by Randa Lynn
“Yeah, Scooter. Come here,” I motion for her to follow me closer to the water. Her pink rubber boots sink into the mud the closer we get to the water’s edge. I brought her to the same spot I brought Lenni on her last night here. I never realized that I’ve failed to bring Elli here.
Before it was the place to party, it was a place that my mama and dad would bring us to fish and swim. This place holds some of my fondest childhood memories.
It feels like it was just yesterday that Mama and Dad would bring Zoe, Cameron, and me out here to swim and fish.
Growing up, Cameron basically lived with us. His Pop died when he was a little boy in a car accident, which left his mama responsible for all the bills. While she worked three jobs, Cameron stayed with us. I didn’t mind it, ‘cause Zoe sure as hell got on my nerves.
But when we got older, she started crushing on Cam, and that shit was not gonna fly with me. Zoe is two years younger than me. For all intents and purposes, she was pretty. I hated it. Fucking hated it. I’d have been okay if she would have been ugly as hell and had acne to boot. At least then Cameron and all my other dumb fuck friends would’ve wanted nothing to do with her.
That shit didn’t happen, though. Instead, I found myself in constant fights in order to keep their horny selves away from her. Cameron was the hardest to keep away. The man is like a fucking piranha. Once he smells his prey, he’s after her ‘til he’s taken all he wants.
Elli taps me on my leg. “You gonna give him to me, Daddy?” Her little puppy dog eyes make me melt. She’s got me wrapped right around that tiny little finger of hers.
I hand her the fish and she releases it into the water. “Bye-bye fishy.” Elli blows the fish a goodbye kiss, then runs off with her Superman cape flowing behind her.
She insisted on wearing her cape with her pink rubber boots. “I need to wear my superhero cape, Daddy. Then I can catch a big fish,” she beamed as we were getting dressed earlier today.
Dress attire is not something I fight with her on. I’ve learned to pick my battles as a father, and what my little girl wears is not one of them. We’ll save that fight for when she’s a teenager, because then I’ll have a say in what she walks out of my house in.
I will have a big fucking say.
I sit down on the ice chest full of drinks and watch Elli have a blast in the open field. Seeing my little girl run around and play, so full of love and innocence, is the best feeling in the world. I never want her to think she’s less than amazing, and I never want her to think that she was the reason her mother left us.
Vanessa left because she was selfish. She didn’t want to deal with the responsibility of raising a child. But the truth is, Vanessa was never good enough for Elli. She would have never left if that were the case. A mother isn’t defined as someone who brings a child in this world. A mother is somebody who loves a child more than herself, someone who tries their damndest to protect and comfort. Vanessa was never any of those things. Even when she was present in Elli’s life, she would rather go out and do things alone than stay home and spend time with her family. I never realized how detached she really was until she left. Hindsight really is twenty-twenty.
“Hey, Scooter,” I yell out, “you ready to get home? Papaw is supposed to come over with pizza.”
“Pizza!” She yells running towards me as her hair and cape fly behind her. She jumps up in my arms and squeezes me tight. “I love you Daddy!” She places her little hand on my left chest, where her hand print is tattooed on. “Hand, heart.”
A big smile spreads across my face. “That’s right, Scooter. I will always be right here.” I place my hand where her heart is. “Hand. Heart.”
I got the tattoo with her handprint about a year ago. When she’d stay the night at either Vanessa’s parents or with Zoe she’d start to get home sick and cry every night. It nearly killed me, because most nights I was at work and wouldn’t be able to go get her. One night I told her to put her hand on her heart, and if she felt her heart beating that was me right there with her. No matter how far apart we were, we were always with each other.
It’s a pretty stupid gesture, but when you’ve got a three year old who is crying for you, you get desperate. I was grasping at straws when I came up with the wild idea, and I’ll be damned if it didn’t work.
I throw the ice chest and fishing gear in the back of my truck, and put Elli in her booster. “I’m ready for pizza and Papaw!”
Dad works overseas for a big shot oil company. He’s been gone for six weeks with a rig move, so she’s been missing him like crazy.
“I bet Papaw is ready to see his little Scooter, too,” I reply.
●●●●●
When we get to the house, Dad is already waiting on us. It was no surprise because the man is always early. When I played summer baseball, we’d always arrive at least thirty minutes before the first coach or umpire showed up. I never minded it, though. That left a lot of extra time for us to throw and him teach me new techniques. He helped give me the love I have for the game.
I’ll never forget the first Braves game Dad took me to. I was only a kid, but seeing it live for the first time will always be one of the best days of my life. Chipper Jones wasn’t just a player, he was the player that made me love the game wholeheartedly. He was my sports hero. He still is, and he doesn’t even play anymore. I was the happiest little shit that day.
“Daddy.” Elli shakes my leg, bringing me out of reminiscence. “A box is over there.” She points towards the front door. Curious as to what it is, I make my way to the front door. I know it’s not her playhouse, that won’t be here for a while due to backorder. I didn’t order anything else.
“How do you know that?” I ask.
“I seen it when we was driving,” she smiles.
I get to the front of the house, Elli right on my heels, and I spot a box not much bigger than a shoe box. Picking it up, I notice the return address is in Atlanta, Georgia. There’s only one person I know from Atlanta, and that’s Lenni. What the hell is she sending, and why?
“Is it mine, Daddy? Please say it’s mine!” Elli jumps up and down excitedly.
“I don’t know, Scooter. Daddy will be in in just a second. You go ahead and go inside with Papaw, okay?”
Elli runs to the back of the house with my dad. I pull out my phone and call Lenni. “Lenora Blackmon.”
“Busy?” I ask. She never answers so professionally when I call.
“Oh crap. I’m sorry. I’m in neck-deep trying to perfect this case before we go to court on Monday. I didn’t even check to see who it was before I answered.” I can hear the ruffling of papers in the background.
“I can let you go if it’s a bad time. I just—“
“No! It’s okay. I need a reason to take a breather anyways. I haven’t heard from you in a couple of days. I thought maybe you’d forgotten about me,” she jokes.
Forgotten about her? No way in hell that would ever happen. “You know that would never happen, Lenni. I was just calling because I got a little package in the mail today with no return name and you’re the only person from Atlanta that would be sending anything. So, did ya?”
She lets out a small laugh. “Well, I’d say it was for you, but I’d be lying. Have you opened it yet?”
“You sent Elli something?” I ask, surprised.
“Guilty.” She stifles a laugh. “I just didn’t want her to think I’d forgotten about her. It’s been almost a month since I left…”
She leaves her sentence hanging, acting like she wants to say more, but never says another word. “We miss you. She asks about you all the time. I, uh, yeah. You made a big impression on my little Scooter.”
“She made a big impression on me, too. So did her handsome Daddy.”
Dammit, the smoothness of her voice turns me on. I just want to load up in my ole truck and head to Atlanta and kiss those perfect lips.
“We miss you. I’ll text ya tonight to let you know how she likes her gift. Thank you, Lenni,
for caring for my little girl.”
“Thank you for letting me spend time with her while I was in Fredricks, and spending time with you. It really was the best two weeks of my life.”
It was the best two weeks of mine, too.
“I’ll talk to you later, beautiful.”
“Bye, Wes.”
It might seem like a trivial thing for her to send Elli something, but to me it’s huge. She’s spent a few days with Elli, yet she cares enough to take time from her life to buy my daughter something.
No one has ever done that. No one.
Chicks who have been interested in me in the past have wanted nothing to do with Elli, and Elli is my deal breaker. You want us both or you get neither. I’m beginning to believe that Lenni could be the one to truly want us both.
I stuff my phone back in my pocket and head back inside, with package in tow.
I take off my shoes at the back door and drop my keys in the rooster dish on the counter. It’s ugly as sin, but Mama decorated my kitchen in cows and roosters a few years back. She was so excited to show it to me, I couldn’t even think about telling her I didn’t care too much for it. As much as I don’t like any other cock besides mine being in my house, I can’t bear to pack it up.
Making my way through our small dining room, I walk into the living room and see Elli and Dad are having a tea party in the middle of the floor. “Well, if this isn’t the cutest little duo I’ve ever seen,” I joke, leaning against the door jamb.
“Jealous of my rings?” Dad flashes the pink and purple plastic rings that barely fit on the tips of his fingers.
Elli jumps up. “Daddy, can we open the box now, please?”
I pick her up and twirl her around before giving her a kiss on the cheek. “You betcha.”
I plop down on my worn microfiber sectional and sit Elli on the coffee table directly in front of me. Taking out my pocket knife, I slice through the packing tape, and open the box. On top lies a piece of paper.
Dear Elli,
I hope you like what’s in the box. I know it’s not much, but I was missing your sweet little dimpled smile. I wanted to get you a little something I thought you might like. I really enjoyed our time together.
Your Daddy told me you didn’t like storms, and I wanted to give you a little something that made me feel safe when I was your age. The stuffed bear was mine when I was a little girl. I named him Thunder, because when it would storm I would snuggle up with him and he would take all my fears away. I miss you, pretty girl. Be sweet for your Daddy. We’ll have a girls’ day soon. (No stinky Daddy this time)
Hugs,
Miss Lenni
Looking up after reading the letter aloud, I see Elli rummaging through the box. The first thing she pulls out is s pack of cookie mix. “Cookies!” she yells. The next thing she pulls out is an Elsa Barbie doll, then a bag of rocks. I eye them. They’re all flat rocks. Rocks you skip in the water. My chest tightens at the sentiment. Dammit, why is she so amazing?
Like a magic hat, prizes keep popping out of the box. She pulls purple, striped rubber boots out of the box. Inside one boot is two monogrammed shirts. Elli picks up the other boot and pulls out an old, warn out bear. She hugs it to her chest tightly, and places it by the box before getting up. “Daddy! Look at my boots,” Elli squeals while slipping them on her feet. “I love them so much. But will you get mad if I wear them and not the ones you got for me?”
Ruffling her hair with my hand I answer, “Well, of course not Scooter. Miss Lenni bought you those boots. You can wear them as much as you want.”
“What’s the rocks for?” she asks.
“To skip rocks like we did that day. Remember?” Her eyes light up and she nods her head yes. “Why don’t you run this to your room and play for a few minutes while I get supper on the table. Okay?”
“Okay!” She runs, box in hand, down the hallway to her bedroom.
Seeing her eyes light up over a few little gifts makes my day. Lenni didn’t have to do that. It means more to me than she knows—thinking about my little girl, making Elli smile. That’s what makes my world go ‘round. I just hope like hell she knows what she’s doing.
Dad and I walk into the kitchen and I grab some paper plates to put the pizza on.
“You gonna tell me about the girl who sent Scooter those gifts, son?” Dad asks, leaning against the bar.
I knew this was coming, so I shouldn’t be surprised. But I am. “Yeah. I met her about a month ago. Funny story, she helped Elli. She ran off from me while we were fishing, and Lenni came to our rescue.” I scratch my head, wondering what he’s thinking. Dad is super protective over Elli, and I don’t blame him. Hell, I am too.
“So, you seen her that one time, and she’s sending your kid gifts in the mail?” He smirks.
“Naw. We spent a good chunk of time together. She invited us over one day and cooked. She made Elli nuggets. Sounds real fucking stupid, but she was amazing with her. Like no woman I’ve ever seen. Usually, they don’t give two shits about her, ya know? But Lenni… she cared.”
And she did. She apparently still does. It’s got me thinking, thinking hard about what this is. I’ve not even entertained the thought of letting a woman into Elli’s life until now. But, up until now, no woman has ever seemed good enough.
But Lenni, she’s more than good enough.
“By that grin you got on your face, son, I’d say you have it bad for the girl.” He slaps his hand on my shoulder.
He’s always been able to read right through me. There’s no need in trying to lie to him. I put slices of pizza on our plates then look back up to my pops. “Yeah, I do. She’s just from a completely different world than we are. She lives in Atlanta, and I’m here.”
He walks over to the counter and leans back, crossing his arms over his chest. He stares for a long moment, just watching me. I know he’s reading everything about my body language that I won’t say aloud. “I’m gonna be frank. You know I’m protective over you and Elli. But the way you’re looking at me now son, I ain’t ever seen that face. Not even when you were with Vanessa. Don’t let something good slip away just because it might be difficult.”
Dad has never been a man of many words. I can count on one finger, other than today, when he’s spoken more than a few sentences at a time. That day was the day Vanessa left. To say he was irate was an understatement. But he tried his damndest to reassure me that I could raise Elli on my own. He was my rock during that time. I was pissed, hurt, scared, and fucking heartbroken. Yeah, I’ll admit it. I was heartbroken. I vowed my life to Vanessa, only for her to break every promise she ever made to our family.
“Hey son,” Dad said, walking into my house. I hadn’t slept since Vanessa walked out, and Elli must have been able to sense something was wrong, because she clung to me more than usual. I was tired and worn out, both physically and mentally, but I pushed through taking care of Elli all day on my own. On my own was the way it had to be from that point forward. Vanessa made her choice, she chose freedom over family. I don’t get it. I don’t understand it. How had Elli and I made her life so unbearable she would give it all up just like that?
“You okay?” Dad sat down on the couch by me as I held my sleeping daughter in my arms.
I laughed sorely without so much as glancing in his direction. “Okay? How can I be okay? My fucking wife just walked out and left me and our daughter… alone.”
He huffed. “Alone? From what I see you’ve got everything you need right there in your arms. I know you’re hurting, son, and I’m hurting for ya, but you can’t let her drag you down. That little girl right there needs you.”
I slowly turned my head and looked at my father. His eyes were full of concern and hurt. I hadn’t seen that look in his eyes since the day Mom got diagnosed with cancer.
“Yeah, she needs me, but fuck, we need Vanessa, too. We were supposed to be a team. We said vows! We made a promise to each other.” Tears stung my eyes. I willed them away, refusing to cry over her l
ike a puss.
“You can’t make someone stay. Sometimes love isn’t enough. Vanessa chose to walk away, not you. She’s the one who will have to live with what she’s done. You got nothing to be ashamed of here. Just be the daddy to my little granddaughter that I know you are.”
Dad was right. I wouldn’t disappoint Elli. I’d be the best father I could be to her. Vanessa broke my fucking heart. But as much as I hate her for what she did, she left the best part of me intact—Ellison Grace Taylor.
“Just promise me one thing, son.”
“Yes, sir?” I asked.
“Promise me that when this feels like it’s too much burden to bear you’ll lean on your family. We’re always here for you and Elli.”
I looked at him, confused. “Elli will never be a burden to me. She’s my life.”
“That’s not what I mean, son,” Dad declared. “I mean that when doing it on your own gets to be too much, please turn to us. Don’t try to weather through by yourself. We’re always here for you. You’re not alone in this.”
Dad slapped his hand on my knee and gently kissed Elli’s head before standing up. “I’m proud of you, Wes. I hope you know that. I know shit is tough right now, but you’re strong just like your mama.” Looking down at Ellison’s sleeping face, he continued, “She’s a lucky little girl.”
In that moment I decided to man up, stop agonizing over what I couldn’t change, and start focusing on the present. Elli was my past, present, and future, and I would make sure every bit of hers was bright, just like Dad always made mine.
He had always been selfless, working overseas so that we could have the best life possible. He sacrificed so that Zoe and I could have everything we wanted or needed, and never asked for anything in return. To him, his kids’ love was enough.
So was Elli’s. Her love was enough. I just hope mine would always be enough for her. I’d spend every day trying.