by Kristen Cobb
Nessa walked beside him, holding his hand. She refused to let him out of her sight until they bonded. Raising her hand to his lips he watched a slow smile spread across her face. He still reveled in the way his touch affected her.
Leading Nessa toward his mother he could not think of a thing to say once he got there. Conversation, with anyone other than Nessa, was not one of his strengths.
Thankfully his mother knew exactly what to do. She threw her arms around him. “I am so happy for both of you.”
Nessa released his hand as his mother hugged her too. He watched his mother whisper something into Nessa’s ear. Whatever she said made his wife smile.
“I could not have done it without your help.” Nessa glanced over at his father then back at his mother. “Come, stand over here with everyone else.” Nessa attempted, with little success, to lead his mother toward his father.
His mother shook her head in adamant denial.
“You need to be brave. He cares for you. Give it time.” Nessa held tight to his mother’s hand, gently tugging her toward the man under discussion.
His mother watched his father in near terror as Nessa led her closer. His father’s attention immediately turned to his mother, a gaze clearly meant to intimidate focused on her.
Ronan, Eanna, Will, and Donal joined them. Donal still held Ronan’s sword, dragging the point through the dirt behind him. Conri rolled his eyes but let it go. The task of instructing Donal would fall to Will now. No one had, as of yet, been apprised of his plans to leave, not even his wife. He intended it to be a surprise. Knowing how much she wanted to learn from his father it seemed the perfect time to abandon his current life and start a new one.
“Are you really going to give Conri your powers?” Donal did not sound at all convinced.
“Not give Donal, share. And yes, I am.”
“Well, are you ready yet?”
Nessa wrapped her hand around his, looking at him expectantly, the question relayed without saying a word.
Conri nodded without even the slightest hesitation. The knowledge that their bonding would protect Nessa changed everything in his mind. Her explanation helped him see the situation in a whole new way. If he refused to bond with her there would be an endless stream of men looking to take his place whether by wooing or force. Either way their only motivation would be the power she could give them. Saving his wife from that fate made him feel a bit more like a man again, as if he were protecting her rather than the other way around.
Nessa slowly undressed. First her boots, then her sword, then her tunic and pants. Walking to the center of the inner ward she waited for him, shivering slightly from the cold.
Removing his sword Conri laid it on the pile. After removing his boots he slipped off his tunic then his pants. Moving slowly toward her, grass, dirt, and small rocks sticking to his bare feet, he was surprised to feel no fear at all, truly at peace with what they were about to do.
Nessa slid her hands across his sides to his lower back then pulled him tight against her body. “I will see you in the morning husband.”
Feeling her naked body touch his stirred up the usual reaction. The instant her lips pressed lightly against his the tree began forming around him. A rather intense moment of panic assailed him as the trunk enclosed his head. The world became dark and he could not breath. The instinct to struggle and escape took over but he could not move. It felt as if he were falling asleep in the throes of a nightmare. In his last moments the panic subsided as he allowed his life to slip away.
KAELAN SAT QUIETLY, leaning back against the trunk of the tree that was actually their son and daughter-in-law, sword strapped to his back. Having never seen him with a weapon before Etain could not seem to tear her eyes away. After watching him all night she desperately wanted to be near him, to talk to him. Nessa believed she might still have a chance with Kaelan. It seemed an impossibility given the level of his anger but Etain could not banish the thought.
If even the smallest chance existed that Kaelan might forgive her she needed to be brave. At moments like this she envied Nessa’s courage and determination. Neither were qualities she possessed in abundance.
Her feelings for Kaelan had not subsided at all over the years. He still drew her in like a moth to the raging inferno, the threat of fiery annihilation apparently not a sufficient deterrent.
What would it feel like to be truly loved by him? She would have to risk repeated rejection to find the answer to that question. Her actions wounded him deeply. Not just allowing their son to be cast out but rejecting his offer to remain at Killala likely caused Kaelan a good deal of pain as well. He offered her more than just physical pleasure. He offered his heart and she ran away, never to return as if he were no more than a dalliance unworthy of her love. She faced an uphill climb of unfathomable proportions attempting to win Kaelan’s affection again.
Everyone else lie on the ground asleep, just far enough from the tree that she could speak to Kaelan with some degree of privacy. Summoning every scrap of courage she possessed Etain stood from her position against the castle wall and began the long walk toward the man she rejected so long ago.
They were deep into the night. The waning moon provided very little light. Kaelan basically refused to look anywhere in her vicinity. It allowed her to watch him as she moved closer, a handsome, solitary profile in the darkness. She had no need to see his face to know he was handsome. She long ago memorized every detail, the intensity of his gaze as they lie in his bed burned into her memory. What a fool she’d been to deny them both a bit of happiness out of fear.
“What do you want Etain?” Kaelan must have noticed her out of the corner of his eye.
Etain sat down on the ground next to him. “To go back and make different choices.” Although not at all what he meant by the question she decided to go with the absolute truth.
“Why did you not bring him to me before your father banished him?” Kaelan finally turned to look at her. Thankfully the darkness hid the pain she knew would be visible in his eyes. The darkness did nothing to conceal the torment in his voice.
“I thought my father would send him to you. How could I …”
“Do not put this on your father. You should have told me we had a son. How could you keep that from me? How could you keep him from me?” Kaelan sat there staring at her, waiting for an answer.
It was a question she continually asked herself lately. Hindsight made it easy to see she should have stayed with Kaelan. She’d been given another chance to choose Kaelan upon realizing she was pregnant. As if that were not enough she wasted a third opportunity to make things right by not bringing Conri to his father before his banishment. She knew her son would be cast out from Knocknashee. Bringing him to Killala was the very least she should have done as his mother. Instead she did absolutely nothing, squandering every opportunity to right a grievous error in judgment.
For the most part her choices were the result of fear. Fear of making the wrong choice, of losing everything and everyone she had ever known. “I am not brave. I was afraid to leave Knocknashee forever, knowing my father might never forgive me. It is easy to see the right course of action now, not so at the time. I am sorry. All I can really do now is say I am sorry for hurting you and our son. I should have chosen you over my life at Knocknashee.”
“If you truly wish to make amends there is something you can do for our son.”
“Anything.” Her heart beat faster at the thought he might be willing to give her a chance to prove herself, that he might not hate her forever.
“Your father is about to become a serious threat to our son’s life. I need you to return to Knocknashee.” No anger or accusation could be heard in his voice, only conviction.
“What makes you think my father would want to harm our son?” His request came as a complete surprise, the last thing she expected to hear him say. Why would her father care about Conri now?
“I see Nessa did not tell you.”
“Tell me what?�
�� Why would Nessa neglect to impart information having to do with her son’s safety?
Kaelan looked away, leaning his head back against the trunk of the tree. “In the beginning there were four of us, all male. Until Nessa the earth had not seen fit to create a female immortal so we were forced to mate with the mortals. That is how the shifters and outcasts came to be. Our descendants began to call us the ancients. Your father and a few of the other shifters, the ones you call the elders, decided we had far too much power, viewing us as a threat. They murdered the other three ancients, accomplishing it by using their bonded mate. Once our son and Nessa are bonded their lives will be inextricably tied together as one. If one is killed the other dies as well. Your father will want Nessa dead now that he knows she exists. He will not hesitate to murder our son in accomplishing that end. Our son’s life is in even greater danger now that he has bonded with Nessa.”
She wanted to argue with him, say that could not possibly be true but the words refused to come out. Was her father truly capable of such a heinous act? Banishing children made him less than honorable, even if his motives were to protect the people of Knocknashee. Murdering six human beings because he feared their power made him a monster.
What exactly was Kaelan asking her to do, kill her father? No, he would never do that. Would he? She barely knew the man sitting before her even though they had a child together. “What exactly are you asking me to do?”
“Go back to Knocknashee.” Kaelan turned to face her again. She could feel the intensity of his gaze even though his brown eyes remained shrouded by the darkness. “Be my eyes and ears. Let me know if Ciaran and the elders are planning anything against our son or his wife.”
“Or you.” Kaelan neglected to include himself but if everything he said were true then her father must want him dead as well.
“I would not expect you to care about that.” He looked away again, obviously hurt by what he considered the truth.
“I care very much about that.” Her declaration did not seem to affect him. Why should he believe her? What had she ever done to prove her love? Love. Did she love him? If she were honest with herself she had always been in love with him, from the moment she saw him standing alone on that balcony. It made very little sense but then love rarely did. “I can try but I doubt he will allow me to live with them again.”
“You are the one person Ciaran will always make an exception for. Think about it, he allowed you to stay even after realizing you bore me a child. That would have been obvious once Conri began to grow.” Tenderness crept into Kaelan’s voice as he spoke of her bearing his child.
A pang of intensely painful regret assailed Etain. Kaelan should have been present at Conri’s birth. “I always wondered why he hated Conri so much. Knowing you are one of the ancients it makes more sense now. He used to tell me horrible stories about the ancients.” Her father’s actions were painful to accept now that she was being forced to see them for what they truly were, intolerance and hatred in their purest form.
“There is also a chance your father will try and use our son to draw me out. Since I have never bonded he has limited weapons to use against me.”
Kaelan had not chosen a permanent mate. Etain’s heart flooded with hope. It would undoubtedly be a long hard battle to win his love but she had never wanted anything more. “There is just one more thing I would like to know before I go.”
“I have no proof. All I have is my word that everything I told you is true.”
“Your word is enough. The information I need is of a more personal nature.” Etain’s heart felt as if it might jump right out of her chest at the thought of kissing him. She needed to know if he was still attracted to her.
Kaelan did not look away. That had to be a good sign. “What is it you would like to know?” The low, sensual way he said the words reminded her of the afternoons spent in his bed.
Etain leaned over and kissed him. At first Kaelan responded, kissing her back with all of the passion she remembered, a low growl rumbling from deep in his chest.
His acquiescence vanished almost instantly, pushing her away with such force that she nearly fell over onto her back. “That is never going to happen again.”
Not even remotely offended Etain grinned in the darkness. She had her answer. There was still hope.
CHANGING BACK into human form a sense of panic immediately overtook all other emotions. She could barely breath. Conri stood in front of her, staring straight ahead at nothing. They were his emotions, the shock of coming back to life after death.
Trying desperately to push aside his panic Nessa laid a hand on either side of his face. She could feel Conri attempting to calm himself.
Please let him be fine. If the bonding somehow irreparably damaged him she would never forgive herself.
“I just came back to life from being dead. Give me a moment.”
She heard him even though his lips never moved. Conri merely thought the words and she heard them. Add the jumble of emotions flooding her body and it could only mean one thing, they were literally sharing everything, every emotion and thought. Nessa decided to test the theory. “Did you just ask me to give you a moment?”
Conri nodded. “I can feel your concern, hear you chanting over and over please let him be fine.”
“Say something else in your mind, without talking.” It could not possibly be true. Could it?
“I am not sure I want you knowing my every thought. It could be a bit awkward at times.”
She whole-heartedly agreed. “You said you do not want me knowing your every thought. It could be awkward at times.”
Conri nodded. “Let me try something else. You could have guessed that.”
“I could feel your panic the instant I changed back into human form, your shock at being brought back to life. Now that you seem much calmer the feeling is gone.” Perhaps she should have anticipated this as a consequence of the bonding but honestly it never occurred to her. Suddenly an image came to her of Conri on his knees using his mouth to pleasure her in front of their friends and family.
“Well, what am I thinking about?” Her husband maintained a neutral expression.
There was no way she could say it out loud for everyone to hear. Their friends and family were all moving toward them. Nessa leaned over and whispered in his ear. “You went down on your knees right here in front of everyone and started pleasuring me with your mouth.”
They looked at each other without saying another word. She could tell by the look on his face that she was right, which meant they could communicate without talking, were privy to every thought and emotion of the other. While exciting in some ways it could also be considered rather disturbing.
Ronan slapped Conri on the back. “Well, did it work? Do you have her powers?”
An excellent question, the shock of hearing Conri’s thoughts distracted her. “Try changing form first. That is the easiest thing to do.” An image popped into her mind of Conri changing into a hawk and leading her up to the tower roof. This whole bonding thing would certainly take the element of surprise out of their relationship.
“I agree.” Conri answered her comment in his mind as he turned into a hawk and flew away.
The smile that spread across her face could not possibly be any broader. She watched her husband fly up to the top of the tower then disappear behind the crenelated stonewall. He could change form and they could hear each other’s thoughts. He possessed her powers and more. Conri would be able to protect himself now and if he were ever in danger she would know immediately, a definite benefit of being able to hear his thoughts.
“Are you coming wife.”
“Yes, he has my powers.” She spoke to no one in particular, unwilling to reveal the other effects of their bonding just yet. Turning into a hawk she pumped her long wings up and down, gaining enough height to fly up and out of the inner ward after her husband.
Conri was waiting for her in human form on the tower roof. Her husband obviously planned this ahe
ad of time, a blanket lie ready, already spread out. She could not think of a better place to spend their first day after the bonding. This was the side of her husband no one else ever saw. Nessa changed back into human form, happier than she had ever been.
Conri started thinking about this being the end of their time here and how he would miss their nights on this roof when they went to live with his father.
“Do you mean it? We can live with your father?” When Conri grinned she knew he revealed the information that way intentionally, testing out this new form of communication.
Conri walked across the roof to where she stood, sliding strong arms around her waist. “I know how much you want to learn from my father. Now he can teach us both.”
Her initial reaction of total and utter elation dissipated a bit when she thought about how much Conri cared for Rory. “Are you truly willing to leave Rory? We can always wait…”
Conri shook his head. “No, it is time. Killala is not that far if they need me.”
Throwing her arms around his neck she allowed all the love she felt for him to consume her mind and body. She could also feel his love for her. An overwhelming amount of emotion crashed through her body in waves.
When she pulled away Conri remained unmoving, staring at her with an intensely serious expression. “I can feel how much you love me. I could never have imagined such a thing. Why would you ever love me that much?” His tone implied sincere bafflement. Conri honestly did not believe he deserved such devotion.
“Love does not need a reason. It just is.” She could not begin to explain why two people fell in love or why she felt as she did about Conri. In her eyes he was perfect. It mattered not at all if no one else saw him as she did.
Nessa kissed his chest, allowing her hand to roam down his body, deciding to save him from having to express his emotions right now.