you educated again?

  Kwaku Careful now, ’Drissa fights nasty.

  Adrian Oxford and Portland State.

  Idrissa (ignoring the other) Oxford, and you allow yourself to think like that?

  Adrian Like what?

  Idrissa Like a . . .

  Michael Leave the boy alone, Dris.

  Idrissa No, he’s part of the team, gotta treat him like an equal. Thinking like a dinosaur. Please name me one person alive in Tottenham, say, that you know was a slave? Or even knew someone that was a slave, apart from to crack. I mean, I’m as right-on as the next guy, but . . .

  Adrian . . . Was that to the right of the next guy?

  Idrissa Touché, but you’re too young to be looking backwards. Issi, tell them your idea. It’s fantastic. I’ve already identified a sponsor for this report.

  Issi Oh, um, OK. It’s a discussion around ‘Black Women and the Crisis Facing Black Men’, how this informs their experiences of rape and sexual assault.

  Kwaku WHAT?

  Val Rape?

  Issi Its central point being that not only are black women dealing with racism and sexism from white mainstream society, but we’re also dealing with sexism from within our community, and who are we going to tell?

  Kwaku ‘We’? Who is this ‘we’?

  Adrian What about the women that like rape?

  Kwaku OK, maybe that’s jumping in too deep . . .

  Adrian Not strangers-jumping-you-down-an-alley kind of stuff, but for kicks.

  Issi That is so objectionable . . .

  Adrian (looks at Idrissa) Yes it is, isn’t it? As objectionable to me as hearing ‘those who are not from the continent are somehow inferior wherever they are in the world’.

  Val Murderrr! Gwan, new boy. Idrissa, you meet you match!

  Idrissa (eyes snapping right back) That’s not what I was saying.

  Adrian It’s what it sounded like to me.

  He looks down, sensing he’s now gone too far.

  Kwaku Who did you say wants to fund this report on black male rapists?

  Issi (slightly offended) That’s not what it is, Kwaku.

  Idrissa (slightly reluctant) I was speaking to Hayden’s new policy advisor.

  Kwaku And he said Hayden would want to go with something like this?

  Idrissa In fact he said as soon as we get the proposal to him he’d be in a position to green-light it.

  Kwaku Seen. Well then, I suppose you should do that then, shouldn’t you?

  Idrissa Thank you.

  Michael, who has been glancing at the newspaper, picks it up and passes it to Kwaku, pointing to the headline. Kwaku scans it quickly.

  Kwaku (almost embarrassed) Good. Any other ideas you guys want to run past me that you’ve spoken to others about already?

  Everybody looks at the floor.

  And my ideas? Do they tickle anyone, or are they deeply bedded in the misguided philosophy that we are here to help black people?

  Silence.

  Right then, meeting adjourned.

  Val Heavenly Fadder we thank . . .

  Kwaku Junior, my office.

  He steams out to his office.

  Issi looks with concern after Kwaku. They all slowly return to work.

  Issi I think you need to chill a little, Idrissa, you make your point and then you go a little too far.

  Kwaku’s office.

  Junior How did the meeting with Hayden go?

  Kwaku He cancelled.

  Junior Again?

  Kwaku When was the last time you went to your grandfadder grave?

  Junior I haven’t . . . been in ages. I’ve been really busy . . . When I’m not here, I’ve been at home doing my internet business stuff . . .

  Kwaku You may or may not know that the bank refused to cover the payroll this week.

  Junior I had no idea things were that bad. Have you fixed it? (Trying to be funny.) Cos I got me some bills to pay. You know what I’m saying?

  Kwaku (ignoring) I tired telling you. Don’t bring that street talk in here . . . I tried to bounce some money over from our surplus savings account, should be about a hundred grand in there, but when we looked you know how much was there? Three thousand, two hundred pounds and twelve pence, to be exact.

  Junior (suddenly realises) Why are you telling me this? . . . I hope you’re not implying what I think you’re . . . ?

  Kwaku What am I implying, Junior?

  Junior Naaaa . . .

  Kwaku Once a thief, always . . .? I’m asking myself how can cheques be cashed with my signature on them?

  Junior Maybe you signed them and forgot, you know what your memory’s like these days?

  Kwaku (outraged) My memory? I wasn’t in the country – how could I sign the fucking cheques if I wasn’t here? You think I would forget signing away a hundred thousand pound?

  Junior Once – I took money from your account once, and it was back in five days. You’re gonna hold that over me for the rest of my goddam life?

  Kwaku Who you talking to like that, boy?

  Junior Why are you always accusing me? What do I need that kind of money for?

  Kwaku That’s what I wanna know.

  Junior Well, before you go accusing people maybe you should work that the hell out.

  He storms out of the office on to the floor and exits. After a beat Michael walks in.

  Kwaku (vexed) My memory, you know! You see what I’m talking about? That claating boy and his mother, not one of them, you know, not one of them had the decency to go to my father’s grave yesterday. After all he did for them, not one of them could say, ‘Hey Dad, husband, I know today’s a heavy day for you, come let we . . . ’ And he wants to talk about my memory!

  Michael Kwaku . . .

  Kwaku You know what I did last night? I just sat here, on my jones, on my jones. Good ting man has a little relief (he subtly indicates Issi) or I’d have gone the whole night just me and me white rum, not one of them, not nobody, you know . . .

  Michael (calm but ignoring Kwaku’s outburst) Kwaku, what is that child doing here?

  Kwaku (still wrapped up in his son) What child?

  Michael (firm but whispered) You know exactly what I’m talking about! . . . Even though your time away was supposed to put an end to it, when you walk into work with your breath stinking of alcohol I don’t say anything. When you sleep with members of our staff in the same office as your wife, I don’t like it, but I –

  Kwaku Don’t like it? Is not you that does sit down licking your lips when I tell you the details?

  Michael Licking my lips? I listen to the stories maybe, but –

  Kwaku There you go – so I do it for the both of us.

  Michael Kwaku! Stop! Stop that right now. I don’t know what is going on in your house, but send that boy home before Lola comes in. What you’re doing is wrong.

  Kwaku Wrong? I tell you what was wrong – you having secret meetings with our employees behind my back! You set me up to look like a fool yesterday.

  Michael I didn’t set you up – I didn’t have time to tell you cos you were too busy screwing our research fellow to take my calls.

  Kwaku Fuck you, Michael. That’s n
o excuse. What’s happening to you?

  Michael Me?

  Kwaku takes a bottle of rum out of his desk and pours himself a quick shot.

  Michael Don’t you think you’ve had enough of that for the day already?

  Kwaku What are you, my fucking modder now?

  Michael (takes the calm approach) Without your advice in my life, Kwaku, I would have crashed. I value it as I feel you value mine. Please send that boy home . . . please.

  Kwaku finishes the drink.

  Kwaku I’m not sending anyone home. I run this company, not you, not my wife, or fucking Idrissa, alright?

  Michael No, it’s not alright . . .

  Kwaku Well, it’s going to have to be.

  He leaves his office. They all look at him.

  Adrian enters with coffees.

  Val Me hot chocolate reach.

  Adrian Shall I leave Junior’s coffee and paper on his desk?

  Michael Sure.

  Adrian Please forgive me if I spoke inappropriately just then.

  Idrissa (waves it off) Not at all . . .

  Adrian Hardly the correct behaviour for an intern first day, contradicting his boss, but you see it’s my pet subject.

  Idrissa Like they said, that’s how we do things here. Pet subject, huh?

  Adrian Yes, though I studied History and Philosophy at Oxford . . .

  Idrissa What did you get?

  Adrian First.

  Idrissa (approving) . . . Carry on.

  Adrian It was at Portland that I . . .

  Idrissa Portland?

  Adrian It was the only place I could find the right supervisor. Dr Joy Leary, I don’t know if you’ve heard of her?

  Idrissa Ah, makes sense now. Isn’t she the woman who . . . Post-slave, ah . . .

  Adrian Post-traumatic slave syndrome yes. My PhD placed it within the African Caribbean context.

  Idrissa I see. And how did we meet Kwaku?

  Adrian Umm, he was at a party I was working at. I approached him and – voilà.

  Idrissa Right. OK, young Adrian . . .

  He makes to go.

  Adrian Forgive me, but may I ask you a personal question?

  Idrissa My, you’re forward. Go ahead.

  Adrian Why do you work here?

  Idrissa Why do you ask?

  Adrian You seem . . . not really on the same page as . . . I suppose if I were to find a word it would be ‘restless’. Do you find your sexuality makes you . . .

  Idrissa stares right at him.