I know that he knows about the pregnancy, because Faye admitted she told him so, but it looks like he’s working up to the subject.
“I didn’t know what else to do,” I admit, wringing my hands together. “I panicked. I felt alone, Vinnie, and yes, I just bailed. I honestly didn’t know what else to do.”
And he didn’t come after me. Maybe that’s what I was hoping for, but he didn’t come after me straightaway. Probably because he heard about the baby and reacted just how I thought he would.
“You left because you didn’t want to tell me about the baby, because you thought I’d what . . . tell you to get rid of it?” he asks, brown eyes sad, pain etched across his face. Why was the pain there? Because I was wrong or because I was right?
I decide to be painfully honest and just put everything out there.
“In my mind, I had three options, Vinnie. Have an abortion and not be able to look myself in the mirror; to keep you, stay with you, and have you resent and grow to hate me and possibly even the child; or leave and have this baby on my own. I chose option three.”
He looks away from me, and I see his throat work as he swallows. “Fuck, Shay. I’ve been such an asshole. I want you to know that I’m so sorry, I’m sorry you couldn’t come to me with this, I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with everything alone, and I’m sorry it took me time to figure all this out.” He pauses and takes a deep breath. “I’ve been so fuckin’ selfish, and only seeing it from my point of view, but here’s what you have to know. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“Why are you saying it now?” I fire back, feeling a spark of anger. He only tells me he loves me now? When he’s apologizing? He should have told me the moment he knew, or maybe he only just realized when I left.
He comes over to me, sits down, and takes my hand in his. “I’ve never loved a woman before, Shay. Never been in love with one, until you. I wanted to make sure it was love, I didn’t even know how to tell if that’s what it was. But I don’t want to live without you, you consume my every thought, and I’d fuckin’ do anything for you. I know that’s what love is, and I should have told you sooner. I should have done a lot of things sooner, and differently. All I’m asking is for a chance to make things right.”
“You said you never ever want children, Vinnie, and now I’m having one. You can’t just change your mind. You made your views on that very clear. I don’t know if there’s any way we can fix this. I’ll always think in the back of my mind that this isn’t what you wanted, and fear that you’ll grow to resent me.” I try to explain what’s going on in my head. It wasn’t as simple as just saying “I forgive you; let’s work on it.” To be happiest, he said he wanted to live at the clubhouse, not have any children, and not be married. There was no room for compromise.
“Would I have ever wanted you to get pregnant? No,” he admits, wincing as the honest words leave his mouth. “But you are, and Faye said something to me when she was yelling at me yesterday—she said a man becomes a father the moment he holds his baby for the first time. I want that, I want to be there for that, I want to see the beautiful baby we made together. Most of all, Shay, I want to try. Losing you isn’t an option, living without you sure as hell isn’t an option, and I’ve been so stubborn, so sure about what I think will make me happy, I’ve been fuckin’ stupid. You make me happy, and this baby, I want the baby to know that he or she is loved. I never want our kid to have to ask where her father is. Arrow said I’m great with Clover, and that Faye thinks so, so maybe I could try to be the father that I never had.”
My heart breaks at his words, at the childhood insecurities appearing when he talks about being a father. His parents abandoned him, and he didn’t have a good life growing up. He never even talks about it, besides saying he was moved from house to house, and no one adopted him. He must genuinely think he wouldn’t be a good father, maybe until he heard Arrow say Faye’s words. He needed to hear reassurance, and I hadn’t given him any of that. Instead, I just left, assuming the worst, which probably made him feel as if he was right—he wasn’t father material.
“I think you’d be an amazing father, Vinnie,” I tell him, squeezing his hand. “Faye is right: Clover adores you, and I’ve seen the two of you together. I just don’t want you to feel like you’re trapped, like one day you wake up and think that this isn’t the life you wanted. I think you need to make sure that this is what you want, that you’re willing to be more open-minded about the future. I’m happy with only having one child, I’m not asking for any more, what I’m asking for is for you to be willing to give this child everything, your love and your attention, and not once look at him or her and think that the baby isn’t what you wanted.”
“I’d never make my child, or any child for that matter, feel not wanted,” he says, looking me in the eye. “I fucked up, I admit it. I freaked out, okay? I was in shock, and I needed to think real fuckin’ deeply about a few things. But please don’t hold it against me, Shay. I’m going to try to be the best man for you and the best father to our child.” He puts his hand on my stomach. “I know nothing about babies, I don’t know how to change one, or feed one, or anything else, but I’ll learn. I know nothing about children of any age. My only experience has been with Clover, Cara, and Rhett, and they’re all about the same age, so it’s almost like you’re getting two children here, because you’re going to have to teach me what to do too.”
His words give me hope, although there’s still concern lingering in the back of my mind. I want to give him a chance though, everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves. I know Vinnie is a good man, and I really hope we can be a family, and that he can be happy. I want him to be happy, not just for him to do what he thinks is right—and then hate it.
I wrap my arms around him, sitting on his lap. I take his face in my hands and look into his eyes. “What if you change your mind?”
“I won’t,” he murmurs, turning his face to kiss my fingers. “I’d never do that to you.”
I lean forward and kiss his mouth. “Do you need more time to think about it?”
“No,” he replies instantly. “I’ve taken more than enough time to think about it when I should have been rushing over here straightaway, taking what’s mine. Can we go home now? Colt misses you.”
“Just Colt, huh?” I tease, burying my face in his neck. “Are you sure it’s only him who misses me?”
“I’m sure the others miss you too. I know Faye does; she’s been your number one champion.”
“Well, remind me to thank her, then.”
“Shay?”
“Yes.
“I need you to promise me that you won’t run again, okay? You have a problem, we deal with it. You need space, you go to Faye’s, or somewhere where I know you’re safe. You don’t just leave and turn to another man, even if it’s Talon.”
I swallow hard. “I promise.”
No more running.
“Shay?”
“Yes.”
“Let’s go home.”
FORTY-FOUR
Vinnie
I RIDE home on the bike, then return with the car, not wanting her to ride now that she’s pregnant. I even bring Colt in the car with me, and the smile that appears on her perfect lips is worth the barking I had to listen to the whole way here. Shay hugs Talon good-bye, and I give him a chin lift, a silent thank-you. He nods in return, his eyes telling me that he’ll always be here to save her, he doesn’t care who it’s from or who he has to cross to do so. I respect that. Talon isn’t so bad after all. I’d never admit it, but I get a little jealous as Shay kisses Colt on top of his head, telling him over and over how much she missed him.
“Can you stop kissing the dog, please?” I grumble. “How am I supposed to kiss you after that?”
“It’s not like I’m kissing his mouth,” she says, amusement dancing in her eyes.
“Still.”
She pats Colt’s head and tells him she’ll never leave him again.
“Faye wanted to
come and see you. I told her you’re mine for tonight, so she said she’ll come see you tomorrow, and take you out for lunch or something, if you want to do that.”
“I’d love that.”
It seems she and Faye have gotten close, more so than she and any of the other women. Faye must like her a lot to take her under her wing. Even though Faye does take care of everyone, she and Shay seem to really get on well together. Shay told her about the pregnancy before telling anyone else, even me, and Faye was really on my ass to go and fix things. I don’t think I’ve seen her that worked up in a long time.
“How have you been feeling?” I ask her, placing my hand on her thigh. Colt bites at my hand until I remove it. I’m really regretting getting her that dog right now.
“I was sick today,” she says, turning to me. “I threw up a few times, so the morning sickness has officially started.”
Fuck.
She was sick, while I was drinking, or sleeping off being drunk.
“I’m sorry,” I say, squeezing the steering wheel. “I should have been there to look after you.”
She smiles sadly, then says, “Ranger was there. Although he wasn’t really helping much by standing and yelling through the door while I was being sick.”
I try to keep my tone even. “Why was he there?”
“He brought me groceries and stuff,” she says, watching me. “Then we watched some TV and hung out for a bit, I didn’t really feel like being alone.”
I feel my eye twitch, but luckily it’s the one that she can’t see. “I see.”
I can feel her staring at me, but I look straight ahead. “Are you jealous?” she asks, sounding amused. “What, you think I’m going to find a new man while I’m pregnant, and after I just left you, like, two days ago?”
“Well the women keep talking about Ranger, and how good-looking the fucker apparently is, so what the fuck am I supposed to think?”
She laughs now, and although it’s at my expense, the sound of it makes me happy and gives me hope. Not all is lost. What happened between us is just a bump in the motherfuckin’ road.
“He is good-looking, yes,” she agrees, making my jaw go tight. “And he’s actually a really nice guy.”
I wait for the but . . . but it doesn’t come.
“Well, he’s just perfect then, isn’t he?” I seethe, wishing I could punch this guy in the face. Then, I remember something. “Aside from the fact that he kidnapped Anna and hit her over the head, but hey, if you’re into men who hit women, then by all means.”
Shay starts laughing so hard that the dog jumps off her lap and gets into the backseat. “There’s only one biker for me, Vinnie. And it isn’t Ranger.”
“There’s only one woman for me too,” I say softly.
Only she can calm me with her words.
Fuck.
I can’t believe my stupidity almost caused me to lose this woman.
When we get home, all I want to do is take Shay to my bedroom, but Sin has other ideas.
“We need to talk,” he says to me, then walks away. I can tell that something isn’t right just by the tone of his voice, and I’m instantly on alert. I walk Shay to our room and kiss her deeply. “I’ll be right back.”
“Is everything okay?” she asks, concern etched across her beautiful face.
“I don’t know, I’m going to find out,” I say, kissing her forehead. “Wait for me in bed.”
She rolls her eyes at my demand, but I know she’ll be waiting for me naked, wrapped in my sheets, when I return to our room.
“They know she’s alive,” Sin says as I walk into the room and take a seat.
“How?” I ask, gritting my teeth together. I put so much effort into that fuckin’ plan. How do they know it was a setup? I blew up Shay’s childhood house for nothing? That plan was meant to be fuckin’ foolproof, and I’m pissed it didn’t turn out that way.
Sin rubs the back of his neck. “Talon has a fuckin’ mole. He’s spoken to me about it. One of his members is working with the Kings, and now the Kings know everything. We need to handle this, Vinnie. Talon needs to sort his fuckin’ club out, because he’s dragging us down with him.”
Fuck.
So Talon was right: he does have a mole. Sin is right: he really does need to sort his shit out, because this is affecting everyone.
“What now?” I ask, my head spinning, trying to think of ideas to keep Shay safe.
“I don’t know,” Sin says, scrubbing his hand down his face. “No one says shit to Talon. We need to come up with a plan. And then we take down the Kings.”
I nod.
If they want a war, we’ll give them one.
One they have no chance in hell of winning.
* * *
I push inside her gently, looking into her eyes the whole time, loving her with everything I have. I kiss her already-swollen lips, my skin warm against hers, the feel of her so fuckin’ amazing. She moans into my mouth as I increase the pace, sliding deeper and a little harder. She’s so wet, and so tight, it’s like heaven being inside her, nothing else compares. She wraps her legs around my waist and lifts her hips in time with my thrusts. I don’t stop kissing her until she starts to come, and then I pull back to watch her face as she does so. I love watching her as she comes around my dick, the way her eyes glaze over, the panting noises she makes have my dick so hard it’s about to explode, and it does, just a few thrusts later.
“Fuck, Shay,” I grit out as I finish inside of her. I roll over, still inside her, so she’s now on top, lying on my chest.
“That was amazing,” she says, kissing my chest. “I missed you, Vinnie.”
“I missed you too.” Even though it was only for two days, it felt wrong having things messed up between us. I don’t want to fight with her like that ever again, to be in a place where I don’t know if I’ve lost her or not—it was hell.
“You have this freckle, just here,” she says, touching my collarbone. “Every time I see it, I just want to kiss it or lick it.”
She touches it with her tongue.
“That’s what you pay attention to? A freckle?”
Women are weird.
“Well it’s not like I don’t notice your big cock,” she says, lifting her head and smirking. “Just that this freckle catches my eye, and I always want to kiss it.”
“Kiss away, babe,” I say, kissing her lips. She kisses me back hungrily, and I can feel myself hardening again. I don’t think I’ve ever got hard so fast with any other woman, it’s only Shay who does this to me. She moves to kiss down my neck, as I let my hands wander down her back and over her ass. I squeeze each globe in my hands, then slap them. Now fully hard again, Shay sits up and slowly begins to ride me. I watch her breasts bounce as she lifts up and down, taking me all the way inside her before rising up. I hope we make up like this after every fight, although hopefully the fights won’t be as bad as this one was.
I cup her face, look her in the eyes, and tell her that I love her. My hand moves farther down to her throat, and then down to play with her breasts, pinching her nipples just how I know she likes it. She mutters a curse under her breath, then starts to ride me faster, more urgently. When I feel myself on the verge of coming again, I lick my thumb, then reach down to play with her clit. Her body jerks, and I can tell she’s almost there, she just needs a little push to take her over the edge. I rub her clit, adding more pressure, and when I feel her come, I join her a second later, gripping her thighs and making noises I’d rather never hear again. She practically collapses against my body, as I cup the back of her head, my other hand on her back. Will we have to stop having sex soon because of the baby? I need to do some research, maybe ask Faye for one of the baby books I’ve seen her reading. I need to know what to expect; I can’t go into this blind—I want to help Shay, not be added stress for her. When I hear Shay’s soft snore, I realize she’s fallen asleep on top of me. The poor thing must be exhausted, it must take a lot out of her to create life within her. Understate
ment of the year. I make a mental note to not let her do anything except eat and rest, and yes, make love if she wants to. Running my hand down her back, I kiss the top of her head and close my eyes, just allowing myself to be thankful for what I have in my arms. I never thought I’d have this, I didn’t really think that I deserved it.
“I’m going to be a father,” I say out loud, testing the words on my tongue.
Me, a father.
I kiss her head again.
Yes, I’m still terrified, but I’m going to be here.
Right where I belong, with my family.
FORTY-FIVE
Shayla
“I DIDN’T know if you’d be angry that I told him about the baby or not,” Faye says, taking a sip of her juice. “He needed to know, but it wasn’t my place, but then Sin got involved and they were all ganging up on me.”
I smile at her as she explains what happened that day.
“I’m not angry you told him, Faye,” I say, wincing slightly when I admit, “I’m kind of glad it wasn’t me who had to tell him. If I was there to see how he reacted, I don’t know if I’d have been able to forgive him.”
“I totally understand,” she says, nodding. “He was being a dick, but I’m so happy the two of you managed to work things out. I love Vinnie, and I want him to be happy, and it was so frustrating to see that what would make him happy was right in front of him, everyone could see it, but he couldn’t. I had to shake some sense into the man.”
“Thank you for talking to him,” I tell her earnestly. “Your and Arrow’s words made him realize he could be a good father, that it’s all about his choices, not his past.”
“I’m so happy for the two of you,” she says, beaming and looking at the restaurant menu. “And now we’ll have another baby in the house. So exciting!”
The waitress asks us what we’d like, so we place our orders.
“Imagine you with a big baby bump,” she says, her hazel eyes amused. “You’re so tiny, you’ll probably fall over.”
I laugh and unconsciously touch my stomach. “I guess we’ll soon find out. For now I just have to deal with the morning sickness. Luckily today it stopped before lunchtime, or I’d be running to the bathroom right now.”
Untitled Book 2 Page 21