Cora nodded. She took a breath in through her nose and out through her mouth. ‘I know. I understand.’
‘Okay.’ I thought about reaching for her hand, to give it a reassuring squeeze. But I’d never been good at spontaneous human contact. ‘So?’
‘I’m still going to look for her.’ Cora glanced at me. That smile flickered again; somehow soft and steely at the same time. ‘Nothing can stop me.’
In that moment, I completely believed her. ‘I’m sorry I can’t help,’ I said. ‘I just don’t remember. I don’t know if I was near the south end of the curraghs or the north end.’
Cora produced a plastic ruler from her bag and started measuring distances on the photos, comparing them to an Ordnance Survey map. ‘I’ll search every inch of that place if I have to,’ she said. ‘I’m not leaving until I’m certain whether or not my sister was here.’
‘Really?’
Cora pushed her hands across the maps to smooth them flat. ‘I’m going to search this swamp from one end to the other, one square metre at a time, until I’ve covered the whole damn lot. I’ll start along the north edge here, work west to east, east to west, moving south with each sweep.’
I leaned over the maps, letting myself see them properly for the first time. Someone – presumably Cora – had drawn a grid over the top of the maps and the photos. Each small square was numbered. The ones at the very perimeter of the curraghs were shaded pale yellow, as was a section in the north-west corner.
‘We can probably discount those areas,’ Cora said, following my gaze along the yellow squares. ‘You were found coming out of the trees on the eastern side of the road, so you can’t have been in this north-west section, otherwise you would’ve had to cross the road. And, from what you’ve said, it sounds like you weren’t on the edge of the swamp. You would’ve noticed, right, if there were fields instead of trees in front of you?’
I nodded. ‘There were trees all around. When I found the skeleton, I stood up and looked around. Like, I don’t know, like maybe someone was there who could’ve helped.’ That’s what you do when you’re a kid, even if you know for one hundred per cent certain that no one’s there except you. ‘I looked around, and there were trees on all sides. No farmland.’
Cora nodded, pleased. ‘And, how far can you see when you’re in the thick of it? Ten feet, twenty feet? More? Less?’
‘It depends where you are. If there’s lots of undergrowth you might not see more than five or ten feet in front of you. If the trees are thin, you can see quite some distance. Fifty, a hundred feet. It depends.’
Cora nodded again. She leaned over the pictures and started making pencil marks on one of the photos.
I was forced to re-evaluate the woman. I’d jumped to the assumption that she’d come here with nothing more than false hopes and unreal expectations. But it looked like she’d done her homework. She’d researched maps and photos, several of which were new to me, despite my living here for most of my adult life. Cora was as prepared as anyone was likely to get.
Watching her, hunched over the maps, I couldn’t suppress a twinge of excitement. If anyone could do this, it might be her.
I tried to smother my hope. ‘When I found it, there was nothing left but bones,’ I said. ‘It will have broken down a lot more since then. We could walk right over it and see nothing. Plus,’ I sighed, ‘I mean, really I might’ve been mistaken. It could’ve been a sheep skeleton for all I know. Or it could’ve been hundreds of years old, someone who was buried on the land and the grave forgotten about, then the tree roots shoved it to the surface. You have to consider these things.’
‘There were fillings in the back teeth,’ Cora said. ‘That’s what you saw, right?’
I made a face. ‘Oh my God, how much of my life is on that stupid website? Is there anything the whole world doesn’t know? How’d they even get details like that?’ I’d forgotten about the fillings myself until right then.
‘You’re not going to talk anyone out of this search,’ Dallin said. He’d remained standing, leaning against the counter with his arms folded. ‘Believe me, plenty of people have tried. But we’re here, and we’re not leaving until we’ve finished the search. Right, Cora?’
Cora pressed her lips together and nodded. ‘Right.’
The pair of them were staying at the campsite at Ballaugh, a few miles down the road. I came out to the doorstep to say goodnight.
Cora gave me an awkward smile. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘For helping us. I know you think you can’t do anything, but thank you for at least hearing me out and not dismissing us straight away.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Dallin said. ‘Rosie’s been called a crackpot for years by folks around here. If anyone’s likely to believe you completely, it’s her.’
Cora winced at his crass words; tried to cover it with another hesitant smile. ‘We’ll let you know how we get on, yeah?’
‘Sure.’ They were going out into the curraghs early the next day, to start the search. She’d hinted I was welcome to join them. ‘Drop round any time you need a cup of tea,’ I said. ‘I’m almost always here.’
‘Certainly will.’ Cora grinned again then got into the driver’s seat of the car.
Again, I couldn’t help but admire her determination. There was a lot to admire about Cora. I almost wished we were meeting under different circumstances.
I hunched my shoulders. I could practically feel the weight of Beth’s gaze pressing down on me from the house. I looked away from Cora quickly.
Dallin remained behind for a moment. He reached to hug me and I instinctively stiffened as he put his arms around my shoulders.
‘It’s good to see you, sis,’ he said.
‘Yeah, well.’ I turned my face away so I was staring over his shoulder at the garden. ‘Have you been to see Mum yet?’
‘Not yet, no.’
Something in his tone made me pull away from him. ‘I usually visit on Sundays, but I could go with you tomorrow if that’s better?’
‘I’ll have a think, sure.’
There it was again, that dismissive tone. ‘Dal, you have told her you’re here, right? She knows you’re back on the island?’
‘I figured it might be a nice surprise.’ Dallin gave a weak, apologetic grin.
I looked away. ‘I don’t know why I expected anything different.’
‘That’s hardly fair.’
‘Don’t tell me what’s fair and what isn’t.’ I kept my voice and my expression neutral so Cora wouldn’t notice anything wrong. ‘You’re quick enough to run and help when a girl you barely know needs it but you wouldn’t come home when your actual family needed you.’
Dallin started to say something else, but I turned away and went back into the house. I closed the door and twisted the key in the lock.
I stayed there in the hallway with my arms wrapped tight around myself, until I heard the noise of the car fade as it turned left at the end of the road. And then, at last, the house was silent again.
If I tried hard enough, I could almost pretend none of the evening had really happened. That no one had invaded my self-contained world and threatened to upend it.
My eyes fell on the Manila envelope on the phone table. Before I could stop myself, I snatched it up. There was no stamp, because it’d been hand-delivered, like all the others. The flap was held closed with a strip of Sellotape.
I opened the envelope and took out the folded papers inside. Even though I’d known exactly what they would be, still my stomach twisted with fresh nausea. My eyes skimmed the printed sheets which, as always, had been highlighted in yellow for my convenience.
Near the bottom, I saw one highlighted word, and it was enough for me to want to fling the sheets away from me.
Death, it said.
***
You never wanted to leave. You just never really wanted to stay.
Things were difficult for us both. Difficult parents, difficult family, difficult life. You were thirteen when you told me
you’d realised something important: you didn’t have to stick around to endure the fights and the arguments and the occasional stinging slap from our ma. All the negative stuff that would echo through the house and leave us with ringing ears and red marks on our legs. You could walk out at any time.
‘The world is waiting for us,’ you used to tell me.
But I was never scared you genuinely would abandon me.
Not until you met him.
Chapter 5
The next morning I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed. I could’ve kept the curtains closed, the door locked, the lights off. I wanted to stay like that until the sour feeling in my stomach went away. Until I felt strong enough to restart my everyday routine.
But maybe the shadow of Beth was still at my side, because something made me wake before dawn and get out of bed. I made tea and toast without observing my usual ritual of watching the sun rise over the curraghs. Today I hurried around the house to open the curtains even before I’d finished my tea.
I had somewhere I wanted to be. It was something that hadn’t happened for over a year.
You can help them, Beth would’ve said. Yes, that was definitely it. Beth would’ve laughed and made a game of it. Chased me out of bed. Held the door and told me off for dawdling. Smiled like she always had, from the day I’d got lost in the wetlands right up until the day she died. She’d always smiled like we were both still children. Still capable of taking on anything the world could throw at us.
You can help them.
Wrapped up in my warm coat and bobble hat, I paused on the front doorstep to breathe the chill morning air. It wasn’t just Beth who was urging me on. There was a second shadow on my other side, just outside my field of vision. Bogbean.
For them, I could do this.
Besides, I wanted to not think about the letter that’d arrived yesterday. I didn’t want to be tempted to take it out from inside the photo album where I’d hidden it the night before.
I got into my car and started the engine. It always hated to start, especially on cold mornings. The problem was I never drove enough to keep the engine in good condition. I usually only took it out once a week, on Sundays, to visit Mum. The rest of the time it just sat there. Several times over the winter months I’d tried the ignition only to find the battery had gone dead. If it hadn’t been for Mum, I probably wouldn’t have bothered to call out the garage to get it fixed.
Today the car started after two attempts, which was fairly good, on average. I drove out to the main road and around to the car park in the curraghs without seeing another car on the road. The drive took almost ten minutes, even though the car park wasn’t geographically that far away from our house, because the road curved half a mile out of the way then back again. Plus the road was shockingly bad. I stayed in first gear most of the way, slowing to a crawl over a few particularly bad potholes. I hoped Dallin had thought to warn Cora.
When I reached the curraghs, I found Cora and Dallin already there. Cora was sheltering under the open boot of the car as she packed a backpack. Dallin was standing a short distance away, smoking a cigarette. It must’ve been a recently acquired habit. He’d never used to smoke.
You haven’t seen him in years, I reminded myself. He could be a completely different person by now, with a hundred bad habits you don’t know about.
As I pulled up behind Cora’s car, Cora looked up in surprise. Her face was tight with concern. But a smile lit her face as she recognised me.
I got out of the car and pulled my jacket a little tighter against the chill. Dallin nodded to me but stayed distant while he finished his cigarette.
‘Morning,’ I said.
‘This is a lovely surprise,’ Cora said. ‘Everything okay?’
Now I was closer, I could see the gauntness of her face. She looked like she hadn’t slept. I drew a breath then asked, ‘I wondered if you could use an extra set of eyes today?’
‘Oh, wow, yes, definitely. Are you sure? I don’t think the weather’s going to get much better than it is right now.’
‘I’d like to help.’ It was the truth. I’d sat up for half the night thinking about her story. I still didn’t think we’d find anything, but I wanted to help her look.
‘That’s really kind. Thank you.’
Her smile made warmth rise to my face. I made a pretence of looking at the road we’d come in on. ‘Did you get here okay?’ I asked. ‘I forgot to warn you about the road.’
‘Yeah, that was a bit of an adventure. It was like Wages of Fear finding this place.’ She adjusted her bobble hat, tucking loose strands of blonde hair out of the way. ‘I thought this was a fairly popular spot. For walkers and stuff? Why don’t they maintain the road?’
Dallin laughed. ‘This is completely average for the roads over here. I’ve seen potholes you could lose a Smart car in. Are we ready?’
In all honesty, I wasn’t sure if I was ready. The morning had a weird sense of unreality hanging over it. I tried not to think too hard about what we were doing here or what we hoped to find. If I avoided that, I could pretend this was a normal outing. No big deal.
Except that’s a lie too. When was the last time you went on an outing with anyone?
‘I’ve got the maps here,’ Cora said. She’d spread them out in the boot. ‘We’re going to try to cover sections A12 through A27, then back along B28 through B11 this morning. Once we get back to the road—’
‘What’s that in English?’ Dallin asked.
‘We’re going to start at the top of the map, roughly in the middle where the road cuts through and work our way across, left to right, then back again. English enough for you?’
Cora held out one of the maps so I could see. The hand-drawn squares were marked with letters and numbers. A1 was in the top left; Q39 at the bottom right. I saw at once the route she’d described, running from the road eastward through the curraghs until it came almost to the field boundary, then doubling back on itself.
‘Once we get back to the road,’ Cora said, ‘we’ll assess how much we’ve done and figure out whether we have to pick up the pace or not.’ She looped a dark green scarf around her neck and tucked the ends down the front of her waterproof jacket. ‘Weather forecast is changeable, but we hopefully won’t get rained on until later this afternoon. Be aware it might get warmer. Hope everyone wore layers.’
Dallin rolled his eyes. ‘She wouldn’t let me out of the tent this morning until I proved I was wearing at least three layers,’ he said. ‘She’s like a mother-hen.’
‘I’m sure your mother would kick me in the shins if she thought I was letting you catch a cold out here,’ Cora replied. I saw Dallin wince.
I picked up my own backpack from my car. I’d been worried the others wouldn’t think to bring snacks and water, but now I saw I’d been concerned for nothing. Cora was better prepared than I was. As well as the maps, she had two bottles of water, a large bar of chocolate, a small first aid kid, and a torch shoved into her bag. She adjusted the water bottles so they wouldn’t dig into her back, then swung the bag onto her shoulder.
‘Which way first?’ I asked.
The car park was little more than a slightly wider bend in the road. If more than a few cars arrived at the same time, the road could get completely blocked. On all sides the trees hemmed us in. Off to the left, a faded noticeboard showed a map of the main route through the curraghs, as well as a few diagrams of the local wildlife. Beyond it, the path cut through the trees towards a five-bar gate, which led to the main track.
I’d assumed we would be starting from the main track, but Cora paced off up the road in the direction we’d come.
‘Are you really planning to go cross-country right from the off?’ I asked. I snuck another look at the map before Cora tucked it into a pocket of her backpack. ‘I don’t know if there are any real paths at that end of the curraghs. At least, not any that’ll go right the way through and back again.’
‘We’ll have to go cross-country at some point
,’ Cora said. ‘Might as well get used to it.’
I fell into step beside her. I wasn’t sure it was such a great idea to stray off the main trails on the first day. The going would be tough, if not impossible in places. It might be enough to discourage Cora from her search before it’d even begun.
I glanced down. Cora wore decent wellies, with waterproof trousers tucked into them. None of her gear looked new. Either she did a lot of hiking, or she’d borrowed good clothes from someone who knew what they were doing. Either way it was reassuring. She’d done her homework and she’d come prepared.
Out of interest, I glanced back at Dallin. He wore a bright blue waterproof jacket that still had the sheen of newness, but also jeans and scuffed trainers. He’d have to take care where he trod, or he would spend the day with wet feet. I wondered if no one had bothered to tell him to dress appropriately … or if he’d deliberately not listened.
I shrugged off the question. Dallin had grown up playing in the wetlands. If he didn’t know to wear wellies, it wasn’t any of my business.
At least he’s wearing layers. I started to smile, then stopped as I remembered his offhand comment. Dallin had made it sound like him and Cora were sharing a tent. Was that true? I watched them both as we walked, looking for clues as to whether they were something more than friends. I told myself I was just curious.
No one spoke as we marched off towards our starting point. It occurred to me Cora hadn’t asked if I had anything else to do that day – like going to work or seeing friends. Maybe Dallin had already briefed her on my situation.
Little Girls Tell Tales Page 4