by Kit Rocha
“Oh, I don’t know. He might have been rejecting me a little.” Maricela bent over the back of the couch and snagged Kora’s bottle of cider. “Something about how I kept giggling every time he tried to kiss me.”
Nita groaned and closed her eyes. “I thought we had a rule, Maricela.”
“Right—no talking about your brother’s mouth and what he does with it.” She paused. “Do yourself a favor and don’t look across the room, okay?”
The words may as well have been a command. Kora glanced up to where Zeke and Reyes were dancing—or had been.
Zeke still was, though it could barely be called dancing. He was holding a blonde acolyte in his arms, her legs around his hips, her hair tangling with his as he nuzzled her neck. There was a slightly manic edge to his laughter that raked over Kora’s nerves like metal against metal, and she averted her eyes.
Reyes had backed his dance partner up against the painted wall, one hand spread wide over the blue folds of a saint’s robe. He was kissing her, the kind of kiss where no matter which way you turned your head, you couldn’t get deep enough.
Nita cracked one eye open and groaned again. “By all the Saints…” She turned her back firmly on the sight and scrunched up her face at Maricela. “You’re mean.”
Kora rescued her cider and calmly took a sip. “When they’re done, we should ask him if she still has her tonsils.”
Maricela burst out laughing. “No, she’s mean.”
“I should go dance with Gabe or Ana,” Nita grumbled. “I bet he wouldn’t take it half as calmly as I do.”
“Too late.” Maricela gestured to the hallway, where Reyes and his partner were slipping into the shadows. “Now you’ll just have to do it for fun.”
“I think I will.” She finished her cider—definitely not her first—and rose. She swayed a little before she caught herself, then crossed the room to where Ana stood with Hunter and Gabe, listening to something Ashwin was saying.
Nita didn’t settle for one partner. She grabbed Ana and Gabe both and dragged them toward the dancing crowd. A knot of Riders and acolytes broke apart and reformed around them, everyone swaying together, joyous and affectionate and uninhibited.
Ashwin remained, watching Kora. This expression was new, softer, open enough for her to sense what lay behind his dark gaze. Patience, peace—and desire. That part wasn’t new, but it made her pulse speed up to see it like this, shared instead of locked away.
“Go,” Maricela whispered, already pulling the bottle from her hand again.
Kora stood, the blood singing in her ears. Ashwin met her in the middle of the makeshift dance floor, his strong hands sliding to her hips. He wasn’t awkward this time as he pulled her against his chest. “Hello, Kora.”
It was even more knee-melting up close, all the wanting. “Hi.”
He slid his hand to the small of her back, tugging her even closer as they moved with the music. “Is my dancing improving?”
He was teasing her, and she tried to quell her smile. “It wasn’t bad to begin with. But you knew that.”
“I suspected.” He stroked her hair back from her forehead. “I’m having illogical thoughts about you.”
“The best kind.” She snuck her fingers under the hem of his shirt, and the muscles in his stomach tensed. “Tell me.”
“Are you certain?” He touched her temple, then traced a warm line down to her jaw. “You used to tell me your hypothesis. That Makhai soldiers have feelings.”
Kora shivered. “I don’t think it’s the sort of thing you can take out of a person. Not easily.”
“What if you’re wrong?” His hand settled on her shoulder, his thumb resting at the base of her throat. “I want you in my bed, Kora. But not until you’ve considered all the risks. Not unless you know that the possibility is there.”
“Which one?”
“That I’m empty,” he answered simply. “That I’m broken. That I can promise to protect your body, but I may never have the capacity to make the same promise about your heart. That I might destroy it without meaning to.”
She could taste the truth in his words. But they’d already had this conversation, with a different question—and the same answer. “There are worse things, remember?” She swayed closer to the mesmerizing heat of his body. “Being alone. Not feeling anything. I’d rather take the chance.”
“I can make you feel.” The pressure of his thumb increased slightly. A warning. “I know what your body needs, and I know how to give it to you. Be sure you want it. It will be intense—”
“Ashwin.”
“It matters, Kora.” His eyes were serious. Intent. “Women come to us willingly because they know we can please them, but they build fantasies about who we are. They lie, because no one who looks us in the eye really wants the monster staring back at them. I need to know you’re not lying to yourself.”
Guilt. Pain. She let them wash over her, then shook her head. “Would it matter to you if I was?”
She watched his face as he recognized the trap in her words. If he didn’t care, they’d already be in his bed. And if he did care…
His mouth flattened into a firm line. He gripped her hips for a moment, then cupped her ass and dragged her up his body until she wrapped her legs around him. Her eyes were level with his, and empty was the last word to describe their deep-brown depths. “I warned you,” he rumbled as he started for the hallway.
“You warned me,” she agreed, then slanted her open mouth over his.
His kiss was focused, deep. He kissed her without missing a step, as if he could navigate the barracks with his eyes closed already. All she knew was the pressure of his lips and the tease of his tongue until her back thudded softly against the door to his room.
For two delicious heartbeats, he held her pinned against it, trapped between the door and the hard wall of his chest. Then the door vanished, and he tightened his arm around her waist before the sensation of falling backwards could claim her. Distantly, she heard him kick the door shut and nudge a chair out of the way.
Distantly. Because he was kissing her like he could do it forever.
Panting, she tore her mouth from his. They were next to the bed, and she held her breath as he lowered her to stand beside it.
“Hold up your arms.”
She started to obey, but her hands had other ideas. They brushed his chest and lingered, pressing through the fabric. “Do I need to ask you?”
His brow furrowed slightly. “Ask me what?”
“If you’re sure.” She twisted her fingers in his T-shirt. “I’m not the only one who could get hurt.”
“I don’t mind physical pain.” He slid his hands over hers, gently freeing them from the fabric. “And if you hurt me some other way...you’d win, wouldn’t you?”
He was serious. Kora tilted her head back and met his gaze. “It’s not about being right or proving a hypothesis. It’s your life, Ashwin. That matters to me.”
He lifted one of her hands and kissed the center of her palm. “That’s why I’m sure.”
She didn’t know until he said them exactly how much she needed to hear the words, too. She tried to tell him so, but her breath caught again, and she raised her arms above her head.
He moved slowly. Precisely. It was everything she’d ever known of Ashwin—his seriousness, his meticulous attention to detail—distilled into the gentle glide of his hands as they traced down her arms and over her sides.
He didn’t strip off her dress all at once. He took his time, gathering the soft blue fabric in his fists and coaxing it up inch by inch. It tickled over her skin, an unending caress that he dragged out until the breath she was holding escaped on a moan.
“I have a plan,” he murmured as the dress cleared her head, sending her tousled hair cascading around her face. Ashwin dropped the dress and smoothed the locks back from her cheeks, his fingertips lingering to caress the shell of her ear. “I formulated it when you came to me last night, but I’ve been revising and refin
ing it all day.”
“All—” Her voice broke, and she swallowed—hard. “All day? Surely it’s not complicated enough to warrant that.”
“It’s not about being complicated.” He brushed glancing, maddening touches over her back and the line of her spine on his way to the clasp on her bra. One efficient twist of his fingers and the fabric went loose, one strap slipping from her shoulder. “It’s about being thorough. A man who wouldn’t be meticulous in devising the best way to give you pleasure is a man who doesn’t deserve to touch you.”
“Really?” Another moan built in her throat, and she released it on a shaky sigh. “I think figuring it all out should be part of the fun.” She touched his face, drawing a line from his cheekbone to the corner of his mouth, and smiled when he sucked in a breath. “See?”
Something dangerous burned in his eyes as he turned his head to nip at her fingers. It almost hurt, and the sensation zipped along her nerve endings like an electric shock.
She was trembling now, so she dropped her hand to his shoulder and pulled at the soft cotton of his shirt in silent demand.
He answered by lifting his arms.
Kora didn’t have his patience. She jerked at the fabric, and it caught on his chin and tangled around his arms. He helped her by stripping it away and letting it fall to the floor.
She’d seen him half naked more times than she could count. Most of their interactions had involved his partial nudity. It was different now that she was undressed, too, and that look in his eyes—
Kora slid her arms around him, traced the scratches she’d left on his shoulders the night before, then stepped back until her legs hit the edge of the mattress.
He followed her, looming over her for a dizzying moment before sinking to his knees. He smoothed his thumb over the edge of her simple black panties as his gaze drifted up to hers. “You’ve touched yourself before, haven’t you?”
The question surprised her—and it shouldn’t have. The fact that he wasn’t sure he could feel emotion had no bearing on his sexual experience. He’d mentioned other women, and he must have had domestic handlers.
He’d had sex before. Probably lots and lots of it. She was the inexperienced one here. “I have.”
“Show me.” He caught one of her hands and pressed it to her abdomen, her fingers spread wide beneath his. But instead of guiding her down, he slid their hands up. When she was cupping her breast, he let his touch fall away.
Her cheeks heated, but she didn’t look away as she squeezed her fingers together, pinching her nipple between them. She shivered at the sudden spike of pleasure, more intense because he was watching her so closely.
“You don’t mind it either, do you?” The sudden warmth of his breath on her abdomen kept her shivering. He soothed her with an open-mouthed kiss and the gentle brush of his tongue, so sweet she wasn’t ready for the sudden shock of his teeth closing on her skin. “A little bit of pain.”
Her voice failed her, so she shook her head.
“It’s all right.” He hooked his fingers under her panties and dragged them lower. His mouth followed, hot against her hip and so, so soft. “Sometimes pain is a warning. But like this, with someone you trust…” She anticipated the jolt this time, but she still swayed when his teeth sank into her skin. “It’s a different kind of sensation.”
Her knees would barely hold her. “Ashwin...”
“I know.” He pulled her underwear down her legs and lifted her feet from the fabric one by one. When she stood naked before him, he gripped her hips. “Sit.”
He was so close that she had to move her knees to one side of his body to keep them together as she obeyed.
“Kora.” He stroked one of her thighs, drawing his fingers all the way from her hip to the rounded tip of her knee. He didn’t exert any pressure, just rested there as he studied her face. Something shifted behind his eyes—or maybe it was in his touch. She felt the swell of protective tenderness before he slipped his free hand into her hair and pulled her into a deep, overwhelming kiss.
Oh.
She’d kissed him already, and he’d let her, but that was a whole different thing. An indulgence, really, definitely not this focused, driving need. It cut through her self-consciousness like a hot knife through ice, and she melted.
His mouth left hers only to travel to her jaw. Sweet kisses. Soft. No teeth or sudden jolts this time, simply warmth and tingles as he kissed his way down her neck and back up her throat to claim her mouth again. His fingers brushed her inner thigh, subtly stroking, and she realized that she’d opened her legs—shamelessly, wantonly, like she couldn’t wait for him to touch her.
She couldn’t wait for him to touch her.
Anything to keep this delicious tension building. Kora rocked forward just as Ashwin leaned closer, and the contrasts made her head swim. The hardness of his body against the softness of hers, his heat enveloping her while she could still feel the cool tile beneath her toes.
The way the world fell away, even as it suddenly made sense.
This. Whenever she’d wondered about the nature of happiness or the significance of pleasure or the meaning of life, it was only because she hadn’t found this.
“Yes,” he murmured against her throat, as if he’d heard the thought. His hands swept up her body, not so gentle anymore as they cupped her breasts, his thumbs unerringly finding her nipples. His sharp, indrawn breath echoed hers, a quiet fracture in his self-control.
Before she could revel in it, he bent his head and sucked her nipple into his mouth. The wet heat alone was enough to arch her back, but then his tongue brushed the painfully tight peak. She sank her teeth into her lower lip, but the sound still tore from her throat—half protest, half plea.
He gave her more. His teeth grazed her sensitized flesh, sparking a shiver of nervous anticipation. His hand tightened at the base of her neck, holding her in place as he licked and teased. When the pain came, it was from his thumb and forefinger pinching tightly together on her other nipple.
She scratched her nails over his chest, anything to distract herself from the desperation in her own voice. “It’s not enough.”
“Not yet.” The world swam around her, and she realized he was leaning her back. Her shoulders touched the soft quilt spread over his bed, and his mouth found hers again for a desperate moment. Then he was gone, moving back down her body, leaving heat and wet kisses behind. To her breasts, then lower, tracing a circle around her belly button.
He settled between her legs again, pressing them wide as he stroked her inner thighs. “You know what you need.” The words vibrated against her hipbone as his thumbs circled higher and higher—but not high enough. “Say it.”
“I need to come,” she whispered. “I need you.”
His grip on her legs tightened, just for a heartbeat.
Then he put his mouth on her.
The shock of it almost brought her hips off the bed. She knew it was light, careful—the barest hint of his tongue gliding over her flesh—but it didn’t feel that way. It felt like the final step down a long, endless path, like she hadn’t even realized how much she’d longed for him until this moment.
She had to touch him, so she slid her shaking fingers through his hair and pulled at the short strands. He hummed in low approval, the vibrations adding another layer of bright, intense sensation. She clung to him as his thumbs brushed her next, stroking and then parting. His next lick was firmer, deeper.
Relentless.
No amount of curiosity or study about how this worked theoretically could have prepared her for this intricate dance. Kora had expected him to be attentive, to act based on her reactions, but she hadn’t foreseen how having his hands tremble on her thighs would drive her arousal higher. It wasn’t physical—he wasn’t doing anything different—but knowing how her pleasure affected him…
It was electric.
Suddenly, she understood the appeal of spending a day planning an encounter like this, because it wasn’t about planning a
t all. It was about anticipation.
His tongue swept upward, shattering thought as he drew a delicate circle around her clit. When her hips jerked, he caught her, strong fingers holding her in place so he could repeat the gesture.
Over and over. He held her so she couldn’t squirm away, and then, when sensation overwhelmed her, so that she couldn’t chase his tongue. It should have frustrated her, and it did, but not as much as she craved the leashed strength in his hands, holding her together as she fell apart.
The orgasm that swept through her was just like the one the night before, quick and hard, pleasure and relief in equal measure. She muffled her moan with the back of her hand, pressing until her teeth bit into her lips to hold back the sound.
“Don’t.” An order, whispered against her still-trembling flesh. Ashwin lifted his head, and his thumb replaced his tongue, gliding in effortless, slippery circles. “Don’t hide your reactions. I want them.”
“The party—”
“They can’t hear you.” He kissed the inside of her thigh. “Listen, Kora. The density of the adobe walls muffles sound. You can barely hear the music.”
She could feel the bass line vibrating through the barracks, but she couldn’t hear the music or the noise from the main room. She pushed up on her elbows and arched an eyebrow at Ashwin. “If you can still think about the density of adobe, I think it’s your turn to have your brain melted.”
He mirrored her gesture, one dark eyebrow swooping up. Without breaking eye contact, he gripped her thighs harder and ducked his head again. This time, when his tongue swept out, the shock of pleasure twisted with the way he was staring at her—intent. Challenging.
Her arms went as weak as the rest of her, and she slipped back to the bed as he ravished her with his mouth. No careful exploration this time. No slow build. He used his thumbs to hold her open and devoured her. His tongue swept up and down, dipped into her body to tease. Before she could catch her breath he returned to her clit—not gentle circles this time but a ravenous assault.