But we didn’t get along. He was irritating and frustrating and so adorable when he raked his hand through his hair and—
“I don’t think I’ve ever been so confused.”
Nora grabbed my hand and squeezed. “You have a brilliant mind, Hazel, and it’s not often that it lets you down. But sometimes your head gets in your way.”
“Own it?” I asked, wondering if I had it in me to do what she was suggesting.
“Absolutely. Just fucking own it. Acknowledge it, and move on.” She grinned at me. “Or make plans to meet somewhere more private and see what happens.”
“No.” I held up a hand. “It’s not happening again.”
Nora and Sophie shared a look, like they didn’t believe me.
But maybe they were right. I needed to own it. March into Corban’s office on Monday, look him in the eyes, and tell him in no uncertain terms that what had happened last night was never, ever happening again.
16
Corban
“When you are courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.” ~ Albert Einstein
I expected things would be tense on Monday. What I didn’t expect was Hazel marching into my office first thing in the morning and closing the door behind her. I’d only just put down my keys.
For the first time since we’d met, she was dressed in a shirt without buttons. That was obviously not a coincidence. Her hair was up, showing off the soft skin of her neck. Now that I knew what that skin tasted like, seeing the curve where her neck met her shoulder took on a whole new meaning.
I wanted to bite her right there. Pin her down and slam my cock into her while my teeth left red marks on that silky-smooth skin.
Had I really just had that thought? Who the hell was I?
She lowered herself into a chair, crossed her legs, and folded her hands in her lap. “We need to talk.”
“Yeah.” I adjusted my glasses and shifted in my seat. “Right. So…”
“I’m on birth control, so you don’t need to be concerned about a surprise pregnancy.”
My eyes widened at her bluntness, but my shoulders relaxed. I hadn’t let myself think about that side of things too much, but now that I knew it wasn’t an issue, I was relieved. “That’s good.”
“It was still an irresponsible choice on both our parts.”
Should I tell her I now had a stash of condoms in my wallet? No, because we weren’t doing it again. I hadn’t bought the condoms for her, anyway. Friday night had just made me realize it was better to be prepared.
“Yeah, I know.”
“Good.” Her voice was clipped. “As far as the events that transpired between us, I think it’s best we keep that information to ourselves.”
What was that supposed to mean? “What do you think I’m going to do? Put up notices on all the bulletin boards around campus? Bring it up in our next meeting with Elliott?”
“I should hope not.”
I furrowed my brow. “Do you really think I’d do something like that?”
“Many men are prone to boasting about their sexual conquests.”
“I’m not many men.”
Her expression softened, but only slightly. “That’s good to know. Then I also think it’s important to clarify that it won’t be occurring again.”
The familiar Hazel-induced fire ran through my veins. “I know. I already made that clear, remember?”
“I recall you saying something of that nature, yes.”
“Then don’t pretend like you’re the one who decided it was a one-time thing.”
She crossed her arms. Buttons or no buttons, her tits looked great. And I’d barely gotten my hands on them.
Stop, Corban. Don’t be hypnotized by her boobs. Again.
“I did decide it was a one-time thing,” she said.
God, she was so stubborn. “Maybe it won’t be.”
“That’s why I came to clarify. Because it’s not happening again.”
I crossed my arms, too. She wanted to argue? Fine. I didn’t care that I’d said she only got my cock once. Now I just wanted to fight with her, even if it meant fighting over doing it again.
Plus, fuck it. I really, really wanted to do it again.
“Well, then I’d like to clarify that what I said was in the heat of the moment and I didn’t mean it literally.”
Her mouth popped open. “Were you trying to create scarcity to increase my desire?”
“Maybe. Did it work?”
“No.”
The corner of my lips hooked in a grin. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m absolutely sure.”
The flush in her cheeks and the slight breathiness in her voice made me wonder if we were thinking the same thing. That there was plenty of room on this desk for us to—
“I see what you’re doing,” she said, interrupting my thoughts.
“You do?”
“Yes. You’re trying to use sex to manipulate me into… something. It won’t work.”
“What do you think I’m trying to manipulate you into doing? Having sex again? Liking me?”
“Probably both.”
“Would either of those things be so terrible?”
She pursed her lips for a second. She was so sexy when she did that. “Yes. They would be so terrible. I think.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.” She let out a frustrated breath. “Friday night was a mistake. We have to work together, and meeting in the copy room for clandestine encounters is not conducive to a good working relationship.”
I stared at her and my jaw hitched. A mistake. I’d had the exact same thought, but hearing her say it out loud—throwing it in my face like that—hurt. A lot more than it should.
What had Weston said about her having the power to fuck me up inside?
She did. She really did. I was twisted up in a knot so tight there was no way to untangle it.
“You’re right. It was a mistake. At least we can agree on something.”
She flinched. Not much and if I hadn’t been staring her down, I would have missed it. That tiny flicker of pain in her expression twisted the knot in my gut even harder.
“Good,” she said, her tone all business. “Then we’re agreed.”
“No more sex.”
“Right.”
“From now on, we’re strictly professional.”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“Fine.”
Her tongue swept across her lips and my dick—which apparently had no connection to my frontal lobe and was incapable of logic—reacted. The anger running through my veins felt a hell of a lot like something else. Like lust. Like I wanted to rip that buttonless shirt over her head, bury my face in her tits, and stroke her clit until she begged me to fuck her again.
After hesitating long enough for me to fully form that tempting fantasy, she rose from her seat. “I’m glad we understand each other.”
“Oh, we do.”
“What does that mean?”
“I’m agreeing with you.”
She put her hands on her hips. “Were you? Because your tone of voice implied sarcasm.”
“What do you want from me, Hazel? You’re right, it was a mistake. We shouldn’t have done it.”
“And it won’t happen again.”
I shrugged. “Not unless you want it to.”
“I won’t.”
“Okay, then there’s no problem.”
She pushed her glasses up her nose. “Indeed there isn’t. I still need your conference session choices, so please email me at your earliest convenience.”
Her abrupt change of subject felt like a punch to the gut, and instantly deflated my growing erection. I turned toward my computer screen. “Sure. I’ll do that now.”
“Thank you.”
I didn’t say anything else. Just waited for her to leave. She hesitated for a beat and I wondered if she was going to say more. I hoped not.
Every word out of her mouth seemed to make things worse.
Finally, she opened the door and left.
Slumping in my chair, I let out a breath. Why did I feel so shitty?
It wasn’t because I wanted to fuck Hazel again. I did. I couldn’t deny it. I’d wanted her from the first time we’d met, and having her once hadn’t been enough.
But that wasn’t the problem.
The problem was, she was right to reject me. And it fucking hurt to face that.
There was a reason I was still single. A reason my own theory had never worked on me. I’d tried. I’d been through the whole questionnaire with women. Twice, about a year apart. Both times thinking we already had a spark of something at the start, and if my theory was correct, we’d fall in love.
They were both married now. But obviously not to me.
Maybe I shouldn’t have spent so much time trying to crack the code to falling in love. Maybe I should have focused on why no one could fall in love with me. I’d always been the aberrant data point. The one who didn’t fit.
Of course, that was the story of my life. I’d always been the guy who didn’t fit in.
I wasn’t going to fit with Hazel, either. It didn’t matter how she’d reacted to me physically. She didn’t want me. Didn’t like me.
I didn’t like her either.
She was stubborn. Maddening. Frustrating.
Smart. Intriguing. Sexy.
She did have the power to fuck me up on the inside and I once again wondered if Weston was right. Maybe I needed to stay away from her. Get a new job. Maybe take the one in New Jersey. I could call and tell them I’d changed my mind. Move across the country and never see Hazel again.
My phone dinged with a text from Molly. My twin. My best friend. Soon to be a mom to my first niece or nephew.
I really wanted to be around for that.
Was it a message from the universe? Great, because my life wasn’t confusing enough.
Molly: Do you want to see the creepiest thing ever?
Me: Obviously yes.
She sent a picture that, at first glance, looked like a strange dark blob. Tilting my phone a little, I realized it was an ultrasound photo.
Me: Holy shit, Moll! Is that the baby?
Molly: YES! FEAST YOUR EYES ON MY OFFSPRING!
Me: You’re right, this is creepy. Are you sure it’s normal?
Molly: Ass. Yes, all normal.
Me: Is that a second nose?
Molly: No. Only one nose. Ten fingers. Ten toes. And a vagina.
Me: Wait, what? You’re having a girl?
Molly: Yep, baby girl in there. We didn’t find out with our first ultrasound because we were going to wait. But we cracked once we were in there this time.
Me: That’s awesome, sis. Excited for you.
Molly: Thanks! How’s the job?
Me: Good.
Molly: That’s it? Good?
No, that wasn’t it. Things were complicated and confusing. But I really didn’t want talk to my sister about Hazel. She didn’t want to hear about who I had sex with, anyway.
Me: Yes, good. I like my job. They’re sending me to a conference.
Molly: Awesome!
Me: Congrats on the baby girl. Can’t wait to meet her. And tell Martin I said hi.
Molly: I will. Love you, twinkie.
Me: Love you too, weirdo.
* * *
Lunchtime came and went. I looked at the clock mid-afternoon and realized I’d forgotten to eat. No wonder my stomach was growling at me.
I went down to the staff lounge and stopped in the doorway. Hazel was the lone occupant, her lunch spread out in front of her. She had a steaming mug of tea and an open book.
“Did you forget to eat, too?” I asked.
“Not exactly. I got busy in the lab.”
I stood there awkwardly for a second. Rubbed the back of my neck. I wanted to keep talking to her, but I wasn’t sure what to say.
Miraculously, I didn’t start spewing out weird animal facts. That realization got my feet moving again. I grabbed my lunch from the fridge, ready to bolt out of there before I inevitably made things weird.
But we really needed to be able to work together. We couldn’t avoid each other. Maybe it would be better for both of us if I tried to make peace.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I marched over to her table and sat down. “Do you like babies?”
Her eyes widened behind her glasses and her eyebrows winged up her forehead. “Excuse me?”
“I don’t want to assume that because you’re a woman you must like babies. Some women don’t. I think it says something about the success of our species that the urge to procreate is no longer universal. Anyway, do you?”
“Why do you need to know if I like babies?” She leaned closer and lowered her voice. “I already told you that’s not a concern.”
I blinked. What was she talking— “Oh, no. That’s not what I meant. My sister’s having a baby and she texted me an ultrasound picture and I wasn’t sure if you’d find that interesting, so I was asking first.”
“I didn’t know you had a sister.”
“Yeah, Molly. We’re twins.”
“Oh. Yes, I like babies.”
I pulled out my phone and opened the ultrasound photo. “That weird looking blob is my niece.”
Hazel’s eyes softened and the corners of her mouth turned up slightly. She took the phone from my hand and brought it closer. “You can see her cheeks.”
“Pretty cool, huh.”
She gazed at the picture for a long moment, as if lost in thought, her expression wistful. Then she seemed to come back to herself and handed me the phone. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks. Molly’s doing all the work. I just get to be the cool uncle.”
I looked at my lunch bag, wondering if I should cut my losses before Hazel and I found something to argue about. She didn’t say anything else. Maybe she just wanted me to go.
“Do you like having a twin sister?” she asked, breaking the growing silence.
“Yeah. We used to fight when we were kids, but we get along great now.”
She dipped her spoon into her yogurt. “I don’t have any siblings. But I have best friends who are like sisters.”
Were we actually talking? This was new.
It was nice.
“That’s cool about your friends. Do they live around here?”
She nodded. “They do. What about your sister?”
“Yeah, she and her husband live about ten minutes from me.”
“So you’ll get to see the baby a lot.”
“I hope so. I don’t really know anything about babies, but I’m excited for Molly. She and her husband really wanted kids.”
“How long have they been married?”
“Five years. They were one of the first couples to use my questionnaire when I was developing my theory.” I cut myself off. Damn it, I shouldn’t have brought that up. We’d actually talked for more than a sentence without fighting, but my research was the war zone between us. This was dangerous territory.
Hazel adjusted her glasses. “Were they dating prior to that?”
Her non-combative question caught me off guard. “No. They knew each other, but not well.”
“And your questionnaire made them fall in love?”
“It’s more complicated than that. The process of answering the questions together develops a level of intimacy that usually takes months or years. Going through the questionnaire accelerates it. In Molly and Martin’s case, they started dating immediately and got engaged a few months later.”
“Sounds like it worked well for them.”
“Yeah, it did. They’re great together.”
She wrapped her hands around her mug. “Thank you for sharing the picture of your unborn niece.”
I put my phone back in my pocket. “Sure. I’m just glad we’re humans and not long-tailed skinks.”
One side of her lip twitched in an almost-smil
e. “Why?”
“Unlike many lizard species, long-tailed skinks raise their offspring. But if a mother skink feels too threatened, she’ll eat her babies.”
“Then I’m also glad you don’t have to be concerned that your sister will consume her offspring. The animal kingdom can be a brutal place.”
“Yeah, it really can.” I decided now was the time to cut my losses. We’d had a nice conversation. And if there was anything I knew about myself, I was good at screwing up normal human interactions. I didn’t know where that skink comment had come from. Definitely time to go. “I have more data to analyze, so I better get back. I’ll just eat at my desk.”
Meeting my gaze, Hazel smiled. Her lips curved and her eyes brightened. It was the first time she’d ever really, truly smiled at me, and it hit me like a blow to the chest.
I was so fucked.
17
Hazel
“Science is not only a disciple of reason but, also, one of romance and passion.” ~ Stephen Hawking
The lobby of the research lab was packed with volunteer subjects. Someone had brought in plastic chairs to handle the overflow, and there were still students standing along the walls and in small groups. I couldn’t be sure, but I liked to think the cookies I’d brought in had helped with the turnout. One particularly enthusiastic male subject had come through the door sniffing and decided to sign up for the study.
Unfortunately, my sugary temptation had worked a little too well. We wanted the numbers—more data was a good thing—but I hadn’t planned to process this many study applicants at once.
I passed out more application and disclosure forms, still warm from the copy machine, and tried not to let my mind stray to Friday night’s encounter in the copy room. But the faint scent of paper and ink and the quickly dissipating warmth of the crisp paper sent a pleasant—and unwanted—tingling through my body.
Really, Hazel? Copy paper does it for you now?
“Hey.”
Love According to Science Page 13