Beautiful Oblivion

by Addison Moore

  “Shit.” An instant rage pumps through me. “If I didn’t kill him, I’ll have to rectify that tomorrow.” I’m not fucking kidding.

  “Please don’t.” Her lips curve up one side, and her tiny dimple goes off like a comma. “I don’t want you in prison because then we can’t do this.” She leans up on her tiptoes and lands a careful kiss over my lips. “God—Ace.” Her lids flutter a moment. “You saved me.” She tightens her grip around my waist and gives a hard sniff. “I’d better hop in the shower.” She wipes the tears from her eyes. “I want to scrape him off my body.”

  “Take your time.” I land another kiss on her lips, and this time we linger.

  “I love you, Ace Waterman.” She blinks up at me with those expectant blue eyes.

  “I love you, too, Reese Westfield.”

  She takes off for the bathroom, and I flop down on my bed. My back is still broken from hacking down a forest, not to mention rolling out a window.

  A gentle knock erupts at my door before Neva pokes her head in. She glances around for signs of Reese, and I nod toward the bathroom.

  “Did he hurt her?” Her eyes glisten with tears. She’s wearing a Winnie the Pooh oversized T-shirt, and her hair is combed back. Neva looks all of twelve, and a part of me is relieved she has the ability to morph back anytime she wants.

  “Yes—almost,” I say, pulling up on my elbows. “I want you to stay away from him. He’s gutter trash.”

  Neva averts her eyes as if she knows better.

  “I know,” I grunt as I pick up my laptop. “He probably said the same thing about me.”

  “He didn’t.” She looks nervously over at my bathroom. “He said he liked you. He said he liked Reese, that he loved her. He thought she was his—like he owned her or something. Look, Warren is a really nice guy once you get to know him.”

  “He attacked her. He broke into her room and tried to force himself on her—in her. He’s not a nice guy. And I know him pretty damn well, Neva—so does Reese.”

  “He was just wasted.”

  “Neva.”

  The water turns off, and any second now Reese is going to find me pelting my sister with a pillow to knock some sense into her. “He tried to fuck her without her permission.” I stare her down, confused as hell as to why she would stick up for his sorry ass. “You’re into him, aren’t you?” There’s no way I’ll even hint at the fact she might be in love with Warren. A thought comes to me, and I’m blindsided with rage. Warren said he was boning someone on the side, someone who was an expert at exactly what she was doing to him earlier. “Shit,” I seethe. “He’s using you, Neva.”

  “You wish.” Her voice shakes. “Look, he had his reasons to overreact tonight. I filled him in on the fact she was whoring around behind his back with you of all people.”

  “What the hell is that suppose to mean?” I get up and charge at the door.

  “It means she’s using you. She thinks you’re gutter trash. That’s all we’ve ever been to her. And you can forget your fantasy that Warren is using me. What we have is special.” She rushes out of the room and slams the door in my face.

  Reese comes out just in time to cool my temper. Her hair is slicked back, and she’s wearing nothing but a towel. I lock the door to avert another Neva inspired disaster tonight.

  Reese glides on my bed and pats a spot next to her so I comply.

  “It’s my birthday.” She lays her head on my chest, and I pull her into my lap.

  “I would have bought you a thousand gifts if I knew. Some best friend I am.” I bring her hand to my lips and kiss it.

  “You’re all the gift I need.” She glances down and interlaces our fingers. “I have something to confess.”

  “What’s that?”

  “That night we went skinny dipping, and I asked you to be my fling?” She lowers her lids a moment.

  “Yes.” My heart thumps against my chest like a caged gorilla.

  “I think maybe I misled you.” Her eyes needle into mine, and she doesn’t let up her gaze.

  Oh shit. I hope this goes in the right direction, but if not, I’ll love Reese no matter what. I’m just glad she’s safe.

  “I wasn’t totally honest with you that night.” She gives my hand a squeeze as a smile plays on her lips. “You see, for as long as I can remember I’ve been madly, achingly, desperately in love with you, Ace Waterman.”

  I blow out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding. Every muscle in my body relaxes.

  “I’m in love with you too, Reese. From the moment my hormones kicked into gear, I have been.” I brush my lips over her neck. “All that time, all this summer it’s been killing me not to tell you. I wanted to. Hell, I started to, but I would have bet my life this was a friends only deal, and I didn’t want to ruin anything for you. I would die if I lost you as a friend, Reese.” I stroke my fingers through her wet hair. “And I’m glad I didn’t.”

  “I want to be with you, Ace.” She blinks back tears. “Out loud, in public, at home and at school. I want everyone to know that I’m with you and nobody else.” She tucks a smile into her cheek. “Is that taking things too far?”

  “Not at all.” A dull laugh beats over my chest. “In fact, it’s not enough because I want the world”—I dot her cheek with a kiss—“the water, the forest, the fucking sky to know that we’re together. I want every person on the planet to know how much I love you, Reese.” My voice breaks with that last part, and I bite down hard on my lip.

  “Really?” She shakes her head in disbelief, her eyes glossed with tears.

  “Really.” I land my mouth over hers and indulge in an achingly sweet exchange. Her tongue touches mine, and I lose it. Reese and I lounge this way for what feels like hours. I dot kisses all the way to her ear. “This is real. What we have is something special.”

  “Something special, for sure.” Reese presses out a mile-wide smile. “I want to share something with you. I hope it doesn’t freak you out.” She reaches down to her bag and pulls out a stack of envelopes.

  “Did you get your letter?” A spike of adrenaline courses through my veins, and I’m happy for Reese more than I would be if it were me.

  “Yup.” She plucks one out from the pile and waves it in the air. “My dad left it on my pillow before I went to bed. I saved it. I wanted to read it with you—safe in your arms.”

  I tighten my grip around her, and my throat locks up with a knot the size of a fist.

  Reese pulls the letter out and smooths over it with her hand.

  “Dear Reese,” her voice breaks as she starts, and I rock her into me.

  “Another year is under your wing and you’re already so much wiser. I’m sure with your father’s guidance, you’re shaping up to be the woman I always knew you were destined to be, strong, independent—knowing yourself so well you’d follow your heart to the ends of the earth if you thought it was the right thing to do. Sometimes in life we’re asked to make hard choices, sometimes that means not agreeing with what everyone else thinks and going out on your own to do the things you need to do, to be with the people you need to be with. A long time ago, I had two great loves. I followed my heart and chose one over the other because I knew he was the one I was truly meant to be with. I broke the other boy’s heart. He accused me of not loving him because he didn’t have the nice things your father did, but that wasn’t true. At the end of the day, your father’s warm heart and kind smile won out over the dark-haired boy who was a little rough around the edges. Some days it felt as if he liked the bottle more than he liked me. The reason I’m telling you this is because you might find yourself between a tender hearted boy and someone else, and I won’t be there to tell you to follow your heart and do the right thing—to pick the boy with the kind smile because he will always love you best. Never compromise who you give your heart to. Once you give it away it’s hard to get it back. Give your heart away once and to the right person—to the one who loves you more than himself and lets you know how amazing you are each day

, because if I can’t be there to say those very things then it’s my wish for you to find someone who will.

  Be strong.

  Be brave in all you do.

  Put school first. Prepare yourself to be the success I know you will be. I’ll be watching over you, until we meet again.

  I love you with my whole heart baby girl,

  Love,

  Mommy”

  Reese breaks down and sobs into my chest, and I cry silent tears right along with her. I pull up the sheets, holding her all night like that, the letter folded in her hand as if it were a part of her mother herself.

  A light knock vibrates over the door, and I rouse to find Reese in my arms, the early morning sun spraying over her beautiful face.

  “Ace?” Dad’s voice thumps from the other side. “Mr. Westfield is here to see her.”

  “Got it,” I moan, sealing a kiss over Reese’s temple. Her towel dislodged in the night, and she’s lying naked in my arms like a work of art. My boner tries to pop up to greet her just as she blinks into me. “Your dad’s here.”

  “Crap.” She scrambles out of bed and throws on her dress from the night before. She rakes my comb through her hair and steps into her shoes.

  I hop up, and we hit the living room together.

  Dad and Mr. Westfield are standing awkwardly in front of the TV. Neva’s already at the kitchen table primed and ready to watch the show.

  “Daddy!” Reese speeds over to him. “You’re going to be late for your trip.”

  “Don’t you worry about it. I’ve canceled. You’re much more important to me than some business meeting.” He takes up Reese in his arms, and for the first time I can see the resemblance in their eyes. “I talked to the police last night and they said anytime you want to stop by today you’re welcome to press charges.”

  “What will happen if I do?” Reese glances over at me for a second.

  “He’ll most likely turn around and press charges against Ace.” He gives an apologetic nod. “Warren’s father will bail him out—your friend may not be so lucky.” He gives a bleak smile to Dad. “But I’d do it. In fact, if you want, I’ll throw the book at Warren. I’m sick at the thought of him trying to force himself on you.”

  “He was drunk!” Neva belts it out at the top of her lungs.

  “That doesn’t excuse him. And neither should you.” Mr. Westfield doesn’t hesitate in reprimanding my sister. It makes me like him more. “Being a drunk gets you nowhere and most certainly doesn’t give you the right to put your hands on anyone.” He shakes his head. “Nevertheless, the McCarthy’s and I aren’t seeing eye to eye on the matter, but they say they’ll respect whatever we decide.”

  “Go ahead and throw the book at him.” Reese sags into his chest. “Even if his dad does make sure he doesn’t spend an hour behind bars, at least he’ll learn not to mess with me or anyone else for that matter.”

  “Can I make a suggestion?” Dad interjects and Reese gives a nod. “In addition to whatever you’ve got planned, make him take an anger management course—put him in a sober living home to detox. Life will be a whole lot easier for him if he breaks down his demons right now.” He glances out the window a moment. “The more you wait, the more you lose.”

  “That sounds good.” Reese offers her dad another hug and pulls back with a solemn expression. “I read my birthday card.”

  “Oh, yeah?” He gives a soft smile down at her. “Any words of wisdom you’d like to share?”

  “She said, be careful who you give your heart to.”

  “I’ll have to approve of anyone you even think of giving your heart to.” He taps her on the nose with his finger.

  “It’s too late.” Reese comes over and wraps her arms around my waist. “I already gave it away.”

  “Ace Waterman, huh?” Mr. Westfield looks from Dad to me and breaks out in a gentle grin. “You’re lucky I approve.”

  Reese bubbles with a laugh before turning to me and landing a kiss over my lips.

  Mr. Westfield says his goodbyes, and Reese follows him out.

  I nod over at Dad, perturbed. “What’s with the send him off to rehab routine?” Not that I’m opposed to Warren getting help, it just seems like a strange recommendation from my father of all people.

  “I’d a been a better man for it.” He pulls a cigarette off the table and lights up. “I fucked up a long time ago, but you can be glad, or else neither you or Reese would be here today.”

  I glance out the window at Reese, and her mother’s letter comes back to me.

  “You were into her mom?”

  “Into? I was the shit. She was into me.” He takes an arrogant puff, and the smoke billows through the room. “All right. I was whooped and she wisely didn’t choose me in the end. Damn near killed me. And, when she died, I almost died with her.”

  A brick settles in my throat. I couldn’t handle losing Reese. I can’t imagine what he went through.

  “Is that why you and Mom split up?”

  “Nope. Loved her, too. She couldn’t stand me. Found someone who treated her better.” He says that last part in air-quotes and the ashes from his cigarette spray over my bare foot. “Look, be good to your lady, or she’ll find someone else. It’s that easy.” He points to Neva. “And you don’t settle for shit.” He grabs his patrol jacket off the hook. “I’m going to work. Keep out of trouble.” He storms out the door, and I follow him outside to where Reese is standing alone, staring at the lake.

  I run a string of kisses up over her face. “You want to go camping for the day?”

  “Just one day?” She turns and her laughter ripples from her chest to mine. “I’ve got at least four before I have to get back to school.” Reese tilts her head and the light shines over her hair, illuminating each strand with the fire from the morning sun.

  Neva pokes her head out the screen and scowls at the two of us before pulling her lips back into something just this side of a smile. I don’t blame her for not expanding. Her face might crack from the effort.

  “I just want to say I’m sorry,” she gives it just above a whisper as she looks to Reese. “And, if you want to go for coffee sometime, I’m okay with that.”

  “I’d love that.” Reese takes in a hard breath as if she were fighting tears.

  Neva bolts back into the house—probably to crawl back into her casket for the day.

  I toss the tent in the back of the Cougar and get the cooler together before Reese and I take off for the falls.

  We get up to the top and Reese throws the tent up in the air and laughs as it pops into shape, landing with a whisper over the dirt. I embed us in a clearing under the pines and scoop Reese into my arms as I take us inside our little orange love shack.

  “I’m going to love you forever, Reese.”

  “I’m going to love you twice that long.”

  I land a kiss over her lips, hot as a firebrand.

  Reese pulls me down over her, and I make love to her sweetly until long after the sun goes down.

  12

  Catching Ecstasy

  Reese

  One week later

  The brick walkways at Yeats University are filled with bicycles and skateboards rushing by at this late hour in the afternoon. The eucalyptus trees create a wall of greenery that leads out to the expansive lawns where girls sit in clusters while boys throw a football back and forth. Classes start in a week, and I’ve already situated myself. I have no idea why I let Kennedy talk me into joining her when I could have spent a few more blissful days with Ace. But he mentioned he had a trip planned with Gavin so we wouldn’t be together anyway. The distance is already killing me, and it’s been less than twenty-four hours.

  Thank God I have Brylee. She bops alongside me like a child at an amusement park, gawking at all the boys zipping by while they openly flirt with the two of us.

  “This year is going to be masterfully insane.” She grips my arm. Her blonde hair billows in the breeze like pale feathers. “I’m going to have orgasms by the dozen just walking to class in the morning.”

  “Eww, and remind me to walk in another direction.” I lead us over to the giant falls that cascade over the English building into a narrow reflecting pool that runs down the center of campus. “This sort of reminds me of the Forbidden Falls.” It was a special place to my mother and me, and now Ace and I will always have those amazing memories there.

  We take a seat on the edge of the retaining wall, and I pluck out the envelope marked Special Recipes.

  “You ready?” She pulls her knees to her chest, looking intently at me.

  “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

  I knew Brylee would be the best person to have by my side while I read this. Kennedy might have balked at my mother’s whimsical advice. And I would have done it with Ace but a part of me is afraid she’ll say something that might make me cringe in front of him.

  I pull out the letter and hold it in my hand a moment. It’s soft and supple as my mother’s flannel nightgown. The letter unfolds with the breeze, and I’m startled to see so few words.

  Brylee leans in and wraps her arm around me.

  Dear Reese,

  If you’re reading this you have already found love. I’ll pepper my birthday letters to you with advice, but here I’ll give you just the bare bones. I could say, make sure he loves you, treats you right, make sure he’s gentle, and has a livable sense of humor. Make sure he’s kind, cooks, and cleans up after himself. Make sure he shares the remote, but I won’t say any of those things. I trust you to know them. But I will say this:

  Does he make you happy? Then you’ve caught your ecstasy.

  You already know the true recipe for love. It’s been buried in your heart all along—trust it.

  Love you forever,

  Mommy

  A single tear runs from my cheek, staining the page right over the word ecstasy and makes it bleed out, stretching its inky tendrils across the parchment. That would be just like my mother, demanding I let the ecstasy take over. She had a zest for life especially in those last few weeks. She called it instant perspective. She said life liked to throw us a curve ball sometimes until we got it right. My curve ball came last year when I had to spend it away from Loveless—away from Ace. But, now, a magical summer has passed and he’s mine, and yet, I still ache for him as much as I did before, if not more. For now, it looks like I’ll have to catch my ecstasy on the weekends with him.

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