I made a run for it but it was no use. Now Francis and another jab in the arse it must have been a big jab this time all I could say was mm mm as they carried me down the stairs.
We can do it now says the doctor and holds up the syringe to the light. Yes indeed says Walter and looks at me then I look down and what has he got in his hand only a drill you’d use to put up shelves.
Can you move your head a little please Francis?
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
There. That’s better he said in a soft voice. Hand me the cotton wool please doctor.
Then there was a knock at the door and who pops his head in only Joe.
Is Francie here? C’mon Francie we’re ridin’ out. We’ve got to move fast!
A pony whinnied.
OK Joe I said and threw the white sheet off me.
That’s what you think says Joe and I could hear the blondie one laughing outside the door.
Joe, I called, Joe!
So you’re the Time Lord says the Roman, prepare to die and I swung away up hanging by the heel.
Joe I called again but the room was empty.
I could hear the hush of the sea.
I looked down and saw Mrs Connolly. She watched me swinging to and fro smiling away with her arms folded. Come on down out of that she says so down I got. The other women looked at me from the bottom of the shop. How are you today Francie Mrs Connolly said.
I’m fine I said.
Mrs Connolly folded her arms. Ah, she said and the women smiled.
I’ll bet you didn’t know Francie – I’ll bet you didn’t know I had something for you.
No Mrs Connolly I didn’t I said.
Aha but I have! she says. What do you think of that!
It’s good Mrs Connolly I said.
Ah isn’t he lovely she said again.
Are you going to sing a little song for me? Is he going to sing a little song for us ladies?
They said: Are you Francis?
A little song and the special prize is all yours! says Mrs Connolly.
She was hiding it behind her back.
Well – what are you going to sing? Will you sing my favourite for me? You know how much I like that one. Mm?
Yes Mrs Connolly I said.
I was just standing there with my knees together and my head down all shy. I was like something you’d see on a snakes and ladders board.
Hooray!, said Mrs Connolly. Quiet now ladies! Away you go Francis!
I did a few Irish dancing steps that the nuns taught us hopperty skip round the shop and singing:
I am a little Baby Pig I’ll have you all to know
With the pinkest little floppy ears and a tail that curls up so
I like to trot around the town and have myself some fun
And I’ll be a little porky pig till my trotting days are done!
When I was finished I was all hot and out of breath thank you thank you says Mrs Connolly and the women clapping away: He’s better than the London Palladium!
Then Mrs Connolly put up her hand. Ssh, she says and out of nowhere a fat red polished apple.
Oh! the women gasped.
It just sat in the middle of Mrs Connolly’s palm.
What-do-you-think-of-that! she says with her eyes twinkling.
Its lovely, I said.
Would you like to have a bite of it? she said.
Yes Mrs Connolly I said, I sure would and nodding away I could taste it in my mouth already.
What do you say ladies? Will I give him a bite of it?
Then the women started mm mm well and all this and had a big discussion.
Yes, they said then – if he picks it up like a pig!
Mrs Connolly rubbed it on her sleeve and said: Well Francis – will you pick it up like a pig?
I said I would and she went down on one knee and rolled it slowly along the rubber mat. I tried to grip it with my teeth but down on all fours like that it was too hard to get at it. You’d think you had it then down it’d go again and every time it did the women cheered. Oh! they said, he’s dropped it again. Then they clapped and cheered and said: Come on Francie you can do it! But I couldn’t do it. It was too hard. Can I use one hand? I said. One trotter you mean, they said. Uh-uh, sorry. That’s against the rules. I don’t know how many times I dropped it. Ten or eleven maybe. In the end Mrs Connolly took pity on me and handed me the apple.
Ah you poor little pig, she says, God love you. Can you not even pick up an apple?
Don’t worry Francie!, the women said, its all yours now! Go on – eat it!
I didn’t want to eat it while they were looking at me but I had to. They kept saying: And another bite now!
They did that until I was down to the core. Then Mrs Connolly went over to the window and looked out. Here they come! she said and they all started talking together again about the weather and how hard it was to manage with the price of everything. I didn’t know who it was they were waiting for I just stood there watching the flesh of the apple browning in my hand. Then I looked up and saw who it was Ma and Da Pig standing there. The women went quiet when they came in and Mrs Connolly smiled over at ma. Then she coughed and dabbed her nose with a tissue. She leaned over to the woman beside her and whispered: We should see the father and mother of a row between these two in a minute!
They waited there looking them up and down. They were saying: Come on! Say something we want to see a row!
But there was no row. Ma and Da Pig didn’t say anything just stood there roast red, afraid to speak or look anyone in the eye.
Oh please! Let there be a row! Mrs Connolly was thinking. She squeezed the tissue up in her hand.
We’ve waited here all this time for nothing – there isn’t going to be a row after all!
And there wasn’t. The row didn’t start until we got outside. Ma Pig was near to tears.
Why didn’t you do something? Why didn’t you say something? she cried.
Me? Da Pig snapped, why is it always me?
He went hoarse arguing and he went from red to pure white. Then the two of them turned on me.
Why did you take the apple you stupid little pig? they said. I stuttered and stammered. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know why I had taken the stupid apple. The whole town was out to watch us going up Church Hill. Hello there Pigs, called Doctor Roche, that’s not a bad day!
He locked his car and went into the hotel saying: They’re a grand family those pigs!
There were so many people waving and calling to us that we were exhausted by the time we got to the Tower. There was nobody in the bar only us. There was a smell of old porter and a whiff coming from the men’s toilets, it was a bar of dead years. The barman knew it was us without even looking up he rubbed his hands with a cloth and said well pigs what can I get you?
Da Pig told him and he poured the drinks. He said it was a cold enough day. Da Pig said it was and nobody said anything more after that. There was a picture of a whiskery season balancing a bottle of stout on its nose I looked at that for a long time. Ma just sat there with her chin in on her chest afraid to look up. Every time Da Pig raised his little finger the barman filled up his glass. It was dark outside when he came back from the toilet. He clattered against the stool and the barman said: You’d be as well to get him home.
Yes, said ma, and the barman kept his eyes on us until we got up and took him out. Ma said try your best son then she put one of his arms around her shoulders and I took the other then off we went with his legs trailing and the two wee piggy eyes set away back in a ball of pink skin, and them all standing at their doors with their arms folded look there they go that’s them crossing the Diamond. Hey! Hey! Hullo! Pigs! Pigs! Yoo-hoo!
Ah look aren’t they great, the Mammy Pig, the Daddy Pig and Baby Pig, three little piggies huffing and puffing all the way home!
Will you forgive me I was going to say yes da but I was away off swinging by the heel again and the Roman soldier with the sword w
ho was it only Leddy he flicked away the butt of his cigarette and said something to me but I couldn’t make out what it was then he just raised the sword and brought it down and cut me in two halves.
One half could see the other but they were both just dangling there on the meat rack.
Then who comes out of the shadows only Joe but he didn’t see me just walked on out through the doorway of the slaughterhouse into the light.
When I woke there’s Walter you’re going to be all right Francie he says and the nurse holds out more tablets. Doc, I said, that bastard down there says you’re going to put holes in my head. Your man must have heard me for I seen him away out the door like a light. There was no more Time Lord or any of that stuff after they gave me tablets. An odd time they’d take me down to the room and hand me bits of paper all blotted with ink. What do you think about that says the doc. You won’t be writing any more messages on that paper I says. Why not says the doc lifting the specs. Its destroyed I says, look at it. Hmm hmm. In the school for docs that’s what they taught them. Lift your specs and repeat after me – hmm hmm!
For a while I was all jiggy, stuffed up inside with hedgehog needles but the tablets must have done the trick for one day when I seen your man outside in the grounds I went after him. Hey, I shouts, cunthooks! He let on he didn’t hear me and starts walking real fast in behind the kitchens. But I went round the far side and what a land he got when he seen me in front of him. I’ll give you fucking holes in the head now you bastard! I said. I was only taking a hand at him I wouldn’t have done anything but what does he start then only all this stuff about Cavan people. There’s not one of them he says wouldn’t give you the last halfpenny out of their pocket. The best men ever walked in this hospital he says are the Cavan men! Then he looks up at me with these big eyes, you’re not going to batter me are you? But I wasn’t. I wasn’t going to do anything I was off to make baskets and paint pictures for that was what they had me at now. Only what I made, I don’t know whether you’d call them baskets or not. That’s a good basket says this fellow beside me not a screed of hair on his head. Then out of nowhere he starts on about women. What do they do he says they take you down a long garden path and away in behind a tree. Then they say do you remember the day you rang me on the telephone and I laughed and you laughed and then ma laughed and we were all laughing. That was a good day! That’s women for you!
It is, I says. Some basket it was he was making, I thought mine was bad. All bits of sticks stuck out of it all over the place. When we went to Mass what does he do when the priest is holding up the Eucharist. He stands up and shouts at the top of his voice – Good man yourself! Now you have it – run! Into the back of the net with her! By Christ this year’s team is the best yet!
You’ll have to take these says Walter then there won’t be a bother on you. It was like when the warden shakes hands with the prisoner and says goodbye at the gates and goes back in smiling thinking how great his job is until he hears the next day the prisoner has just chopped up a few more people. But it wasn’t like that at all for I had no intention of chopping up anyone. I was off home and no more about Cavan bastards or baskets or holes in the head or any of that stuff. I’d had it with all that carry-on. Me and Walter were shaking hands and for a minute I forgot myself and says in a deep Yank voice waal Doc I guess this is goodbye. I quit that fairly sharpish when I seen Walter looking at me and wondering should he change his mind and whip me back in for more tablets and maybe the drill this time. No thanks Walter. Well goodbye Francie, we’ll see you again soon. He said they’d be over to see me every month or so to see what I was up to. He said I’d be having a good few visitors over the next while to see what was going to happen. What, off to the school for pigs again I says, out to fuck with that Doc, I mean no thanks Doc. Ah no he says you won’t be going back there. Best thing to do is wait and see Francis. Right so Doc and off I went down the hill in the coach. Whee! I shouts, Take ’em to Missouri men and this old crab looks at me out from behind her Woman’s Weekly.
Go and shave your tache Missus I shouts and what a face! But what did I care! Wheee away down the hill and your mickey going man that’s great keep doing that.
Well I just couldn’t believe it. Pilchards? Not one to be seen. Flies? Gone forever. Tiles – you could see your face in them. And the smell of polish! The whole house had been cleaned, a million times cleaner than ever I could have made it! I went away off up the street and who did I meet only Mrs Connolly with a grin swinging between her ears like a skipping rope. Well Francis did you see the house? I certainly did Mrs Connolly I said. She touched me on the forearm and says don’t you worry your head now Francis, I’ll be in and out to give it the odd dusting for you.
I said thank you very much Mrs Connolly and what did she say then only ah God love you sure who have you now they’re all gone I thought what did she have to say that for what did you have to say that for?
I looked at her for a minute but then I said no I’ll say nothing I just said thanks again Mrs Connolly its very good of you to be so kind. Ah sure wouldn’t any decent neighbour do the same? she said and gives me this look you’d think she was dying for a shite but was holding it in. Once I seen her and the women talking to Mrs Cleary from the Terrace after she came home from hospital with the baby that looked like something out of a horror film. It had a claw instead of a hand. She was saying ah God love you to her too and tickling the baby inside the blanket saying sure isn’t she a lovely little baba altogether I’ll be down to the house this evening with them bits of clothes and odds and ends of our Sheila’s I promised you. All you could hear was Mrs Cleary saying thanks oh thank you very much I don’t know how many times she said thank you and Mrs Connolly ah sure not at all its the least we can do when Mrs Cleary went I heard her saying poor Mrs Cleary God love her I don’t think she knows what end of her is up half the time, I seen two of her other wains running about the street last night at eight o’clock and them with hardly a stitch on them!
She’s just not able, God love her, the other women said.
They all stood there looking after her as she went down the street then Mrs Connolly said its not right God forgive me I dread to think what my Sean would say if I came home from hospital with a thing the like of that!
And they just stood there, the three heads nodding away.
Hey! Hey! shouts the drunk lad when he seen me. He was counting change at the door of the Diamond Bar. He comes running over: All I need is three halfpence.
Sorry, I says, the Francie Brady Bank is closed. Eh? he says blinking in the light.
Closed for business I says and walked off.
Go on he shouts after me you’re only a baaaaaastard!
I walked round the house I don’t know how many times I liked the smell of the polish that much. Flowers and everything on the mantelpiece. I could see my face in the sink too. H’ho I thought, It’ll be a long time before there’ll be pilchards in that sink again! Yes sir! There’s gonna be a lot of changes round here!
Then what did I do only get myself all dressed up there was a white jacket in the window of the drapery shop like what you’d see Cliff Richard wearing and a shirt with one of these bootlace ties. I looked at myself in the mirror. The tie was real John Wayne style but I says there’s to be no more about John Wayne or any of that, that’s all over. Everything’s changed now its all new things. Then I brushed the jacket and headed down to the cafe.
I was going to go right in and say hello to Joe and them all sitting there and if they wanted me to sit beside them then all the better I would and I’d tell them and Joe everything that had happened in the garage and everything if they wanted me to that is. I’d say: Hello Philip – how are you getting on with the music?
He’d say fine.
Then I’d smile and sing a bit of the song: When you move in right up close to me!
I knew a good bit of it now from hearing it on the radio.
Then I’d get up and walk down to the jukebox. I’d lean over
it for a minute and drum my fingers on the sides thinking over what I was going to put on. If the blondie one or the other one looked down at me I’d grin at her or maybe wink. Then the record would be selected and on it would come. I bought fags so that I would be able to flip one out for her when I sat back down again. You could just sit there thinking and looking at everybody passing outside on the street as the smoke curled up to the ceiling. You could mouth the words as you were sitting there. Shaking all over!, and then the guitar bit.
I didn’t even have to think about it, I just pushed the door it swung right open and in I went. I thought they’d be sitting over by the window under the Elvis Presley poster but there was just the owner in a nylon coat reading a newspaper there was nobody else there, all you could hear was the hissing of the coffee machine and someone rattling pans in the kitchens. Yes please says your man without even looking up. What?, I said I didn’t hear him at first then I said it’s all right I was just looking for somebody I don’t think he heard me either. I closed the door behind me and went back down the street. I went round to the carnival but there was no sign of them there either, there wasn’t a sinner about and nearly half the sideshows had been closed or moved on. They were playing the same Jim Reeves record over and over again and you could hardly hear it it was so scratched. I hung about the streets until nearly midnight but there was no one around. The only thing I seen was the drunk lad being thrown out of the Tower. He hammered on the door to try and get back in you could hear him all over the town. I turned and went home before he seen me but I didn’t sleep I just sat at the window looking out.
I went round to Leddy the next day. Where do you think you’re going in that get-up he says, you can clear off from about here. But I didn’t clear off I told him all about the garage and everything I couldn’t quit talking and in the end he got fed up he says go on then take that brock barrow and go off round to the hotel and collect what they have they must have plenty by now. Right Mr Leddy I says thanks for taking me back. There’s thousands wouldn’t he says and went off inside then off I went down the street whistling and wheeling my cart Francie Brady the Brock King of the Town. Hello there I’d say. Ah good man Francie. And not a bad day now. No thank God. And Francie you’re home. I am indeed. Ting-a-ling a-ling. Stone the crows its our old mate Francie! ’Ello dearies! Pound o’ mince, there you go! Cor luvaduck!
The Butcher Boy Page 15