“How am I supposed to know that?”
Grandpa came walking up. “If they ain’t here, they’re at Billow’s Beach.”
“Do you think they’ll be back soon?” Teagan actually batted her eyelashes.
“Naw. They go for days. You should just go there. They won’t mind. Everybody likes Billow’s. They got plenty of space.”
There was something about his smile that I didn’t like, but beggars can’t be choosers — as Mom would say — so we thanked him for the information and went back to the car.
I was just about to do a search for Billow’s Beach when Grandpa came up to the window, knocked, and scared the royal bejeezus out of me.
Teagan lowered her window.
“Thought you could use this.” He handed in a brochure for Billows. Turns out, it is a world class resort I’d never heard of. The pictures were lovely.
“Wonder if I could write off a night here on my taxes.”
I may have sounded a little more intense than I intended. “Are you kidding me?”
“We are here on business, and it’s lovely.”
“Let’s just go. We’ll see what we see when we get there. The GPS thing says it will only take us about an hour to drive.”
“Are you hungry?”
“Convenience store hungry, not restaurant hungry.”
“Okay, we’ll stop, get gas, get snacks, go to the resort, and check in.”
“Check in?”
“Yeah, go online and get us a room. We have to sleep somewhere.”
“We don’t even know how much it costs, and you’re not going to write this off, Teagan.”
“I don’t care. I’ve had enough. I need a little rest, and I want to do it in a good place, not some creepy motel with bedbugs and palmetto bugs. Just book us a room with two beds, and I’ll worry about the cost.”
We were on the freeway, snacks and sodas in hand — or console — when I got back to the phone to make our reservations. The resort’s website kept forcing me to use their mobile site, and their mobile site sucked. I finally gave up and just used their toll-free number.
I used Teagan’s credit card and got us a nice room overlooking the ocean, and guaranteed it for late arrival.
We got there a little before dark, which is good. I love to watch the sunset over the ocean. We’d be in our room at the perfect time, as long as check-in didn’t take too long. The parking lot had lots of cars, but there didn’t seem to be anybody hanging around the entrance. Seems like everywhere you go these days, there are bunches of people outside the door having a cigarette.
The reception area was nice, but small. Either they don’t have long lines of people checking in, or they are really efficient.
When A.J. and I were in Las Vegas, they had such long lines they were handing out cookies and bottled water.
I stood back while Teagan checked us in.
They’re efficient.
It couldn’t have taken more than three minutes. Including our free Wi-Fi code and everything.
“Did you ask to see if the Fishers are here?”
“Hotels don’t just let you do that anymore.”
“Sure they do. You ask them to ring someone in the hotel, they ring the room without telling you what the number is, and they transfer it to the house phone. There’s one right there on the table.”
“Dingleberry, why don’t you have them do that if you’re in such a hurry? I thought you wanted to get to the room and watch the sunset.”
“You’re procrastinating.”
“Yes, and I’m doing it very well. Let’s go.”
Our room was beautiful.
It had a lovely balcony with two chairs and a little table. We went out and watched the sun set. It was all purple and pink and gorgeous.
“You want to grab something to eat? There has to be a restaurant in this place. It’s huge.”
“Why don’t you call the Fishers and ask them to join us?”
“You are such a pain in the butt, dingleberry.”
“Very funny. Call them.”
I went into the bathroom, washed my face, slapped on enough makeup to be acceptable, and came back out.
“They’re here. The guy on the pier was right.”
“Good. What did they say when you told them you were staying in the hotel?”
“I didn’t.”
“Then what the hell did you tell them?”
“I didn’t.”
“I’m gonna need more words, Teagan.”
“I had the front desk ring their room. Honey answered. I chickened out.”
“Great. Now what?”
“I called the concierge and told them that I wanted to buy the Fishers dinner. He was surprisingly accommodating. Said that they do it all the time here. So I made reservations for the restaurant in about forty-five minutes. He’ll let me know if they’re going to show up.”
Just then the phone rang. Scared the crap out of me. Teagan answered, nodded several times, thanked the person, and hung up.
“We’re on.”
“Do you know what you’re going to say?”
“Whatever comes to mind. I’ve known them forever. It’s silly that I’m so freaked out just talking to them. There’s nothing to worry about. Nothing strange or untoward is going to happen. It’s just dinner with Mr. Fisher and Honey.”
We got to the restaurant a little bit early. Teagan wanted to be seated when Mr. Fisher and Honey showed up. There were beautiful, heavy, intricately carved double doors that must have been thirty feet high. Teagan opened the one on the right, stepped in, stepped back immediately, and smacked right into me.
“What? Are they already in there? Did you see Mr. Fisher and Honey?”
Teagan looked at me silently, grabbed my arm — I’m gonna have a bruise — and pulled me away from the restaurant.
“Did you forget to mention something, dingleberry?”
“What? You made the reservation for dinner. It has nothing to do with me.”
“No, when you checked this place out on your phone, remember?”
“I told you, the mobile app sucked, I just called their 800 number like you told me. What’s wrong? You of all people should be able to find something on the menu to eat.”
“Cara, it’s clothing optional.”
“It’s what? What do you mean… ?” It took a second to register, I admit that. “You mean, like nude?”
“No. Yes! Of course I mean nude. What else does ‘clothing optional’ mean?”
“There are naked people in there?”
“Yep. Mostly old guys sitting down.”
“Okay, well, I’m out of here, Teagan. You do what you want.”
We were about to walk away, probably all the way to the room to grab our bags and get the heck out of Dodge.
Mr. Fisher’s timing couldn’t have been more perfect. “Teagan? What are you doing here?”
Honey was right behind him.
She took her husband’s arm. “Hun, what’s going on?”
“That’s what I’m trying to find out.”
I’m just going to say here that Mom really is watching out for us. Both Mr. Fisher and Honey were dressed. Honey was wearing something a little sheer for my taste, but at least she was wearing something.
Teagan kept her eyes on Mr. Fisher’s eyes. People usually look down and to the left when they are lying. “We need to talk. There’s a problem at the office. The guy at the boat said we could find you here.”
Honey laughed. “Took a lot of guts for you to come. I gotta admit, I never thought I’d see you in a place like this. Always thought you were a little too — what’s the phrase I want? — conservative.”
Mr. Fisher snapped at his wife. “She didn’t know or she wouldn’t have come. What’s wrong at the office? Why didn’t you just call?”
“Is there somewhere private we can talk?”
Honey gave Mr. Fisher a look and shook her head. I don’t even want to think about why they don’t want us back in t
heir room.
“We have a room in the resort. Can we go there?” Teagan volunteered.
Mr. Fisher relaxed. “That would be great. We’ll meet you there in about ten minutes. We have a dinner reservation, and I’m going to have to give my excuses.”
“That was with us. I had the concierge set it up.”
Honey’s eyebrows went up. “Well then, do you want to go in and eat?”
Mr. Fisher snapped at her. “No, she doesn’t. I told you, she didn’t know. She wouldn’t be comfortable in there. We’ll order from the room. Let’s go.”
We all tromped back to Teagan’s and my room. Uncomfortable silence about sums it up.
I learned something about myself on the way.
Turns out, I’m a nudeaphobe.
I know.
I’m not proud of it either.
I don’t care about looking at nude people; people are what they are. Some people have great bodies; some people have bodies that they haven’t taken care of. Some people have bodies they’ve used to live well, and it shows. Every kind of body out there has a story. I’m all about interesting stories.
What I’m not about is naked bodies sitting on chairs. I don’t even want to think about the billions of opportunities for cross contamination.
Everywhere I looked.
Chances are good the place was no more infested with microbes than any other place, but in my brain, we needed to leave.
And maybe take a dip in the ocean on the way out.
The three of them sat at the table in the room. I tried to stand to one side, but the look on Teagan’s face very effectively communicated that I would be in much more jeopardy from her if I messed this up than any microbe likely to be in the hotel room.
And, can I just say, there have been a bunch of reports around here about the armadillos causing a bunch of problems with leprosy.
I thought I was safe from all the pathogenic bacterium that might be out of the ordinary — since I don’t go around kissing on armadillos — but I might be wrong.
Not that naked people have any different germs than the rest of us. I just think that clothes put on a layer of protection. Literally.
I missed a lot of what Teagan said. I was only listening with about twelve percent of my brain, but when Mr. Fisher burst out laughing, I decided to listen with more of it.
“Is that what all of this is about? Well, let the whistle-blowers blow. I’ve done nothing at all wrong.”
Teagan took in such a deep breath of relief that she didn’t even get to comment before he was talking again.
“It is true, we did use some rather complex tax buffers in the past, but they are all one hundred percent legal. As soon as the government closed up those loopholes, you will find that we complied with both the letter and the intent of the law. There is not a single thing to worry about. The IRS can come in with every auditor they have, and our books will hold up to them all.”
Teagan had a huge smile on her face. “I knew it. I knew you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You surely did not, young lady. You came all the way here. You thought that I’d done something wrong, and you came in the hope that I could explain my way out of it. There is a big difference there.”
Teagan blushed and looked ashamed and defiant all at the same time. “Running your company, our company, without any time to prepare for a transition is difficult. You must admit, since Mrs. Fisher passed, you have been different. It has made my job much more challenging.”
“I do understand that, Miss O’Flynn, but the accusations you’re making come from well before I lost my wife.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I should have known.”
“Is there anything else you need to know?”
“No. I think we’ll be fine. Do you have any directions for me? Is there anyone I should call to have available during the audit?”
“There won’t be an audit. The truth is the IRS is much too busy to come after us. They go after the small fish and the big fish. We are a medium fish. They couldn’t get enough out of us to justify the cost of the audit.”
The look on Teagan’s face changed. Something bad. Just for an instant, but I caught it. She looked at the Fishers and smiled. “Well, then, I think it is best for Cara and me to get going.”
Honey stood. “I thought you girls had this lovely room for the night.”
Teagan shook her head. “We did, but we got it online before we knew that it was clothing optional. Cara’s head is about to explode. I think she will be more comfortable if we head out.”
Mr. Fisher gave Teagan a warm hug. “Drive safe. Call if you need anything at all.”
“Will do. You know, this is now all in motion. If the IRS does knock on the door, I’m going to have to cooperate fully.”
“As well you should, but they won’t. Unless someone from the office gives them a call, there’s nothing to even think about. Those computer guys you hired will make out their report, the IRS will see that it was from quite some time ago, and the whole thing will drop. You mark my words.”
“Yes, sir. Sorry to have intruded on your weekend.”
“Next time, Miss O’Flynn, you might want to try calling first.”
“Yes, sir.”
Honey gave Teagan a warm hug, then she gave me one, too, and they were out the door.
“What’s wrong, Teagan?”
“What?”
“I saw that look on your face. Something is wrong. What is it?”
“How long is it going to take you to pack?”
“I don’t unpack. I leave everything in my suitcase. I don’t like my stuff in someone else’s drawers. I can be ready in two minutes.”
“We’re out of here. You want to grab my stuff, just throw it in the suitcase. I’m going to make a quick phone call. Then we’re out of here.”
“Are you okay?”
“I don’t think so. Hurry, Cara.”
She didn’t call me dingleberry.
This is very bad.
SEVEN
“DIDN’T YOU HEAR him?” Teagan was driving too fast, and she was obviously agitated.
“Mr. Fisher?”
“Yes.”
“I heard him. He said everything was fine.”
“Yeah, he did. He also said that he was confident the IRS would never look into it.”
“What he said makes sense. Why are you so upset?”
“Because two plus two equals four.”
“More words.”
“Mr. Fisher is not a well-spoken man unless he is completely stressed. He turned his good ol’ boy homespun way he talks into a marketing tool. He’s smart and well educated, but he has been doing the ‘oh shucks’ thing for so long that it has just become the way he communicates. The only time he speaks formally is when he gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar.”
“Okay.”
“For him to speak that way to me, I’m the person that caught him. He said it himself; he thinks that he’ll be held harmless because of the circumstances of our company. That because we aren’t a big guy or a little guy, we’re fine.”
“I know he said that, and I’ve heard Adeline’s people say the same thing. I’m not sure how that works.”
“There’s this really stupid theory out there that if you’re a big company and they go after you, they’re going to make big money on your big mistakes or crimes or at least their penalties and fees. If you’re a little company, like a mom-and-pop shop, you’re probably cheating. Just fudging the numbers here and there, and they can get lots of penalties and fees without too much trouble because you really can’t afford to fight it. You just pay it and shut up.”
“Why would they do that?”
“I don’t think they do. It’s all urban legend meets paranoia. But something is going on. Mr. Fisher is feeling guilty about it. I could tell. He was not happy I was bringing up the subject, and he didn’t want me there in person so that I could see it on his face. He said next time to call. Next time. Je
sus, Cara, what else am I going to find? What’s going on in that company? My company? I thought that this was my future. That I was so blessed.”
“You are blessed. And you’re overreacting. Calm down. There are probably a hundred reasons for Mr. Fisher acting the way he did.”
“Name three.”
“We surprised him.”
“Which should be a good thing. He has always treated me like a daughter. So did Mrs. Fisher. Even Honey treats me like a pain in the butt stepkid. What’s number two?”
“You accused him of committing a pretty serious crime.”
“Which didn’t even make him mad. If I showed up at your house and accused you of triple homicide, you would be mad. Really mad.”
“Actually, I’d laugh.”
“Yeah, well, he didn’t do that either.”
“Teagan, you’re acting like a crazy person, and you’re going to get a ticket. Or get us killed. Do you want me to drive?”
She took her foot off the gas. “You would think an O’Flynn would learn that lesson. Cars can kill people. I’m sorry.”
“Let’s stop and get you something to eat, and then we can be a little more reasonable.”
“Okay.”
We stopped at Steak ’n Shake. Teagan had a double bacon and cheese with a shake. I think it was cookies and cream. I had a grilled cheese sandwich with fries. They do the really skinny fries, and when they’re hot out of the kitchen, they’re so good I snarf them down without taking a breath so I get them while they’re still nice and hot.
By the time my fries were eaten and I was pulling my sandwich apart — it’s on Texas toast, and I don’t like to just bite into it — Teagan had calmed down. A little bit.
“So you still think that Mr. Fisher did something illegal?”
“What else could it be?”
“I don’t know, Teagan. You know him better than I do.”
“I thought I did.”
“So what are you going to do? Are you going to call the authorities?”
“I don’t know.”
“If you think he did something wrong, and you don’t turn him in, what does that mean for you? For the company?”
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