by Jo Raven
It takes what feels like an eternity before he blinks up at me, panting harshly, his eyes wide. His face is shiny with sweat and I grab a towel from the bedside table to dry it.
He grabs my wrist before I even touch the towel to his face. “You’re here,” he whispers, and I open my mouth, then close it, caught in the heat of his green eyes. “You’re okay.”
And the fact he was worried, that he’d probably been dreaming about me, cuts my strings. I sit down heavily on the bed beside him. “I’m here.”
“I thought you’d left. Left me.” He frowns up at me, his fist tight around my wrist, and I shouldn’t like it so much, how much it feels like a shackle, but I do. With him, I do. “I thought you left so far I couldn’t reach you ever again. As if you walked over a bridge, and that bridge was gone and I couldn’t cross—”
“I’m here.”I lift my other, free hand and stroke back his hair. His eyes close as I touch the silky strands, his ragged breath easing. “I said I’d stay, didn’t I?”
“You stayed.”
“I did. And—”
“Lie down with me.”
“What? Kade, no—”
But he’s already tugging me, using his hold on my wrist to pull me down beside him. His bed is barely wider than my cot, but he doesn’t seem to notice or care. He keeps pulling, a faint smile on his face, until I relent and stretch out beside him.
“Christ, I love having you pressed to me,” he whispers, burying his face in my hair, and I swallow hard.
Because me too. God, so much. Can’t believe how much I missed his shape, his scent, his hold on me. I won’t be able to sleep like this, not with the feel of his strong body against mine, his arm around my shoulders, his breath on my forehead.
Not when I can’t believe I’m here, can’t believe how happy I am and how scared.
And that’s my last thought before morning.
Chapter Eleven
Kaden
Something is tickling my nose, and there’s a familiar scent of flowers and honey. A soft, sexy scent of woman that gets me hard and relaxed at the same time.
Like I’m home.
And like I’m about to pound her into the mattress, and then bring her coffee in bed, because that’s what Hailey and me…
That’s what we do.
But then why does it feel like I was on the edge of a cliff and I’ve just stepped back? That feeling of relief at having her in my arms. As if I escaped something terrible.
As if I almost lost her.
What am I forgetting? I squint in the low light as if I can glimpse the answer, but it only serves to shoot a bolt of pain through my skull.
Shit. Didn’t she say I need to remember on my own? Remember what?
She stirs, derailing my thoughts, pressing those sweet curves against me, and I’m getting hard in spite of the drugs they pump me full of. I bet this isn’t normal.
This girl isn’t normal: she’s a miracle, and I don’t even know if I’ve ever told her. I’ve always had trouble with that, and although I blame Matt, it’s not his fault. I just am this way. Matt is the grumpy, moody one, and I may seem like the open, sociable one, but I don’t trust easily.
Never have. I keep it all inside, and I don’t connect to people. And people never really tried to connect to me, either, so maybe that’s fine. The kids at school thought I was cool because I smoked and because chicks wanted to sleep with me.
And the guys at the workshop think I’m arrogant because I keep to myself and the chicks still want to sleep with me.
Even if I don’t care about random chicks anymore. Never did, in fact.
The only girl that ever really caught my attention was Hailey.
Who’s now wide awake and watching me with big eyes as if I’m about to turn into the Hulk or something.
“Hey you.” I manage a smile, swallowing down the pain, and she smiles back, a quick, surprised expression. “Sleep well?”
“Yeah, I…” She frowns, glances around as if just realizing where she is. “Not bad, considering. You?”
“Better than I have in days,” I say honestly. Better than I can remember ever in my life, in fact, but that’s not saying much right now. “You were away.”
“What?” She blinks at me, so pretty and sexy and I draw her closer to me. Too many clothes and layers in the way, dammit.
“In my dreams, you were away. I was looking for you but I couldn’t find you.”
She closes her eyes. I’m tempted to do the same, sleep always tugging at me. I feel so damn tired, and I just woke up.
But she says nothing, and I don’t like it.
“I love you, Hay,” I whisper against her hair. “You know that, right?”
She lifts her face, her eyes wide once more. I can read the shock in them plain as day, and I don’t get it. “You do?”
“Fuck, you act like I’ve never said it before.”
She smiles, then frowns. She keeps doing that: shifting between happiness and what looks like annoyance. “You haven’t. Well, not since that first time, after we just met. You said it was love at second sight, remember?”
Yeah, I remember that. I remember meeting her at the bar, I remember taking her home. Making her come against the wall. Then I remember her arriving to find me at the garage, and how she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
How she called my brother without my permission and got him to talk to me again.
How she came to find me at the cemetery where my dad is buried and said she was sorry. Said she loved me, too.
“You’re everything to me,” I whisper. “You’re the only girl I’ve ever loved. Hell, didn’t I ever tell you that?”
She shakes her head, burying her face on my shoulder, and her shoulders tremble.
Shit, I made her cry.
I never told her all this?
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I wish I could turn back time and make sure you knew. But we have all the tomorrows, right? I’ll make it up to you.”
That makes her cry harder, and I shut up as I’m obviously saying all the wrong things.
But she loves me. She said so. And she’s here.
Dammit, I must have done something right if she hasn’t run away from me yet. She’s here. That has to count in my favor.
Mom comes to check in on me, smuggling in donuts and my favorite double shot espresso. I don’t have the heart to tell her the smell turns my unsettled stomach. I listen to her chat about the weather and traffic and Matt’s kids, while my mind wanders back to Hailey who left to freshen up and grab some breakfast.
When I asked her to bring me some things from my apartment, she paled.
When I asked if she was going to her apartment instead, she fled.
Or so it looked like.
The worry that has been digging its claws into my chest is growing stronger, tearing me up inside.
Something happened between us. It’s right there, in my memory, right out of reach, like a word on the tip of your tongue.
What happened was… What happened…
“Kaden? Have you heard a word I’ve said?”
I blink, coming back to my hospital room, and mom who’s giving me a long, searching look.
“Hm… what?”
“You feeling okay?” She’s half out of her chair already, and I finally realize that the long searching look is a look of worry and fear.
“I’m fine, mom, honest. Just thinking.”
“Well, don’t strain yourself,” she huffs and shakes her head, trying to cover up for her panic.
“Very funny.”
She actually smiles at that. “Oh honey, it’s so good to see you coming back to yourself at last.”
“At last?” I rub at my forehead, something I’ve been doing so much I probably dug a groove. “What do you mean? I’ve only been here a day.” I think about this. “And a night. Right?”
Mom shakes her head again, but this time she claps a hand over her mouth and gets up hastily to go. “Matt wants
to see you,” she mumbles and goes.
Okay, that was weird or is it just me?
“Why’s mom upset?” I ask Matt when he ventures inside and plants his ass in the chair.
It feels like an interrogation chair. Only I am the one asking the questions – and getting no answers.
“She’s not upset.”
“Bullshit.”
“Up your ass.”
“Up yours.”
“Fuck you, Matt.”
“Now remember who has the bigger dick in this room.”
“You mean who is the bigger dick? Cuz that’d be you.” A stab of pain goes through my head and I wince, lifting my hand to rub at my eyes. “Fuck.”
“Do you need the doctor?” The chair screeches as Matt gets to his feet.
“I’m fine. Gimme a second.”
To his credit, he does, instead of freaking out and yelling for the doctors to come save me.
I admit, he isn’t such a bad brother after all.
It takes a while for the pain to subside, and by then I’m so exhausted it’s a struggle to keep my eyes open.
“Is Hailey here?” I ask around a yawn that just about cracks my jaw in two. “She said she’d be back.”
“She will. Don’t worry, little bro. But I should go, see how Octavia and the kids are doing. I left them in the cafeteria and Mary has a cold.”
But he doesn’t leave just yet. He just sits there, staring at me.
It strikes me that he looks like a completely different guy since he shaved off his beard. Younger. More like the brother I remember when we were kids. Plus he seems less… severe. Less angry at the world.
Happier.
I’ve always been the lighter versions of him. Blond hair, blond beard. I scratch at it now. It’s grown longer. I haven’t bothered trimming it in a while, because…
Because what? Again that elusive memory that hurts my chest.
And it also strikes me now how alike we are, despite the difference in our colors. I am just like he was before he met Octavia. Despite being in a hospital bed, cleaned up and covered to my chest in sky-blue blankets, I feel unkempt, rumpled, filthy.
Like I don’t care about how I look, about how I live – and a flash of memory strikes through my brain like a spark, making me groan and grab at my head.
A bottle of vodka.
Jared, my neighbor.
A hammer banging on my hand.
Black trees rustling against a night sky.
A pit of despair.
“Oh fuck.” My skull is about to explode. Maybe my brain will leak out of my ears. Someone make this pain go away. “Hell.”
This time when Matt calls for the doctors, I don’t try to stop him.
I just hope they get here fast and with good drugs to shoot me up with until I can’t feel a thing.
Chapter Twelve
Hailey
Kaden is drugged to the gills with painkillers and fast asleep when I return to his hospital room.
Matt says he’s remembering things.
I wonder which ones, and if he remembered he doesn’t really love me. That I’m not really everything to him.
He seemed so sincere.
He probably was. Maybe I was important to him at first, and that’s all he remembers. Was I everything to him?
No, it can’t be true. I can’t have lost that without even realizing. Funny how it stings, a poison dart to the heart.
I sit beside him, staring at his face, tense even in sleep, a deep crease between his brows. Soon this game will be over. The lies will stop. He won’t think I still live here, that I have a key to his apartment, that we are together.
This brief interlude will finish and we’ll be back to where we were, only with more doubts and heartache.
This isn’t the miracle I asked for.
Maybe next time I should describe my wish in more detail.
Or maybe next time I shouldn’t wish for miracles at all, and accept what is instead of hoping for what ifs, for magical unicorns and miraculous fixes.
Like my mom always says, things don’t happen unless you make them happen.
Then again, she sees everything as a work project with a time plan and a complete SWOT analysis. Even my dad. Even me.
And she failed us both.
Kaden has been awake most of the day. He wants me to sit beside him on the bed, and holds my hand, so I don’t think he’s remembered yet anything regarding me.
Us.
He frowns a lot, but when I ask he tells me it’s the headache, and I believe him. The doctors said the headaches might take some time to ease up. He also won’t be able to do any work that entails great focus, like reading or working with tools.
At least his short time memory is getting better. Now he remembers why he’s in the hospital, why his family is here, what he ate in the morning.
He also remembers he doesn’t like hospitals.
“When are they letting me out?” he asks the nurse.
“Soon.”
“My girl is here. I wanna go home with her.” He squeezes my hand, mouth curling in a crooked grin. “She’ll make me feel all better.”
My face flames.
The nurse chokes. “I see. Unfortunately, Mr. Hansen, it doesn’t depend on me. Your doctor has to clear you before you can—”
“Then tell him I’m leaving today.”
“Kaden!” I gape at him. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m not staying here a day longer.” His grin grows. “I have plans for you.”
My turn to choke. “Plans?”
“Yeah, baby. Plans involving me, you and a lot of whipped cream. Maybe also leather shackles.”
The nurse scurries away, the door slamming behind her.
Kaden laughs softly. “Did you see her face?”
I’m still gaping. “You did that on purpose.”
“Yeah, I did.” He lifts my hand to his lips and I shiver, heat pooling between my legs. “But I was serious. That’s my plan. I think we have a birthday to celebrate.”
“We do?” My brain scrambles to keep up but it’s impossible. “Yours?”
He leans in, his eyes thin slivers. “Ours.”
Matt comes in with his girlfriend. He shoots Kaden a long look, dark brows heavy over his eyes, and slips an arm around Octavia. “Doc says you wanna go, and that he can’t keep you. If you can stand up and walk without falling on your face, you’re free to go home.”
He then glances at me, a question in his dark eyes, and I nod. “Don’t worry,” I say.
Yeah, I’ll help Kaden settle in. And then, since he’s all better already, I’ll tell him the truth and go, right?
God, I don’t want to have to do this.
I swallow back a sigh.
“I said I’m fine,” Kaden mutters, sitting up. “You can move along now.”
Matt turns his attention back to his brother, his eyes flashing. “Is that so?”
“Hell, yeah.” Kaden lifts his chin. “You can tell the doc that.”
“Okay fine, you stubborn ass. Let’s see you walk.”
A flash of panic goes through Kaden’s light eyes. “What, you’re gonna check if I can walk?”
Matt folds his thick arms over his chest. “Damn right I am. If you fall, you’re going right back into bed.”
“Goddammit,” Kaden hisses, and I feel equal parts amused by this childish back-and-forth and sorry for him. It can’t be easy to lose your independence like this all of a sudden.
Then again, it won’t be for much longer, so he could try and take it like a man.
I snicker, and Kaden shoots me a wounded look. “What?”
“Nothing.”
I get up and move out of the way as he swings his long legs off the bed and attempts to stand up on his own. His muscular thighs and calves flex and his strong feet tense – and why am I looking at his feet?
Oh right, to avoid looking higher, where the short hospital gown ends, dying to know if he’s wearing anything
underneath.
Probably not.
Dear God. Why is my face so hot? He’s not even naked.
And then he pushes to his feet and sways, and I make a grab for him, snagging his arm to steady him.
“I’m okay,” he wheezes, but doesn’t push me away. His face is super pale. From the corner of my eye, I can see Matt and Octavia stepping forward, ready to catch him if he falls, and some of the worry leaves me.
His brother cares for Kaden.
He will be okay when I go. At least his family loves him, unlike mine. He won’t be alone.
Although I have Mags. And…
Kaden takes a hesitant step forward, then another. My arm is still looped around his, but nobody says anything. You could hear a pin drop in the room.
One more step, and another, and Kaden leans into me, breathing heavily. “Okay?” he rasps. “Did I pass your test?”
He sways again, and this time Matt grabs his other arm before he can fall.
“Yeah, you made your point, bro. Now let’s get you back to bed until your discharge papers come through, okay?”
Kaden says nothing, his face white, and his eyes close when we drag him back to bed and lay him down on it. “I’m getting out,” he wheezes.
“Yeah, yeah,” Matt grumbles. “Now be a good boy and eat your Jell-O when the nurse comes in, and I’ll take care of the rest.”
“You’re a good brother,” Kaden whispers, and Matt freezes on his way to the door.
He turns slowly and stares at his brother. “I’ll be damned. You had to fall on your head to be less of an asshole.”
“Fuck you,” Kaden says, and cracks a wobbly grin. He even finds the energy to give Matt the finger. “Get out.”
Matt laughs and leaves, dragging his girl with him. “I’ll send mom in.”
“Asshole.” And he smiles.
This is it. It’s official.
I’ll never understand men.
Matt is as good as his word. Kaden’s mom comes in and says goodbye, making him promise to take it easy and let me drive.