by Nikki Poppen
Alain still held her hand, and she felt the intensity of his grip until her hand hurt from the pressure. She realized he did not know how tightly he held on. Could it be that he meant it? He wanted to marry her? It sounded too good to be true and it was, she reminded herself, because there was no truth between them.
She drew her eyes away from his handsome face. “Why do you think I will marry you instead of running to General Motrineau with what you’ve told me? He’d reward me generously.”
“Because I care for you, Cecile, and you love me,” Alain said quietly.
Cecile’s head shot up defiantly. “I fell in love with a fiction. I loved the man I thought you were. As it stands now, I don’t know you at all.”
“You know my name.”
“I know many men’s names.”
“Cecile, I can understand you’re upset, but there isn’t time.” Alain gripped her forearms in frustration with her resistance. “You know me, only the name is different. I’m still the same man who accompanied you on rounds, who followed you to market, who sat at your table and shared bread with you. Don’t let your stubborn pride blind you to those truths”
Tears brimmed in her eyes. In a few moments, they’d spill over and she’d embarrass herself with crying. With her whole being, she wanted to believe Alain’s arguments, that he was still the same, that she knew him well enough to trust him with her life and her brother’s. But it had been easy enough to assume the identity of Captain Stanislawski. How could she know that he was really a baron? How could she be guaranteed he’d marry her when they left Paris? What if she went with him only to have him cast her aside?
Her lip trembled. “How can I believe you, Alain? If you’re truly an English baron, why did you come here at all? How would you have known about the Panchettes?”
“That is a long story, Cecile.”
“You must find the time to tell it.” Cecile folded her arms across her chest and planted herself firmly in Alain’s path. She was dug in both figuratively and literally.
Alain sighed, recognizing the customary defiance he associated with Cecile. If there was any hope of her coming with him, it lay in telling his tale, how he came to be L’Un. He gestured to a quiet bench out of the way.
“It all began the day I stopped in at The Sail and Oar.” Immediately, Cecile’s eyebrows shot up and Alain knew that it wouldn’t be enough to start there. She wanted to know why he’d been at the pub. Of course she’d want to know. She didn’t want to commit herself to a man who drank. But she already knew that didn’t she? Hadn’t she watched him consume the beverages of the general’s table in moderation? Nonetheless, Alain found himself pouring out the whole of the tale, how he’d been in Hythe for the funerals of his parents, how he’d seen the Panchette’s boat founder. How the Panchettes had convinced him to rescue the other family members and how they’d told him about Pierre Ramboulet.
She should have been satisfied with his tale, Alain thought when he finished. But something about the shrewd look in her eye suggested she was not. He waited.
“Why would you risk so much for mere strangers? Certainly your need to play the Good Samaritan was assuaged by helping the Panchettes”
Alain smiled at that. “I could say the same of you.”
“I’m not the one who is spying in a foreign land.”
“My life was empty except for my dream, that someday the world would be a more equal place where peo ple need not live a life of oppressed drudgery simply because they had not been born in better circumstances,” Alain said bluntly. He had not meant to say more, but once started, he found he could not stop. Out tumbled the story of his resort in Hythe and his hopes for the little town.
Cecile shook her head. “You’re such a grand man. I can’t imagine what you see in me, or that someone else hasn’t already snatched you up. You don’t need a wife like me”
Alain stared at her. “I need a wife I can love” He hadn’t thought to tell her about Alicia, he hadn’t thought it relevant. But it seemed it was. “I had a fiancee once. She was in the carriage with my parents. She died calling for me. A doctor at the scene confinned my name was the last one she spoke. I mourned her because I felt that I failed her by not being there that day. For awhile, I confused my grief with guilt. I did not love her.”
“Did she love you?” Cecile asked softly, sympathizing with the dead fiancee. She too knew what it was like to love Alain.
Alain shook his head. “I think she loved the idea of me. I suppose it sounds arrogant to say that, but looking back on it all, I can’t say I knew that she loved me, unless one counts that it was my name she called at the end” Alain stood up and offered Cecile his hand.
“It’s getting late. I have answered your questions. Will you come?”
Cecile rose to stand beside him. “Answer me one more question, Alain. Why do you want to marry me?”
“Why do you think?”
“I think you’re a man who takes his responsibilities seriously. While that trait is admirable and rare, I don’t wish to wed any man who views me as an obligation. I hope you haven’t offered for me because you pity me”
Alain’s voice was soft. “I have offered for you, Cecile, because I love you. I thought I had made that clear.” He risked a kiss and was rewarded with all the passion they dared express in such a public place.
“Then I’ll come” Cecile whispered.
He loved her. He’d lied to her. He’d impersonated a dead man. He loved her. Around and around her thoughts whirled on the walk home, her heart alternating between plummeting disappointment and soaring elation. She could never marry a liar or a man about whom she knew nothing. She would only marry for love, and he loved her. Her carefully constructed criterion was useless. How was she to weigh his love against his lies? Was he the good man she’d seen these past months or a stranger she didn’t know?
Her ethical quandary didn’t even begin to encompass the risk factors involved in leaving. She’d be aligning herself with a traitor to France. While she had no love for the current regime, she did love her own neck and Etienne’s. She’d be at Alain’s mercy until she learned the language well enough to interact on her own. She was not used to being so vulnerable. He was a baron, a powerful man. He could do as he pleased with her and she’d have no recourse.
What ifs rose to rebut her fears. What if all he said was true? She would be a baroness. She and Etienne would never be hungry again. There would be hot meals with meat, fine clothes, and shelter. She should risk much to attain such permanent luxuries. If she stayed in Paris, there would be nothing to look forward to except another harsh winter and the struggle to eat and stay warm without compromising herself.
Wasn’t going with Alain a compromise of sorts? Her practical self argued. After all, look at the reasons she was considering marrying him. How was escaping with Alain different than taking General Motrineau’s offer with exception that Alain’s offer came with the veneer of a wedding band? She knew the difference. Alain’s offer came with love and it was received with love.
The one unavoidable factor she could no longer overlook was that she loved him. No amount of facts could erase that. She loved the way he played with the children, repairing their toys. She loved the way he flirted with the old ladies and shook hands with the old men. She loved that he did not lower himself to the base behaviors of the other officers at General Motrineau’s table. Most of all, she loved the way he looked at her as if he’d lay the world at her feet if he could, like she was … her mind groped for the words. Adored. Cherished. Protected. That was why she’d said yes. She would do anything, go anywhere, in order to feel that way again.
She was home. Cecile drew a deep breath and turned the door handle. Etienne looked up from the chess game he’d arranged on his board. Disappointment flitted across his features when realized Alain had not come up.
“I am sorry you could not come on the picnic, Etienne. It was a lovely afternoon, and you would have en joyed it.” Cecile began without pre
amble. There was no time to warm to the subject. The bells of the city had already tolled five o’clock. “It was important that Alain and I have a chance to talk alone. Alain had something he wanted ask me”
Etienne’s face grew animated, his sullen pout fading. “He proposed?” Etienne guessed enthusiastically.
Cecile felt her cheeks blush. She bashfully looked down at her hands. “Yes. He wants to marry me.”
Etienne was up instantly from the table, grabbing her hands and swinging her around in a gleeful circle. “This is wonderful news, good enough to be left out of a picnic!” He whooped.
Cecile laughed with him and let herself enjoy the moment. Under other circumstances, it would have been a joyful moment indeed. “Be still, Etienne,” she said after a few turns left her dizzy. “It is good news, but there is more that you must hear and you must speak your mind. I am counting on your counsel, dear brother.”
Etienne settled back into his chair and waited expectantly. Cecile knelt on the floor in front of him and took his long, thin hands in hers. “Alain has asked us to come away with him. We must leave tonight.”
“Go to Poland with him?” Etienne queried. “He’s gotten his marching orders, I’d wager.”
Cecile shook her head and lowered her voice to a mere whisper. Etienne had to lean down to hear her. “He’s an English baron” In the briefest of terms, she related Alain’s incredible tale to Etienne. “What do you think we should do? I told him I’d come but perhaps you can see things more clearly than I?” Cecile said when she’d finished her tale. She rocked back on her heels and waited expectantly.
“Do you love him, CeeCee? I mean really love him, and not all the things he can bring us?”
“Yes. It is a frightening feeling. It makes me feel helpless and powerful all at the same time.” Cecile rose to her feet and paced the small room, pleating her apron between her fingers as she walked. “When I am with him, I feel I could change the world. He has dreams and he makes them come true. He’s building a seaside resort in his town for middle-class families. He believes people should advance in this world on their own merits and not by merit of their accidental birth. He believes all things are possible and when I am with him, I believe it too” Cecile paused for a moment, embarrassed by her sudden burst of passion. “Before I met him, I think I’d begun to lose hope that our lives would ever change, Etienne. Nothing I could do would change our circumstances short of giving into Motrineau’s offers”
Etienne nodded his head. “Then I think we should go. All that matters is that he loves you and you love him. I would not have you sell yourself even in marriage to a man you didn’t care for. I have been a burden for too long. In our new life, I will find a way to be useful.”
Cecile flew to his side. “Oh no, you must not think you’ve been a burden. If anything, I blame myself for not finding a way to send you to the country. I was too selfish to let you go”
Etienne brushed aside her sentiments. “Enough of the past. When are we to meet him?”
Cecile quickly outlined the plans. She’d go to work as usual. Etienne would spend some of their precious hoard of livres for a hackney to a tavern on the outskirts of town where Alain would be waiting. She would follow the same route. They would await her at the tavern and continue their journey by night in a coach Alain would hire. Instead of sailing out of Calais, they would sail out of Le Havre, a port located one hundred and thirty miles out of Paris. Le Havre was actually forty miles closer to Paris than Calais, but such distances were heady to Cecile. Alain had estimated it would take three days with fast horses to make the trip. Then they’d sail across the Channel and into their new life.
Etienne and Cecile packed very little except for the barest essentials they’d need for the journey. As the bells chimed seven, Cecile hugged her brother. “Be safe and trust no one. Alain does not believe his role in all this has been detected yet, but we must not risk any more than we must. Go quickly after I leave. I will see you soon” Cecile kissed him and hurried down the steps for the last time. She would not be returning the little flat again. The thought was both frightening and elating.
Cecile’s caution was not misplaced. The general was in a foul mood, which lifted only slightly upon seeing Cecile. “Ma cherie, I am glad to see you. Wear the lavender gown tonight and play the Vivaldi arrangement I like so much. It may be the only thing that can soothe my temper after the day I’ve had” He took her hands in his and pressed a kiss to her cheek.
Indeed, the general did look upset. His eyes were tired and his usual immaculate clothes showed signs of wrinkles as if he’d worn them all day. But he gave no indication of what had been bothering him. Curiosity nagged at her. Cecile wanted to ask but since she’d shown no interest in such matters before, she feared it would appear suspiciously out of place for her to do so now. Instead, she changed into the lavender gown and tuned her violin. She would keep her ears open at the dinner table tonight. If the general was troubled, others would be as well.
Cecile played the Vivaldi piece and followed it up with a series of soft French folk songs, hoping to soothe the general’s temper. The few guests around the table were tense as well. The sign of so few people invited to dinner suggested the meal was a private affair. For a change, everyone ate in silence. Something must be dreadfully wrong. Finally, the general spoke.
“Gentlemen, there has been good and bad this day. We have captured the traitor from within. It gives me no pleasure to announce that my secretary, Pierre Ramboulet, was a high-ranking member of the secret society, Les Chevaliers de la Foi. We may drink to that” When they had done so, the general continued. “He has been interrogated. We have learned much from him. There was indeed a plot against Napoleon, but I have sent out troops to quell it. I think more than one meeting may be surprised tonight. That is good news. The bad news is that L’Un, who was working to spirit family members out of France, has been revealed to be none other than Captain Alain Stanislawski. Obviously, he was simply impersonating the captain.”
The general pulled a letter from inside his coat pocket. “To confirm the false identity, a letter arrived this afternoon to inform me of the captain’s death. Ap parently, he died in a tavern brawl and this L’Un took his papers, which is why it has taken months for the captain’s body to be identified and this letter sent saying that the captain will not be reporting for duty. Stanislawski’s residence was empty when my men went over there to arrest him earlier this evening. The place was empty. He has disappeared. We are hunting for him. I am sure we can track him down and when we do, he will hang if he’s lucky”
Cecile’s mouth went dry. It was all she could do to keep playing as if she’d overheard nothing, certainly nothing that made sense or was of interest to her. Alain was in danger and she’d sent her brother into it as well. She took refuge in the idea that his house had been empty. Had he even gone home after the picnic? It would be hours yet before she could leave the general’s.
The men at the table were laughing now over a comment she missed. The general beckoned her to come over. Dutifully she went, pasting on a smile and trying to look as if nothing had upset her.
“Ma Cherie, Cecile, Major Von Hausman recalls that our young traitor had seemed taken with you on several occasions. He thinks perhaps we should ask you if you know his whereabouts”
The family motto, the truth or nothing, ran fleetingly through her head. But the truth would see Alain and her brother dead. She looked down demurely at the hand clutching the violin. “I am sorry, General, if I caused the captain to single out my attentions. It was not my intention to do so. If his interest in me was other than kindness shown to a simple girl, I was unaware of it. I did not see him except for the times he was here” There, she had lied for him. Hopefully the lies had been convincing.
“There, there, ma cherie.” The general patted her hand. “I told you she would know nothing.” There was a gleam of triumph in his eyes. Cecile knew she’d answered aright. The general liked the men to think that s
he was his alone, completely unattainable by others. Clearly, it must be true if she’d turned down the handsome captain’s efforts to woo her.
“Go back and play for us. Perhaps your new caprice would fit our mood” The general sent her back to her music.
Cecile gratefully retreated. She had lied for Alain because she loved him, just as Alain had lied for the love of his dreams. It may not make lying right, but perhaps it made it understandable. Suddenly, the world was a crazy place where very little made sense and very little mattered except warning Alain.
Darkness closed around her, acting as both blessing and curse while she wended her way through the narrow, curving streets of Paris. Cecile tried to guess what traps might lay ahead. The darkness concealed her but it also hid others. She worried Von Hausman would ask to have her followed. He hadn’t been pleased with the general’s quick dismissal of her involvement with Alain.
To that end, Cecile was careful to do nothing out of the ordinary. The general knew she didn’t squander coin on rides so she refrained from hailing a hackney when she left the general’s home. The general would wonder where she’d gotten the extra money, and why she felt it necessary to ride home on this of all nights.
She walked halfway home along her usual streets, trying to stay calm when all she really wanted to do was fly straight away to Alain. Convinced she wasn’t being followed, Cecile backtracked to a better part of town where hackneys would be waiting for evening fares. She hailed one and climbed aboard, giving the driver the name of the tavern. Once inside, she allowed herself to relax. She was safe now. No one knew where she was and there was no reason to guess the hackney bore anyone of consequence to General Motrineau. Then she bolted upright. What if someone asked the cabbie for a description of his passengers? How many fares had the driver had this evening? Would she stand out or had he been so busy that she would blend in? Thanks to her foolishness, the driver also knew exactly where she was going. She should have been more circumspect and asked to be dropped off in a different place. Now the driver could tell the general exactly where she was. How foolish she had been!