Initus (Walking Shadows Book 5)

by Talis Jones

  “Probably just Van with more nosy questions,” I shrug. Shutting my door, I follow them down the hall. “How do you know where to go? You’ve been here, what, less than an hour?”

  Remi holds up his wrist. “We got these cool tablet things that tell time and the weather and even have a convenient map of this place.”

  “And as your bodyguards, we have access to more places than most of the other guards,” Win preens.

  “You’ve met them?” I ask conversationally. “You think you’ll be okay here?”

  “They seem like people,” Win shrugs. “We’ll get along okay and this is just temporary right?”

  My gut pinches. “It’s only until I help them figure out this vaccine, but I don’t know how long it will take…”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Remi dismisses. “This place is a nice break from the outside, just so long as we don’t die in here.”

  Win laughs. “Yeah, hurry it up will ya?”

  I shove them playfully. “First of all, I haven’t even seen the lab yet because we only just got here so calm down. Second of all, how about if I don’t have it solved in two years, you’re free to leave and after five years, I’m kicking you out.”

  Remi grins and Win opens his mouth with a reply left unheard because I recognize Tori’s voice and pull them aside to eavesdrop. Remi gives me a look, but I refuse to get screwed over again so I’m shameless as I soften my breathing and reach with my ears towards a room with the door not quite shut.

  “You failed,” Tori seethes coldly. “You had an assignment and you failed. I’m within my rights to add more years of service to your file so you can march right back over there and fix it.”

  “That’s bullshit,” a man’s voice growls. “In three years, I walk out of here and I never see you again.”

  “Don’t piss me off, boy, or I’ll remember that family you left behind,” she snaps.

  “Touch my family and I’ll kill yours,” he promises, his voice a dark vow. “What would happen then, when you don’t have her to dictate your purpose?”

  “You trying to be smart?” she sneers.

  I can practically hear the grin in his response. “Oh, I wouldn’t say I’m trying.”

  A heavy silence falls between them.

  “You wanted a revolution, there was a revolution,” the man huffs impatiently. “You wanted the current political regime removed, and they were. What’s your problem?”

  “My problem,” Tori hisses hotly, “is that a Sanctuary operative was supposed to take control, not that unknown, Maverick Sinclaire.”

  “He’s one of them,” the man argues. “He’s a good person too. Are you upset because Maverick leading Aresia isn’t what’s best for the people or because it isn’t what you wanted?”

  “There shouldn’t even be an Aresia!” she shouts.

  “Well that’s what you get when you work with Ares,” he sends back. “Ares belonged to nobody and she had other plans for her homeland. It’s done.”

  “Ares is dead,” Tori laughs contemptuously and I flinch at the sound, my breath inhaling at the news. “She’s not there to overrule me anymore.”

  The callousness in Tori’s voice only shocks me for a moment before experience straightens my spine and the surprise washes away leaving bitter predictability in its wake. Friends? I must have lost my mind for a moment when I’d thought that back in her office. I grasp onto the news of Ares’ death, that strange woman who once visited me in prison, my only visitor until Van arrived with his offer. She’d seemed invulnerable and I can’t help but wonder how she met her end and shudder at the thought of my own.

  “Sanctuary needs to be established coast to coast,” Tori is arguing. “Reuniting–”

  “Need is a strong word,” he scoffs. “And what is this undying obsession with resurrecting former glory? Adapt, change, evolve, move on.”

  “We are resurrecting nothing,” she insists angrily. “We are bringing in a new world–”

  “I’ve already killed for you,” he growls dark and low. “I spent weeks and weeks conning my way into Duke Abernathy’s inner circle, building up my control over his and their minds, to ensure he’d agree to the exchange–”

  “A necessary use of your gift,” she sighs irritably. “We needed this location to be closer to Liz’s contacts in the Alliance–”

  “At what cost?” he shouts, anger shaking the walls.

  Silence settles and my skin prickles uneasily.

  Tori scoffs. “You didn’t mind killing Helmsworth when I asked so don’t act as if I forced your hand. And while taking his place was my plan, trading Helmsworth’s territory for Abernathy’s was your idea, I recall. An idea you believed would help protect the Cai from Abernathy’s raids.”

  “And yet you still haven’t shut down the Corrals.” His disgust heats my ears at the memory of my own brother.

  “Best to let everyone get used to the new authority before rocking the boat.”

  “Stop it, Tori! Every time, you do this!”

  “Do what, kid? Huh? Tell me!”

  I tune out their ceaseless debate and decide I’ve had enough. With Win and Remi at my sides, I continue down the hall creating a noisy arrival with intention before clearing my throat and knocking against the doorframe. Tori’s head whips towards my intrusion and her opponent takes me in with deceptive calm. I try not to stare at his shock of white hair and pale skin, his eyes however are warm and kind.

  “I’m here for an interview?” I question politely.

  “Ah, yes,” Tori nods, smoothing her hands down her clothes trying to restore her control. “I’ll leave you to it.”

  Tori hastens past us and I stare after her, disappointment in my gut.

  “You two can leave,” the man dismisses before sitting at a table and gesturing towards the chair across from him in invitation.

  “And miss meeting The Jester?” Win snorts. “Not likely.”

  The man quirks an amused eyebrow and Remi steps forward. “We’re her bodyguards and we don’t go unless she tells us to go.”

  “Should I tell her how you feel?” the man notes.

  Remi scowls but Win hoots in delight. “Whoa. It’s true what they say then. Do me!”

  “I’d rather not,” he smiles flatly.

  Irritated at the lack of information in my brain I interrupt a bit testily. “Who are you and what are you?”

  The man sits back at ease with a grin. “My name is Bones, I can dance around in people’s heads, and I’m here to have a chat and make sure you’re not a supervillain here to betray us.”

  “Can’t you just read my mind then?” I taunt trying to hide my shock and discomfort over his confessed ability.

  “Yeah, but I’m a people person and you’re a shiny new skin bag of stories,” he shrugs.

  I cringe at the description. “Why did Win call you The Jester?”

  Bones’ look fills with faux modesty. “It’s my agent name. Earned through my God-blessed talent to laugh in the face of death. If it wasn’t for my partner, I swear my ego would be the size of the moon.”

  Dammit, I like this kid. “Oh yeah? And who’s that?”

  “Agent Paladin,” he tells me. “You might see her around, she’s hard to miss if she is.” Sitting up straight he clasps his hands together, resting them atop the table between us. “Now, down to business. You don’t know me, I don’t know you, so how about I tell you a bit about me then you tell me a bit about you. Keep in mind I will know if you’re lying and if you persist, I’ll simply rip the information I want right out of your pretty head.”

  He says it so freely I can’t stop the small laugh that honks in my throat. I’ve gained enough experience in this life to realize he’s a predator that has nothing to do with the shotgun slung across his back, but even so I can’t seem to resist this growing desire to be his friend. If he hadn’t mentioned the mind thing, I would’ve guessed that was his power.

  “By all means, begin,” I invite calmly trying to hide this
odd schoolgirl crush I’m far too old to be feeling.

  “By all means,” he echoes. He studies me a long moment and I remain still, letting him look, letting him see, letting him decide. Silence builds and builds, filling the room, dragging us up a precipice, until at last he nods to himself and with a decision made, he begins.

  “I was born in a lab, created by your former employer, Dr. Xi, strictly for the purpose of designing humans with enhanced abilities. I had little but pain and a window, not even a name, just a subject designation number. I existed for twelve years before two crazy idiots rescued me, bringing me to the Southern Coalition and to Sanctuary. I grew up, I left, and I found a place to call home before being dragged back to work as an agent for Sanctuary once more.

  “When my time is up, I’ll be heading back to that home and never looking back because all I want is peace and my family. I have none by blood, at least none that I know of, but I have a grandfather named Connors who helped raise my mom, Fury, who married my dad, Riker, and then I found a sister, Mara, and I fell in love with Ali with only letters to keep us in touch until I can return. So, that’s me,” he concludes. “Oh, and I can read minds/bend wills. Now tell me about you.”

  I struggle to keep my mouth from gaping like a fish. A thousand questions churn in my mind so I decide on the simplest and hopefully least invasive. “Did you say, Connors?”

  Bones tilts his head. “Yes, I did. Why?”

  “Was he by any chance a lawyer before…well, before? Big guy, green eyes, last name O’Malley, arrogant as hell?”

  A smile spreads across his face. “Fury never described him as arrogant, but I do believe you once knew my grandfather, Ms. Travers.”

  A bewildered laugh escapes me and I don’t bother trying to understand why this information delights me. “I wondered what had happened to him though I didn’t really know him. We only met once.”

  “Tell me about yourself,” Bones prompts. “What should I call you? Morgan? Ms. Travers? Gan?”

  “Horseman,” Win suggests from his post by the door.

  I turn and give him an unamused shake of my head. “Morgan,” I say to Bones and because I don’t want him rooting around in my brain, I give back as good as he gave. “I don’t know anything about my parents’ current situation other than the fact that they might be dead by now, they were in California. I just found out my brother lost his family and decided to deal with that grief by running a Corral, which I discovered is a thing only a day ago and I’m still processing the disgust. I have a sister, Marissa, who married a doctor and they have a daughter, my niece, Sofia Ramses–”

  “What did you say?”

  Bones’ face has gone, if possible, paler and his warm eyes now stare at me transfixed, haunted.

  “I…” I’m not sure what it was I said that caught his attention so I start from the end. “I have a niece named Sofia–”

  “Ramses,” he finishes.

  Now I’m the one staring at a loss. “Do…do you know her? Her parents… Are they…are they all okay? Are they here?” For the first time in ages my body practically levitates with hope and awe at this impossibly small world.

  “That was her name,” Bones murmurs. “My mom’s, Fury’s. That…that was her name before…well, before.”

  Tears fill my eyes and I don’t care who sees them. I’ve kept my love and fears and questions about my family locked away because the wondering would have crushed me, but here, now, someone sits not three feet away with answers. “Is she here?” I ask, hardly able to speak.

  Bones’ fingers fiddle with a chain around his neck and I see it holds two rings. “No,” he whispers with an ache in his voice and it’s that ache that has me desperately retreating, shoving those memories and questions and hopes back into the box I’d built except it’s too late and they don’t seem to fit anymore. I’m screaming in my head trying to halt time, halt truth, but even the blood roaring in my ears can’t block out his words.

  “She died. They both died,” he tells me though I silently beg him to stop.

  “What happened?” my voice asks and I curse myself for that question. It’s what I want to know most and what I dread to hear just as much.

  Bones looks at me and seems to know what I’m asking. I want to know what I missed while locked up in prison instead of by my family’s side. “Her parents were killed and she was taken to a Corral. A family eventually bought her for their farm and that’s where Connors found and freed her before dying himself. Riker was in the same Corral as her and they found each other again. They got married, they rescued me, and then they died for me.” Guilt and sorrow tug at his heart. “I’m sorry.” Forcing himself to look at me in the eye he delivers the final blow. “Your family is dead.”

  “Everyone but a brother I don’t recognize anymore.” I tried to make my tone teasing, but it came out drenched in despair. I try to pull on the cloak of Gan, but can’t quite seem to find her anymore. Gathering myself as best I can I let Bones see my honesty and whatever else is there entwined with it. “I have no one and nothing except for the two men standing behind me and even that is just for now. My heart is broken, my body runs cold, but I swear to you, grand-nephew of mine, that I had no part in what I was accused of and I hold no vengeance in my soul.”

  Remi places a comforting hand on my shoulder but he steps back when Bones suddenly rounds the table. Pulling me to my feet he wraps me in a tight hug almost too tight to breathe and I hug him just as fiercely not realizing until now how much I needed this simple, powerful gesture.

  “Mine,” he murmurs protectively.

  “Family,” I acknowledge.

  Pulling back, he grasps the sides of my face gently and when our tear-soaked gazes meet he whispers, “See.”

  And I do.

  I’m in this room and yet I’m also seeing Sofia grown up. Memories pass from Bones to me, sharing them, and I see my niece sing and rage and shoot and play cards and hold hands with Riker and scowl at Bones and it plays through my head, chaotic and too quick to grasp, but I feel it fill up my mind and somehow know they’ll stay there to visit later and whatever I might think about Convici and Python and Sanctuary…I am grateful for this.

  I stagger back from the onslaught of memories and Remi guides me back into my chair. Bones wipes his face with his sleeve and resumes his own seat. I stare at this young man in awe of his resilience. The memories shared are his own and so they came laced with his perceptions and thoughts and though he tried to focus on Sofia, he couldn’t keep other fragments of linked memories from slipping through. Memories of his childhood with Xi, with Fury, alone in Sanctuary, with the Cai, now pulled away from them all…

  “For someone called Jester, your life holds very little humor,” I note softly. “How can no one see it?” I’d hardened into Gan to endure my own hellscape, but somehow this boy chose to smile.

  Bones doesn’t answer and I don’t think he will, until he unclenches his jaw and does just that. “When a sorrowful soul becomes adept at the art of comedic deflection, they wield the power to hide their pain forever, or at least until it is too late. No one will unearth their truths because they won’t ever know to look, and even if they wondered they will never ask. They don’t want to ruin the illusion, to discover a man behind a mask. They’ll live in ignorance with no thought to the heart behind the laughter because they’re too desperate to remain distracted from their own troubles. We are a species that climbs on the sacrifices of others just for that gasp of air, that brief reprieve from drowning in insignificance, or perhaps too much significance.

  “We all craft shields to protect ourselves from the hungry, but the ability to make others laugh just might be the saddest of all for it works all too well, even on ourselves. We’ll laugh and laugh and laugh until death shadows our doorstep, the only sympathetic presence with its all-knowing gaze, beckoning to wrap you in its arms and take you far away for while laughter soothes others’ pains, it can never quite touch your own and because everyone else is having s
uch a grand time they never think to ask.

  “Your shield becomes too strong and after a while you don’t know how to put it down. It blocked out the jibes and hid the fear, it held the world at bay yet it still contained the pain, until death’s hand you finally take just to escape the realm of feeling nothing. For while everyone laughed and laughed and laughed and while you smiled and rattled on, a connection was built filled with sound and imitation yet all the while you remained imprisoned behind a mask of your own making, and not one hand reached out to check.”

  I reach out to take his hand and his eyes drop towards the gesture. “There’s something more though, isn’t there?” I ask, not entirely sure what spurred me to do so.

  He smiles. “My parents prayed. It seemed pretty empty and stupid until the day it made sense.”

  “What day was that?” I wonder.

  He shakes his head. “Now who’s trying to get into someone’s head. ‘Tway with you, woman,” he jests and just like that he’s the Jester again.

  Deciding to allow the shift, I lean back, crossing my arms. “So, did I pass? Or do you still think I’m a psychopathic terrorist ready for round two?”

  Bones barks out a sharp laugh. “I think you’re ready to pick up where you left off,” he challenges. “Trying to help save lives.”

  “Glad you understand.”

  “Would you like your cape now or later?” he asks feigning a seriousness that has me smirking. “Also, we’re going to have to discuss your hero name because unfortunately Horseman has some pretty strong negative connotations for the general populace. Besides, Horseman? Will there be a big HM on your chest? That just spells hm and I’m picturing you swooping in and people tilting their heads going ‘Hm’ and that’s too lame for me to be associated with.”

  “Well technically ‘horseman’ is one word so there’d just be an H, but if we’re going to break it into two then shouldn’t it be Horse-woman seeing as I am a woman?”

  “No,” Bones shakes his head decisively. “Absolutely not. Who wants a woman to swoop in and save them? I figure we could put a mask on you or something…”