He was telling her the truth; she had her answer. Although she knew almost nothing about Jon, she trusted him. He couldn’t kiss her like this if he was involved with another woman. Soon, however, he eased away from her again, his reluctance obvious.
Maryellen didn’t want him to stop, and when she managed to shake off the warm haze that enveloped her, she opened her eyes and stared up at him.
“Jon?” That was when she realized he planned to end their lovemaking. “Don’t stop,” she pleaded, “please don’t stop.”
“You don’t know what you’re asking.”
“I do know. You don’t want me?” She hated the plea she heard in her own voice.
For just a moment, a hint of a smile touched his mouth. “In case you haven’t noticed, I want you very much.”
“But I…I want you, too.” She blushed as she said it. Until Jon, there’d only been one man in her life, so she didn’t say those words lightly. If they were lovers again, he’d know she was sincere, he’d know she regretted the way she’d treated him earlier. He’d know how much she wanted him to be a permanent part of her life and Katie’s.
Slowly, Jon shook his head.
Stunned and hurt, Maryellen retreated a step. She could only imagine what he must think of her, blatantly throwing herself at him like that. Perhaps this was his way of punishing her. She’d been brutal in her rejection of him and now it was her turn.
Jon frowned, and his eyes narrowed. “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but whatever it is, you’re wrong.”
Katie began to wake—the perfect excuse for Maryellen to turn away and recover her pride and her composure. The moment she lifted Katie from the carrier, Maryellen could tell the baby needed changing.
“She needs a fresh diaper,” she said, welcoming the excuse to leave the room.
Jon wouldn’t allow her to escape. He followed her into the nursery. “Are you on the pill?” he demanded.
“No…” There wasn’t any need for her to be.
“I don’t have anything to protect you.”
She was an idiot. Of course he was worried about birth control. They were already batting a thousand, and there was no guarantee that she couldn’t, wouldn’t, get pregnant a second time.
“I’m still nursing, and there’s less likelihood I’d get caught.” But that sounded weak, even to her own ears. She’d been caught easily enough with Katie. “That isn’t why you refused me, though, is it?”
“No.” At least he was honest, even if the truth hurt. “No,” he repeated. “The fact is, Maryellen, I’m not interested in another one-night stand with you.”
“Do you seriously think that’s what I wanted?” She quickly disposed of the wet diaper and exchanged it for a fresh one. “I…I didn’t plan to invite you into my bed, if that’s what you’re thinking. Dinner wasn’t about that. It just sort of…went in that direction.” Although she’d hoped this meeting would be a new beginning for them—emotionally and, yes, physically.
“It doesn’t matter what I believe.”
“You’re right,” she said, tucking Katie against her hip. Her face was hot with anger and embarrassment. “You’re absolutely right. This entire discussion is ridiculous. I apologize for my presumption. I’m sorry….” If he didn’t leave soon, she was going to humiliate herself even more.
Jon hesitated and Maryellen was afraid she’d have to ask him to leave.
Then he turned abruptly and left the room. She followed him and didn’t try to stop him when he grabbed his jacket and walked out the door.
Her stomach was in knots as she held her daughter close to her heart. “I blew it,” she told Katie. Hard as she’d tried to make this night special, she’d failed. She’d hoped so much that this evening would be the turning point for her and Jon, but all she’d managed to do was alienate him.
And in the process, break her own heart.
Eighteen
What had seemed such a brilliant plan earlier was rapidly becoming a problem, Zach mused at his desk. School had resumed after Christmas vacation, and Allison had started working for Smith, Cox and Jefferson today. She seemed to take pride in dressing outrageously—in a manner guaranteed to embarrass him with his associates. Zach was somewhat horrified that she’d gone to school looking like she’d just climbed out of bed, complete with flannel pajama bottoms and bedroom slippers. In his day, no principal would’ve put up with it.
Allison arrived thirty minutes late with a chain of safety pins dangling from each ear. He’d had to fight to keep from dragging her into the parking lot and telling her the deal was off. If she wanted to work in his office, she was to show up on time and dress appropriately. He would’ve done it, too, but he hated to fire his own daughter her first day on the job.
Zach decided he shouldn’t get directly involved. When he’d offered Allison employment, he’d told her she was to be an assistant to Cecilia Randall, and he was standing by that.
As soon as he had a free moment, Zach called Cecilia and Allison into his office.
Allison stood there, wearing an old sweater three sizes too big over the pajamas. He could only imagine where she’d gotten it. Cecilia and all the other women employed in the office wore proper business attire.
“Allison, this is Ms. Randall. You’ll be working with her.”
Allison glared defiantly in Cecilia’s direction.
Cecilia ignored the dirty look and smiled warmly at his daughter.
“I’ve offered Allison the job as your assistant, Ms. Randall,” he said, doing his best to ignore his daughter’s attitude. “I want you to treat her exactly as you would any other part-time employee.”
“I don’t want any favors,” Allison announced.
Cecilia nodded. “That’s good because it wouldn’t be fair to the others if I treated you any differently.”
Zach didn’t know if handing his problem child over to his assistant was going to work. Cecilia was a new employee herself. She’d fit in nicely with the staff and done an impressive job thus far. But he wasn’t sure she was up to dealing with his rebellious, angry teenager. No one could take Allison’s attitude for long, and he felt guilty about thrusting her on an unsuspecting employee.
“In other words, I have to do what she says,” Allison muttered with a disparaging glance at Cecilia.
“Only if you want to keep the job,” Zach returned, letting Cecilia know she had firing privileges. If Allison pulled any more stunts like the ones she had this afternoon, he wouldn’t be able to keep her around.
“Is that agreeable?” he asked Cecilia.
His assistant nodded.
“Allison?”
His daughter shrugged. “Whatever.”
The two left his office, and despite a vague sense of guilt, Zach was glad to shift the responsibility elsewhere. The door started to close but not before he heard Allison taunt his assistant.
“You can fire me if you want, Ms. Randall, but remember, my dad is the one who signs your paycheck.”
Zach shut his eyes and prayed for patience.
The first week was the worst. By the middle of the month, however, Zach noticed several small changes in Allison, beginning with her timely arrival at work. And while she wasn’t going to receive any fashion awards, she wore jeans and a respectable-looking sweatshirt. He was tempted to say something when he saw her, but knew it would be a mistake to call attention to the improvement in her attire.
“Would you like me to start making copies of the completed income tax forms?” Zach heard Allison ask Cecilia as he walked out of his office. His daughter completely ignored him, but he was accustomed to that.
“Please,” Cecilia told her. “I’ve got a stack halfway to the ceiling.”
“I’ll get on it right away.” Moving quickly and efficiently, Allison hauled the first stack of files to the copy machine.
If Zach didn’t know better, he’d think… Why, it sounded as though Allison was eager to work. She actually seemed enthusiastic about her job.
/> Rosie noticed a change in Allison, too, and mentioned it when he saw her one Sunday afternoon toward the end of January. “What happened?” she asked, astonished.
“I wish I knew,” Zach murmured. Allison continued to display plenty of attitude at home, but some of the more pressing problems seemed to have abated. Her boyfriend, Ryan Wilson, had apparently vanished. Zach hadn’t seen the boy in weeks, for which he was profoundly grateful. Allison’s questionable new friends hadn’t been around all month, either. To top everything off, her geometry teacher phoned and commented on a noticeable improvement in her grades and attitude.
“I guess earning the money to buy her own computer is exactly what Allison needed.” Rosie relaxed, leaning against the kitchen counter. “You know what? I think what you did is absolutely inspired.”
His ex-wife’s praise felt good, especially after all the tension between them in recent months. However, Zach wasn’t comfortable accepting it. “I suspect we both have someone else to thank for the changes in Allison—someone at the office. Let me find out.”
“All right.” Rosie was just as eager to learn who or what had brought about the change in Allison.
Zach knew the person to ask. Early the next morning, he called Cecilia Randall into his office. Tax season was starting and soon he’d be overwhelmed.
“Can you sit down a moment?” Zach said, gesturing her in.
“Of course.” Cecilia slipped into the chair across from his desk.
“I’d like a progress report on Allison.”
Cecilia instantly brightened. “I’m delighted with her performance. She doesn’t have any problem doing whatever I ask and her attitude is great.”
That fact hadn’t escaped Zach’s notice. “How did all of this happen?” He hadn’t meant to be that blunt, but he didn’t have time to ask discreet questions; he needed to know.
“Happen?”
He nodded. “You saw her that first day. She was an inch short of belligerent.”
His assistant glanced down at the floor and Zach realized she was trying to hide a smile. “She’s a very nice girl,” Cecilia assured him. “I’m not having any trouble with her.”
“That was the way I used to think about Allison,” Zach said. “But everything changed after my wife and I divorced.”
“Yes, I know.”
“Allison mentioned the divorce?” As far as he knew, his daughter considered the whole matter “bogus”—one of her current favorite words—and refused to discuss it.
“Not exactly.” Cecilia let her hand rest on the tablet she held in her lap. “You see, my parents divorced when I was a kid. I know what it’s like when a family falls apart. Allison just needed someone to talk to.”
Zach yearned to explain that tearing his family apart had never been what he wanted. He blamed Rosie for being jealous and unreasonable. In retrospect, he was embarrassed that he’d been so caught up in the negative emotions that had precipitated the divorce and surrounded the whole subject for months. He found it difficult to believe that he and Rosie had haggled over every aspect of the property settlement and the parenting plan. They’d each been so determined to make sure the other didn’t get a “better” deal. That was just the beginning. They were both driven by their need to prove who was right. They’d allowed pride, ego and a sense of vindictiveness to destroy any chance of settling the divorce in a civil manner.
If he’d been able to look into the future, to witness the pain he’d brought his children—if Zach had so much as guessed how lonely and lost he’d feel without Rosie—he’d have done whatever was necessary to save his family and his marriage. Before he realized how far things had gone, it was too late.
Recently, he and Rosie had begun to communicate in a more honest and more courteous manner. He knew she was dating that widower, although they never talked about it.
However, Zach’s own pride wouldn’t allow him to admit that Janice Lamond no longer worked for him. He’d led Rosie to believe she’d gotten a promotion within the firm. By now, Allison had probably told her mother that Janice wasn’t working there anymore. Rosie must’ve gloated at the news, although to her credit, she hadn’t said anything.
“Will that be all, Mr. Cox?” Cecilia Randall asked.
For a moment he’d forgotten she was in the room.
“Yes, thank you.”
Later that night, Zach drove Allison home. Rosie was spending the night with the children, and the thought of walking into his dark apartment and making dinner held little appeal. Allison sat quietly beside him.
They hardly ever talked these days, and Zach missed their conversations. She’d spurned his attempts so often that after a while he’d given up trying.
“Did you know Cecilia had a baby who died?” his daughter suddenly asked him.
This was news to Zach. “No, when?”
“Almost three years ago.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Zach said, completely sincere.
“She told me all about it. Her husband was at sea and she didn’t have any friends here to help her. It was awful and she decided she couldn’t stay married.”
“Ms. Randall’s been married before?”
“No.” Allison’s tone made him sound stupid for asking.
“So she’s still married to the same man?” It wasn’t any of Zach’s business, but he was trying to keep Allison talking. They so rarely spoke without arguing that he didn’t want their conversation to end.
“Cecilia and her husband went to divorce court, the same as you and Mom. The judge told them they needed to think it through before they rushed into a divorce.”
Zach could hardly believe any judge would say such a thing, especially in these days of no-fault divorce. “Not in those words, I’ll bet.”
“No,” his daughter agreed. “But close. Cecilia said she was pregnant when she and Ian got married and she wanted to make sure he wasn’t marrying her just because of the baby.”
Zach didn’t understand what that had to do with anything. He murmured a noncommittal response, hoping she’d enlighten him.
She did. “Cecilia had him sign an agreement before she’d marry him. Then later, when they were in the court and the judge read the agreement, she wouldn’t let them get rid of it.”
“So this judge gave them a reason to stop and think about what they were doing.”
“Right,” Allison said.
“Smart judge,” Zach said, wishing the one who’d been assigned his divorce suit had shown the same wisdom in dealing with him and Rosie. If someone had stepped in and talked sense to him and his ex, it might have saved his family a lot of grief.
“You know her,” Allison said next.
“Who?” Zach asked as he turned off Harbor Street and headed toward Pelican Court.
“The judge.” The look his daughter flashed him said that should be obvious. “It’s the same judge who was in court with you and Mom.”
“Judge Lockhart?” He supposed he should’ve known; unusual verdicts seemed to be her trademark.
“I think she must be righteous cool.”
Zach barely managed to suppress a smile. Righteous cool was something his daughter might’ve said last year. For a moment, it was almost like having her back again, the girl she’d been before the divorce.
“I like her,” she said, adjusting the seat belt strap to a more comfortable position. “And before you ask, I’m talking about Cecilia, not Judge Lockhart.”
“I know you do.” He would be forever grateful for the way Cecilia had taken his daughter under her wing.
“I didn’t in the beginning, but then she told me what it was like when her parents divorced.” Allison glanced in his direction and sighed. “She was just a kid, too.”
“Bad, huh?”
Allison nodded. “Her dad took off. Her mom didn’t get any child support, either. Cecilia never really knew her dad when she was growing up. He’s the reason she moved to Cedar Cove. She wanted to get to know him, so she got in touch with hi
m once she finished high school. He said he could get her a job, and she came here. She did get a job at the same restaurant where her dad worked, but it wasn’t what she’d expected. By then it was too late to move back home.” Cecilia’s contribution to the firm was valuable—but her relationship with Allison was worth even more to him.
Whatever had brought Cecilia to Cedar Cove, he was grateful she’d come.
“It didn’t work out with her and her dad, though,” Allison said absently.
“How come?”
Allison shrugged. “Sounds like he’s a real flake.”
Zach felt his daughter’s eyes on him. “Am I a flake?”
She shook her head. “You can be, but overall you’re okay, I guess.”
Such overwhelming praise was almost more than he could bear. “I’m glad you think so.”
“Her dad moved to California when The Captain’s Galley sold. The new owners didn’t offer him a job, which was probably for the best. Cecilia said her dad was drinking up the profits.”
“Oh.” That sounded like a direct quote. “This must’ve been about the time her baby died.”
“Somewhere around then,” his daughter informed him. “Ian was the one who encouraged Cecilia to take accounting classes. That’s her husband, in case you forgot.”
“Good for him.”
“He was at sea, and they were e-mailing back and forth, getting to know each other again.”
“That’s good.” Perhaps if he’d had the opportunity to e-mail Rosie, to correspond with her, they might’ve had the same chance. Somehow, putting words on paper gave a person time to think about what he or she was really saying.
“Cecilia said that the minute she met me, she knew I was special.”
“Why’s that?” He didn’t mean to sound skeptical, but he wanted to know what Cecilia had seen in his daughter. It seemed important to find out.
“Haven’t you been listening?”
Zach had. To every word. “Yes, I have.”
“Because of her baby,” Allison said. “Her baby’s name was Allison, too.”
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