Once I was in the family bathroom, I locked the door behind me before stripping off my clothes and stepping into the shower. It was bliss. Warm water flowed down my face and I shampooed my hair three times to eradicate the stale stench of the police station off my body.
I scrubbed my skin until it was red and sore. I turned off the water and began drying myself. I froze when I heard Heather talking to a man downstairs. I crept to the bathroom door, unlocked it, and opened it a crack. Silence. I heard the gates open and rushed down the hallway to the window which overlooked the drive. The postman. My heart’s pounding slowed, and I tiptoed along the hallway back to the guest room. Once dressed, I went downstairs to the kitchen.
I stuck my head in the fridge and jumped out of my skin when I heard movement behind me. Heather gave me a nervous smile and Darcy clung to her leg.
‘Why don’t you have a lie down after you’ve eaten,’ she said. ‘I was going to take Darcy with me to pick James up from school in any case.’
Tiredness washed over me, a tsunami of exhaustion and I hung onto the fridge door for support.
‘That’s a good idea,’ I said. I flung a few bits of ham, cheese tomatoes and olives onto a plate, poured a glass of sparkling water and headed upstairs. I sat at the dressing table to eat. I could scarcely keep my eyes open, eating only half the food but drinking all the water.
I slipped off my jeans and got into bed.
Chapter Forty-Eight
Lily
I woke when I heard the front door slam. Heather back from the school run? But before I could look at the bedside clock, I heard his footsteps running upstairs.
He ran to the master suite and then his steps thudded down to the first floor and he rattled the door handle.
‘Lily,’ he hissed. ‘I know you’re in there. We need to talk. Stephanie’s been killed. I need to know what you said to the police.’
I sat on the bed, arms clasped around my legs rocking myself backwards and forwards. How was he free already? Denise had promised me he’d be at the police station overnight. I needed to tell Heather to take the children to her home. They’d be safer there.
‘Lily, open the door. I’m not angry with you, but we do need to talk.’
‘You killed her,’ I screamed. I squeezed my eyes shut; hand clasped over my mouth.
‘Don’t be silly, Lily. Why on earth would I do that?’ he whispered. ‘Anyway, I was on my way to a conference. You know that. Open the door Lily. We can’t talk like this.’
‘You’ll hurt me,’ I whimpered, still rocking myself.
‘I won’t, I promise I won’t hurt you,’ he said. ‘Come on darling, open the door.’
I eased myself off the bed and padded to the door. He rattled the handle once more and I jumped away again.
‘Come on darling, open the door. I know you want to. I heard the bed as you got off it. You’re just on the other side of this door, aren’t you? Just open it up there’s a good girl.’ His voice was soft, smooth, and hypnotic.
As if I were in a trance, I placed my hand on the key and unlocked the door. I opened it. Topher was standing in the hallway, looking exhausted and dishevelled.
‘There you are, my darling,’ he said. ‘I just wanted to talk to you about your chat with the police.’ He stepped into the room and I moved backwards until I collided with the bed. He was standing over me.
I trembled, hanging my head, trying to make myself smaller. A smaller target but, to my surprise he dropped to his knees in front of me.
‘Lily, talk to me. Tell me what you told the police.’
‘Nothing,’ I whispered. ‘I don’t know anything so I couldn’t tell them anything.’
‘That’s a good girl,’ he whispered. ‘Let’s make sure you keep it like that. If they had anything on me, they wouldn’t have let me go. If they talk to you again, stick to the truth. I went to a conference. I missed you and so I came home early.’
‘Yes, Topher,’ I said.
‘Now stand up and give me a hug. We’ve both had a terrible shock.’
I stood before him, trembling; my body stiffened when he placed his arms around me.
‘For God’s sake, Lily,’ he said. ‘Lighten up. After all you chose to stay with me. If you’d wanted to leave, you only had to say.’
Liar, I said under my breath. I thought back to the last time I’d tried to leave him and how that had worked out for me.
My mother had the children for the weekend. Topher was away at another of his conferences and it was time for me to go. I’d not even told my mother what my plans were. I didn’t dare. I knew she would side with him. She always did.
‘Parents should stay together for the sake of the children,’ she always told me. ‘You’ve got a good man there. A good earner. You need that now you’re totally useless.’
I used to hang my head in shame, Stephanie told me I should focus less on being ashamed and more on being angry at my mother’s hypocrisy. But I chose not to cause a fight, I knew I would need her help in the coming weeks, so I simply nodded. I would rarely remind her that I too was a child from a broken home.
My suitcase packed, I made my way downstairs and into the waiting taxi. I didn’t relax until I was on the train to Manchester. Topher would never think about Manchester. I’d never played there. I had no friends there. No connections with the city at all. It was a perfect choice.
Another taxi took me the short distance from the station to the hotel. Once settled in my room, I called mother to see how the children were. As I had guessed, they were fine with Granny and James asked if they could stay a few more days.
‘We’ll see darling,’ I told him. ‘You really should be back at nursery on Monday.’
‘Okay mummy,’ he said. ‘Bye.’ He put the phone down. I was on the point of calling again when there was a knock on the hotel room door. Excellent,. Room service. I should have used the spy hole.
No sooner than the door was slightly ajar it thumped into me knocking me backwards where I sprawled on the carpet. Topher stood over me. My mind raced. How had he found me? How had he found me so quickly?
He slammed the door behind him and picked me up by the collar of my blouse. I heard the material rip as he flung me onto the bed.
‘Where do you think you’re going?’ he whispered.
I hated it when he masked his anger with quiet and calm. It was always worse than when he shouted. I sneaked a look at the doorway, but seeing my glance he laughed.
‘You’ll not make it,’ he sneered. He stepped closer to the bed and I curled into a ball. He grabbed my hair and pulled me closer.
‘I promise I won’t mark your face,’ he said.
But it was a lie as usual. Throwing me across the room was his favourite game, and it was impossible not to hit my head on some piece of furniture as he did so. If I fainted, he would wait until I was conscious, before resuming the beating. He kicked me in the stomach and I curled up again, so he kicked me on my back. Worried about my kidneys I allowed myself to go limp. Bored with my lack of response, he knelt beside me. Taking my hand in his, he squeezed my fingers until I howled in agony and begged him to stop. That was what he wanted. Begging. Pleading.
‘You’re disgusting,’ he said finally. ‘Go and shower and then I’ll take you home.’
Pushing myself from the floor I used a chair to help me stand. I knew better than to ask for hospital treatment. I also knew the children would be getting their extra week at Granny’s after all.
Chapter Forty-Nine
Lily
I returned to the master suite that night. I had begged Topher to leave the house, to leave us alone, but he refused. He threatened to hurt Darcy if I kept arguing with him and if I didn’t return to our bedroom. Trapped once more, I had no choice, but to obey him.
Heather stayed over. She was in one of the spare rooms on the floor below. I shuddered as he watched me undress. I stared at the wall, trying to pretend he wasn’t there. Slipping under the duvet I tucked it tightly aro
und my body, knowing deep down it was a pathetic armour. Thankfully, he didn’t touch me, leaving for work early before the children had woken. I stayed in my bed until I heard the front door slam and the small side gate slide closed. He was gone.
I swept back the duvet and went for a shower. As I towelled myself dry, I stared out of the window at Topher’s garden office, wondering what the police had taken away and what they had left.
No matter. I had plans of my own today. I emptied my underwear and some clothes into a suitcase and dragged it down to a guest room on floor below. To hell with Topher. He wasn’t going to make me share his bed ever again. Once I’d unpacked, I peeked into the guest room next door and put on the electric blanket to air the bed. It didn’t really need it. Part of the renovations had been insulating the house fully and putting individual thermostats in the bedrooms. I just hoped Topher didn’t have any of his cameras in here. If he did, he was in for a shock.
I closed the door meaning to collect fresh bedding from the airing cupboard but the children were stirring. I went to Darcy’s door; she was still dozy and sleepily sucking her thumb. James called for me.
‘Coming sweetheart,’ I said. I stepped into his room, looked around for the camera and once I’d found it I moved it to face the wall. See how you like that! I was pleased at this new, determined Lily. I only wish I’d found her before now.
‘Ready for breakfast?’ I said.
He nodded and held his arms out to me. I knelt by the bed and gave him a big hug, pulling him into a sitting position.
‘Come on, easy day today. Breakfast first and wash later.’
He nodded and padded his way to the door and downstairs. I noticed how adept he was with the stairgate now. Perhaps he could show our new houseguest how to operate it?
I went to Darcy again. She sat in her little bed rubbing her eyes. I picked her up and we trundled downstairs to breakfast. Later today I planned to find all the cameras and put them out of action.
Throughout the rest of the morning, my pulse raced. I was a little dizzy and was unable to stop grinning. Heather kept asking what the matter was, but I wanted to keep it a surprise. At noon, the bell rang. I ran to the communication panel. He was here. Through his windscreen he looked older and more tired than I remembered, but it was him.
My father.
I pressed the button and flew down the steps to greet him.
Heather took Darcy to the park and I promised her that my father and I would pick up James from school.
Once the front door clicked shut, we sat at the breakfast bar – strangers.
I clasped my hands together and then we both said ‘Sorry,’ in unison. Hugging each other it was the ice breaker we needed.
I’m sorry I stayed away,’ he said.
‘I’m sorry I made it hard for you.’
‘Did you get my letters?’
‘No, I didn’t get anything. Mummy told me there were no letters. Where did you send them?’
‘To your Mum at first and then when I got the address here, I sent letters to this address. But those were always returned to me.’ He stared at me. ‘I can’t believe she didn’t get give you your letters.’
‘I got nothing,’ I said.
He went out into the hallway there was a click as he opened his suitcase. He brought in a sheaf of papers and handed them to me. ‘I typed some of the more recent ones,’ he said. ‘I’ve printed them off. The ones that were sent back to me, I kept. But not all the ones, I sent to your mother’s address came back… I suppose those are lost.’ His light brown eyes were bright with tears.
‘I asked Mum about them, but she said you weren’t interested in us anymore.’
‘That’s not true, Lily. You have to believe me.’ He squeezed my hands until I yelped. ‘What happened,’ he said, holding my hands gently in his. ‘Tell me?’
I gulped. No one had asked me that question for so long. For a moment I thought about the usual story I gave, but this time I decided to tell the truth. ‘Come into the sitting room,’ I said. ‘It’ll be more comfortable,’
I sat back in the armchair; closed my eyes and I began to tell him the story as it happened. I was transported back to the home we rented in Arlington. I had not long learnt that I was pregnant. I was excited, thrilled at the thought of being a mother.
Topher was with me on the trip. He was between cases and decided to take some time off. He too was thrilled we were going to be parents. ‘You’ll have to stop working, of course,’ he said.
‘Well yes. For a while and then I’ll go back to work, perhaps with less international travel,’ I replied.
Topher frowned. ‘No, you will need to give up work. I want you to be a stay-at-home mother.’
I laughed. I honestly laughed. ‘Topher, do you know how hard I have worked to get where I am? Do you know how many hours of practice, night after night, day after day, weekend after weekend. Entire weekends practising, missing parties and teenage fun, just so I could have this career.’
‘Yes, but the baby, it won’t be good for the baby.’ He frowned and I was astounded that we’d not had this discussion before.
‘I will go back to work after a few months. I will stay at home with the baby for a while, a year if needs be and then I will need to go back to work. With what you earn, with what I earn we can afford a live-in nanny.’
‘I don’t want my child being brought up by a nanny!’
‘Topher, I understand and know it was difficult for you when you lost your parents, but it will be okay,’ I found I was whispering, trying to placate him.
‘No. Not at all. I am not having my child brought up second hand.’
‘It won’t be second hand. I’ll just work in the UK. I’ll be home most nights.’
‘Most nights!’ He was incandescent with rage. His fists clenched by his side.
‘Yes, I’ll be home most nights.’
‘No, no, you’re going to be a stay-at-home mother. That’s the end of the matter. That’s what I want you to do.’
‘Topher, it’s the twenty-first century. You can’t tell me what to do.’
‘Can’t I?’ he said.
I had never seen such a look in his eye. I was terrified. I stepped back. I found the handle of the back door behind me. I opened it and I ran out into the night. Stupid thing to do. The storm had just started. Leaves, twigs and even branches, whirled around me, some of them hitting me, as they hurtled past. We’d been told tornadoes were possible, but we’d not experienced them on our little farm. I hesitated and Topher caught up with me, shook me by the shoulders and turned me around to face him.
‘You need to come back inside now. It’s not safe out here.’
‘I know, I know I’m coming,’ yet my feet seemed resistant to the idea of walking back into the house. ‘I’m coming and then we need to talk about the baby. I need to go back to work, Topher. I can’t stay at home. I need it. My mind needs it. My soul needs it. Being a violinist is who I am.’
He sighed; his expression unreadable. My breathing ragged, I struggled to get away, but he was too strong and my knees buckled beneath me. Despite the chilly evening I was sweating. Rivulets of cold perspiration coursed down my torso under my blouse, collecting at my waistband. His lips moved, but all I could hear was my heartbeat trashing in my ears. Topher grabbed my hand, clutching it in his. Bringing my right hand up to his mouth he covered it with kisses: and then, he bent my index finger back until it snapped. One by one, he snapped my other fingers. His ice-blue eyes were calm as I screamed in agony. I tried to snatch my hand back. Dizzy and nauseous I wrenched at my hand. Black spots formed before my eyes; my surroundings blurry as I screamed for my lost future. My hopes. All of my dreams, and as I screamed, he broke all the fingers on my left hand as well. I told him he had to take me to the hospital. That I needed some medical attention and he just laughed.
‘No,’ he said. ‘If I take you now they’ll see what I’ve done. They’ll know what I’ve done.’
‘Topher,
it doesn’t matter. I won’t press charges. Just get me some medical attention. I need to go to hospital,’ I heard my voice stay calm. All those years of stilling my queasy stomach before a performance aided me now. Helping me keep calm despite the pain I was in. ‘Please, call an ambulance for me.’ I heard how I was pleading with him, but it seemed to have no impact. I didn’t know this man before me. He was not my husband. My loving caring husband.
‘No, I can’t. I can’t let people see what I’ve done.’ He looked down at the ground, too ashamed to face me and face what he’d done to me.
In the background I heard the door of the root cellar rattling. It seemed to give Topher an idea. ‘Come on,’ he said, and he dragged me towards where the root cellar was. He opened one of the doors lifting it, powering against the wind.
‘Put your hands there,’ he said when he’d lifted one of the doors.
‘What,’ I gasped.
‘Put your hands there. If you do this, then I’ll take you to a hospital.’ He was perfectly calm. As if this were a normal conversation. ‘You need to have splinters in the wounds.’
I was faint from the pain in my hands. I knew I needed to see someone. I knew I needed painkillers and I knew I needed my fingers strapped, but there was no way I was going to do what he told me.
‘No,’ I yelled. ‘No way.’ I shuffled away from the root cellar doors. Digging my heels into the ground to propel me away from the cellar.
He grabbed my wrist, twisting it and forcing me towards the doors. Topher lined both my hands up against the edge of one of the doors of the root cellar. I tried to pull away and again and he kicked me in the ribs. Breathless and broken I lay on the ground, watching the scene as if it were happening to someone else. Then he dropped the other door down my hands. As I screamed in pain, he raised the door up and allowed it to fall on my hands again. He raised it a third time and I scuttled away, my lungs heaving. Wincing with the pain of my bruised ribs. I squeezed my eyes shut to push the pain away, but it wouldn’t shift. I opened my eyes, my hands, my fingers were all mangled. They didn’t belong to me, but they did, because that’s where the torment was coming from.
The Love Trap: an unputdownable psychological thriller Page 18