My phone rang as I was heading out the door. It was a private number but I still answered and groaned when I heard John’s voice.
‘What do you want John?’ I said. ‘This has got to stop. We’re over’
‘I want to see you.’
‘After all you’ve put me through?’ I replied. ‘Just accept it John. I’m done. Leave me alone. I’ve taken out an injunction against you. I can actually have you arrested for this. Stop stalking me.’
‘I miss you,’ he said.
‘Please, just go away.’ I pressed the red icon before he heard my cry and slipped the phone in my bag.
Shopping, I said to myself. I need some retail therapy.
Chapter Nineteen
Lily
‘Lily, how lovely to see you,’ trilled Fran, my therapist. She leapt from her chair and rushed across the room to help me.
I struggled to hobble into the room, trying to manoeuvre my handbag, crutches, and the door without tripping myself over. She took my handbag and my right elbow helping me into the seat opposite her.
She closed the door behind us, and resumed her seat, leaning forward slightly to make sure the tissues were well within my reach. ‘How have you been?’ She said. ‘Your leg is improving?’
I nodded and sunk into the comfortable chair. Fran looked at me, eyebrows raised, head to one side. This was only our third session, but I already recognised the signs that she was ready to hear me talk. Where do I begin? I sighed. You’re safe here. Until he finds out, whispered the other voice.
Fran sat patiently, resting her hands in her lap. I knew she was waiting for me to talk but, so much had happened since our last meeting ten weeks ago, that I could not get everything straight in my head.
‘So much has gone on,’ I began, ‘I don’t know where to start. I got fired, I had a car crash – that you know about. Oh and I’m losing my mind.’
‘Okay,’ said Fran. ‘Let’s start at the beginning. When did you lose your job?’
‘The day after I saw you,’ I said. ‘I’ve been accused of assault on a student.’
‘And you deny the accusation?’
‘Of course, I deny it. I’d never hit a student!’ But as I say it, I remember how close I came to slapping Darcy a few days ago. I vowed I’d never turn into my mother and I’d almost broken that vow.
‘Tell me?’ said Fran.
‘I nearly hit Darcy the other day. She was crying, my head was bad. I was struggling to cope.’
‘Lily, you’ve been accused of assaulting a student at the school, haven’t you?’ Fran’s voice went up an octave.
‘Yes,’ I whispered.
‘And now you’re telling me that you came close to assaulting a small child. How old is Darcy?’
‘Nearly three.’
‘You do see how dangerous this is, don’t you?’
‘I do, but I didn’t hit her. I stopped myself in time.’
‘Okay, that’s good. But, if you are found guilty of the assault on the student, your children could be taken into care,’ said Fran. ‘If your husband doesn’t get full custody of them.’
‘I haven’t hit anyone, Fran! The charges were dropped.’ I folded my arms, my fists clenching and my jaw tightened. No one was going to take my children from me.
‘So, what caused the bad head?’
‘You mean apart from a three year-old howling?’
‘Yes, apart from that.’ Said Fran. ‘Isn’t your mother still with you?’
‘Yes, that’s part of the problem. She makes me feel so tense all the time.’
‘I see,’ Fran said. She tapped her pen on her teeth. ‘And have things improved with your husband?’
‘He’s been truly kind to me since the accident…’
‘I see,’ she murmured. ‘Is that his normal pattern?’
‘I don’t know,’ I muttered. ‘I’ve been too ill to focus on his behaviour. I’m just grateful he’s being nice to me. It’s like when we first met. He completely swept my off my feet. I’d never been so happy in all my life.’
‘That’s a pattern. He does something to hurt you and then apologises, begs forgiveness. Promises he won’t do it again. That sort of thing.’ Her look was piercing. She saw through me.
I dropped my gaze to my hands, twisting the fingers around and around. The pain was excruciating but it stopped me thinking about anything else.
‘Lily?’ her soft voice invaded my thoughts. Bringing me back to face problems I want to push far away where I don’t have to think about them. ‘When we were together last, we talked about options?’
‘Yes.’
‘You said you didn’t feel like you had any?’ she said.
‘I don’t,’ I replied. ‘or at least I didn’t.’
‘We talked about support from your mother?’
I gave a bitter laugh. I didn’t recognise the harsh sound coming from my mouth. ‘My mother thinks Topher is God’s gift to all women. If I mention leaving him, she says I’m ungrateful. Sometimes I think she’s right.’
‘Has she changed her mind?’
‘No, why would she?’
‘You seemed to suggest that you may have an option now?’ Fran clasped her hands in her lap.
‘I called my father. I’ve told him everything.’
‘And is he supportive?’
‘Yes. He’s promised to help me.’
‘That’s good. Tell me more about the feelings of losing your mind.’
I shrugged, raising my palms to the ceiling. ‘How long have you got?’ I said. She smiled softly at me and I related everything that had happened since my last appointment, except I couldn’t bring myself to tell her what I had asked Stephanie to do.
‘You said you hid the letter from your solicitor in the lining of the handbag. Do you have any reason to think he knows about the letter?’
‘He knows about the hole in the lining, that’s bad enough. He’s always subtle. He never says anything that could be overheard and misconstrued as threatening.’
‘Are you at risk or physical injury in the home? Are the children?’
‘No,’ I said. Head down, I studied my hands, unable to look her in the eye.
‘You have the numbers of the help line and the refuge?’
I nodded but I couldn’t see myself, screaming kids around my ankles, clothes stuffed in an Ikea bag, frantically banging on the door of a domestic violence refuge.
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘I’ll be fine.’
Chapter Twenty
Lily
I was always a little intimidated by dinners at Judge Mayhew’s home. It was in a fashionable part of London. In the past I’d been unable to understand how she could afford it, but Topher told me she’s from old money. Somehow he seemed thrilled by that.
I was placed at the far end of the table next to Mr Mayhew, although I’d discovered at an earlier visit, his surname was different. He was such a shadow of a man next to his domineering wife. I found it hard to think of him as having anything of his own.
Topher and Stephanie were at the head of the table, either side of the judge. Stephanie was resplendent in red satin, which skimmed, her body, resting lightly on her curves but clinging tightly to her breasts, her nipples visible through the sheer material. She raised her glass to Topher – a gesture he returned. Catching my eyes, she winked at me. We’d agreed to act as if we’d had a falling out and not acknowledge each other too much this evening. I couldn’t quite see Topher due to the corpulence of the man on my right. A prosecution barrister if I remembered correctly, he hid Topher from my view. However, I couldn’t imagine my husband had failed to notice how captivating Stephanie was. I was excited but scared. I needed her to get close to him, yet I knew how dangerous he was. Although I could not imagine Stephanie allowing herself to be subdued by him as I have been. She’s always been stronger than me.
I gulped my wine down to calm my nerves. My neighbour poured me more and Topher leaned forward to glare at me and signalling at me to slow down.
Another agreement with Stephanie, was for me to wear a taupe silk. It had a nod to the 1950s, with a cinched waist and it flared slightly over a stiff petticoat, before it fell to the floor. My caterpillar to her stunning butterfly.
‘We don’t want him distracted by your loveliness, do we?’ she’d said. Although I knew she was right, I was rather despondent as I felt like a discarded, stale biscuit – pale, uninteresting.
By the time dessert arrived, Topher was definitely interested. He leaned forward across the table. and a twinge of jealousy made my stomach flutter – he used to look at me like that once.
Eventually dinner was over, and we all withdrew to the sitting room. That was the thing with Judge Mayhew, no men stayed around the table with the port in her home. Topher brought me a coffee.
‘I hope you’re okay,’ he said. ‘Not too much standing now. In fact, let me get you sat down.’
Obediently I followed him and he placed the cup and saucer next to an armchair he had secured for me. I was isolated. The only one sitting in a room full of people on their feet. I picked up the coffee and took a sip. Too hot and I placed it back on the table. Occasionally I caught a glimpse of red satin through gaps in the crowd of darkly clothed people. Some more curious people glanced in my direction but immediately looked away as I opened my mouth to speak. I’ve never been a party animal. Unlike Stephanie. I heard her laugh. She’s in her element.
‘Mind if I join you?’ I looked up, startled, but nodded at the woman who dropped into an armchair near me.
‘Sally Trevena,’ she said, holding out her hand. ‘You were sat next to my husband at dinner. I hope you weren’t too bored?’
‘No,’ I replied politely. ‘He was telling me a very entertaining story about one of his cases.’
‘Oh, don’t tell me. The one where the burglar tries to pick the lock with his library card – and it breaks off…’
‘And leaves the address in the lock.’ We finished the story together, laughing.
‘Yours is a defence barrister, isn’t he?’ she asked suddenly – though she must surely know.
‘Yes, he does do the occasional prosecution but he prefers defence work. He says it gives him something to get his teeth into.’ I picked up my coffee and nibbled at the petti-four nestled in the saucer.
‘Does he relate his juicier cases to you?’ Sally asked.
‘No, he never has. I guess he feels everyone is allowed some privacy, whatever mistakes they’ve made.’
‘I can’t shut Ralph up,’ she said a little dolefully. ‘Although I have my own interests.’ She fanned out the skirt of her dress out and brushed imaginary fluff off it.
‘You have a job. That must be nice.’ I didn’t mean to sound patronising. I’d always loved my jobs. Until Topher made me resign.
‘Not paid,’ she said. ‘I’m a charity fundraiser for a women’s refuge. It’s extremely rewarding.’
‘I’m sure it is,’ I replied.
‘We can always do with more help.’ She tilted her head to one side and gave me a little smile.
‘It’s not for me,’ I said, looking at Topher’s back. He was chatting animatedly to Stephanie. I turned back to Sally. ‘I don’t really have the time with my own children being so young,’ I said.
‘They’re not young forever, my dear. Don’t forget you have your own life to lead.’ She followed my gaze to Topher and Stephanie. He laughed at something she’d just said and he touched her arm. Running his fingers down to her palm, where he rested his hand just a moment too long.
Sally coughed, breaking my focus on the flirting couple. She passed me a card and I popped it into my handbag.
‘Nice talking to you, my dear,’ she said. ‘Look after yourself. You know where I am if you need me.’
I was left in the armchair, people watching. Occasionally Sally smiled at me, but she didn’t return to sit next to me.
Part of me wanted to stand and chat to people, but Topher’s words came back to haunt me.
‘No one wants to hear your concert stories anymore, Lily. Everyone’s bored of them. If they try to encourage you it’s because they’re being polite. Don’t embarrass yourself. Don’t embarrass me.’
The room was warm and I was pleasantly full. My eyelids were heavy. I’ll just close them for a moment. The voices faded away into the distance.
Chapter Twenty-One
Topher
Topher was surprised but not displeased at the sudden change in Stephanie Silcott’s reaction to him. He had always found her pleasant enough, a good brain but too spiky to interest him long-term. He preferred demure women; biddable, like Lily. He was sure he could not have coped with Stephanie’s insistence on independence. But a resumption of their university affair? Now that was another matter entirely.
Mentally he ran his forthcoming cases through his head, trying to work out when he could tell Lily he needed to be away overnight. Yes, it could work. He could make it work. And if Lily found out, well it was the perfect way to be rid of her last friend. They had grown tiresome those university friends. Always tempting Lily away for lunches and outings with the children. He wanted her at home where he could keep her safe. Who knew what could happen when she was out of the house?
He had no concerns she would start an affair herself. At least not anymore. He’d scared that idea out of her head. And why would she? He’d made sure she had everything she wanted. Although she could be tiresome about money, frequently insisting on earning her own. Of course, he was generous and allowed her to get the occasional job, but when she started to neglect her duties at home, he always made sure the job came to an end. After this latest accident she was unlikely to look for a job for a long time. Even if she did, being accused of assaulting a student was something, which could be whispered in several ears. No, he was safe from her job-hunting for a while. Perhaps she needed something to keep her occupied?
Another child perhaps? But her figure is a little slack after the last one. He didn’t want her to get fat or have her tits droop any further. As it was he was going to have to suggest implants or something to stop them sagging.
He missed what the Silcott woman had just said, but she was smiling broadly and so he laughed as if she had just told him a joke. Perhaps she had. He touched her upper arm and ran his fingers lightly down her arm until they were hand in hand. He allowed his hand to linger, just a fraction too long. Yes, that was it. He was sure he had got her hooked once more. He just hoped her lithe body would be as good in the sack as he remembered.
He hated being disappointed.
But it seemed he was destined for disappointment. Getting ready to leave, he looked around for Lily. Damn that woman where was she? He collected her coat from the judge’s husband, but there was no sign of her. Hearing titters of supressed laughter he strode to the corner of the room. There she was. Drunk. Asleep on the judge’s sofa.
‘Lily,’ he shook her violently. Her eyes opened wide when she saw him. Round with fear. ‘How dare you get drunk and fall asleep.’
‘I’m not drunk,’ she slurred.
‘Of course you are. You’re such an embarrassment. I should send you away to dry out.’
‘No, don’t send me away, Topher. I’m not drunk, I promise.’ Her voice rose, drawing the attention of the stragglers.
‘Stop shouting,’ he said. ‘You’re a disgrace.’
He dragged her to her feet and placed her coat around her shoulders. ‘I’m so sorry for my wife’s behaviour,’ he said to Judge Mayhew. ‘Too much to drink.’
Judge Mayhew nodded, clutching her husband’s arm. Her knuckles white. Her face wooden.
He propelled Lily down the steps and into the waiting taxi. After giving the driver directions, he sat back in his seat,
Next to him Lily shifted her position. Moving away from him and pulling her coat around her. ‘I’m not drunk, Topher. What did you put in my coffee?’
He stared at her. ‘What are you talking about? You had too much to drink. You made a
fool of yourself. You humiliated me, Lily. I love you so much. I take care of you and this is how you repay me?’
Seeing the sympathetic glance from the taxi driver, he placed his arms around her pulling her close. As expected she pulled away, falling on to the floor of the taxi.
Gently he lifted her back into place and put the seat belt around her. ‘Let’s get you home. You can sleep it off.’
Up front, the taxi driver nodded. Topher knew the man had seen it all.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Stephanie
For the next couple of weeks, John continued to bombard me with calls and hang ups. I stopped answering calls from private numbers on my mobile and installed a nuisance call blocker on my landline. The injunction made no difference. He was arrested when he turned up at my office. It seemed that nothing could stop him.
I returned from work late one night and parked in the underground car park. I got out the car, collecting my suit jacket, briefcase, and handbag from the back seat. I held my breath as hairs on the back of my neck prickled and rose. There was no sound other than the beating of my heart, yet I was convinced someone was there, watching. Stop overreacting, I told myself.
I shivered despite the warm summer night. Looking over my shoulder I saw nothing. Gripping the handles of my handbag and case, I staggered to the lift. My knees were ready to fold, dashing me to the ground. I licked my lips but my mouth was dry. My head spun and I leaned one hand on the back of a car to steady myself. As I stood stock still, senses primed like an anxious antelope, the movement sensor lights went off, plunging me into darkness. Biting back a whimper, I panicked, whirling around. Am I alone? The lights came back on – bathing me in bright light.
I tried to swallow, and with renewed confidence, I strode to the lift, my heels click-clacking on the concrete floor. I would never hear anyone over the noise I was making. But, as I moved towards the lift, in the furthest corner of the car park the lights flickered into life. Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement and I whirled around. Nothing. Just a crisp packet moving in the wind. Except I was sure there was no wind.
The Love Trap: an unputdownable psychological thriller Page 9