Enter Junior.
Kwaku Ah, Junior. Great timing as usual. Idrissa, I want you to get me those stats you spoke about – African and African Caribbean boys at school. You’re damn right, why are African Caribbean boys at the bottom? Michael, can I have the stats on, I can’t remember how you phrased it – percentage level of self-employed in the various ethnic minorities. Issi, prison population juxtaposed against university entrances for African Caribbean . . .
Michael Fine. Why?
Kwaku People, it was the second anniversary of my father’s death day this week.
Junior’s eyes hit the ground.
Junior (under breath) Fuck.
Kwaku And you know what he said to me before he died? Apart from, ‘You should have caught me, you bastard.’ He said, ‘Son, remember who you are, where you come from.’ Last words. I intend to do just that. Idrissa, you were right – reparations is dead.
Idrissa Thank God.
Kwaku Gotta go through all that Africans-sold-themselves crap – who was complicit, who wasn’t. Michael, you’re right again – our focus is too broad. We’re going to drop the relief for Africa crap, in fact we’re going to drop everything to do with the motherland. It’s a crowded market. Fuck it. We’re going to focus on where it’s needed. Those born here – this country. Which is why we’re going to argue the case, indeed sell the case, that reparations should only go to the direct descendants of those who were enslaved. Yes, to the African Caribbeans exclusively. Use the money to set up a foundation for us.
Idrissa Us?
Kwaku Yes, those that need it, those that languish at the bottom, those maligned by everyone, those poor little Jamos, Idrissa.
Adrian whoop-punches the air.
Adrian Wow!
Idrissa He’s drunk, isn’t he?
Kwaku No, Idrissa, I’m not drunk – well, maybe I am, but only on joy, baby!
Issi Why would we do that, Kwaku?
Kwaku Cos it makes sense in the marketplace! Who else is suggesting it? When the African Americans are talking, it’s reparations for African Americans. I’m talking about it for West Indians. Fuck serving everybody else – before I know it Somalian Muslims will be pulling on our cheque . . .
Michael But there isn’t a cheque, Kwaku . . .
Idrissa . . . And it’s a divisive debate to be having in public.
Kwaku Well, it’s a debate we’re going to have. What, so it’s only in private that you can say to Val that he’s only eighty per cent black? That Liberians are like West Indians? Full up of whitey, I think the expression was.
Beat as Val looks down.
Kwaku Now if this is too thick for anybody’s blood, fine. No offence will be taken if you wish to hand in your resignation this very second. But this is what we’re going to do. Jump now or for ever hold your tongue.
Silence
Excellent. Let’s get our figures sorted, get the stats together, get this out to the press and get this party started. It’s reparations time. It’s time to save my people.
He walks off. The others are all staring at each other. Only Adrian is smiling. The opening horns of ‘Warrior Charge’ play, and then echo out.
Act Two
Scene One
Institute of Black Policy Research.
We are in the office. The phones are going off the hook. It sounds like a telephone exchange/call centre, everyone talking at once. As he pounds the floor we only just hear Michael’s conversation above the others at first. He’s on the back foot, and we can hear the suppressed tension in his voice. Kwaku, however, is not on the phone but watching Michael from his office as he speaks. There is a darkness in his eyes.
All Yes, I’ll try and put you through . . . No, if you look at the stats . . . We’ll need three cameras . . . Security will be . . . (Etc., etc.)
Michael No, no, no, we are simply setting the parameters for a useful and, can I say, essential debate.
Everyone in the room stops momentarily and points at him. He throws his eyes to the heavens and as he continues the conversation takes the twenty pounds out of his wallet.
. . . If it’s not about looking out for the rights of minorities, what is democracy? . . . And the African Caribbeans are fast becoming the smallest group in the ethnic minority family . . . It soon will be . . . No, there isn’t anything outrageous being said here . . .
Issi (shouts over) Michael – Gola from Africa Today on line six . . .
Michael Yes, yes, I know.
Issi Says he’s been waiting twenty minutes . . .
Michael looks at Junior, who picks up his phone.
Michael (carrying on) . . . I understand that, I can see how it can be perceived that way, yes, I do . . .
Junior (over) Hi Sophie, so sorry to cut in, I know we came to you late but we’ve overrun and Michael’s next interview has been waiting for . . . Thank you. Thank you. Excellent.
Michael Thank you, Sophie, hope you got all that you needed.
He puts the phone down momentarily.
Junior When did you say this is going to print? . . . Excellent.
Michael sits in his chair. He exhales from deep within. He looks exhausted. He glances up at Junior, who patches through the next call. Before starting to speak he gives a quick glance at Kwaku. Their eyes make four for a mere second.
Michael Junior, what is this thing she’s talking about on the website?
Junior shakes his head in ignorance.
Issi Michael.
Michael Hi, Gola, sorry to have kept you, you know what you journalists are like . . . Right . . . No, I’m ready for you.
Adrian (over) Junior, conference centre on line seven . . .
Junior Tell them one minute . . .
Adrian I’ll put you on hold.
Michael (over) No, no, no . . . All we’re saying is the previously held orthodoxy that ‘we all’ need to descend on the white man as one homogenous mass demanding reparation for the injustice perpetrated against us is in realpolitik terms – naive . . . No, we’re not being anti-African . . . Tunde, sorry, Gola, you know me, we have spoken for many years. Do I strike you as someone that is anti-African? I am African.
Adrian (overlaps) . . . Junior, he says he needs to speak with you now or they’re going to cancel. Something about threats to the . . .
Junior Shit, send it through.
Adrian . . . I don’t know, speak to him.
He does. Junior takes centre stage now.
Junior Gerald, how are you today? Good . . . Really? . . . Your director’s concerned about the possibility of . . . ? This isn’t a hip-hop concert, Gerald . . . Believe me, good middle-class black people debating the way forward.
Idrissa Where’s the goddam coffee, Adrian? You said you were going thirty minutes ago.
Adrian In a moment, I promise, I’m just trying to finish . . .
Idrissa How could Lola go to Nigeria at a time like this? We need more people in this bloody office, Michael.
Michael (getting irate) . . . What does that mean, Gola, I’m a sell-out? . . . (Raises his voice.) Self-hating African? Before you start calling people names, those that actually do something on the front line for our people, as opposed to those who just talk about it and do nothing . . . No, no, check the mirror, which one of us is the parasite, Gola? Which one?!
He slams down the phone. Everybody looks over and then away.
Fuck! Fuck fuck this shit!
Idrissa Anyone know anything about a radio car outside?
Junior Excuse me, Gerry – yeah it’s Five Live. Michael, when you’re . . . ready, they’re . . . It’s Jenny – she’s . . . nice. It’s only a two-minuter.
Michael Call Gola back and apologise for me, I shouldn’t have lost my temper.
He gets up and walks out.
Junior Sorry, Gerry . . .
Issi Junior, someone from Channel 4 News on line two. They want to know what you mean by –
Junior Tell them to hold.
Issi (screams) How the hell am I s
upposed to get any work done?
Junior OK, OK. Gerry, can I call you back? . . . Two minutes . . . Thank you, sir . . . Where’s the bloody press release?
He starts to look around his desk. Then around the office.
Anyone seen the box with press releases?
Adrian Yes. I put them in the recycling bin.
Junior Why the fuck did you do that?
Adrian Um, Kwaku told me to. Said something about them not being correct or something.
Junior Is he losing his goddam mind? No one answer that! Issi, tell them I’ll call them back in a min.
Issi (shouts) I’m not your bloody secretary, Junior.
He steams over to Kwaku’s office. Kwaku is on the phone. He signals one minute and then looks up.
Kwaku Junior?
Junior (suppressing outrage) Dad, why did you tell Adrian to throw away my press releases?
Kwaku I’ve been thinking, I don’t think they’re right.
Junior . . . But you passed them!
Kwaku I know, I know. Maybe, I don’t know, it just wasn’t saying enough.
Junior Saying enough? What did you want it to say?
Kwaku Well, I’m glad you asked that.
Pops his head out.
Adrian, bring in the revised press release you wrote up for me, please.
Adrian nods.
Junior You asked . . . Why would you ask an intern to . . . That’s my . . . Press is my job.
Kwaku He may be an intern, Junior, but he’s no fool.
Junior Meaning? (Snatches it.) Let me see this.
Adrian (humble) It’s very much like yours, but I just added a little . . .
Kwaku (smiles) Yeah, but it’s the seasoning that makes the meat taste nice.
Junior (reads quickly) ‘The trauma of the deculturalisation process as it pertains specifically to the African Caribbean community has been a territory political correctness has forbade us enter. Now is the time to release ourselves from the shackles of monocultural perceptions and – ’
Kwaku Exactly.
Junior What? Monoc . . . This is bullshit. What are you talking about? What is this deculturalisation when it’s at home?
Adrian The seasoning process when we arrived in the Caribbean and they took away our gods, our names, our identity in order to, to have us become mules for labour.
Junior Well, that’s very nice, but this is bullshit – long-winded bullshit at that – certainly not something we should be putting out to the press, it’s not professional . . .
Adrian With respect, my PhD is in this area of trauma. It’s a subject I know very well.
Junior I may not have a PhD but writing press releases is a subject I know very well. Dad, are you going to let this bullshit go out there . . . ?
Kwaku I like it, Junior. In fact I told him to post it on our website this morning.
Junior What?
Kwaku I think this helps service the debate.
Adrian With respect, I don’t think that this is bullshit. Right at the heart of this claim is that your mother, say, as oppossed to mine, could probably trace her ancestry. The African Caribbeans were made into another tribe and are treated as inferior not only by Europeans but by other members of the African family.
Kwaku Now that’s the stuff we want out there.
Junior looks at them both.
Junior I’m speechless. I . . . again, this – is – bullshit.
He leaves the office and returns to the floor.
Michael, wanna know why you’re being called an African-hater? Adrian here has posted the most reactionary drivel I’ve read in a lifetime on our website. Pull it up, see . . .
Michael (to Adrian) Why would you do that? That’s not your area of responsibi . . .
Kwaku I told him to. I told him to rewrite our press release and post it. The other one was crap.
Junior (clearly devastated) Thank you, Father . . . At least you know this before you hit the news this evening, Michael . . . They’d be crucifying you and you wouldn’t know why.
Michael God, do I have to do another interview?
Kwaku Actually, I’d like Adrian and me to do that interview, Junior.
Silence. No one quite knows how to respond to this. Eventually:
Michael Umm, I was only joking . . . when I said . . .
Kwaku No really. I was going to say that anyway. I’d want Adrian and me to do it. That can be done, right?
The phone rings.
Michael (snaps) Put the phones on answer . . .
Issi does.
Michael You hate dealing with the press, Kwaku, that’s why I always do the . . .
Kwaku Yes, you do, don’t you? They didn’t ask for Michael specifically did they, Junior?
Junior (struggles) They asked for a representa –
Kwaku Exactly. And the truth is, Michael, I don’t know if you’re the right man to continue doing all the ‘representing’.
Michael Can we speak in the . . . office about this?
Kwaku No. I’m fine speaking right here.
Michael (calm) I really think we should . . .
Kwaku (barging over) Of course I can see why you’d want to be on television all the time . . .
Michael Why would that be?
Kwaku Isn’t it obvious? . . .
Michael Kwaku, let’s go into the office . . .
Kwaku It’s my office and I said no, OK? Truth is, I hear the way you’ve been tiptoeing around the subject matter and I don’t like it . . .
Michael Stop it, Kwaku . . . The enemy’s out there, not in here.
Kwaku Enemy? Now that’s an interesting word. Who exactly is the enemy right now, Toks? That is his real name, everybody, Toks. Just at uni Toks decided that Michael would allow him to fit in better – wasn’t that right, Toks? . . .
Michael Why are you doing this, K?
Kwaku What do your new Tory boys think? Toks opens up the new African demographic, or maybe they’re happy with Michael? Just any black will do!
Michael glances to Idrissa.
Kwaku Oh, what, think I wouldn’t find out about your little interview? (Raises his voice.) I thought they were the enemy, Michael? Those who stood for the status quo, those that saw us as inferior trespassers on their glorious land . . . or have you too bought into the hype?
Michael (glances at Val) I spoke with them, K, what’s the big deal?
Kwaku They offer you a safe seat? No doubt a speedy ascent to – what, Shadow Secretary for Race? I don’t understand why you haven’t screamed it from the rooftops, why you haven’t told everyone. (Darkness descends.) Why you haven’t told me, Michael?
Michael I didn’t take their offer, there was nothing to tell. What? I have to tell you every time I get offered a job?
Kwaku No, just the ones (screams) THAT CONTRADICT EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER STOOD FOR!
Michael And you think this doesn’t? You think exacerbating . . . shouting that West Indians should be given money that we haven’t even got, and Africans shouldn’t, doesn’t do exactly that? Doesn’t split us right down the fucking centre? God, must you always be the fucking martyr? You know what? Do what you want. Do the fucking interview – word of advice to you though, Adrian, I’d make sure there’s no alcohol in the studio or you might be holding up more than just an argument.
He steams out. Silence.
Kwaku Right, well, that’s settled then. Back to work everyone. Answer those phones.
Val looks at Kwaku and indicates he’s going after Michael. Kwaku walks away.
Lights. Max Romero’s ‘War Inna Bablyon’ kicks in.
Scene Two
The next morning. Very early.
Issi, iPod on, dressed in tracksuit, runs into the office. She takes off her computer rucksack, then trackie jacket, and starts to warm down. She takes off her iPod and connects it to the speaker system next to her computer. It’s playing a ‘bashment’ tune, ‘Me Gal Pon de Side’, by Frisco Kid. She sings along with it as she warms down. The rhythm starts
to move her. She lifts her left leg in the air, holds it aloft and starts to rock back and forth, bashment dancehall-style. She changes from the lyrics to the chorus. Since she is dancing she doesn’t see Junior walk in. He stares at her.
Issi (touching her arse and breasts)
‘He love me bumper an me chess . . . ’
Eventually Junior coughs. She jumps, startled, and switches off.
Issi I, I was, cha, what you doing in this early?
Junior ‘My girl on the side sexes the best?’ You wanna be a little more careful than that. Gives it right away.
Issi Gives what away?
Junior That you’re an old reggae bashment queen. Respectable intellectual like you should be ashamed of yourself . . .
Issi Shouldn’t I just.
Junior Song gives away your age, though. Who uses ‘Chini brush’ now Viagra’s here? (Quickly.) Not that I have used either.
Issi Uh-ha.
Junior You ever had sex with a man who’s taken Viagra?
Issi Umm, a few times.
Junior Thought so.
Issi Excused. You don’t usually get in this hour.
Junior No I, know. I just . . . well!
She looks at his clothes. Same as yesterday.
Issi Did you actually go home last night, Junior?
Junior (smiles) I meant to, but I was going through everyone’s computers and . . . I got carried away . . .
Issi You went through everyone’s computer?
Junior I do it all the time. Little scans, just, just, you know, see what everybody’s doing. But last night I couldn’t seem to stop. I just kept looking and looking to see if, if, well other things that I written or done had been, I don’t know, stupid, I would have known . . .
Issi Had been what?
Junior Corrected, rewritten or something . . . I know, stupid . . . just everyone here is Oxbridge or whatever and I . . . I just got a bee in my . . .
Issi Junior, you do great work here – honestly. Your events are always well organised, well planned . . .
Junior Then why do you think he asked Adrian to –
Issi I don’t know . . . and I think you should forget it.
Junior Did you watch last night?
Issi No . . .
Junior Me neither . . . Well, I did, a little . . . The smashed monitor . . .
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