In fact, they happened regularly and were not at all uncommon.
In his travels, Lawrence was often asked by people in towns if he had seen so-and-so or whether such-and-such village still existed after a war in the area. Sometimes he would even encounter former slaves who had been taken from their far-off homelands before finally saving enough money to buy their freedom. When they asked for news of their hometown, it was so far away that Lawrence could scarcely believe it.
And such stories were not limited to humans.
Holo, too, was one such wanderer; in that moment her face looked like a statue, and if Lawrence had touched her cheek, he was quite sure that tears would have flowed freely.
“Because it involves so many people, there’s naturally profit to be had. Anybody affiliated with the alliance is treated well when they arrive in towns the alliance founded. But it’s not just that. Anyone who’s traveled about doing business is especially sensitive to the word homeland. There’s a sentimental reason we’ve fixed so stubbornly upon the abbey. If it were just for ourselves, we could hardly persevere so mightily. It’s because we wish to help others.”
These last words rang almost painfully true to Lawrence.
It was because of Holo that he had been able to come this far.
“Ha-ha—I’ve bored you with my blathering.”
“Not at all,” said Lawrence in response to Piasky’s self-deprecating smile. “Not at all. I understand. I’m the same way.”
The instant Lawrence said as much, Piasky seemed to grasp why he was traveling in this queer little trio of his. Piasky looked at Holo and Col in turn, both of whom smiled sheepishly back.
Piasky nodded, speaking slowly. “If you don’t mind my asking, might I inquire as to your homeland?”
“They’re both from the north. On the mainland. From different places, though.”
Piasky neither widened his eyes in surprise nor made any expression of sympathy. Instead, he asked a sincere question, one merchant to another.
“And you’re after the treasures of your home, then?”
With war came plunder, and the Church’s suppression of the pagans was no different from any other war. There were no small number of pagan items that once taken came to be highly valued as holy relics. Indeed, it was owing to the high probability of recovering such plunder that the Church kept sending forces in to quell the pagans.
“Essentially, yes. They’re searching for traces of their homelands, and I need their knowledge. It’s something of a miracle that I encountered them at all.”
“I see…So, you found a patron to fund your investigation, and the two of them found a guide. Fate certainly is a mysterious thing.”
“Though it’s hard to know whether I should thank the heavens for it or not.”
Piasky forced a grin at the joke, which at the very least was hardly suitable for an abbey. Such forbidden humor was all the more amusing for its inappropriateness.
“My apologies. Still…if that’s the case, I won’t hesitate to help you. Please, feel free to ask anything of me.”
“Showing us what you have is already more than enough. My thanks to you.”
Piasky wasn’t being so accommodating simply because he was an excellent merchant. It was because, Lawrence was sure, he was a genuinely kind person.
“I hope you find what you’re looking for,” said Piasky, as though he couldn’t help expressing the sentiment.
It was clear to Lawrence that Piasky had his current job not out of love of profit, nor even out of a desire to be thanked by others.
Though it pained him to admit it, Lawrence was no match for the man. And he realized that Holo had noticed this the moment she met him.
What if she’d met him first?
Lawrence was not confident enough in himself to stop the thought.
There was a knock at the door, and when Piasky opened it, it appeared to be a messenger from the alliance. While Lawrence didn’t intend to listen in, the conversation came to his ears nonetheless—it seemed Piasky was being summoned.
Piasky gave the messenger his reply and then turned around. “You’ll have to excuse me. It seems I’m being called.”
As far as the alliance’s reasons for coming to the abbey went, this building held the most significant of them. Lawrence and his companions could hardly remain there without Piasky to accompany them.
Lawrence carefully took the parchment from Holo and Col and then returned it to Piasky with a bow. “You’ve been a great help to us.”
“Not at all. This is the least I can do, and I’ll happily do it again.”
Simply seeing his guileless smile was worthwhile.
Lawrence, Holo, and Col filed out of the room, followed by Piasky, who locked the door. It was a strange feeling, knowing that in this place the future homes of many people were being planned. Holo’s vaguely dreamy expression was surely due to the same sentiment.
“We’ll be going, then.” Lawrence and company took their leave from Piasky, who immediately headed for the green-bannered inn while they walked in the opposite direction.
The weather was pleasant, and looking up at the sky, it was easy to forget that the ground was still covered with snow.
The trio was silent, each of them lost in their own thoughts.
But just before Lawrence was about to break that silence, Holo stopped in her tracks.
“What’s wrong?” Lawrence and Col stopped and turned after walking a few seconds more.
Holo looked down, her hood hiding her facial expression. It was clear enough from the slump of her slim shoulders that she was not feeling well.
“You go on ahead. I wish to walk a while.”
Her mouth appeared to smile, but how many times had Lawrence wished that she would save her smiles only for those times when she felt genuine happiness?
Col seemed nearly unable to restrain himself from going to her side, but Lawrence held him back.
“Just mind you don’t catch cold. Taking ill here comes with plenty of prayer.”
“Fool.” Despite the terse response, a large puff of white vapor came from Holo’s mouth. Then, just like that, she turned on her heel and walked off.
Col clutched at his chest as he watched her recede, then looked up at Lawrence. It was not as though he failed to understand why she would be acting this way, though.
Just as a picture was worth a thousand words, there was a great difference between hearing a sort of work existed and seeing the reality of it. So the impact of hearing that Piasky’s work was the creation of new towns and new homes and actually seeing the place where such work took place was likewise different.
And Piasky was a good person to boot. He acted not out of love of money, but neither was he naturally selfless.
Midway through her walk, Holo broke into a trot, then rounded a corner and disappeared out of sight, which made Lawrence’s heart ache.
Holo might well have been wondering the same thing he was—what if she’d met Piasky first.
“Should I have gone after her?” Lawrence breathed in the cold air and then exhaled hotly.
Though they stood in the middle of the street, they did not stand out, owing to the many other merchants standing and conversing in the area.
Lawrence took another breath and started walking.
“I don’t know what would be best. But I think Miss Holo would have been happy.”
It was an exemplary answer, and Lawrence found himself wanting to pat Col on the head for it. But exemplary answers were not always correct.
“Even though my own homeland still exists?”
Col took a sharp breath and stopped. Lawrence did not stop, however, and Col soon caught up with him.
“Sometimes God seems fit to comfort us, though he lives in the heavens free of aging or sickness.”
If Holo was a genius of banter, Col was an expert in persuasion. Since his own feelings were unwavering, his words always rang true. And thanks to his studies of Church law, he could ea
sily quote scripture to his advantage.
But Lawrence was an ever-wandering traveling merchant who lied even to himself, and he could not accept such straightforward reasoning.
“I’m sorry. If there’s one thing I know all too well, it’s my own lack of courage. I’m afraid that if I go to her side, I’ll be rejected.”
“I doubt that.”
Lawrence stopped and noticed that Col was even a bit shorter than Holo. The height difference was enough to make him look imposing to Col, no doubt, whether he was trying to or not.
Lawrence’s expression was hard, but not because of Col’s cheekiness, nor thanks to the cold. He started walking again and waited the few seconds it took for the hesitant Col to catch up before speaking.
“But it’s not as though I think so little of her. I don’t think she’s sad or lonely so much as I imagine her heart’s been disturbed a bit. She’s only ever wondered whether her homeland still exists or not—the idea of making a new one has never occurred to her. So I want to believe she’s uncertain how to manage the feelings she’s having now.”
They arrived at the shepherds’ dormitory, and Lawrence put his hand to the thin door’s handle. They both entered, and he continued.
“I can hardly be involved in all of Holo’s affairs, nor can I hope to solve all the problems she faces. The only thing I can do is dedicate myself to doing for her what I can.”
As Holo would want. In the best ways he knew how.
He added some straw to the dying fire in the hearth; it quickly caught fire, sending sparks dancing up.
“I’m sure you and she noticed the mention of the wolf bones.”
“…You mean the clue Mr. Piasky is searching for?
“Yes. Just as we saw in Kerube, all holy relics are highly valued, and depending on how they’re used, they can help support a faith—like trying to catch the golden sheep, thinking it was sent by God. You could say that’s exactly the sort of thing Piasky’s looking for.”
If the abbey had indeed purchased the bones, even knowing they were from a pagan god, it was hard to imagine anything that would more thoroughly prove the depth of their conviction. It would unite the abbey council, saving the abbey as a whole both practically and religiously.
But it was an ironic truth that the cleverer a conclusion was, the easier it was to poke holes in it.
A lie was always harder to expose when it was simple.
Lawrence had abstained from giving Piasky any information because he did not feel it was a decision he should be making alone.
“Mr. Lawrence, why…Back then, why didn’t you…?”
Holo had most likely noticed Lawrence’s caution at the time, and even Col had probably understood most of it. After all, he had only to think back to what happened in the port town of Kerube.
“Because this information would be enough for them to make an important decision on. It’s quite obvious how much we could have distanced ourselves from them, in that moment—and the alliance, too, hardly wishes to base its actions on hearsay from people it knows nothing about. Once they’d gotten assurances from me, I could end up being forced to take responsibility for any failure or bearing the brunt of the attack in case it came to a head-on confrontation with the abbey.”
“So you’re saying you wouldn’t have been able to stay uninvolved?”
“Yes. Their power is too great. If we tell them what we know, and they consider it worthy, it would overturn not just the list of holy relics, but all the investigation they’ve done on the abbey’s dealings and holdings. And if the bones truly do exist, then they’ll surely find evidence of them soon. That’s the sort of people we’re dealing with. And here in the snowy plains, none will come to our aid.”
At least in Kerube there were many people around. But here, even the name of the Rowen Trade Guild was weak.
“It’s true that we could take the risk and escape on Holo’s back if things turn dangerous, but if we’re going to do that, Holo may as well have bared her fangs right from the start. But she would like to avoid doing so as much as possible. In addition to her conscientiousness, she tends to worry.”
“…”
Holo often spoke to Lawrence in a complicated, roundabout fashion, rarely explaining her true feelings, which made misunderstandings inevitable—but she seemed to be clearer when speaking with Col.
Since Col seemed to understand what Lawrence was getting at, despite his condensed explanation, the boy’s conjecture was probably accurate. Not just accurate, in fact—given his pained expression, there was a good possibility he’d heard Holo’s true feelings.
If so, he was probably wondering how two supposed adults could act so childishly. Holo surely would have laughed if such a candid question had been put to her.
Why not simply be honest?
“So as long as she wishes it, I’ll continue to take risks. It’s the least I can do.” He paused and watched the burning straw turn to ash, smoke wafting lazily up.
It felt as though he were looking at his own self, pretentious though such a notion was.
“You said earlier that I could still be of comfort to Holo, even though my own homeland still exists.”
“Y-yes!”
“I still find that hard to imagine. And what if she asks me to create a new home for her? That would put me in a difficult situation. And yet…”
The right corner of Lawrence’s lip curled up of its own volition for the very same reason that he was willing to take such great risks for Holo.
“And yet I can’t bear to see her ask such things of anyone else.”
He could never admit as much in front of Holo, but it was the unvarnished truth.
Col’s face was frozen in place unsurprisingly. He surely did not want to hear such a painfully embarrassing statement from an adult.
But Lawrence felt a strange sense of exhilaration and a certain pride, and he thrust his chest out and continued jokingly, “So I suppose I’ll just have to find another way to entice her, eh? Something that’ll make her forget all about Piasky and his work.”
It was a calculating, self-serving way to think, but it was clearly drawn from a different place than his former inclination to labor mightily for every single silver piece.
Back then, not even giving his confession in a church would leave his heart feeling clean. Indeed, it would only become part of his calculations—now I’ll be all right for a while.
Of course, this was all solely about Lawrence, and his listening audience undoubtedly found it unbearable.
But Col was a bit better behaved, simply turning away as though overcoming his embarrassment.
“But of course, I can’t tell her that, and quite honestly you have the worst of it, being subjected to our back-and-forth as much as you are.”
At these words Col finally looked up and seemed about to say something. He opened his mouth as though to speak, but in the end simply looked down again.
Lawrence found this odd. “What’s the matter?”
Col’s shoulders flinched. Though he so often gave honest answers, this time he simply looked away. And then, like that, he spoke in a very small voice. “I’m…sorry.”
“For what? What possible reason could you have to apologize?”
Something in the hearth gave way with a small sound, and a puff of ashes floated up.
Perhaps that had been the sound of some epiphany flashing through the boy’s mind or perhaps it was simply the sound of his face freezing in place.
Col shrank into himself, a look of extreme contrition on his face.
It was done.
Lawrence covered his face with his hand, his shoulders sagging.
He was now quite certain she’d heard everything.
At some point during their time in Piasky’s office, Holo had given Col secret instructions, and he’d cooperated in letting her see what his reaction would be once she said she wanted to be alone.
Every word he had uttered came back to him. But for his last shred of pr
ide’s sake, he decided not to run.
He stood and patted the terrified Col’s head lightly, then walked past him and toward the door.
The thin wood of the door was no great barrier to sound—not that it would matter either way to Holo, who stood unapologetically on the other side of the door.
“’Tis rather impressive that you don’t think of me as some weakly sobbing female, but honestly, ’twas unbearable hearing such embarrassing things.” Holo smiled maliciously.
Her cheeky grin made him want to debate and browbeat her until she cried out for mercy. How many times had this face gotten the better of him?
And Lawrence found himself infuriated each time it happened, as Holo’s japes were always constructed to emphasize his own stupidity.
“So you don’t wish to see me entreat another for help?” she said. “You’re simply too adorable for…You—”
Her fangs flashed as she spoke, and she extended her index finger to poke Lawrence in the chest, but then—
“…! Nngh…!”
While it is true that anger kept bottled up will finally burst free, in this case it was more like a cornered rat biting the cat that hunted it.
At first Holo was surprised and shrank away, but she soon regained her composure and started to struggle, trying to escape despite her obvious concern for Col’s reaction.
But as long as she remained in this form, the difference between her strength and Lawrence’s was obvious.
Some indeterminate amount of time passed before Lawrence let her hand go—and the instant he did, Holo took a deep breath and slapped him across his cheek good and hard, so it must have been quite a while.
Lawrence staggered, musing that he really was no match for her—but it was not the quickness of her hand that made him think so.
Despite having slapped him, Holo’s face was not colored with anger. Far from it, her expression was kind; she even smiled faintly.
“That makes us even.”
Just which one of you was it that set this up? Had her smile not been genuine, he was quite certain he would have wanted to put that question to her. But no matter how much he wanted to object, the words wouldn’t come—because her smile was real.
“That makes us even.”
Spice and Wolf, Vol. 10 Page 12