by Claire Adams
That was when it happened. She launched herself into a twenty-minute diatribe about her diet and fitness regime that seriously had me bored to tears. I was trying my best to pay attention and at least look interested, but all I could really think about was getting the cheese curds. Finally, the waitress showed up, which slowed Sandra down a bit, and we turned to the television to watch the kickoff.
The game started out with a bang, and despite her serious interest in health and fitness, which I told myself was not a bad thing at all, I was pretty excited to watch the football game with a fan. However, after about an hour, it became apparent that Sandra didn’t actually care about the score or the team in the least. I just kind of sat there, staring at her and wondering how I could have possibly missed this. She was one of those girls that liked to say she cared about the game, but in reality, had no idea what was going on.
She took the entire length of the game to talk about things that pretty much were either not relevant at all, or were completely wrong. I just let her go, though, because she seemed like she was having a good time in whatever world that she was in. She was so busy complaining about the refs, the coach’s salary, and the price of the tickets that I wasn’t even sure how she caught any of the actual plays. Not to mention that she went off on an entire tangent about corporate America, interspersing it with anecdotes from her own life, and telling me how she was the most successful person out of her entire group of friends. I just smiled and nodded my head, glancing back and forth between the television and her.
I was definitely not impressed in the least, and it was starting to get a bit annoying. The only time she shut up was when she was either taking a drink of her beer or snapping selfies to post on her Instagram page. And oh, God, her Instagram page. I had heard enough about that to make up my mind that I never, ever wanted to have an account. It sounded horrible, filled with pictures of girls like Sandra, interwoven with pictures of Sandra’s lunch. At one point, she tried to get me in on one of the pictures, but I declined nicely, telling her pictures really weren’t my thing. Instead, she took a picture with the waiter and posted it on her page, giggling at whatever she put as the caption.
Most of the date, though, I completely tuned her out, seeing her lips moving but not wanting to hear any more of her banter. Instead, my mind shifted to the weekend before when I had eaten spaghetti and meatballs and watched the football game with Elana and Tammy. They were really fun to watch the game with, especially Tammy who was loud, but she knew exactly what she was talking about when she spouted off at the refs. She also knew the name of every play they did just by seeing it transpire. I was totally down with enthusiasm, but fake enthusiasm turned me off so fast that I couldn’t wait to get out of there. I didn’t even care if I missed the rest of the game.
At Tammy’s, we had spent the entire game cracking jokes, shouting about good things, bad things, and anything else that happened in the game that gave us reason to liven up. Elana had laughed the whole time, watching me and her mom dance around the room and run laps, giving life to a day that was otherwise doomed to be shrouded in grief. I found myself wishing I was there with Tammy and Elana instead of in the bar with Sandra. Hell, I was wishing I was anywhere other than where I was at that moment. Anyone who knew me knew that I loved football season. Even in my darkest hour, I managed to catch almost every game of the season. I wasn’t a stuffed shirt that didn’t know how to have fun. I was just a guy that enjoyed doing things like I had done with Tammy and Elana.
Sandra, on the other hand, sat there chattering away, picking at her salad, and talking herself up to be this big badass. It was obvious that she had self-esteem issues, which I tried desperately not to stoke the fire of. I knew what it was like to stand in a room and feel like you didn’t belong. The biggest difference between the two of us was in situations like that, I stayed quiet, while she did her best to let everyone know that she knew what she was doing, even though everyone could tell that she had no idea what was going on. I wanted to save her from herself, but I was also starting to understand why she was part of a singles’ group and not out there picking up men on her own terms.
When the game was over, I paid the tab and smiled, helping Sandra to her feet and leading her out the door. She turned and gave me a big hug, the smile on her face not at all matching my feelings about the date. We stood there awkwardly for several moments until finally, she said something.
“I had a really good time,” she said excitedly. “We should do it again soon.”
“For sure,” I said, smiling. “I’ll give you a call.”
At that, we parted ways, and I couldn’t have been more relieved that the whole ordeal was finally over. I jumped in my car and headed off toward my house. I smiled and waved back at Sandra, who pulled up next to me at the light before making a right turn. I wondered if I should continue going to the softball singles’ games or not, not even knowing after that if I was even ready to start dating again. That had been extremely painful, and I couldn’t even imagine going through dates like that over and over again. Now I understood why so many people were more than happy to just not date. I knew dudes could be complete dicks, but that woman was giving me a migraine.
At the same time, I had enjoyed every second of my non-date with Elana. We had a blast, laughing, talking, having actual conversations, and being completely focused on each other. There hadn’t been one time that Elana pulled her phone out to check her texts or her Instagram account, and there were definitely no selfies taken. We dove into our time together, wanting to hear each other’s story and let loose, with no misconceptions or preconceived notions about what we were doing. Neither one of us went above and beyond to impress each other, especially since that wasn’t necessary. Elana’s true and beautiful colors shone through everything that she did. I absolutely adored every second we were together, even if it did end on a sour note, which was my fault.
It had been nothing like the nightmare that I had just gone through with Sandra. I literally had never been around a girl like that before. I had heard the horror stories, seen a couple from a distance at the bars when I was younger, but had never gotten myself in a situation where I had to entertain that kind of behavior and even placate her at certain points in the evening. She was a dental assistant for a living, which I was not knocking at all, but just thinking about sitting down in a chair for a cleaning and having her ramble on over top of me made me never want to go to the dentist ever again. In fact, I needed to make sure I found out what dentist’s office she worked at so I didn’t make the mistake of setting up an appointment there.
My time with Elana was definitely a breath of fresh air, and it made me start to doubt myself and my choice to break things off with her. I mean, she was off-limits, wasn’t she? I had made it that way in mind, at least. I had closed off another opportunity, blaming it on her connection to Lillie, but in the back of my mind, I knew I was just making up excuses. I knew that I had some pretty strong feelings for Elana, but by telling myself it wasn’t allowed, I was letting myself off the hook. I asked Sandra out for God’s sake. She was not my type in any shape or form, but I had pushed Elana away and brought this crazy girl into the picture. It was a classic case of self-sabotage, and I didn’t even realize I had done it until then. But I had already screwed everything up royally. I had treated Elana with a level of respect that I wouldn’t even have done to Sandra. I had blown her off and hurt her, and now, I wanted to change my mind. I was going to drive myself crazy.
Even if she wasn’t off limits, how could I possibly come back to her, hat in hand, after that disgraceful exit and apology via text?
Chapter 18
Elana
“Okay,” my mom said, handing me a cup of coffee and sitting down across the table from me. “I want to hear everything. Every little gory detail of your date with Jeff. I have been waiting and waiting to find out how it went. I couldn’t go ask him because the bank is closed on Sundays. I knew you were coming over today anyway, so I decided
that I would just have to put my excitement away and wait for you to tell me yourself.”
“Sheesh, Mom, take a breath,” I said, laughing at her excitement. “He picked me up from my apartment for dinner. I wore that blue sweater, black skirt, and black tights you always liked me in. Then we sat down, and we talked. I mean, he likes books like me, though he had no idea who Jane Austen was. His favorite color is blue, just like mine, and he picked up the check without even batting an eyelash.”
“Wow,” she said with a straight face. “You sound so enthusiastic about this man. I can hardly contain you and the excitement that you’re radiating.”
“Stop it.” I laughed. “I mean, he was okay.”
“Just okay? I really thought this guy could be it. He is smart, he’s the youngest bank manager in the company, he has a sweet heart, and a sweet tooth, so I assume he is easy to please. He has the cutest little freckles right across his nose.”
“Yup,” I said, smiling and trying not to crush her.
“I can see this just may be a lost cause,” Mom said with disappointment. “Well, at least you gave it a shot, which is what I wanted for you anyway. What about that nice boy, Ollie, that was here last weekend? Are you two going out at all?”
At the sound of Ollie’s name, pain shot through my chest. I wanted to tell my mom he broke my heart, but I didn’t have the courage to tell her the whole story, and I knew that she would want to hear everything. The truth was, I still hadn’t gotten Ollie off my mind, no matter how much I tried to force Jeff on myself. Ollie had broken me out of my shell, brought me back to life in a way, and that was more than any guy had ever done for me. When we were together, it just fit, and I couldn’t understand how he didn’t see that, too.
“Mom, it’s complicated,” I said. “No, actually it’s not complicated. Ollie is Lillie’s, or was Lillie’s fiancé, remember? He was like the love of her life, and she was to him as well. I was Lillie’s best friend, kind of like the sidekick in a movie. Lillie was the star of Ollie’s show. Things just don’t really work like that.”
“Right,” my mom said, nodding and remembering who Ollie was. “So, is he seeing anyone now?”
My mom was straying down a dangerous path, one that I was all too familiar with. In reality, I had no idea if Ollie was seeing anyone, but I was assuming not since he didn’t seem to be too interested in relationships. I mean, he pretty much had a one-night stand with me, only I wasn’t aware that that was what it was until the next day when I got that text from him. Until that came into my phone, I was still under the impression that he was struggling, but that he would call me soon and we would straighten it all out.
“Mom,” I groaned.
“What?” she asked, shrugging her shoulders. “He’s a handsome man. He is extremely successful in his work, and he clearly knows what a great girl you are since he knew you in college. I personally don’t see how anyone couldn’t fall in love with you. You are an amazing woman, and even though you have been through hell and back these last five years, you’re still the same old spunky girl that you were when he went to school with you.”
“Oh, Mom,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Hush.”
Even though it was my mom saying it, I knew that in some ways, she was right. I was an amazing woman, even when I let others take that feeling away from me. I tried to do the right thing on a regular basis, and there was nothing different about me now than there was when I had first met Ollie. I wished that I could have pointed a finger at the exact reason he didn’t want to be with me, but I couldn’t, leading me to believe I was just another notch in his belt.
“Look,” I said, leaning forward. “Ollie and I have known each other for a long time, and he isn’t interested in me like that, and never has been. I appreciate the pick-me-up talk, telling me how fantastic I am, but in reality, I just don’t think that it’s even worth talking about. There is nothing there, and I’m not even sure we still have a friendship like we used to. Things changed in both of our lives, and unfortunately, that isn’t something that either of us could have helped.”
“I hear what you’re saying, Elana,” she said, shaking her head. “But I still can’t get the picture of you two laughing and having an amazing time together out of my head. I mean, you guys were right on cue with your jokes, with your conversations, and everything else that happened that day. I honestly can’t remember the last time that I’d seen you have that much fun with someone. It sure hasn’t been in the last five years, which is a pretty long time not to laugh, if you ask me. I wouldn’t even be able to bear thinking about my future without knowing I would spend it laughing and joking with the people that I cared the most about.”
My mom’s words echoed through my head, and I couldn’t help but want to agree with everything that she was saying. Still, there was that little piece of the puzzle that my mom was missing, the fact that he had left me in the middle of the night after an amazing night out, and an even more amazing night in.
“Are you absolutely positive that he isn’t interested?” she asked.
“Oh yeah, I’m sure,” I said with a sigh.
Just as my mom was about to give me a counter argument, there was a loud knock on the front door. She looked up with surprise and put her coffee mug down on the table. I moved to get up, but she shook her head at me.
“I’ll get it,” she said. “It might be Nancy from the church, here to drop off some decorations for Thanksgiving.”
I smiled at my mom and followed her out into the living room where I leaned against the wall, ready to give Miss Nancy a proper greeting. My parents had raised me to always have manners, even when I didn’t know someone very well. It had come in handy many times in my life, and I wondered if Ollie had been raised that way as well. If so, he had one hell of a way of practicing his manners, running out on me at the last second. I stood there and watched as my mother twisted the door open and stood back, a big smile on her face. Standing in the doorway, holding a bakery box in his hands, was Ollie, his charming smile lighting up the entire room, even the dark places inside of me that had been aching since he sent me that text.
To say that I was surprised would have been an understatement. I was floored by the fact that it was him standing on the other side of that door. My mouth dropped open, and I stood there frozen in place, not even sure what I should do or say. Butterflies flittered through my chest and stomach just at the sight of Ollie standing there. My mom looked happy, and I knew exactly what was going through her head, especially since we were just talking about him thirty seconds before he arrived.
“Ollie,” my mom said, giving him a big hug. “Come in, come in.”
Ollie walked in the door and glanced over at me, quickly returning his gaze to my mom. She looked absolutely thrilled to see him, and though I couldn’t deny that I was happy to see him too, I had to keep a straight face, not knowing what in the world he was doing there in the house. My mom led him into the living room, and I stood back behind the couch, just watching and waiting for him to say something.
I mean, we weren’t supposed to be seeing each other, right? That was what his text had said, that he thought it was better that we didn’t see each other for a while. A while was a lot longer than a week in my book. I stood there and stared as he and my mother carried on a friendly conversation about how his week at work had gone. Everything inside of me wanted to go run and hug him, but then the text message flashed through my mind, and I found my feet cemented to the floor, my chest feeling like it was going to explode from the emotions that were running through me.
“I know that I am too late for dinner,” he said, smiling at me and then looking back to my mom and handing her the box in her hands. “But I thought maybe you guys would like some dessert.”
“Ollie, that is so sweet of you,” my mom said, looking over at me. “Wasn’t that sweet of Ollie, Elana?”
“Super sweet,” I said, crossing my arms.
Ollie looked over at me and smiled again, but I could tell he
could sense the mood that I was in. I had never wanted to shake someone and kiss them at the same time before, but that was about where I was, standing there in front of him.
“I’m going to go cut us some pieces,” my mom said. “I’ll call you guys in when it’s ready.”
“Thank you, Tammy,” he said, watching my mom bounce from the room and into the kitchen.
I stood there for a second and then nonchalantly rambled across the room, my arms still wrapped tightly in front of me. I didn’t want to be too hard on him because I wanted to know why he was there at my mom’s house. At the same time, I felt like an old-fashioned tongue-lashing was in the cards.
“Why are you here?” I asked.
“I needed to talk to you,” Ollie said with patience and calm in his voice. “I knew that if I called you, you might not pick up, and if you did, I didn’t know if you would really hear me.”
“You’re probably right,” I said.
“Well, I knew that you would be over here since you spend every Sunday with her,” he explained. “So, I thought I would just show up, so you would be forced to at least hear me out.”
“Yeah, I don’t just run out on people,” I said snidely. “I was raised to have manners and to face any issues I had head-on, not go running from them.”
“I understand,” he said. “And I deserve that. There’s no question about that.”
“You deserved that?” I asked angrily, stepping toward him. “Ollie Anderson, you deserve that and so much more. I don’t even know what to say at this point. You hurt me really bad.”
“I know I did,” he said, hanging his head. “I just—”
“Okay, guys,” my mom called from the other room. “There is some delicious warm apple pie and milk waiting for you in here. You might want to hurry, though. You know how much I like apple pie.”